Content warning: Suicide One of the last lines in the movie, The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood is “Old wounds heal, pal.” I believe that to be true. And I believe my old wounds are in the process of healing. I mentioned in my first post that I was working through my own READ MORE

The post Old Wounds Heal, Pal first appeared on Tangible Wonders.

In my post entitled As the Winter Solstice Approaches, I mentioned that one of the questions I was posing to myself was “What do I want more of?”

As we consider what we want to be different in the coming year, we sometimes think about things we want to not do or things we want to do less of, but asking posing our questions and stating our goals in the right way is important because it helps our brain help us.

Let me lay the groundwork for this for a moment.

Have you ever been driving somewhere that you go often, such as work, and you suddenly find yourself in the parking lot and have no memory of the drive there? Your mind was wandering somewhere else. But your subconscious mind was in full control, getting you safely to work.

On the other hand, have you ever been heading somewhere and suddenly find yourself going another route, perhaps taking a route that you frequently take? Again, your subconscious mind took over, but this time it wasn’t so helpful, taking you the wrong direction.

Both examples show how powerful the subconscious mind is. It can be harnessed to help us meet our goals if we learn how to formulate our goals in ways that our subconscious mind understands more easily.

Our subconscious mind:

1. Does not process negation as well as positive statements.
2. Understands images better than words.

So asking yourself what you want more of leads to positive statements that are more easily understood by the subconscious mind. And associating images with those goals will engage our subconscious mind even further.

Maybe you’ve already written goals for 2022. It’s not too late to rewrite them with this in mind.

1. State what you want to do instead of what you don’t want.
2. Be very specific.
3. Create an image connected to your goals.

The best way to predict the future is to create it.
Peter Drucker

The post What Do You Want More Of? first appeared on Tangible Wonders.

Four months ago, I started hiking up Pinnacle Mountain weekly. It’s not a long hike—just 1.5 miles. But it is challenging hike with an elevation gain of 725 feet in that short distance. It has been a great weekly workout and a big part of my healing journey.

About a month ago, the person I hiked up the mountain with noted how much easier it seemed for me that day. It was true. I thought to myself, “Yes, I put in the work and effort and suddenly I see the benefit.”

During that same time, on an emotional front, I was going through some very challenging situations. I had some very painful moments and also moments of feeling like I had not made any progress. But I stayed with the things I had learned.

1. Emotions are energy and if I sit with them long enough they will transform.
2. High emotional reactivity is probably not about the present moment so don’t act on it in the present moment. Slow down.
3. Emotions are also data that help me recognize the things from my past that need attention. They point me toward other work that needs to be done. And that’s a great thing!
4. Don’t take things personally. That’s sometimes easy and at other times feels impossible. But so much of what I am reacting to is not really about me.

So as I worked my way through that difficult time, I was able to say the same thing I said about climbing the mountain, “Yes, I put in the work and effort and suddenly I see the benefit.”

Slow things down. Feel what I feel. Sit with it for a while. Use it to learn where to focus as I move forward.
And most of all…trust the process.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
Lao Tzu

The post Trust the Process first appeared on Tangible Wonders.

[I wrote this in 2005 and it still seems to be relevant. Though not exactly related to the content here, I’m sharing it just for fun. However you spend this time of the year, celebrating a holiday or not, I wish you peace and joy.]

It was the hoIiday tradition in Snufflebergville.
Mayor Regal came out to light the sign on the hill,
But instead of the usual ceremonial event
He read a proclamation, and this is how it went:
“Because we have Widgins and Sneefers and Geefs,
It is no longer fair to just wish Merry Guhn

Photo credit: istock.comeef!”
It is not right to include one and leave out the other.
Though religions may differ, we’re still sister and brother.

“So the big lighted sign that stands o’er our town,
The time has now come for it to come down.
A new sign will be raised to stand in the square
To wish “Seasons Greetings” to ALL who go there.”

Now some in the town gave a hearty, loud cheer.
But some simply hissed. Some booed and some jeered,
“Guhneef is a time that we sing, eat and pray!
And no stuffy mayor can take THAT away!”

