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13-YEAR-OLDS are learning that Lemmy, widely known as St Kilmister of Motörhead, was not canonised by any major church and their fathers were lying.
Josh Hudson had grown up believing tales of paralysed rockers rising from their wheelchairs and walking, healed by the sheer force of Lemmy’s noise assault, only to learn on Wikipedia he was nothing but t...
THE next emergency alert sent to all residents of the UK without warning will warn against sending a text to your ex.
Millions of Britons will be idly scrolling through a former partner’s social media accounts when their phone will light up with an alarming noise and an all-caps warning that texting ‘U up?’ will only result in heartbreak and humiliati...
RAIN is coming, and the drought which has afflicted traditional conversations about weather is almost ended. Overexcited Britons will be having these dialogues:
“Good for the garden! Isn’t it! Isn’t it good for the bloody garden!”
It is news to nobody that water is key to the vegetative lifecycle, but that shouldn’t deter you ...
LIKE a beloved family pet being put down, before parting with one’s girlfriend she must be given one last wonderful day. Follow this schedule:
Breakfast in bed
Women love this even though it brings crumbs that someone – let’s be honest, her – will have to clean up afterwards. But one final time, reward her with croissants, fres...