I do NOT understand WHY no one talked about fighting back hemorrhoids every Fucking Day in your 40’s as a transformative experience. It’s like fighting hell back from wanting to use my asshole as an entrance into this realm. I’ll use my god damned finger to fight you!!!! For as long as it takes. I have power over this portal. Fuck face.

It should be cautioned that as of this evening we are entering a time of the year that cultures around the global mark as particularly magical or holy. This is a time to release yourself from the dark and destructive energies of the winter and to embrace renewal, rejuvenation, and rejoicing. It's generally recommended that you make a sincere effort to altar or upset your routine in order to better welcome these new energies and awarenesses. While the world is full of balance and while everything has its time in place, now is not the time to be investing your beingness in or experimenting with negative thoughts or entities. It's best to stop meddling in matters beyond yourself, firmly signal to all that you are repentant and reversing course, and make direct requests for mercy and harmony when making the appropriate offerings. Should you experience fear, hate, or other types of blindnesses it is recommended that you pray for illumination and run towards LOVE as fast as you can. LOVE can always be found. Now is the time to unite and gather, now is the time to reach out to others and offer our support, now is the time to check in on the humans and animals we haven't heard from during the winter. Spring has sprung! Embrace cleansing and renewal.

When she’s not touring the world with the Decemberists, collaborating with an array of local musicians, or writing and recording her own solo works, Jenny Conlee teaches piano—mostly via Zoom.

So she was fully prepared, when asked during an interview, to explain the seven ancient Greek musical scales—or modes—that form the foundation of about half of her new album Tides: Pieces for Accordion and Piano, which also happens to come out on Friday via Jealous Butcher Records.

“I've been wanting to write pieces in the modes for a long time,” she says, pulling her keyboard towards her with a practiced motion. “Because I’m a piano teacher and an accordion teacher, I wanted to write teaching pieces to explain how those (scales) sound.”

Most of the Greek scales have unique qualities—a sharp note here, a flat note there—that make them sound and feel exotic to our ears, which are accustomed to hearing music in the major and minor scales most commonly used in Western music.

Major and minor scales tend to provide our brains with a feeling of completion and stability by resolving from dissonance to consonance, Conlee explained. The Greek scales don’t have the same intervals, so they don’t really resolve in the same way.

“They always seem kind of like they’re floating because we can’t feel the root note,” she said. “You can’t find ‘home,’ so it feels a little bit drifty.”

That’s why the first half of Tides: Pieces for Accordion and Piano evokes a sense of melancholy for many people. Conlee wrote its seven tracks for solo accordion using the Greek modes as a framework and the Washington coastline as inspiration.

“I submitted a proposal for an artists’ residency at the Sou’Wester Lodge (in Seaview, Wash.) and the idea was that I’d write songs in each of the Greek modes and they’d be based on folk tales,” she said. “But when I got out there, I decided I’d just base them on what I was seeing, because I would get up in the morning, go to the beach and be like, ‘I want to try to make the sound of the sand. What mode would that be?’”

The answer, it turns out, is the Aeolian mode, a minor scale that gives the song “Sand” a sort of wispy, slowly shifting feel. “Wind,” on the other hand, was written in the Phrygian mode, Conlee said, so it would “sound like a whirling dervish kind of thing.” The suite’s penultimate track, “Shell,” is unmistakably somber, thanks to the Locrian mode’s dissonant tonic triad, while “Dune Grass” flutters playfully atop deeply rooted chords in the Lydian mode. 

“The classic Lydian song,” Conlee says, plunking out some familiar notes, “is the ‘Simpsons’ theme song.”

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A post shared by Jenny Conlee-Drizos (@jennycd)

The second half of Tides features five entrancing, melodic ostinatos for piano, written by Conlee over the past few years. They're good companion pieces and nice palette cleansers, after 21 minutes of distinctive accordion sounds. All five are generally bright, beautiful and, in spots, heavily influenced by jazz giants Chick Corea and Bill Evans.

