I am not a comedian – although I am delighted that one who certainly is, Paul Kerensa, will be bringing his one man show about the BBC to where we live in Devon in March. Paul is an award-winning comic and writer for such shows as Miranda, Not Going Out, The Now Show (and many others) as well as an author and regular contributor to Radio 2’s Thought for the Day.

While I am unable to produce the side-splitting reactions of many (nor do I wish to), it has to be said that people do laugh sometimes at the things I say. Whether they laugh at what I write, I have no idea…

My sense of humour is quite dry and a bit obscure at times. Many hours were spent during my teens, 20s and early 30s reading Spike Milligan and listening to The Goon Show (not the original broadcasts, I hasten to add… I’m not that old…). They nurtured a love for the play on and the playing with words. Milligan’s lines such as:

“Did you have nice weather or haven’t you washed?”

And…

‘”My name is Valentine Dyall – I have one boy.” – “That makes him a sun dial”’

Or to take another wordsmith – the wonderful Danish-American comedian, Victor Borge:

‘He’s our next window neighbour because we don’t have a door that side of the house.’

As well as when giving talks, my own humour comes out in my writing, such as in Looking to Move On:

‘The locals call the 2B “The Shakespeare Bus” because sometimes it doesn’t turn up.’ *

Some get it, others don’t. One can say something one thinks is funny or might raise a smile – and nothing… It reminds me of a clergyman (a long time ago in a different place) who began every sermon – and I mean every sermon – with the words ‘Did you hear the one about…’ (He’s no longer a priest as it happens). And I too have been caught by the ‘misplaced flippancy’ of remarks on many occasions. Some get it, others don’t.

The writer of Ecclesiastes, a book of the Old Testament is thought by some to have been written by the equivalent of a stand-up comedian. If you’re anyone like me, you probably know it for the ‘Time for every purpose’ verses (or Pete Seeger’s song, Turn! Turn! Turn! based on them). And of course, my ignorance is nothing new under the sun… but this writing, accredited to Qoheleth, a pseudonym used to disguise the actual speaker, is structured like a speech similar to routines used by many modern humourists. It is political satire combined with a very practical message about faith in God.

Aristotle observed that Greek humour of his time was full of exaggeration: and how many times Jesus used such a technique to make his point. ‘It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.’

Was it the use of irony that was part of Jesus’ reason for renaming the impetuous Peter, a ‘rock’ – or his nickname for the bickering brothers, James and John: ‘Sons of thunder’.

Jesus also talked about how people are more concerned about the speck in someone else’s eye than the plank in their own. As one writer put it: ‘A small child would laugh at the idea of a man with a big wood beam in his eye trying to find something small on another person. Literally, these verses appear ludicrous and silly, which is exactly the point! He is using a funny, exaggerated analogy to teach humility.’

Ian Paul wrote ‘If Jesus was fully human—indeed, the perfect embodiment of humanity – then we might expect him to be funny since this is a hallmark of humanity… and there are times when a good laugh can restore our sense of humanity.’

Thank you for reading this post – please share it with others, subscribe and contribute your thoughts at the WorkRestPray Facebook Group or follow on Twitter, Threads and Instagram. 

 Details about the event with Paul Kerensa and my books are available at richardfrostauthor.com. * If you don’t get it – think Hamlet…

Image: ‘Jesus the Liberator’ (aka ‘Laughing Jesus’) by Willis Wheatley 1973

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A post with a difference this time, in that is one I was asked to write for Preach Magazine about the need for rest and Sabbath moments.

Please click here to read.

Thank you for reading this post – please share it with others, subscribe and contribute your thoughts at the WorkRestPray Facebook Group or follow on Twitter, Threads and Instagram. 

Details of books are available at richardfrostauthor.com.

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I am, it has to be said, somewhat intolerant of those who take a ‘we’ve always done it that way’ approach to new ideas or changes. And, I admit, impatient when, ‘we tried that, and it didn’t work’ is used as a response.

That said, I am a firm believer that people are not as against change as many would have it. The excuse of ‘they don’t like change’, while it is true in certain circumstances, is used far too much as a reason for doing nothing.

Take the photo on this blog – a notice by a church PA system. Probably long ago, in the mists of time, someone set the volume controls for the microphones and word was passed down never to change them. However, one has to change the settings to adopt to different voices because not everyone’s voice is the same – and how important it is that all voices are heard.

In a meeting I was at a few weeks ago, someone said that they had become the ‘keeper of memories’. They acknowledged that such a role, being the person who could explain why ‘we’ve always done it that way’, was one that could be seen as being against change.

However, they were not. They were the one who had the knowledge of why particular things were done in a particular way – and what the reasoning was at the time around those decisions or why the practice was adopted. They could provide the context for them which, of course, like many situations would have been influenced by circumstances and the people involved at the time – and that context, will itself, change.

Organisational change, such as in a workplace, social club or church, is rarely handled well. Often seen to be ‘imposed’ and the reasons poorly communicated, it is common (and natural) for those on the receiving end to be anxious, sceptical and antagonistic. Negative opinion comes to the fore and some find themselves hurt or feeling that their voice has not been heard.

Personal change, such as ill health, bereavement and even positive things such as a new relationship, can also be difficult. They too will have an impact and bring back memories.

I’ve written at length about change in this blog – and even a whole book on the subject. Like you, I’ve experienced a lot of change – some good, some more difficult. I imagine you too have learnt from your own times of change – those you have had imposed on you, those you have instigated and the ones which were unexpected.

You are a keeper of memories of those times. There will be a context to them and they may have involved others or a particular set of circumstances. There may have been different voices trying to make themselves heard.

Keeping those memories may help with current times of change – but not all the settings have to be the same.

Thank you for reading this post – please share it with others, subscribe and contribute your thoughts at the WorkRestPray Facebook Group or follow on Twitter, Threads and Instagram. 

Details of books are available at richardfrostauthor.com.

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Sixty years ago, a new phrase entered the English language. Like other well-known sayings, whether from Shakespeare, Churchill, the Bible and elsewhere, Martin Luther King’s proclamation on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington DC would always be remembered. ‘I have a dream.’

