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WASHINGTON — During a speech to Congress this afternoon, intended to emphasize and strengthen the bond between the U.S. and the U.K. despite the currently polarizing political climate, King Charles described President Trump as “Like my brother to me,” sources confirmed.
“I don’t just mean like ‘a’ brother to me,” clarified the British monarch, “I mean he is literal...
WASHINGTON — The United States Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F. Kennedy Jr. announced that his favorite pair of blue jeans that he’s always seen wearing has been permanently fused to his body, according to nearby sources who couldn’t understand a word he was saying.
“What better way to make sure I never miss an event than by always being ready with m...
Dream Theater is a progressive metal band from Boston whose albums we have been told to rank, and let us tell you, we sure as shit are not going to listen to all 16 of them. Huh uh. Not gonna happen. Here’s a chronological ranking of their discography so we can technically say we did the job that was assigned to us. Sorry if you were expecting something different.
ARLINGTON, Texas — Five years after celebrating its grand opening, a Subway sandwich shop saw sales double with the arrival of a record-breaking second customer, sources unaware the store still existed report.
“Before today, our only regular was the guy who works at the smoke shop next door,” said 19-year-old sandwich artist Tyler Lamb, the store’s assistant manager...
Cannibal Corpse is an awesome death metal band from Buffalo, New York, that made a name for themselves in the nineties with their grotesque song lyrics and album art, while Stephen Miller is perhaps the most obvious sexual sadist who’s ever been appointed White House Deputy Chief of Staff for policy.
After coming into possession of his most recent Pornhub searches ...