Now you’re going to sit in that chair and watch me load the dishwasher my way. And you’re not going to say a single word.

A new lineup of distinguished-service medals, rewarding Martial Lawlessness, Laughing at All of Elon Musk’s Jokes, and Outstanding Bone Spurs.

Q.: What is the purpose of your return to the United States? A.: I’m asking myself this question, too.

So horrible, I heard the news. Well, I heard an echo of the news from aboveground—the sinkhole gets neglected by the media.

Me: happy-go-lucky, helpful, healthy, honest, handsome, hopeful. You: a horse.