WINKLER, MB

Angine de Poitrine, the mysterious math rock duo who has taken the Internet by storm, have kept their identities secret until now. The secret slipped this week out after the drummer was caught swearing in Plautdietsch after a slight mishap.

“We now know they’re a couple of corn farmers from near Winkler,” said music enthusiast Darren Giesbrecht...

OTTAWA, ON

After a barrage of floor crossing and a couple by-elections this week, Mark Carney and the Conservative Party of Canada have finally formed a majority government.

“Canadians have spoken loud and clear—they want a Conservative government in Ottawa,” said Prime Minister Carney, “and I am committed to giving it to them.”

Carney sits in a...

WASHINGTON, DC

After posting a blasphemous AI-generated photo of himself as Jesus this weekend, President Trump is now saying he had no idea it was Jesus and actually thought it was him as a traditional Mennonite healer known as a “trajchtmoaka.”

“In the picture I’m rubbing Wonder Oil on what appears to be Mr. Klassen,” said Trump. “Then I’m knisping and k...

AYLMER, ON

After months of reminders from his wife Susie to “dress sharp” for church once in a while, area man Rob Letkeman decided to wear his very best Carhartt jacket this Sunday.

“And Carhartt pants, too,” said Letkeman. “I knew I’d immediately impressed the ushers because they look one look at me and suggested I could sit in the balcony.”

Letkeman ev...

REGINA, SK

Moments after striking a deal to get oil to flow through the Strait of Hormuz, American officials had their eyes on yet another barrier to trade – the massive landmass known as Saskatchewan.

“Look at what those nasty Canadians have done,” said President Trump. “They’ve been very bad to us. Very bad. They’ve placed this huge land barrier right in betwe...