After years of non-violent campaigning, the Civil Rights movement was steadily dismantling the bricked-up wall of apartheid and on 28^th August 1963, a quarter of a million people gathered in the American capital. There were many other speeches that day and people like Mahalia Jackson, the gospel singer was there too. Indeed, it was her who urged Martin Luther King to include the bit about the dream – so on the day, he improvised. Do take time to read or to listen – it is remarkable.

He had a dream. It was a dream about justice and freedom. A dream that all people will ‘live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.’

His words and actions, together with those of others, led to change but in less than five years he was dead, assassinated the day after he gave another speech: one which included the painfully prophetic words, ‘I may not get there with you.’

In his Lincoln Memorial speech, King quotes twice from scripture: ‘(We will not be satisfied) until justice rolls down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream.’ (Amos 5:24). ‘(I have a dream that) every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together. (Isaiah 40:4-5). Words steeped in the message about God’s desire for justice and freedom for all. But what also strikes me is that his ‘dream’ was rooted in reality – it was not to be some further, empty ‘promissory note’ as he called the American government’s attempts. This was a dream whose aim was to be achievable.

In the intervening years, government-sanctioned apartheid has diminished but racism still exists. And not just in America but here in the UK also. ‘Institutional racism’ has been found in many organisations from the police to cricket clubs and, alas, also in the church. Racist attacks and murders have continued, such as that against Stephen Lawrence and the still unsolved killing in 1959 of Kelso Cochrane. White supremacists are still active but the work of Black Lives Matter and others continues to aim to bring justice, healing and freedom to Black people across the globe. King’s dream may not have yet reached its fulfilment but the ‘bright day of justice’ is emerging.

I have always held an admiration for Martin Luther King and, in many ways, I don’t know why (it even forms part of the storyline in Looking to Move On). But time and again, his passion and striving for justice and freedom for the oppressed, grounded as it was in the Christian faith, retain a magnetic draw. It would be an exaggeration to say he is ‘my hero’ but for me there is no one else who comes anywhere near to deserving that epithet.

Reflecting on his achievements and his words makes one think about our own dreams and aspirations and what inspires our passion. Many of us will not ‘change the world’ in the way Martin Luther King did but all of us can (and probably have) made a difference in the day to day life of another person.

Like King, I believe our own dreams are also to be realistic and achievable. So, whatever our situation and whatever our influence, we can all think on the words he spoke and maybe each of us can complete the phrase for ourselves…

‘I have a dream…

If you’d like to, please add what you would say to the post in the Facebook group or drop me an email.

Thank you for reading this post – please do share it with others, subscribe and contribute your thoughts at the WorkRestPray Facebook Group or follow on Twitter, Threads and Instagram. 

Details of books are available at richardfrostauthor.com.

Photo: Encyclopædia Britannica

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“Are you settled yet?” Rather like when I was preparing for retirement, we could have become rich from the number of times we’ve been asked that following our recent move. (“Have you packed yet?” was a similar repeated enquiry beforehand.)

So, when people ask us if we’re settled – the answer has often been “No”: much to their surprise. “Yes, it takes a long time to empty the boxes, doesn’t it?” they reply, recovering from such an unexpected response. (We’re seasoned movers – this is our tenth home together and my 23^rd… it’s not the boxes. They went a long time ago.)

But nearly three months on and finally, yes, we are beginning to feel settled – but only beginning. It’s been a very hectic period: the joy of our daughter’s own move and ordination alongside the reality of our change. We’ve been made to feel very welcome here and Jane’s new role is slowly taking the shape we hoped it would.

We moved so she could take up a part-time, House for Duty post – in other words, no salary but we get the vicarage to live in and the benefits that brings with it (which are many).

It is a house. It is a house we would not buy. It is a house we would not necessarily choose – especially the carpets. But it is a house – a house which is not yet a home.

So, to misquote the 1^st century Roman, Pliny the Elder, home is not where the heart is – and the heart is not yet at home.

If someone was to ask me where my home is, though, then Devon is probably the place I would name. It’s the county of my birth and has provided homes and houses to live in for nearly 2/3rds of my life. There are other special places which have a sense of home to them also: York, Malvern, Romsey, Sherston. But there’s only few of the ten houses that Jane and I have lived in which I can truly say felt like a home – homes where the heart lived.

Mucknell Abbey

A couple of weeks ago I spent some time on retreat. I am a lay member (called an oblate) of the Benedictine Monastic Order and I visited Mucknell Abbey in Worcestershire for the first time. My monastic home up until now has been Alton Abbey in Hampshire but, sadly, that has now closed.

So I went to Mucknell in search of a new home. A new home for the heart, in many ways.

And in doing so, I have found one. Indeed, I have rarely felt ‘at home’ so quickly.

All that then has made me reflect on the nature of ‘home’. Where is our home? What does it feel like to have a home where the heart is?

And I wonder if rather than being solely a place or a building, whether ‘home’ is more about those times when our mind and our spirit are at peace with our heart, and each is living with the company of God.

Thank you for reading this post – please do share it with others, subscribe and contribute your thoughts at the WorkRestPray Facebook Group or follow on Twitter, Threads and Instagram. 

As mentioned in the previous post, I’m currently offering 25% off the RRP for copies of Looking to Move On requested directly from me. If you’d like a copy do get in touch.

Living the Difference, a follow on story to Looking to Move On will be published in November. Details of other books are available at richardfrostauthor.com

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Recent years have seen the rise of the ‘celebrity novelist’. People who became famous in the world of actual entertainment turning their hand to a fictional version. Richard Osman, Graham Norton, Mel Giedroyc, Reverend Richard Coles, Tom Hanks, Ruth Jones and Anton du Beke to name just a few.

If you follow various lists of ‘bestselling books’ then you may be aware of certain contentious issues. Such as retailers being paid to structure their ‘Top 30’ in a particular way. Celebrities having their novel published without receiving the usual rejections that most authors experience. The principle of, if it’s got their name on the front cover, it’ll sell – sometimes regardless of the quality of the content.

