My thirteen-year-old daughter needed a dress for a wedding, so we went to Aritzia in the Short Hills mall.

I decided I would give my children a traditional spin on Pop-Tarts. I started with the first step of any traditional recipe: screaming.

“I’ll most likely be able to get there a little after 8!” = Bring granola bars. You’ll eat your first bite of dinner at 9:17 P.M.

Internal memo: Meet our new suite of A.I.-optimized losers and douche bags. Although they are fully agentic, we’re sure they will annoy you in all the ways you’re accustomed to.

Fresh from Silicon Valley.