Conlee credits the Sou’Wester residency with giving her the time and space to finally complete her long-mulled project, and to stretch her classically trained musical muscles, which she tends to ignore when she’s busy with Portland-based folk-rock heroes the Decemberists, for whom she has played keyboard and accordion for the past 23 years.

“I like getting to play a grand piano in front of a listening audience to indulge my classical side a little bit,” she said. “I got my degree in piano and then ended up in rock bands, and I’m definitely happy that I’m in rock bands because the classical world is very competitive, and I’m not that kind of player. But I like the music and I like to compose in that way.”

At Sunday’s album-release show at the Old Church, Conlee will not only perform Tides in its entirety, she also plans to project video of coastal Washington to help take the audience back to the place where she wrote the music.

“I really like to think about that place and those things when I’m playing it, because I want to bring it out so much,” she said. “It’s almost like I made a soundtrack to the ocean, and I want people to see that and feel that.”

Jenny Conlee plays the Tides album-release show at the Old Church, 1422 SW 11th, Sun, March 26, 7:30 pm, $20-25, tickets here, all ages

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The Portland Police Bureau (PPB) still doesn’t track enough data to evaluate whether its gun violence intervention tactics are effective at measurably reducing gun violence, a report from the city auditor found. 

The report, released Tuesday, is a follow-up to a larger audit published in 2018 that evaluated the PPB’s Gang Enforcement Team—a group that aimed to target gang members by pulling them over for minor traffic violations in order to search their car. The audit found the Gang Enforcement Team disproportionally initiated traffic stops with Black drivers, citing the unsubstantiated claim that “most gang shootings in Portland [are] committed by African American gangs.” The audit also cited concerns with the team’s documentation of people they believed to be gang affiliated, noting that the bureau lacked policies that would protect those people’s civil liberties. 

After the team openly admitted to racial profiling, the Gang Enforcement Team was renamed the Gun Violence Reduction Team in 2019, with a focus on reducing gun violence generally. Following the police murder of George Floyd in 2020, City Council voted to dissolve the specialized team.

However, after gun violence spiked during the COVID-19 pandemic, the police bureau resurrected its gun violence reduction efforts in the form of two new teams that split the workload of the former Gang Enforcement Team. The Enhanced Community Safety Team (ECST) investigates gun violence, and the Focused Intervention Team (FIT) aims to address gun violence through patrols and traffic stops.

Because the two gun violence-focused teams share a similar mission and duties as the original Gang Enforcement Team, City Auditor Simone Rede reevaluated whether the recommendations the bureau received in 2018 are being applied to the new teams. According to the report, while the Portland police have improved their reporting on racial demographics for traffic stops and monitoring stop data, the bureau must do more to establish criteria and goals that can be used to measure the effectiveness of the traffic stops and create policies that protect civil liberties of people the police believe are affiliated with routine gun violence. 

The FIT’s patrol efforts have a high-level goal of improving relationships with community members most impacted by gun violence and using targeted patrol missions to seize illegally-possessed weapons during traffic stops. While the team has a guiding mission, the auditor says the police bureau doesn’t have measurable goals or criteria to track the effectiveness of the FIT’s work. 

“While the Bureau has a high-level mission statement for the Intervention Team, it has not set goals to measure the effectiveness of patrol stops made by the Intervention Team,” the auditor’s report reads. “This makes it difficult for the Bureau to articulate whether the new unit’s traffic stops are successful at meeting its mission to reduce violent crime and ease tension in the community.”

The report also points to a continued concern with the lack of demographic data and reporting on FIT traffic stops that are recorded as “mere conversations”—interactions that don’t result in the driver being detained or charged. The report recommends that those conversations are recorded more diligently to have a complete picture of the team’s patrols and how “mere conversations” are utilized by the police.

In a letter responding to the report, Mayor Ted Wheeler—who also serves as police commissioner—disagreed with the recommendation to increase reporting on the conversations. Wheeler argued that “mere conversations” account for any interaction an officer has with a member of the public, like someone engaging in small talk or asking an officer for directions. Wheeler argued that not only would it be a major lift to record and maintain all of the additional data, but it could also have a “chilling effect on community engagement if police officers are required to collect demographic information.”

