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UNDISCLOSED, U.S.A – Thousands of callers seeking to report to ICE the recent irregular entry of foreigner and accused criminal Flávio Bolsonaro have been shocked to discover that their reports are going straight to voice-mail. “Thank you for calling the ICE tipline,” the message stated, “at this time, all of our agents are busy apprehending […]
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OTTAWA — A week after U.S. Ambassador to Canada Pete Hoekstra warned Canada about interfering in the upcoming U.S. midterms, Hoekstra took things one step further, announcing that for every state President Trump loses in the elections, he would personally be annexing one Canadian province. “You meddling fucks have left me no choice,” Hoekstra shouted […]
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TORONTO – Following a commanding re-election victory by incumbent mayor Olivia Chow, second place candidate Brad Bradford is announcing that he no longer wants to be the next mayor of Toronto Bradford, a full-time campaigner and part-time city councillor, wasted no time setting the record straight as election returns arrived. Following the official call of […]
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THE WOODS – After a sweeping victory in the B.C. provincial election that saw the B.C. Conservatives win 64 out of 93 seats, the party is commemorating their win by burning down a large portion of what’s left of the province’s old growth forests. “We wanted to have a little fun and simultaneously signal to […]
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TORONTO – Following the removal of much of the city’s bike lanes, local motorist Jason Welch is facing extreme uncertainty about where he should park his car now. “It’s so annoying to try and park without those handy bike lanes!” Welch said from the driver’s seat of his GMC Acadia. “Now I don’t know where […]
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