Being one who is a non-bestselling writer, it would be easy to become disheartened, to compare oneself with others. So it is such a joy when I, like many other non-celebrity authors, find their work recognised.

That has happened to me in just this last week when my debut novella, Looking to Move On was selected as a Finalist for the Page Turner Book Award 2023.* Whether it will make the longlist, let alone the shortlist, remains to be seen but it is an affirmation, a moment of recognition.

It’s always nice to be recognised for something, isn’t it? For someone or some organisation to give us a public accolade. Something that says, ‘look at them’ or ‘look at me’. For myself, I am very grateful and humbled to have received such recognition in several different ways over the years, not least being appointed a MBE – Prince William, Buckingham Palace, the works.

I am sure (or at least, I hope) you will have been thanked in some way or other – not necessarily in a bells and whistles type manner but perhaps more quietly. A card. Some flowers. A memorable, kind word or two. An occasion when you felt noticed.

There are of course many people who undertake what one might call ‘thank-less’ tasks – beavering away with no recognition or expressions of gratitude from others.

And it is they, that group of people who don’t get the public accolade, who are so important.

For as the apostle Paul reminds us in his letter to the Ephesians (4:11-16), it is just some who would be apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors and teachers – not all. Not all are called to do those things which are seen in human eyes as being more important than others. Not all are destined to be ‘a best-seller’ or a ‘celebrity’ (and we all can thank God for that too…)

For all of us have been given the gifts that Paul refers to – the gifts Jesus gives us. So that in turn, all of us are able to equip those called to the ‘work of ministry’ as he calls it. Yet the work of ministry is in itself not limited to those who wear a dog collar or sit on committees. The work of ministry includes those who welcome, make cups of tea, arrange flowers, stack chairs, clean, visit, care or sit and listen.

All of us are involved in this work of ministry, that building up of the body of Christ. Those efforts which work towards the unity of the faith and the building up of each other in love. Until, one might say, we recognise each and everyone for who they are. So, everyone feels noticed.

For in all that we do, God recognises us – and that recognition goes well beyond the awards and rewards of this life.

Thank you for reading this post – please do share it with others, subscribe and contribute your thoughts at the WorkRestPray Facebook Group or follow on Twitter and Instagram. I’m also now on Threads so please do follow there as well.

*To celebrate this particular recognition, I’m taking 25% off the RRP for copies of Looking to Move On requested directly from me – so that makes it £7.50 plus p&p. If you’d like a copy do get in touch.

Living the Difference, a follow on story to Looking to Move On will be published by Chronos Publishing in November. Details of books are available at richardfrostauthor.com

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A rather curious phenomenon is happening. Although I still have 18 months to go before I get my bus pass and state pension, I’ve noticed an increasing number of people assuming that I am retired (which I am) rather than asking me what I do.

It’s not limited to casual conversation either. When Jane and I went to the theatre this week I was given senior rate tickets without asking! So clearly there must be some benefits, but it is rather bemusing.

Now, yes there is the occasional grey hair and a few wrinkles but I certainly do not feel ‘old’ and am determined not to let the ‘old man in’, as Clint Eastwood put it. So that’s good enough for me.

At the other end of the scale, our daughter (who looks a lot younger than her age – although quite what we are meant to look like at any age, I’m not sure) has faced a barrage of comments about how she’s far too young to be a member of the clergy. (She works in Lancashire, so you can imagine the ‘straight talking’ approach… I write that as one whose parents were born there and I have often wished I had a Northern accent too…).

This curious phenomenon, rather like judging a book by its cover, has been a reminder of how easy it is to make judgments based on people’s appearances. That somehow the number of wrinkles can lead us to disregard their opinion and worse still, their wisdom and experience. That someone who has tattoos or piercings is not going to be friendly or efficient. That someone who uses a wheelchair needs to be addressed via their companion (or that their chair is something to lean on, as Adam Frost did on Gardeners’ World the other week…).

I’ve just finished reading and reviewing an excellent book called Struggling with God. It’s essentially about mental health and Christian spirituality and its title can be interpreted in two ways. As the authors put it, ‘Jesus comes alongside us in our struggle and transforms what can seem like a struggle with (against) God into a struggle with (alongside) God.’

In it, the authors make several valuable and helpful observations. One thought, in particular, has stayed with me: when Jesus offers friendship to the outcasts and other people who were ignored or passed by, he noticed people’s problems but he didn’t begin there.

We see it that on many occasions – such as the woman from Samaria, the man from the Gerasenes, Mary Magdalene, the woman caught in adultery – so many people who were judged by others just like a book by its cover.

Jesus didn’t begin with the wrinkles, the youthfulness, the disability, the tattoos… he began with the person, the wisdom, the experience, the love, the faith.

Thank you for reading this post – please do share it with others, subscribe and contribute your thoughts at the WorkRestPray Facebook Group or follow on Twitter and Instagram. I’m also now on Threads so please do follow there as well.

I’m delighted that Living the Difference, a follow on story to my debut novella, Looking to Move On will be published in November. Details of books are available at richardfrostauthor.com

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It’s been quite a few weeks. Jane and I have moved house – only 15 minutes down the road, but a house move is a house move. Our daughter, Rachel, has also done the same – from Durham to Lancashire (with most of her belongings travelling from Devon).

Jane has finished one job (after having Covid) and started another one (part-time this time) and we’ve spent these last few days in and around Blackburn for a very special day today which saw Rachel ordained in the city’s Cathedral. She now starts work as a Curate (the beginning of the second major stage of training as a vicar) in a beautiful part of Lancashire, making her parents somewhat envious, it has to be said.

As for me, I have no idea what normal now looks like – and same could be said for all three of us but ‘all will be well and all manner of things will be well’ as Julian of Norwich said. (The appropriateness of the titles of my latest books is not lost on me, though!)

So Rachel becomes the second member of our family to acquire a particular ‘tool of the trade’: the dog collar. Like Jane, it marks out the role she now inhabits. One that symbolises not only the training she’s had but also the responsibility she now holds – and certain (and at times, quite bizarre) expectations there will be from others.

