The Onion

With this practically coastal retreat, breathtaking ocean breezes and the soothing sound of waves are only a day-long car ride and a few state lines away, depending on traffic.

Reference #78339

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Millions of Americans will embark on summer vacations this year. Reporters for The Onion asked stars to share their own warm weather plans.

Explore the list in detail

“I ha...

NEW YORK—Fastening the paper sign to a chair “just in case,” Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce reportedly reserved a seat at his wedding reception Monday for SpongeBob. “I know I shouldn’t get my hopes up and that Mr. SquarePants is a really busy guy, but man, it would be cool as hell if he did show up,” said the 36-year-old groom, who told reporters he had been doing...

The FBI announced charges alleging that a sophisticated network of drones were used to deliver weapons, cell phones, and drugs into 10 federal prisons. What do you think?

“Love seeing inmates apply themselves and learn technical skills.”

NEW YORK—Just a few years after Major League Baseball introduced sweeping pace-of-play reforms intended to make the sport more compelling, a stressed-out nation confirmed Thursday that baseball games had now become much too fast. “Jesus Christ, everything’s happening so fast I can’t even keep track of it—let us catch our breath!” Reds fan Aaron Cartwright said as he scra...