And a Sneefer shouted out as the trumpets too-tooted,
“Well, it’s about time that we were included!”
The people all left but a battle was raging;
There were cell phones a-ringing and pagers a-paging.

Soon people were saying that poor Mayor Regal
Was trying to make celebrating Guhneef illegal.
Mrs. Snernoggin called Mrs. Fondeegle
And they exchanged stories about Mayor Regal.
“He left the Geef church to become a Widgin!”
“I heard he’s plum turned his back on reIigion!””

The rumors spread quickly and accusations flew.
No one seemed to care what was false, what was true.
And soon the whole town was all in a tizzy.
They all planned a protest and then they got busy!

Albert Von Wittle dressed as Father Ganeef himself,
With his son, Albert Junior, dressed like an elf.
They each held a sign that said “Sneefers, Go Away!”
And a Sneefer sign replied with “We’re here to stay!”

Geefs built a tower with “MerryGuhneef” on a wire.
The Sneefers built another and built theirs even higher.
And the Geefs were all shouting “Merry Ganeef.”
While the Sneefers yelled songs of a “Happy Jasneef.”

And then mean ol’ Fred Stipple raised his book of Guhneef
And preached to the Sneefers about Guhneef beliefs.
“We celebrate the time when Love came right down,
And we have done so just fine ‘til you Sneefers came to town!”

And then just when it seemed the air couldn’t get thicker.
Someone unplugged the signs and they went out with a flicker.
And then little Michaela stepped out of the crowd
And onto the platform where Stipple preached out so loud.

“Do you really think ribbons and big silver balls?
And hanging up lights and shopping at malls?
And drinking hot cider and eating roast biven?
Gives honor for the gifts we’ve been given?”

And you, Mr. Von Wiffle, you told me yourself
That last year your son, the one dressed like the elf,
After opening his zaffles, and gahzooks and jensmoos,
Looked up from the boxes saying. Where’s the bandooze?”

You were so disappointed because then you knew,
That Guhneef is much more than bandooze or jensmoo.
All this glitter and shopping and flashing lighted signs
Are not symbols of faith! but symptoms of our time.

And if you took the time you’d know that your neighbors
Include Teeters and Roos end even some Schnabers.
My grandma’s a Sneefer, my grandpa’s a Roo.
You’ve all known me forever and, I think, liked me too.

So can’t we all come together in Snufflebergville Square
And just choose to celebrate the common threads that we share?
And wish a peaceful season to our neighbors and friends?
Let’s all start right now before this season ends.

And some Geefs hung their heads and some Sneefers did too;
‘Cuz they knew what Michaela said was all true.
And they put down their signs and dismantled their towers.
A silence fell on the town and remained there for hours.

And then a few Widgins began singing a hymn;
And Geefs started one that was familiar to them;
The Sneefers sang one from their own tradition;
And what happened next defies definition.

As their three hymns of praise harmonically blended
A distinct ray of light on the whole town descended.
MichaeIa took the hand of not-so-mean ol’ Fred Stipple
And it spread through the crowd—ripple upon ripple.

And then they all turned as if on a cue.
They smiled and they nodded cause they knew what to do.
The Sneefers raised the sign that said “Merry Guhneef.”
The Geefs followed suit with the “Happy Jasneef.”

Then the Sneefers lit candles and so did the Geefs
And they placed them in a circle to represent all the beliefs.
To show the Widgins, the Schnabers, the Teeters and others
That Regal was right, we’re all sisters and brothers.

And a new tradition was started that still happens there.
Each year the town gathers in Snuftlebergville Square.
And Geefs bring some biven and Widgens fondue.
And Sneefers bring baloozy and some jendovish too.

Each person brings something—every Schnaber, Teeter and Roo
And it all blends together to make Snufflebergville Stew!
And if you ever get to try it, then you’ll know the reason,
They say in it one tastes the true meaning of this Season.

Motto: The words that you choose to wish season’s greetings matter less than how you treat those people you are meeting.

The post Snufflebergville Square first appeared on Tangible Wonders.