The assignment of tools, clothing and equipment to workers has happened for centuries. People are not only trained to use the ‘tools of the trade’, but some actually own them – a chef with their own set of knives or a carpenter and their toolbox, for example. Such items not only symbolise what a person does but are also part of their identity and how they relate to others: a doctor with a stethoscope or a vicar wearing a dog collar gives people confidence and trust in what they have been trained to do.

Similarly, others may need particular items that, perhaps quite innocuously, add that little bit extra: like the organist’s shoes. With their owner trained and capable of playing the instrument, this one particular pair adds that extra confidence (and comfort) in doing so. For me, it’s often wearing the right jacket.

In his Rule, Benedict wrote how ‘The abbot or prioress will, as they see fit, issue to them the various articles to be cared for and collected after use. The prioress and abbot will maintain a list of these, so that when the members succeed one another in their assigned tasks, they may be aware of what they hand out and what they receive back.’

Indeed, the role of the cellarer (the one who looks after the food and drink and prepares meals)) is highlighted ‘The cellarer will regard all utensils and goods of the monastery as sacred vessels of the altar, aware that nothing is to be neglected.’

In the same way that the cellarer regarded the kitchen utensils as sacred, so we can view all tools and equipment as being ones to be used with care and respect, for they are part of what is done in the practical Work of God alongside the prayerful Work of God.

Perhaps you have tools, equipment or symbols in your work, or at home or in church? In what ways do they link together your practical and your prayerful Work of God?

Thank you for reading this post – please do share it with others, subscribe and contribute your thoughts at the WorkRestPray Facebook Group or follow on Twitter and Instagram. 

 Details of books are available at richardfrostauthor.com

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In an echo of the previous post, Father’s Day is a classic example of putting people into boxes. How society (or rather advertisers and marketeers) portrays the ‘stereotypical man’ as if that is something that all men should aim to be. And I am extraordinarily thankful that I am not a typical man…

Father’s Day is not a traditional part of the church calendar, unlike Mothering Sunday (and of course, that is an example of the same unwelcome pressure being applied to women). Nonetheless it is important to recognise the place occupied in our lives by fathers. As is the case on Mothering Sunday, for some, Father’s Day can be occasion with pleasant events and memories but also a difficult day.

Think for a moment about your own father. He may still be alive or have died some time ago, of course, and you may have a range of feelings about him.

Many people will be having some contact with their father in the course of this day. Others will have become estranged. For some, he was, to use the stereotypical phrase, an ‘absent father’. Or one who was always working or just generally somewhat distant. Maybe the father-figure was a disciplinarian or constantly critical.

On the other hand, maybe your father was a loving man who would do anything for you. Spending time with you, be that from playing with you as a child to comforting and supporting you in your own experiences of being an adult and perhaps a parent too.

There is the pain of fatherhood also, so movingly demonstrated following the recent tragic events in Nottingham. Such pain may also be experienced in other ways, as with any parent, perhaps during events such as pregnancy and miscarriage where the attention is often focussed on the mother. As I know for myself, being a parent can be a painful business but, at least in my case, one where the joys and rewards outweigh the cost.

My own father died fifteen years ago and while I am sure he would have been proud of what has happened to me, I am not sure he would ever have actually said so – at least not to my face, although he would have done so to others (and did!). He was one who loved but found it difficult to express that love.

Your experience of your father may influence your view of God as a father. Perhaps you see God as a disciplinarian or someone who is somewhat distant. Perhaps you know God exists but have found it hard to actually really know him. You  may feel God is absent.

Hopefully, though, you may know God as someone who loves you and would do anything for you.

Some prefer to think of God not just as a father but as a parent with all the qualities a mother brings as well. The use of masculine terminology for God is rooted in our Jewish heritage and in some respects, calling God father or mother are simply convenient words to use for the one whose name, in Jewish tradition, could not be spoken.

And it is through Christ, God’s son, that we can come to God in a way that enables us to use such intimate words. To use a pattern that Jesus used – not least in the words of the Lord’s Prayer, itself often called ‘The Our Father’.

Despite, to our modern ears, these gender-loaded, opening words, those very words indicate the full significance of who we are. When we speak to God as our father then we are by implication a child of God.

Each of us is a child of God. A God whose love knows no bounds. A God who will do anything for us. A God who experiences pain too.

Maybe take a few moments this Father’s Day to think about your view of God as a father-figure – and as a parent. What is it that is special about God in your place as a child of God? What do you look for in such a ‘father-figure’?

Whatever words you might use, whatever feelings you may have, God gives you all the good things your own father gave you – and all the things he did not.

‘See what love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God; and that is what we are.’ (1 John 3:1)

Thank you for reading this post – please do share it with others, subscribe and contribute your thoughts at the WorkRestPray Facebook Group or follow on Twitter and Instagram. 

 Details of books are available at richardfrostauthor.com

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Having unpacked the seventy or so boxes from our move (despite the slowing down nature of Covid for both of us) it’s good to see some semblance of normality gradually returning. Some stability in this time of change.

Moving house is a very good analogy to different aspects of life. It’s an occasion when one realises just how much ‘stuff’ one has. Not least the things that have moved from home to home without even being opened since the last time (or the time before that…).

It’s a time of upheaval and change, of being overwhelmed by all that needs to be done. But also a time of new beginnings, of starting again.

I’ve sometimes thought of counselling and therapy as being like tipping everything out of the box and putting it back in a better order. Like the physical counterpart, this mental ‘unpacking’ takes a lot of time and effort and can be overwhelming. But it too can be a time of new beginnings.

Boxes are also a good symbol of what we think about others and how we think they see us – and how we view ourselves too. In the previous post’s recording (there’s a video version as well now) I quoted someone else’s words: ‘Don’t compare the inside of yourself with the outside of other people.’

So often we think we know what’s in ‘someone else’s box’ – what they are like, what they are thinking, what their attitudes are… we convince ourselves that they have much better ‘stuff’ than we do and that they’re judging us about what we have (or don’t have) in ours (and vice-versa).