Wheeler also disagreed with the entire premise of the follow-up report, stating that the FIT and ECST are fundamentally different from the previous Gang Enforcement Team and thus should not be held to the same expectations outlined in the 2018 audit. According to Wheeler, because the FIT uses real-time community feedback to inform its work, the team would be better evaluated with a new audit. That real-time input is provided by the FIT Community Oversight Group, a volunteer committee that gives feedback on the team’s efforts and makes recommendations for other gun violence reduction tactics.

One of the oversight group’s recommendations included Portland employing gun detection technology company ShotSpotter—a service that uses microphones to record possible gunshots and alert the police. ShotSpotter is currently under investigation by the city for possibly violating lobbying laws due to how closely company representatives worked with the Portland police and community oversight group members ahead of the group’s recommendation to utilize the technology. The city is currently still considering a gun detection technology pilot program, possibly in collaboration with ShotSpotter, despite significant negative public feedback on the plan.

The FIT oversight group also recently raised the idea of developing a Violent Impact Players list—a point system that ranks people who are most likely to engage in gun violence. According to the city auditor, developing policies for protecting people’s civil liberties and weighing them against legal requirements would become even more important if the FIT moves forward with that recommendation.

PPB did not provide a comment on the report independent of Wheeler’s response.

“Though its units have changed, the Police Bureau’s commitment to accountable and transparent policing should not,” Rede said in a press release Tuesday. “Policies are fundamental to responsible management of information the Bureau collects about community members. Setting goals would help City leaders and community members assess whether the Bureau’s tactics are reducing violent crime.”

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

Good morning, Portland! It’s Tuesday, March 21, and as of yesterday it’s officially spring!  That means we can expect cherry blossoms soon, but first... allergies. 🤧

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Speaking of sneezing, researchers say allergy season could be worse this year, but don’t worry, Portland doesn’t even rank in the top 20 worst cities for pollen allergies, according to a new report from the Asthma & Allergy Foundation.

Wave of Oregon affordable housing nears an expiration date; bill would give tenants more time https://t.co/8IIYytEuDF

— The Oregonian (@Oregonian) March 21, 2023

• Apparently Oregonians are still luddites when it comes to fueling up. That’s why some are decrying a move by state legislators to allow you to pump your own gas. Only Oregon and New Jersey have laws restricting self-service gas, but recently, Oregon eased up on its rules in some rural areas. Now, a bill would allow up to half of a gas station’s pumps to be self-service. Prepare to get yer mitts dirty!

• If you enjoyed the book, Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner, you’re in luck. Zauner, who fronts indie-rock band Japanese Breakfast, is launching a book tour for the 2021 memoir that’s being turned into a screenplay. Ahead of her Portland stop on March 31, the Mercury spoke with the musician and author about going on her first book tour for the paperback release of Crying in H Mart, writing a screenplay based on her memoir, and being shaped by the places where we live and go.

Calling all trash pandas! 🦝 Get the latest hot goss from @ElinorJoneser and THE TRASH REPORT. This week: bad press for raccoon dogs, Portland mascot wars, and the latest on baby wipes... for men. 👀https://t.co/12vyATiCec

— Portland Mercury 🗞 (@portlandmercury) March 20, 2023

• Speaking of food, Portland chefs are known for taking risks with dishes that challenge a traditional palate and lean on fusion for fun. Ramen connoisseurs Hapa PDX are doing just that with a new restaurant in Beaverton, Hapa Pizza. Yes, you read that right. The eatery offers a phở -braised brisket pizza. Get the rundown on Filipino fusion cart Makulít, a forthcoming vegan patisserie, and more, with the latest Portland Food News rundown. 

IN NATIONAL NEWS:

• Wyoming has officially banned abortion pills. It’s one of several moves states have initiated in the wake of the U.S. Supreme Court overturning Roe v. Wade last year.