One of my favorite meditations is one that Thich Nhat Hanh teaches. It is a meditation that is taught to children in Plum Village in France. Even though it is designed for children, I find it to be a very helpful structure for myself and for people of any age. I especially like that he selects four items in nature—a flower, a mountain, a lake and the sky—to symbolize the qualities of equanimity he teaches.

Beginning meditators may find it to be helpful as well.

Here is how it goes.

Gather four pebbles. If you don’t have pebbles available, you can use other items but if you like the meditation, I encourage you to find some pebbles to use.

Sit in a comfortable position and place four pebbles next to you on the ground or chair. Pick up the first pebble and say:

Breathing in, I see myself as a flower. Breathing out, I feel fresh.
Repeat: “Flower, fresh” for three breaths.

Say silently to yourself “flower, fresh” and breathe quietly for three in and out breaths. Focus on really being a flower and becoming fresh.

Pick up the next pebble and say:

Breathing in I see myself as a mountain, breathing out, I feel solid.

Repeat silently to yourself, “Mountain, solid” for three breaths.

Picking up the next pebble, say, “Breathing in I see myself as still, clear water, breathing out, I reflect things as they really are.”

Repeat silently, “Clear water, reflecting” for three breaths.

Picking up the fourth and final pebble, say “Breathing in I see myself as space, breathing out, I feel free.” Then repeat silently, “Space, free” for three breaths.

If you try this meditation, feel free to share your experiences below.

.

..when our mind is calm, we can see reality more clearly, like still water reflecting the trees, the clouds, and the blue sky. Stillness is the foundation of understanding and insight. Stillness is strength.
Thich Nhat Hanh

The post Pebble Meditation first appeared on Tangible Wonders.

This coming Tuesday, December 21st, is the Winter Solstice.

Though I hate to admit it, I never gave much thought to the summer and winter solstices until I began working as a park interpreter at Toltec Mounds State Park in the mid ’90s. The park is the site of a prehistoric Native American religious and cultural center. The Native Americans constructed mounds that aligned with the solstices and equinoxes. Reading Native American legends about the sun’s movement across the sky gave me a new appreciation for the seasons and specifically for the winter solstice. While the solstice is the shortest day of the year, it also marks the point at which the days begin to lengthen. Indigenous people celebrated the winter solstice as a time of renewal. It is truly Mother Nature’s new year’s day.

A friend recently asked me what significance the winter solstice holds for me. It has become a time of reflection and renewal for me…a time for fresh starts. Personally, it feels more harmonious with the earth to celebrate and reflect on new beginnings on the winter solstice than on the beginning of the calendar year. As the days lengthen and the earth is bathed with more and more sunlight, we know that soon seeds will begin to germinate and plants begin to have new growth.

I like to contemplate what I want to grow in my own life. This year, I plan to ask myself these questions.

• What do I want more of?
• What would I do if I were not afraid?
• What would I do if I didn’t worry about what others thought?

What does the winter solstice signify to you? What questions would help you to clarify what you want more of in your life or what choices you want to make? How would you like to spend your time on the solstice?

As the days lengthen, may we also see more light and wisdom reflected in the world around us. And may peace, love and compassion be our guides, this season and always.

Only when we are brave enough to explore our darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.
Brené Brown

The post As the Winter Solstice Approaches first appeared on Tangible Wonders.

To walk among flowers and breathe in their beauty,
To sit by a stream and soak in its calm,
To be covered at night by a blanket of stars,
To let the prothonotary warbler teach me its song.

The universe offers us opportunities to be amazed, intrigued, and appreciative. It is easy, though, in the business of life to become distracted by other things and not take notice of the wonder around us. To remain in a posture of wondering, to be an active wonderer,  is part of my commitment with this blog.

There is so much to learn. There are endless tangible wonders to discover—enough to give one meaning for an entire lifetime.

What will you do this week to soak it in?

Come forth into the light of things, let nature be your teacher.
William Wordsworth

Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves of strength that will endure as long as life lasts.
Rachel Carson

The post Soaking It In first appeared on Tangible Wonders.

