Psychotherapy is, at its heart, a process of guiding clients from conflict to resolution.

As a therapist, counselor, or coach, your main job is to help clients identify the situations that are troubling them – the conflicts in their lives – and guide them through to win–win solutions.

Mutually satisfying outcomes can prevent anger, anxiety, and depression, and enable individuals, couples, and families to live together productively and in peace (Christensen & Heavey, 1999; Cummings, Koss, & Davies, 2015).

In this article, we’ll share some powerful conflict resolution worksheets that can teach parties the pathways to win–win outcomes, converting conflict into shared problem solving. Participants feel like they are sitting on the same side of the table, working together against the problem, instead of against each other.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our five positive psychology tools for free. These science-based tools will help you and those you work with build better social skills and better connect with others.

This Article Contains:

2 Useful Conflict Resolution Worksheets
4 Tools for Resolving Conflicts at Work
Worksheets for Student Conflicts
2 Best Worksheets for Couples’ Conflicts
Teaching Conflict Resolution: 4 Lesson Plans
5 PositivePsychology.com Toolkit Resources
A Take-Home Message
References

2 Useful Conflict Resolution Worksheets

Conflict – problems, issues, troubles, dilemmas, tough decisions, etc. – generally emerge in one or more of the following three areas (adapted from Kellermann, 1996):

Intrapsychic conflicts – pulls and tugs within a person’s array of feelings, desires, thoughts, fears, and actions
Interpersonal or intergroup conflicts – situations in which two or more preferred action plans seem to be incompatible
Situational conflicts – situations in which adverse circumstances such as illness, financial difficulties, or other factors collide with each other or with what participants want

Differences can quickly spark arguments when parties believe that the outcome will result in either winning or losing. That is why the word “conflict” usually suggests fighting. These worksheets, by contrast, teach pathways to win–win outcomes.

By guiding both conflict resolution and cooperative problem solving in the same process, solution building for any decision, issue, or dilemma becomes a combined effort. The idea of winning versus losing is removed, and a win–win outcome negates previous conflicts.

Win–Win Waltz Worksheet

The process that leads to win–win outcomes is referred to as the win–win waltz because the process involves three essential steps.

The Win–Win Waltz Worksheet explains the key terms, core concepts, and essential ingredients for using the exercise successfully.

1. Knowing when to use the win–win waltz

The win–win waltz guides the way to cooperative solution building in situations when there seems to be conflict with underlying or overt tension and a feeling that two sides feel in opposition.

Also, the win–win waltz guides the process in any situation that calls for problem solving.

In both instances, the tone needs to stay calm and cooperative. There needs to be an awareness of the dilemma that participants need to solve and a willingness on both sides to seek a solution that will be responsive to the concerns of all parties.

2. Core concepts: solutions versus underlying concerns

Solutions are potential plans of action.

Concerns, by contrast, are the factors to which the solution needs to be responsive.

For instance, a problem/conflict is that I am hungry, but at the same time, I don’t want to eat – two alternative and seemingly opposed courses of action.

My underlying concern might include wanting to lose weight, to alleviate my hunger, to minimize my intake of calories, and to find an immediate solution. The solution options may be to eat some yogurt, distract myself by phoning a friend, or to exercise as that too tends to alleviate feelings of hunger.

3. One list for both people’s concerns

Collaborative thinking, problem solving and conflict resolution are based on the premise that your concerns are immediately a concern of mine, and vice versa. To implement that principle, both participants’ concerns are added to one concern list in the worksheet.

That assumption differs significantly from the usual two-list way of thinking (e.g., my way versus your way or pros versus cons).

4. What if there are seemingly too many underlying concerns?

Paradoxically, the more concerns that have been identified, the more likely it becomes that the ultimate solution will be excellent, even though a long list of concerns may appear daunting.

The trick is for each participant to step back and reflect: “Of all of these concerns, what one or two concerns are most deeply felt?” Start the solution-building process by responding to these concerns first. Add additional elements to the solution set until all the underlying concerns have been answered.

For instance, Gil and Angela want to find a new apartment. Stepping back from their list of 20 concerns concerning what apartment to choose, they realize Angela’s primary concern is location. She wants an apartment close to her mother, while Gil’s primary concern is the price. With just two variables to attend to for starters, Angela and Gil can quickly start apartment hunting.

Once they find apartments that met their initial criteria, they add their other concerns.

5. It is for me to look at what I can do, not to tell you what to do.

Solution generating works best if each participant looks at what they can offer toward a win–win solution, and especially toward a plan of action responsive to the other person. Offering suggestions about what the other could do can undermine solution building.

Use this Conflict Resolution Checklist Worksheet to review how you have done in a given conflict resolution situation.

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