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Title of The Unger Review: "The Unger Review | Satire By Andrew Unger"
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ALTONA, MB
Mrs. Dorothy Wiebe of Altona was the last senior in town not to get sprayed with a water gun this week and has been crowned winner of Senior Assassin 2026.
“I knew they couldn’t get me in church,” said Mrs. Wiebe. “Or at the quilting bee. So I just wore my water wings and hoped for the best at the Co-op.”
Mrs. Wiebe carried a super so...
WINNIPEG, MB
Klaas Siemens of Rosenort was in the city this week and decided to stop at his favourite restaurant Mongo’s Grill, where he set a new record for successfully piling the most ingredients into a single bowl.
“The previous record was Bob Wiebe of Winkler,” said Siemens, “but when I saw the photographic evidence, I knew I could beat him.”
As soon...
ALTONA, MB
After five centuries of never once compromising their cherished Anabaptist values, Mennonites across Canada are forced to confront the most pressing ethical dilemma in their history – what to do in the face of a nationwide cottage cheese shortage.
“I’ve checked every Sobey’s and Superstore in the area and there’s no cottage cheese anywhere,” sai...
WASHINGTON, DC
A request from the Ministry Truth in Washington has pressured Webster’s Dictionary to redefine “ceasefire” as “all out warfare.”
“Too many people were under the false impression that ceasefire means you actually cease firing,” said the memo. “This new definition will provide people with a lot of clarity on the matter.”
A ceasefire ...
AYLMER, ON
Area man Johan Dyck ran out of space on his census form this week after being asked to list all 31 children.
“I got Mary, Isaac, Peter, Susie, Abe, David, Heinrich, Anne, Ruth, Carol, Andreas, Klaas, Dietrich, Adam, Richard, and George,” explained Johan. “But I had no room for Esther, Lina, Tina, Wilhelm, Martin, Samuel, Justina, Aganetha, Rebe...