In my first post, Walk 20 Blocks and Call Me in the Morning, I mentioned that I was working through childhood trauma with a therapist. I’ll share more about that later, but right now, I want to acknowledge that the experience of trauma during childhood is quite common. Though our individual experiences differ, the majority of us have experienced painful circumstances early in our lives. As I share my own journey, I do so with the recognition that this journey does not make me unique. In fact, it connects me to those of you who also had traumatic experiences as a child.

How do we know that childhood trauma is common? One piece of evidence comes from the ACE Study. I learned about this important research a few years ago and it had a profound impact on my own understanding, and on our collective understanding of the prevalence and impact of childhood trauma. ACE stands for Adverse Childhood Experiences.

A brief summary of the findings is: There is a strong correlation between the number of adverse childhood experiences a person has and an increased risk of unhealthy behaviors and health problems.

To be more specific, children who experience

• physical abuse,
• sexual abuse,
• emotional abuse,
• physical neglect,
• emotional neglect,
• mental illness of a family member,
• incarceration of a family member,
• a mother being treated violently,
• parents being divorced, and/or
• substance abuse of a family member

…become adults who are more more likely to:

• be physically inactive,
• abuse drugs or alcohol,
• smoke,
• miss a lot of work,
• have health problems such as depression, diabetes, heart disease, COPD, stroke, STDs, cancer, broken bones, and severe obesity, and/or
• attempt suicide.

The study points to the fact that the common thread in these negative health outcomes is the brain’s physiological response to trauma. Even participants in the study who did not engage in the behaviors such as drug abuse, alcohol abuse or smoking still had worse health outcomes than those with fewer ACEs.

This represents a huge shift in our understanding.

Certainly it reveals the importance of preventing ACEs and of early introduction to evidence-based practices for healing from trauma in children and youth. But even for those of us who are older, it changes the locus of the problem and provides a better understanding of how we might help ourselves and improve our health and well-being.

Even though we may not be able to erase the physiological impact of early trauma, we can definitely reduce our risks.

Neuroscience research is showing that there are specific practices that are effective in helping our brains and bodies heal from trauma. Some of these are:

• Yoga
• Tai chi
• Meditation
• Mindfulness
• A type of therapy called EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing)
• Spending time in green spaces
• Drumming and other rhythmic activities

In future posts, we will explore these and other healing practices.

What have you found to be most helpful to you in healing old wounds?

Being traumatized is not just an issue of being stuck in the past; it is just as much a problem of not being fully alive in the present.
Bessel van der Kolk

To heal is to touch with love that which we previously touched with fear.
Stephen Levine

Sources:

• CDC: Adverse Childhood Experiences
• TED: How Childhood Trauma Affects Health Across a Lifetime

The post Old Wounds first appeared on Tangible Wonders.

I became intrigued by dung beetles several years ago when I began to notice a couple of species of dung beetles in my yard making good use of the dung left behind by our dogs! As I began reading and learning more about these amazing beetles, I ran across some fascinating research being done on dung beetles in rainforest habitats.

The research indicates that a mutualism exists between three species—howler monkeys, dung beetles and fruit trees. Here is how the relationship unfolds. Howler monkeys spend lots of time in the fruit trees of the tropics eating the fruit and foliage. They deposit the seeds of the trees mixed with their dung below the trees. Left there, the seeds would be concentrated too densely to germinate and successfully produce very many trees. That is, the saplings would be in competition with each other for nutrition and sunlight. The seeds would also be vulnerable to rodents who would use them for food. These factors would all work together to reduce the population of fruit trees.

Enter the dung beetle—an unlikely hero. The dung beetle gathers up the dung, which happens to be mixed with seeds, from the piles in balls and roles them away. The female lays her eggs in the ball of dung or “brood ball” and the male and female then bury the brood balls a few inches below the ground surface. Because of the presence of dung beetles, the seeds of the trees are dispersed more widely and are buried at a depth that protects them from rodents. More of the seeds germinate and, ultimately, the howler monkeys benefit from the work of the beetles! If something threatens any of the three populations, the other two will also be threatened.

This is but one of many such examples of interdependence between various species. Understanding these relationships helps us understand the fragile balance of our world…and the potential cascade of extinction that can occur when one species is threatened.

