When I was 19, I met a grown ass man of 32 who declared he was instantaneously in-love with me. Say what? My internal alarms went off and were on high alert. He told me everyday, over and over how he felt. He was ready to change his life for me. He wanted to take care of me. He wanted to meet my parents and announce his intentions. He took me to expensive restaurants and concerts. He bought me lovely jewelry, especially with religious symbols. He knew I was Jewish. He was not, but he was ready to convert just for me. He would call numerous times a day and sweet-talk me to see him often. He always dressed well when he came to my dorm to pick me up and he brought me huge bouquets of flowers each time, even though I would receive beautiful boxes of flowers every other day by delivery. The woman who sat in the lobby knew his name. In fact, everyone did. He had such a huge presence. He was extremely confident and very controlling. He owned several cars, but usually took me out in his new Cadillac. He would try to explain world situations, current news events, and of course, our future together. He wasn’t interested in sex. He was a total gentleman who would give me a polite kiss after walking me to my college dorm, and we were never late to cause me to miss my curfew. All of this occurred within a whirlwind couple of months. Oh, my gut was screaming at me.

As a naive’ young woman, I did not have the know-how or dating expertise to deal with this larger-than-life man. He seemed very sure of what he wanted and expected from me. He had a good job I think because he had cash in his wallet ready to make my fondest desire come true. I was overwhelmed. I didn’t see what he saw in me. I didn’t know how I truly felt about him because he wouldn’t stop coming after me. I couldn’t think straight, so for awhile, I acquiesced. I became smaller and quieter. What he thought had to be true simply because he was older, more experienced, and he spoke with such consistent authority. I became putty around him ready to be molded in any way he wanted. It was all very strange. I felt like something was off.

My roommate and friends finally came to my rescue. They reminded me what my goals and dreams were. They started intervening and not giving me messages that he had called so I could catch my breath. (This was decades before cell phones.) they made me go out with people my own age. I slowly came back to being who I used to be…a woman who knew who she was, wanted to be, and how to get there. I broke our relationship off. It took some time to make him stop calling me.

This whole experience was a life lesson for me. I said to myself never again would I allow myself to be manipulated so easily into believing someone just because they constantly said it to be true. I made a pact with myself to stay true to what I wanted to become and do with my life. I found my core strength and followed through. I vowed I would never be caught up in this predicament again. I was one of the lucky ones.

I should have known better. I should have been able to decipher the clues and not let this relationship take over my brain. After all, I had seen the 1944 film, GASLIGHT, many times with my Mom. She would often say to me don’t ever let this happen to you. Watch and learn was her motto. Sometimes a person needs a helping hand, just like Brian (Joseph Cotton) did for Paula (Ingrid Bergman) when she had to deal with Gregory (Charles Boyer). I was lucky I had such kind, concerned friends. Gaslighting is real. Take it from someone who knows. How different my paradigm would have been if I hadn’t listened to my gut and those who cared.

GASLIGHT was brilliantly directed by George Cukor. (MY FAIR LADY, THE CORN IS GREEN, THE PHILADELPHIA STORY) He led his cast and crew to receiving seven Oscar nominations including one for Best Picture, and achieved two golden statues for Best Actress (Ingredient Bergman) and Best Art Design. Cukor used detailed storyboarding techniques and everyday would explain where they were within the screenplay since they did not film in chronological order. Cukor encouraged Bergman to spend some time visiting a mental hospital as background research material for her character which she did. Cukor also helped decorate the house Paula and Gregory would call their home. He purposely overdid the amount of clutter and knickknacks to give the set a more claustrophobic look.

The first scene Bergman (CASABLANCA, SPELLBOUND) and Boyer (BAREFOOT IN THE PARK, THE MAD WOMAN OF CHAILLOT) did together was a big romantic kiss at the train station. Bergman had just met Boyer and now they had to passionately kiss. To make matters worse, Boyer had to stand on a box in order to appear taller and more in control. Boyer was also forced to wear two inch lifts in his shoes since he and Bergman were the same height. Bergman was mortified and from that film on she always had it in her contract that any kissing scenes would never be filmed first. Bergman would go on to win two more Oscars during her illustrious career. She and Boyer were lifetime friends and she said in later interviews what an amazing, talented man Boyer was. She stated he was kind to everyone, extremely smart, and outstanding as an actor, always choosing the most creative path while filming. The camera loved Bergman. She was simply stunning on the screen. Boyer was devilishly handsome. Together they showcased an intricate chemistry which was fraught with innocence vs. narcissistic tendencies.

Angela Lansbury (MURDER SHE WROTE) was only 17 when she was cast as the snarky maid. She was working at a department store earning a mere $27 a week. Her boss said he would match whateve the studio was offering to pay her. When she told him she would be making $500 a week, he wished her well and let her go. This was her debut as an actress. She had no prior experience. She was supposed to smoke a cigarette in one scene, but the director had to wait until she turned 18 since she was underage to smoke. The day of her birthday, the crew had a champagne toast, and then she proceeded lighting up. She has said it was one of her best birthdays. This was the beginning of an extraordinary career winning many awards including the honorable title…Dame Angela Lansbury.

Joseph Cotton (CITIZEN Kane) and Mae Whitty (SUSPICION) gave GASLIGHT several more stellar characters to round out the story content. Cotton’s portrayal of Brian was slow, steady, and methodical, yet he was still an awesome hero in the end. Whitty was great as the comic relief since at times, the plot was intense.

This film is the origin of a common phrase used in current politics today. It is a known fact that just because someone constantly says something to be true does not make it so, no matter how many times it is repeated. And anyone who believes those alternate facts are being manipulated in a very cruel, psychological, way. Today doctors consider this treatment toward one person or a group of people emotional abuse. Gaslighting came out of the shadows in 2016. I need not say more.

GASLIGHT is not perfect. I have always said the final line and frame left much to be desired, but it does not take away from the genius of Cukor, Bergman, and Boyer. Their combined energy and skill make this movie an exceptional example of a psychological, dramatic classic. It is a crafty, cunning film that takes lying to another level. Most people do lie about something big or small. It is all in the knowing of when you have gone too far and then totally believe those lies to be true. This is when most of us need help to decipher what might be boldly staring at us in the face. Thank goodness, I had help when I was so young. Who knows where I would have ended up today.

GASLIGHT is available on TCM.

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