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MANAYUNK, Penn. — Brunch-goer Edwin Smaddle remains totally stoked two weeks after properly using the word “liminal” in conversation, witnesses of the verbal feat reported.
“As the word left my mouth it felt like the hand of God reached down from the heavens and when I shook it we switched places,” Smaddle said of his recent linguistic razzle-dazzle. “Everyone at th...
CORAL GABLES, Fla. — Experts at the University of Miami determined through rigorous research that the most common sleep paralysis demon among individuals who attended college in 2010 is none other than American DJ Skrillex.
“We theorize that it’s a combination of the shitty music, terrifying hair, and just a splash of dark magic that made for such a potent and unive...
The curious case of Altoona, PA’s Matt Harper has garnered attention from several esteemed medical journals over the past few weeks, as doctors all around the world scramble to make sense of the self-proclaimed man who “sort of likes Ween”.
Long considered by the medical community to be a love-or-hate band, Ween has largely managed to stay out of the headlines of m...
LOS ANGELES — Hollywood executives confirmed that they are working on a new horror franchise called “The Woman Who is Both Old and Naked,” in a recent statement.
“You know, as creatives we are always working on the next best thing that’ll totally blow people’s socks off,” said a top executive at Paramount. “So we did what we always do: We looked at what made money b...
PEORIA, Ill. — Each waiting behind a corner to frighten the other the moment either of them rounds it, aging goth couple Rob and Patricia Ferney acknowledged that, unfortunately, they barely scare each other anymore.
“The years add up and, to our chagrin, our ability to scare each other’s taken a hit,” said Patricia Ferny, one half of the couple. “Sure, o...