We humans are an integral part of this landscape of complex interdependence. Seeing ourselves as independent of or separate from the ecosystems around us creates a false dichotomy. The sooner we can erase this imaginary line and embrace our intimate connection with the rest of the natural world the better—for our individual and collective well-being, and for the planet as a whole.

The further human society drifts away from nature, the less we understand interdependence.
Peter Senge

The Creator, if He exists, has an inordinate fondness for beetles. (in response to an inquiry regarding what his studies of nature had taught him about God)
JBS Haldane

Sources:

• Andresen, E. (2002). Primary seed dispersal by red howler monkeys and the effect of defecation patterns on the fate of dispersed seeds. Biotropica, 34 (2), 261-272.
• Estrada, A. and Coates-Estrada, R. (1991). Howler monkeys (Alouatta palliata), dung beetles (Scarabaeidae) and seed dispersal: ecological interactions in the tropical rain forest of Los Tuxlas, Mexico. Journal of Tropical Ecology, 7, 459-474.

The post Dung Beetles, Howler Monkeys and Fruit Trees first appeared on Tangible Wonders.

As today is Thanksgiving, I want to share a story about gratitude.

Years ago my mom worked with a man who had several children. The youngest, Julia, was doted over by the whole family. She had to go in to have her tonsils removed and her parents and siblings worried that she would be scared. So they dealt with it preemptively by talking about all of the good things that would happen before and after the surgery.

“You’ll get to stay home from school.”

“You’ll get to eat all of the ice cream and popsicles you want.”

And on and on.

They realized they may have overdone it when she finally proclaimed, “I’m so lucky!”

This story is one that my family has referenced often through the years. Like an inside joke, we sometimes say “I’m so lucky” in situations where we are facing something challenging. It brings a bit of levity into the situation and is also a reminder that there really is always something to be grateful for.

As neuroscientists are recognizing the many benefits of gratitude on our well-being they are also discovering that for some people, like Julia, gratitude comes more naturally. Research is identifying both genetic differences and brain differences in people who are naturally more grateful.

The good news though is that whether gratitude comes naturally or not, practicing gratitude can change our habits and maybe even rewire our brains—resulting in greater health and happiness.

Gratitude can look a lot of different ways. We may be grateful to a specific person. For some, gratitude is directed toward a higher power. But gratitude does not require a specific recipient. Like Julia, we can just feel lucky that we are going to get to eat lots of ice cream. Or we can feel fortunate that the causes and conditions came together for us to have a specific experience.

I feel this way about certain friendships. I have lifelong friendships with people that I feel lucky to have in my life. I made a choice to attend a professional training and that choice resulted in my meeting these people and developing these friendships that have and continue to be so important to me. That’s amazing! I can feel fortunate and grateful without directing that anywhere in particular. The right circumstances came together and I benefited and for that I’m grateful.

We may call this feeling gratitude, gratefulness, appreciation, or thankfulness…but for me, Julia said it best:
I’m so lucky!

There is no joy without gratitude.
Brené Brown

The post I’m So Lucky! first appeared on Tangible Wonders.

I was 57. I had just separated from my partner of over 20 years. I had moved in with my mom in her rather small apartment. I was away from my dog. We were a year into the pandemic. Work was more stressful than normal. I was trying to work through some childhood trauma with a therapist. I was emotionally exhausted.

One day, I just set off walking. I didn’t walk because I read I should or because I wanted to exercise or lose weight. I walked because I had to. The turmoil inside my body, mind and heart compelled me to move. And walking was the way I chose to move. I began walking daily. And with every walk, I felt like I was somehow cleansing the trauma that was living inside me. If I skipped a day, I could feel more of it creeping back in. It was as if I had skipped a dose of medicine.

And then, I happened to run across Brené Brown’s podcast interview with Emily and Amelia Nagoski, the authors of Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. Here’s a summary of some of the key points of the podcast and book.

1. “Emotions…involve the release of neurochemicals in the brain, in response to some stimulus.”¹
2. They have a beginning, middle and end. They are like a tunnel.
3. If you move all the way through the tunnel, great! But if you don’t do something to complete the cycle of the emotion, you get stuck in the tunnel and the chemicals created by that emotion get stuck in your body.
4. They call this completing the stress response cycle.