The reality is that others don’t know everything about us, in the same way we don’t know everything about other people (much as we think we might).

We like to put people in boxes. And other people like to put us in theirs too.

At Pentecost, we celebrate the coming of the Holy Spirit to the early Christian church. The Holy Spirit is that great enabler of God’s work in our lives – yet is so often treated as that box in the corner which no one knows quite what to do with (let alone have a look inside it).

Some, on the other hand, are very attuned to the working of the Holy Spirit as the one who enables us to think outside of the box.

The one who gives us that nudge about someone or something else.

The one who comforts us and equips us for all that we do in God’s name.

The one who opens our ears and eyes, heart and mind to the wonders of God’s love and grace.

The one who enables us to always begin again.

The one through whom we can live as if unboxed.

Here’s a short video about Pentecost. Thank you for reading this post – please do share it with others, subscribe and contribute your thoughts at the WorkRestPray Facebook Group or follow on Twitter and Instagram. 

Details of books are available at richardfrostauthor.com

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‘You shall love your neighbour as yourself,’ (Mark 12:31).

Probably most of us feel comfortable with the ‘love your neighbour’ bit… thinking of others, being kind to people… ‘Yep, I can do that. That bit’s OK.’

But what about, ‘as yourself’? To love ourselves in the same way as we love others.

Umm… more tricky that.

In this blog post with a difference, please click here to hear a talk given at ‘Holy Ground’ at Exeter Cathedral on Sunday 14 May 2023. It lasts 25 minutes and there is a break part way through.

(Image: Rachel Alice Leggett)

Thank you for listening – please do share it with others, subscribe and contribute your thoughts at the WorkRestPray Facebook Group or follow on Twitter and Instagram. 

Details of my books are available at richardfrostauthor.com

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Having returned from a lovely few days in The Peak District, we set about doing all that was necessary for our last week in the Haldon Team of eight churches and today’s Farewell Service. House moving plans in place (and no, we’ve not packed yet, to answer all those who keep asking…), the local vicar had two baptisms, a funeral, a church annual meeting, a school visit as well as the usual Sunday services and countless emails – let alone doing all that is needed in one’s last week in a job (a feeling you are probably familiar with).

Forward planning was the order of the day (every day). We planned the Farewell Service, I wrote my bits for it as well as preparing a Bible Study and teaching session on the church and mental health for this weekend’s SWMTC residential and a quiet day for retired clergy the day before we move (and some other upcoming events).

And then, it happened… just a cough at first but by Thursday morning, the cry from Jane: ‘I’ve got Covid!’

Suddenly, everything changed.

Suddenly, everything was cancelled.

It’s not the way we wanted to say goodbye. It’s not the way others wanted to bid us farewell either.

Sure, the Farewell Service can be rearranged but it won’t be the same. Returning simply to say goodbye doesn’t seem quite the best thing.

After 18 months of praying, discerning, seeking advice and waiting it all seems somewhat of an anti-climax. The added irony being that having seen the churches through the pandemic lockdowns, Jane had escaped the virus until now.

So today is a rather low-key day on which to be finishing. But we look forward to moving on and being by the still waters than run in the brook alongside the new vicarage.

Events such as these lead one to inevitably wonder about what’s going on, don’t they?

Of course, what has happened to us is relatively minor in comparison to some of the sudden (and not so sudden) changes that many endure. We think of two men we know called John who have both had recent diagnoses of life-limiting cancer. We think of the mother whose daughter took her own life leaving behind a young child. We think of the victim of a tragic car accident.

The unexpected twist and turn of events raise that question of ‘why does God allow these things to happen?’ or similar such searching, meaning of life type issues.

Some take the view that God is some sort of despotic figure punishing people – that’s not a view I take, by the way. (Please don’t let it be yours: God’s not like that at all.)

Some would say it’s the Devil at work, attacking those who experience good things and have close encounters with God. While I believe in the existence of evil and the Devil (and his meddling), I don’t give him the attention he craves – and instead focus on God and the existence of love.

Some would say it’s not God’s fault: these things that happen are part of human life. A difficult part, yes, and something that everyone experiences at times. There is a mystery to some of them. There are ones about which we only understand the reason at a later stage. There are those where actually God was very present within them – within the storms of life, the times of change. (The irony is not lost on me given my book on the subject!). We may not like God because of them at times but God loves us all the same.

Our house now resembles a florist’s and a branch of Clintons. Another example of those demonstrations of God’s love and presence have been found in lovely messages we’ve received in response to this unexpected turn of events, one of which read:

Aaagghh….   Praying a variation on that theme, that you will have the strength to do what can still be done, (especially your move), the peace of mind to accept what can’t be, and the wisdom to know the difference…..   and the unfailing grace of God in all things…

Thank you for reading this post – please do share it with others, subscribe and contribute your thoughts at the WorkRestPray Facebook Group or follow on Twitter and Instagram. 

Details of my books are available at richardfrostauthor.com

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This may seem like a rather nerdy thing to mention. On the day Jane and I married, I was 11,750 days old (that’s 32 and a bit years in old money). Today, 18 April, we have been married… yes, you’ve guessed it, 11,750 days.

When we married, not only did we say our vows to each other but we also vowed that we would never forget what it was like to be single.

To never forget what it was like to watch other people become couples. What it was like to see someone else holding hands or kissing in the park. What it was like to be a guest at a wedding. What it was like to be lonely. What it was like not being held. What it was like to think ‘What’s wrong with me?’.

Yes, there are the freedoms of being able do as one wishes. Yes, there are times when one is content to be on one’s own. Yes, being single can be a form of ‘calling’ (indeed, I experienced such on the back of badly broken up relationship… and then, a long distance move to escape the backlash and a few months later, I met Jane…).

All the same, unwanted singleness is not easily soothed.

There is pressure on many who live on their own – not least in the church – where being married or having a partner is often viewed as ‘being successful’. Where being single brings with it the unwanted expectations of others. “We’re all waiting for you two now, you know,” the minister’s wife said to us one Sunday morning before we were even engaged.