The Manhattan D.A. seems close to deciding whether to charge Donald Trump in the paying of $130,000 to silence an adult film actress, potentially marking the first time in U.S. history a former president has been indicted. Here's what to know. https://t.co/3x1dARSPKY

— The Washington Post (@washingtonpost) March 21, 2023

• As the Washington Post recently noted, antisemitic tweets have spiked since Elon Musk’s takeover of Twitter. When journalists asked about it, they got... a poop emoji? This week, the social media platform’s owner announced that press inquiries to the site’s media handle generate a poop emoji auto-reply. 

press@twitter.com now auto responds with 💩

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) March 19, 2023

There is absolutely no evidence that the Covid virus came from the Wuhan Lab. This is total bullshit anti-Chinese propaganda.

I remember a few years ago, how disgusted many of us were at the idea of arresting a significant political personality at the behest of mob chants. LOCK THEM UP. They chanted wanting not justice, not the rule of law and democratic principles, but punishment and revenge. At the time, I was encouraged by how many were offput by this, but since those events years ago a lot has happened. Everyone makes their own choices. And its in those choices wherein we define who we are to the world, whether we are humans of principle and values OR whether we are as full of shit as those at in the direction of our pointed fingers. Portland has its own issues with justice, it's tried to carve out extralegal exceptions for those they percieve as within their own tribe. All I would ask is for you to take a moment and look at some of your own past social media post and diary entries, and if you're position on things that matter have changed ask your self if you have evolved your understanding or simply abandoned your principles. Please be mindful that in a democracy, each of us have a responsibility to recognize and respect the rights of others at the same standards we'd want our own and our friends and families rights recognized and respected. If you're not thinking about this, and just mindlessly going along with the "perceived popular" opinion, then what are you? Are the values and standards you rant on about real to you or they performances you put on to collect donations or participate in a "happening"?

“I think it’s almost too meta to cry in H Mart now,” said Michelle Zauner, author of memoir Crying in H Mart and lead vocalist of indie pop band Japanese Breakfast. 

Released in April 2021, Crying in H Mart tells the story of Zauner growing up in Eugene with a Korean immigrant mother whose love manifested in unyielding expectations, knife-like criticism, and the most delicious and attentively-prepared meals. In her mother’s final months with pancreatic cancer, Zauner once again used food to show love and process grief. 

After delaying promoting the book in-person due to the pandemic, the 33-year-old musician will begin her first book tour at the end of the month to promote the book’s paperback release. Ahead of her Portland stop on March 31, the Mercury spoke with Zauner about going on a different kind of tour, getting ready to write her second book, and mostly, being shaped by the places where we live and go. 

The interview has been edited for clarity and length. 

MERCURY: How do you feel about embarking on your first book tour? 

MICHELLE ZAUNER: I had been really looking forward to it, because as a musician I tour all the time, and I’m pretty used to the lifestyle. But I was particularly excited about not having to move any heavy gear, and just showing up to places with a book and a tote book. 

Since 2021, we've anticipated a Crying in H Mart film, and you've been writing the screenplay for it. What was the experience of writing the screenplay like? 

I took a screenwriting class in college at Penn. But beyond that, this was my first foray into screenwriting. It was a real education. Like any writing, it was really enjoyable and exciting and also completely agonizing and infuriating and difficult. 

How was it different from other writing you’ve done? 

I think the biggest difference is that in screenwriting, you have to have a really strong outline and know exactly where it’s going. Whereas with writing a book, it’s a lot of meandering and not knowing and exploring what it is you’re after, and finding it in the end. 

Where are you in the process? 

I am hopefully doing the last rewrite now. We’re hoping to be shooting this year. 

I want to talk about Oregon’s role in the book, which is largely based in Eugene where you grew up. It also references parts of Portland that hold significance for you — Crystal Ballroom, Jake’s Grill, “ a random street in the Pearl District” where your husband Peter proposed. What’s your relationship with the Pacific Northwest these days? 

I actually just visited Oregon a couple weeks ago—beyond just touring through for a day—for the first time in years. I took a trip to Eugene just to visit some friends and to get some paperwork from my parents’ security deposit box. 