This was a huge “a-ha” moment for me. It dawned on me that I had years of all of these incomplete cycles resulting in stress accumulating in my body. And with the recent stressors, I was emotionally tapped out.

The authors go on to describe ways you can complete the stress response cycle. And the most efficient they say is physical movement. Yes! That’s why my walking truly felt like it was saving my life. It was!

They also describe other ways to complete the cycle. Here is the full list.²

1. Physical activity
2. Breathing
3. Positive social interaction
4. Laughter
5. Affection
6. Crying
7. Creative expression

So if walking or physical activity is not your thing, there are other ways to complete the cycle.

Toward the end of the podcast, Brené asks the authors how you know if you’ve completed the cycle. They respond that “you feel it in your body.” I definitely felt different after a walk, but I’m not sure I felt like I had completed a cycle. It was more like I was just keeping myself from drowning in it all.

In the podcast, Brené goes on to read from the book:

“Don’t worry if you’re not sure you can recognize when you’ve ‘completed’ the cycle, especially if you’ve spent a lot of years, like your whole life maybe, holding on to worry or anger. You’ve probably got a whole lot of accumulated stress response cycles spinning their engines, waiting for their turn. So it’s going to take a while before you get through the backlog. All you need to do is recognize that you feel incrementally better than you felt before you started. You can notice that something in your body has changed, shifted in the direction of peace. If I was an eight, at an eight on the stress scale when I started and I’m a four now, you can look at yourself and say, ‘That’s pretty good.’”³

Thank you, Brené…and, of course, Emily and Amelia!

It’s going to take me a while to get through the backlog. But for now, I’ll keep walking.

(I went on to read the entire book. I highly recommend it.)

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.
Ellen DeGeneres

1. Nagoski, Emily; Nagoski, Amelia. Burnout (p. xii). Random House Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
2. Nagoski, Emily; Nagoski, Amelia. Burnout (pp. 14-18). Random House Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
3. Nagoski, Emily; Nagoski, Amelia. Burnout (pp. 22-23). Random House Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

The post Walk 20 Blocks and Call Me in the Morning! first appeared on Tangible Wonders.

One of my favorite sounds is that of the Chuck Will’s Widow. Its voice cuts through the darkness and rings out with a distinct call.  This is a very shy bird that is not often seen but whose call is melodic and strong.

What better symbol for the process of finding our voice. When we are trying to become more clear about who we are, what we believe, what we value, it is helpful to come to the quiet. We toss our words into the silence and listen as their echo returns to us, asking ourselves, “Is this my truth?” We fine-tune our narrative until we can declare distinctly, “This is who I am! I am here!” And others hear us and recognize us by our song. These voices, honed by intentional reflection, pierce the darkness of unconscious conformity and allow the light to shine on others.

The post Finding Our Voice first appeared on Tangible Wonders.

Roughly 15 years ago, I wrote the following as part of an effort to articulate my beliefs at the time:

“…getting to know nature more intimately was for me like having a love affair with the planet. the more i learned, the more enamored i became. And soon I stood face to face with the idea that maybe what is tangible is all that is. And that was more than okay with me because what is tangible is so much more than most people ever come to understand or appreciate. And so there I stood looking in one direction at the tangible ‘more than’ that could take several lifetimes to grasp and the intangible ‘More Than’ that had always been there tugging at me to grow, to learn, to know its Allness more intimately. For a while I was pulled back and forth between the two. And then, the two just sort of merged for me; and suddenly it didn’t matter to me if the object of my spiritual passion was a ‘more than’ or a ‘More Than’. The two were One and I was one with Them.”

(Note: bold items indicate words that were capitalized in original writing.)

as time has passed and i look back on this time in my life, i realize that since then i have become more and more comfortable with embracing the tangible “more than” and i see that to some degree, embracing panentheism and then pantheism for a time was my attempt to hold onto the theist identity that was more comfortable for me. As I have let go and accepted this new identity, it has actually been quite liberating.

it takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. ~e.e.Cummings

The post The Tangible More Than first appeared on Tangible Wonders.

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