While society pays an often-higher level of ‘respect’ to those who have been widowed, even there, for some, there are expectations they should be ‘happier’ once a few months have passed or that they should ‘be over it.’ Those who are alone following separation or divorce can be acutely aware of others judging them as having ‘failed’.

On the Sunday before 14 February this year (note the date), the BBC’s Morning Worship service took the theme of being single. One of the contributors, Mike Simpson, a single man and a single parent said: ‘Churches sometimes focus on the biological family rather than this spiritual fellowship spoken of by Jesus. They advertise themselves as “Family-friendly” and many single people, of all ages, can feel less valued. I have attended some churches on my own and felt ignored.’

In leading that service, Revd Eleanor Jeans reflected on her own singleness: ‘I’m learning that God loves me as I am, as a child of God – that I’m fearfully and wonderfully made as Psalm 139 says. I’m learning that God is with me in all I face.

‘I’m learning to acknowledge that I’m whole and complete as I am – I don’t need a partner to be whole. But I do need others – I need to invest in my friendships. I’m learning to accept that my identity is not wrapped up in my marital status.’

In the Church of England’s regular pattern of daily prayer, throughout the recent period of Lent, Psalm 139:1-18 was read at Night Prayer (or Compline) every night. Every night for the whole of that time. It served as a constant reminder that in times when we might feel we are living in a wilderness, there can also be things that are reassuring.

Each time I read it I was particularly struck by the final two verses of the selected passage, especially one version which puts it as:

How deep are your counsels to me, O God!

How great is the sum of them!

If I count them, they are more in number than the sand,

and at the end, I am still in your presence.’

Thank you for reading this post – please do share it with others, subscribe and contribute your thoughts at the WorkRestPray Facebook Group or follow on Twitter and Instagram. 

Details of my books are available at richardfrostauthor.com

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I went back to school last week. It was in my role as Chaplain to those training for ordained and lay ministry through the South West Ministry Training Course (SWMTC). A week-long Lent School in the lovely city of Salisbury.

It was a privilege. An honour to draw alongside those developing their sense of calling, growing into a new role and way of being (and growing out of some old ones too, perhaps).

In many cathedrals this week, a special service will take place to affirm those whose role and way of being is already in ordained or licensed lay ministry. Often referred to as a Chrism service (the word Chrism relates to the anointing oils used by ministers), those in ministry are reminded of their oneness in Christ (even though earthly divisions still exist…).

I’ve reflected in previous posts on the costs and joys of such ministry. Ministers will please and they will disappoint. They will be subjected to unachievable expectations and experience the most blessed of encounters. They will be supported by many and diminished by a few.

And yet, God’s presence on earth is not just down to a ‘chosen’ people trying to lead a far from perfect church. Thankfully, God is much bigger than that. We are all ministers. A priesthood of all believers, as Peter’s first letter implies (1 Peter 2).

This is not just about furthering the work of the church: it’s about enabling others to experience the love of God. The love of God which is beyond fancy outfits and confusing words.

We are all ones who can draw alongside others. We are all ones who can grow in to new roles and ways of being. We are all ones who can share in the costliness and joys of human encounters. And many do.

The events we remember in this Holy Week and Easter time show us that God doesn’t need us to believe in him in order for him to believe in us.

Whether or not (or indeed whatever) we think about God, God cares about and loves us. That God holds a passionate desire that all of us experience a new way of being.

Thank you for reading this post – please do share it with others, subscribe and contribute your thoughts at the WorkRestPray Facebook Group or follow on Twitter and Instagram. 

 Details of my books are available at richardfrostauthor.com

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A few months ago, my daughter passed her driving test. First time. A proud Dad moment.

One of the basic rules for any driver is mirror, signal, manoeuvre – or MSM. And yet, if we give the benefit of the doubt on the first, it often seems that many don’t bother with the second… either that or there are an enormous number of vehicles whose indicators don’t work.

It strikes me that the MSM principle is one that can be applied to many situations – not least perhaps in workplaces and churches but also in our everyday home and social lives. Indeed, it wasn’t really until the last 15 or so years of my working career that I learnt how to ‘use the mirror’ properly in my job: to look around and take in to account how my proposed actions might impact others and who else needed to be considered.

Often I would go straight to the manoeuvre – to take a decision and do something (or say something) without telling or considering other people – and I admit I still do at times. As with driving, if one makes the manoeuvre without using the mirror or signalling our intentions, there will be consequences and often very damaging ones at that. Paying attention to such things is common courtesy (and diplomatic!), of course – but such considerations often fall in to the blind spot…

It also strikes me that the mirrors in a vehicle are one of the very few ones we use that are not about looking at ourselves – and that too is perhaps a useful principle to live by. Using them to consider the position of others and what their manoeuvres are and how they might be signalling them. Enabling us to take into account other people’s views (literally and metaphorically) and to weigh up the consequences.

You probably know what it’s like when someone else makes a decision, makes a manoeuvre, without due reference to others, without looking in their mirror. Over and over again we are impacted, swept aside as if unimportant by the signalling and manoeuvring of other people.

So having looked in the mirror, taking that time to consider others, we can then take our time to signal our intention: in other words, to communicate it.

There again, of course, there are difficulties. As George Bernard Shaw said, ‘The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.’

Like the indicator on a vehicle, our communication can be non-existent or at best intermittent – let alone being affected by that very human attribute: misinterpretation. ‘A man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest,’ as Paul Simon wrote. (For example, some may decide this post is about driving a car with the illustration distracting from the points being made.) It’s easy to ‘miss the point’ isn’t it… We think we have signalled clearly but it may not be seen or heard or received as such.

So, as in driving, manoeuvring in life, at work, church or at home is sometimes complex. Yet how we enact such actions is all part of how we show love and respect for others.

How each of us, as the Bible puts it far more simply, loves our neighbour.

Maybe we can all take a little more time to look in the mirror?

Thank you for reading this post – please do share it with others, subscribe and contribute your thoughts at the WorkRestPray Facebook Group or follow on Twitter and Instagram. 

