The Onion

LOS ANGELES—In an apology to the artistic community, director Eli Roth admitted Monday that most of horror film Ice Cream Man was not made using AI. “I know this is a disappointment to many of my friends and fellow filmmakers, but this film was largely made using humans,” said Roth, who confirmed what many viewers had wondered after the trailer for his new movie appe...

Experts say becoming an entrepreneur is possible with the right combination of capital, networking, knowledge, and mentorship. The Onion shares tips for starting your own business.

Figure out what people want, and taint it with AI.

Ensure you have enough savings to survive for the six days until you give up.

Make a detailed business plan...

The FBI has found at least a dozen instances of Iranian hackers targeting municipal water systems, including the networks that control valves and water pressure. What do you think?

“Huh. My water doesn’t taste more Iranian than usual.”

Why settle down in one place when the whole country can be your home? Grab your bindle, hop one of these boxcars, and you’ll always have a roof over your head and a corner to defecate in.

Reference #368409

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PHOENIX—Horror and revulsion at drastic changes to a longstanding package design were alleviated Friday by reassuring text on a Cheez-It box that promised consumers the interior product still retained its familiar great taste, retail sources confirmed. “My legs nearly buckled out from under me right in the snack aisle when I saw what had seemingly been done to my beloved crac...