Eugene holds a very special place in my heart. Obviously, when I was growing up in Eugene, it felt very small and somewhat stifling for a young, independent girl. But when I returned to it, so much of my heart and spirit felt very Pacific Northwest. 

I think there is an earnestness to people from the Pacific Northwest. It’s a very majestic place with a lot of natural wonder, and that has a humbling quality for a lot of the people. 

You wrote that growing up, you and your mom traveled to Korea every other summer. What was that like?

It was a very, very different experience from growing up in Eugene and a beloved part of my childhood. [In Eugene], I had a very lonely upbringing where there wasn’t anything to do around my house. I couldn’t ride my bike to a convenience store or a park or a friend’s house. We were kind of, like, outside of town. So, to be in Korea, it was not only exciting because I got to travel at such a young age, but I had so much more freedom in a weird way. I could walk to all of the shops. Seoul is a larger city than New York so it was my first exposure to a real big city. In a way it made me a much more courageous person. I felt very comfortable with travel, not knowing a language, and trying different things. 

I read that you’ve wanted to move to Korea for a year and write about learning the language while living in the country. Do you still plan to do that? 

Yeah, we’re planning to do it next year. We’ll be taking a year off of touring and focusing on writing my second book. We’re going to be moving January 1st and returning, like, January 1st. 

What are your feelings around it? 

I’m very nervous. I think parts of it will be incredibly lonely and really frustrating. It’s very scary to feel like I have finally established myself in the work I’ve always wanted to do, and in a way I feel like I’m walking away from that, and that’s really scary. I’m just hoping that it’s there when I return. 

But also, I’m so excited to live as a student every day. I think after six years of working as a professional musician and touring so much, I’m really looking forward to being in one place for a while and just kind of focusing on the everyday. So much of my life is planning on being somewhere else. This will be just sort of existing in the day-to-day, which is a big part of why I wanted to go there. 

Where do you feel most at home now? 

I lived in New York for one year in 2016 and then I moved back in 2020. I would say I feel most at home there. But having just visited Eugene, I know there’s always going to be a piece of me in Oregon. 

Michelle Zauner appears at Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, Fri, March 31, 6 pm, FREE. Although the store's reading area—the Pearl Room— may reach capacity, fans can still line up to have their book signed in the Red Room.

It's official: Spring is finally here! To celebrate, head out for any number of fabulous events happening this week, from Queensrÿche to Unknown Mortal Orchestra and from Small Town Murder to PassinArt: A Theatre Company Presents August Wilson's Seven Guitars.

Macie Stewart with Lia Kohl and Moss Wand
Stranger writer Dave Segal wrote: "Chicago-based cellist and performance artist Lia Kohl subverts conventional notions about how her instrument should sound. On 2022's Too Small to Be a Plain, she weaves field recordings (birdsong, burbling water, people's voices, crickets, etc.) into spare, methodical improvisations and introspective, sonorous drones that nibble at the peripheries of your consciousness like playful rodents. Kohl's new album, The Ceiling Reposes, deploys live radio samples captured primarily during a trip to Vashon Island. These lend a gently disorienting effect to the mutedly radiant and electronically glitched drones Kohl produces on her cello, as well as on kazoo, bells, synths, and other instruments. It's an engrossing headphone listen, and it'll be interesting to see if it translates to the stage. Kohl cut a record with tonight's headliner, Macie Stewart, Recipe for a Boiled Egg, that's even weirder and more jagged than her solo stuff." They will be joined by the ambient electronic duo Moss Wand.
(Mississippi Studios, Boise)

In Portland, if you see a person dressed up as a character from Alice in Wonderland, they might just be chasing their bliss. 

However, when Rebby Yuer Foster—who plays Alice in Shaking the Tree's experimental new play Forbidden Fruit—moves through a room, they draw the audience with a presence that approaches gravitational pull. Before the show, Foster weaved through the din of a mingling pre-show crowd, intermittently pausing and holding statuesque poses. Were we not instructed to follow them, it's likely some of us would have anyway. 