 Details of my books are at richardfrostauthor.com

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Malvern has been a special place for Jane and I for many years. Nestled in the Worcestershire side of the Malvern Hills, we first visited over 30 years ago and have been there many times since. Indeed, I write this sat in a special place within that special place: a self-catering cottage at Cowleigh Park Farm.

We first stayed here all those years ago and also a couple of other times when our children were very young. Having changed hands and been refurbished in the intervening 20 years, arriving and walking in was like meeting an old friend.

A place of ‘Comfort. Security. Warmth.’  (to quote a line from Looking to Move On). A sunny afternoon, sat in the garden with cups of tea. Sublime.

But what a difference a day makes: snow the next morning (and even heavier the day after – but with Jane giving the car a push up the driveway, we still got to Crufts!).

Malvern is the type of place we could see ourselves living in. Other places have fitted that description too: Romsey, Brockenhurst, Sherston, Ripon. Places which have a special place in our hearts (although our beloved Devon will always be home and a new one beckons there too.).

The 1980s and my 20s coincided. The first half of both saw regular visits to another special place. Taking the four hour train journey from Bristol, where I was living, to the city of York. Long weekends two or three times a year, staying in the same B&B with the same couple who ran it. York became a special place. A place of comfort, security and warmth amidst the challenging years that my third decade had become. A place of solitude. A place of retreat. A place to be me – or perhaps it was more a case of, to find me. A place to reset with God.

It seems to me we often ‘find’ ourselves in other places. Places away from the normal demands and expectations. Places which help us to ‘reset’ ourselves with God too. Places to remind us of what has been gained and what has been lost and needs recovering.

When thinking of special places, I am minded to recall how Jesus had his own. Often in the mountains (the parallel with the Malvern Hills is not lost on me) but always a place of solitude, a place of retreat. Perhaps even a place to find himself… and to reset himself with God.

Not everyone is able to travel to such places of course and making a special place within our homes set aside for prayer can also be helpful. Whether at home or elsewhere, having a special place to reset with God can bring a different perspective. Providing that objectivity of distance and separation to refocus on all that may have become blurred.

Thank you for reading this post – please do share it with others, subscribe and contribute your thoughts at the WorkRestPray Facebook Group or follow on Twitter and Instagram. 

 Details of my books are at richardfrostauthor.com

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It was Oscar Wilde who said ‘Life imitates art far more than art imitates life.’ Far be it from me to call my books ‘art’ but life it seems is paying some resemblance to their titles.

There are elements of Life with St Benedict with the sad, impending closure of Alton Abbey, of which I am a lay member (an oblate) of their Benedictine Monastic Community. But, more than that, in the last year to eighteen months, Jane and I have been Looking to Move On and in such times we have continually been needing to look at ways of Finding Stability in Times of Change – and will need to continue to do so.

We have both hugely appreciated all that has brought us ‘life’ as part of our current team of churches over the last 4 years. It has become apparent to both of us that Jane needs to re-frame the future of her ministry as continuing to work as a full time stipendiary priest is no longer possible. Into that context of exploring other avenues, Jane has been appointed to the post of part-time Associate Minister in the Totnes Team Ministry, based in Marldon. We are already well known in the Totnes Team, where Jane served her initial curacy following her ordination in 2015. She will be licensed there in mid-June by the Bishop of Plymouth.

We feel it is the best ‘next step’ for us both individually and together. We will continue to be part of the Haldon Mission Community until the end of April and the Diocese is already working with the Team Rector to support the ministry here in a number of ways until a new appointment is made.

Like everyone, we have A Story to Tell and, as the last post reflected on, it’s one which will have various edited versions. There is this one, the one you are reading now. The public version. There are various private versions containing different pieces of the story too – and, sorry, you probably won’t get to know those.

Whereas many people would share their story with those they see most regularly (and on social media!), such is the nature of clergy and vicarage life, boundaries have to be in place with those who are nearest but not quite as dearest as others we know.

Just a handful of people have known a fair amount of it and they have accompanied us with their prayers, wisdom and support along the twists and turns, the ups and downs of that story. People who have journeyed with us for years. Trusted prayerful companions. What we have shared with them has been kept watertight and we are grateful to those who ensured there were no leaks.

It would seem, on reflection, that God sent us to where we have been since June 2019. Sent rather than called, as Jane sensed very strongly at the time. Sent for the expected and the unexpected – notably supporting six (now eight) churches through pandemic lockdowns and a year-long absence of a Team Rector.  That was a time of great challenge but also great things – new ways of being church, new ways of encountering God.

As predicted, we have pleased and we have disappointed. We have gained and we have lost.

And now God is calling us on. Another place – a familiar one at that. Another chapter in the ongoing story. Another way to encounter the truth of what St Benedict said: ‘Always we begin again.’

Thank you for reading this post – please do share it with others, subscribe and contribute your thoughts at the WorkRestPray Facebook Group or follow on Twitter and Instagram. More details of the books are at richardfrostauthor.com

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Although it’s all rather predictable, The Apprentice continues to be a must watch programme in the Frost household.

Suited and made up, the bright (and not so bright) young things are put to work by the all-seeing Lord Sugar. Ridiculed and praised in unequal measure, the candidates make mistakes and outrageous comments. Some incapable of mental arithmetic and those for whom ‘Maps were before my time’. We’re shown facial expressions and linger over conflicts, calamities and confusion. From the 4am recorded phone call (and how much they appear to get done in the 20 mins before the cars are outside…) to the ‘You’re fired’ pointy finger in the Boardroom.

Lord S makes known his thoughts in no uncertain manner (and is a dubious role model) but it makes for good telly.

And the key to the programme’s success? 140 hours of footage condensed in to less than 60 minutes. We only see what the producers want us to see. It’s all in the editing and the narrative. It’s all in the telling.

The same is true in our lives. We all have edited versions. We all have our narrative. Be that in our memories, the here and now, and into the future. We produce accurate accounts as well as those edited to suit the narrative. We have different versions of the same episodes according to who’s watching – or depending on how we are feeling at the time. We let other people see and hear what we want them to.

