The Babylon Bee

ST. PAUL, MN — Voter turnout for the Minnesota midterms is expected to exceed 130%, sources said.

NEW YORK, NY — At the direction of Mayor Zoran Mamdani, authorities detained a janitor who removed red graffiti from New York's 9/11 Memorial and have charged him with a hate crime.

SALT LAKE CITY, UT — The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is in the midst of preparations for what it says is the busiest time of the year for its missionaries — the one evening every year when everyone opens their doors: Halloween.

U.S. — Sources confirmed on Thursday that, following a raid on Rep. Ilhan Omar's home on October 12, DHS officials seized her mobile phone, but decided to let her keep a pager.

MILWAUKEE, WI — Drunken partiers stumbling down the streets of downtown Milwaukee were reportedly surprised to learn the Brewers had won the World Series.