Was that the beginning of Forbidden Fruit? The work feels like a constant beginning. Was it the walk from Shaking the Tree's newly acquired offices to the door of their warehouse performance space? Did it begin when we poked cautiously through a corridor of tightly packed cardboard boxes, or when we split into groups and entered one of the eight rooms that hold the play's juicer bits?

A longstanding Midgard of Portland theater, Shaking the Tree makes both boundary-pushing and wonderfully relatable projects. We expect grand things, and the company consistently delivers. With Forbidden Fruit, Shaking the Tree has raised the bar once again. 

The hybrid play/installation is ambitious in scale—the product of twelve performers, six playwrights, one choreographer, with multiple cast members devising their own scenes, and at least one actor (Joellen Sweeney) composing her room's music. That's not even getting into the director Samantha Van Der Merwe, the show's creative team, and incredible set makers.

Not to be capitalist, but the show feels valuable.

Each of the eight rooms has an entirely different look, story, and emotion on display. And all of it is awesome—scary, illuminating, funny, sorrowful. Every eight minutes, a bell chimed and the audience moved clockwise to the next monologue, dance, and/or serenade. Though the room-hopping felts like musical chairs, it was never overwhelming. 

There's an unrepentant lack of direction, but our pod of six were lucky: When we opened our first door, an herbalist (Vana O'Brien) beckoned us into a cozy hut filled with natural medicines. We sat around a table and she told us the Midrash-inspired story of Adam's three wives, and what items we should prepare to stop a pregnancy. Her greeting made sense for her character, but would not have worked for the next room, where performer Claire Aldridge shrank and scribbled in the corner as if terrified of our presence.

It's interesting to think about the order of the doors—each with a fruit or other mythic food item painted above the frame—and how starting in different places inevitably leads to different emotional landings at the cycle's conclusion. The six people you start with will be your pod for the entire show, and while there's an instinct to stick together with friends, it might be interesting to separate, begin in different places, and compare notes.

As the audience moves from room to room, they happen upon Foster and Rabbit (Kai Hynes) in unmoving impressive poses: eg. fighting over a spilled goblet of wine, Alice gesturing towards Rabbit with a sword, Alice holding a rabbit in a bed of flowers. The progression of powerful images was the show's most striking visual. Aldridge's Pina Bausch-style dance, choreographed by Amy Leona Havin, was a close second.

Forbidden Fruit is a masterful production and a perfect way for Shaking the Tree to celebrate 20 years of treating Portland to exciting and interesting theater. The concept actually feels like a further exploration of what Van Der Merwe was working on in the company's 2018 production _____ the wolf, which took a single pod of audience members through six dioramas. It's a bigger, better version with more voices, stories, and perspectives. And a great representation of all that Shaking the Tree has grown to be.

Forbidden Fruit runs through Sat April 1 at Shaking the Tree, 823 SE Grant (but it begins in the office next door, 2136 SE 8th), $5-33, tickets here, 16+. While the show is SOLD OUT, there's an active waitlist. 

Hidley ho, Trash Pandas! Welcome to The Trash Report. I'm your best friend, Elinor Jones, here with the latest in gossip, news, nonsense... kinda whatever, this column can really go off the rails sometimes. Whatever it is, it will be words. Let's go!

Speaking of trash pandas, more information is coming out about the origins of the coronavirus, and signs are pointing towards a raccoon dog! Without looking up what a raccoon dog is, I'm assuming it's an animal with the intelligence, memory, and charming personality of a dog, mixed with the griminess, cunning, and manual dexterity of a raccoon. Sounds like a cursed animal to me, and I feel just fine pinning the pandemic on it! Bats, which had initially been blamed for passing the virus to humans, are tapping their weird little mammalian bird legs off to the side, wondering when to expect their apology.