One of the books I’m reading at the moment is The Fatigue Book (the visitor is still here, by the way) and it’s where this image comes from. In it, Lydia Rolley writes about the importance of the narrative we have about ourselves. The words we use about our state of health, for example, and how through that narrative illness can become our very identity.

And that’s also true about the words which linger over conflicts, calamities and confusion or the narration of our mistakes and regretted comments.

To that we edit in the words of others. Words more hurtful than sticks and stones. Words which often say more about the person who said or wrote them but which have seared in to our heart with all the impact of ‘You’re fired.’

We present this editing of our memories, thoughts and actions to ourselves as if they are the final broadcast – and we live according to that version. It becomes our identity.

So what about all the stuff that ends up on the cutting room floor? Yes, some rubbish bits are best forgotten but what else should have made the final edit?

Our lives are not about making ‘good telly’ but, as Jesus said, about having ‘life in all its fullness.’ (John 10:10)

As an author (and occasional film maker) editing is key to producing the finished version. Taking out that which is not relevant (or is best forgotten) and keeping in what makes for fullness (and is best remembered).

It’s all in the telling – and fullness comes in how we tell ourselves the story of our lives.

Illustration by Rachel Alice Leggett in The Fatigue Book by Lydia Rolley (Hammersmith Health Books 2022)

Thank you for reading this post – please do share it with others, subscribe and contribute your thoughts at the WorkRestPray Facebook Group or follow on Twitter and Instagram. 

My two new books, Finding Stability in Times of Change and debut novella, Looking to Move On are available in paperback online or from me and also an eBook. More details at richardfrostauthor.com

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‘Mindful of what you feel, look at Rembrandt’s masterful depiction of the parable… Give your attention to how the light falls on the scene. Record all that you observe about the light. Stay with it… what do you hear when you listen and what is the light in the painting saying to you?’

Henri Nouwen’s invitation to meditate on this famous painting returns our thoughts to the imagery of the previous post. It comes from further reflections on the Parable of the Prodigal Son contained in Home Tonight, a collection of transcripts of talks and other notes published after Nouwen’s death.

Not for the first time, I have sat with this painting again. I imagined myself actually sitting in the scene. Taking a place alongside the father and his sons, and the others who are present. (You may like to do the same.)

I found myself sitting in the space at the bottom right hand corner, not far from the feet of the elder sibling. Looking at the father and the prodigal. Listening to what was being said.

The father’s love for his son being expressed simply.

The son’s head against his father’s chest.

The father’s hands resting on his son.

I wondered what each of them was saying.

Yet as I sat, I became conscious that perhaps nothing was being said.

That despite the noise of the party being prepared elsewhere, there were no words.

There were no words.

There was silence.

It struck me how words place limits on how we feel.

Words place limits on love.

That love is far greater than any words.

I was reminded of words often attributed to John of the Cross, a 16^th Century mystic and developed by Thomas Keating, a 21^st Century monk (whose writings significantly influenced this writer’s own journey of faith): ‘Silence is God’s first language.’

And I have often wondered what that actually means. How can silence be a language?

A phrase like that goes against much of our way of living and thinking, doesn’t it? We all need to be told we are loved. We all need to be able to tell someone else of our love for them (however that love may be defined or expressed). We all need to know that God’s love is very present and never absent. Using words helps us to understand that love. It makes it tangible.

But if silence is God’s first language (and God uses other forms of words and communication to ‘speak’ to us as well) does that mean silence is actually the true and full expression of God’s love?

That God’s love is beyond words.

That God’s love is fully experienced through silence.

‘Silence is God’s first language,’ Keating writes. ‘Everything else is a poor translation. In order to hear that language, we must learn to be still and rest in God.’

Thank you for reading this post – please do share it with others, subscribe and contribute your thoughts at the WorkRestPray Facebook Group or follow on Twitter and Instagram. 

My two new books, Finding Stability in Times of Change and debut novella, Looking to Move On are available in paperback online or from me and also an eBook. More details at richardfrostauthor.com

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There once was a man who had two sons. The elder one was in line to take over the family business. The younger, disillusioned with his lot, went off to a distant land.

Sibling rivalry is nothing new, of course. Neither is parental estrangement or the presence of family conflicts. When thinking about the latest set of painful events to afflict the royal family, I am sure I’m not the only one to be reminded of the parable of prodigal son.

As one who experienced sudden and unexpected maternal loss in my early life, I have some sympathy with the range of resultant emotions and behaviours; the impact of acclimatising to stepfamily dynamics; and the desire for others to hear my story when I didn’t always take time to hear theirs.

Prince Harry’s story is, like many others, a very sad one. The years of anger and grief have exploded in to the public domain. One hopes it is not as long before he ‘returns’ to his father and brother – and sees if he is welcomed back – before the time for reconciliation has been lost.

My own father had a brother and sister who had become estranged from each other. One of the best things my sister and I ever did was to bring the three of them together for the first time in well over 30 years. It was just the once. Within a year, both my father and his sister were dead. But their time for reconciliation had not been lost.

In the same way that I have reflected on the parable in a previous post (coincidentally, one which also reflects on my relationship with my own father) I have been drawn again recently to the writings of Henri Nouwen.

In his seminal book of the same name, Nouwen reflects on Rembrandt’s painting of The Return of the Prodigal Son, writing: ‘It was so easy to identify with the two sons… But what of the father? Why pay so much attention to the sons… when it is the father with whom I am to identify? Why talk  so much about being like the sons when the real question is “Are you interested in being like the father?”

‘It feels somehow good to be able to say, “These sons are like me,”’ Nouwen continues, ‘But how does it feel to say, “The father is like me.”… Do I want to be not just the one who is being forgiven but the one who forgives; not just the one who is being welcomed home but the one who welcomes home; not just the one who offers compassion but the one who offers it as well?’

Thank you for reading this post – please do share it with others, subscribe and contribute your thoughts at the WorkRestPray Facebook Group or follow on Twitter and Instagram. 

My two new books, Finding Stability in Times of Change and debut novel, Looking to Move On are available in paperback online or from me and also an eBook. More details at richardfrostauthor.com

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