This is the best reaction I've seen to our current banking crisis:

You know America is smart because we're hitting the "huh I guess bad things happen when you roll back banking regulations" phase at the exact same time we're entering the "let's see what happens when you roll back child labor regulations" phase

— Hamilton Nolan (@hamiltonnolan) March 14, 2023

It's been a week, but gossip from last week's Academy Awards is still trickling out. As we know, Top Gun: Maverick was nominated for Best Picture, leaving many convinced that Tom Cruise would grace the Oscars with his presence. Alas, he did not. The official reason he bailed was that he had to work on filming the new Mission: Impossible movie. As if movies can't pause production on a Sunday afternoon so its star can go do something else for a few hours? Not buying it! Others have speculated that he didn't go because he didn't want host Jimmy Kimmel to make fun of him. But the best suggestion is that Cruise didn't go because he didn't want to share the red carpet with ex-wife Nicole Kidman and her husband Keith Urban. This one I like. This makes sense to me. That they broke up 20 years ago and still can't hang is the most relatable thing I've ever heard about Tom Cruise. I still avoid grocery shopping in the neighborhoods of people I dated a decade ago. I get it!

And my favorite little morsel from the event is that actor and environmentalist Ed Begley Jr. and his 23-year-old daughter took public transportation to the ceremony. Like, "Honey, you wanna go to the Oscars?" "Sure, Dad!" "Great! We'll just take the bus, and then the subway, and then walk the last few blocks." This is just such a dad move, to make something as glamorous as getting to go to the Academy Awards, but then making it contingent on taking two different forms of mass transit to get there. I love it tremendously.

I mentioned this in Good Afternoon, News the other day but I've had some time to think about it some more, and I have a lot of questions, or maybe a suggestion. So, the Portland Trailblazers have revealed their new mascot, which is a giant fuzzy Bigfoot named Douglas Fur. Fine. But the Blazers already have a mascot, which is a white cat named Blaze. And I need to know the backstory here. Was Blaze not doing his job well enough? Does Blaze have to pretend to welcome Douglas Fur, but behind the scenes they hate each other? I'm getting Nancy Kerrigan/Tanya Harding vibes. But then, maybe after a while of hating each other, they fall in love. Yes, and then during the last regular season game, they are smooching on the sidelines, not realizing that they're on the kisscam! The crowd is elated, and the Blazers go off to a championship sweep made all the sweeter by the love between Blaze and Douglas, or Blagus, as they've come to be called. But they are under so much pressure, and during a halftime show of the final series, Douglas and Blaze attempt to do triple flips off a trampoline to slam dunk a basketball while holding hands, but they fall, and are both seriously injured. The Blazers go on to lose this game. Will the mascots recover? Will the Blazers recover? The final series is tied 3-3. It's halftime again, and the Moda Center is eerily quiet. Then, with no announcement, two dark figures appear on the court. It's Blaze, and he's pushing Douglas in a wheelchair! The crowd goes wild! They make a lap around the court, waving, and the crowd is so happy, and everybody feels like we can breathe again. They pause, and Douglas is handed a mic. He speaks?? Nobody has ever heard this before! Douglas thanks the community for their support and for giving them the space to heal. "I couldn't have asked for a better cuter cat to recuperate with than Blaze," and then Blaze covers his face with his fake paw. Douglas sets down the mic and trembles for a moment, before pushing himself out of his wheelchair! He can walk again! And just moments after standing does he lower himself again, but this time to his knee, as he pulls a novelty ring from his plaid vest. "Blaze," he says. "You've made me the happiest 7-foot-tall mascot in the NBA. Will you marry me?" And Blaze nods excitedly—he doesn't talk—and Douglas jumps to his feet again, and they embrace! The crowd goes wild! And the Blazers go on to win the championship game!!!!!

Anyway, just an idea. 

Speaking of sports, like I famously do, Major League Baseball player Kiké Hernández revealed that he recently shat his pants during a game, and was then gifted a bunch of Dude Wipes: Baby Wipes for Men* (*not actual tagline, although it could be, because that's what they are). While if I ever publicly shat my pants, I would crawl into a hole never to emerge again, even if admitting it did get me a bunch of free stuff—but I'm not going to shame anyone else for their own bodily functions! Besides, who could be mad at a guy who look so happy to be ready to poop his pants again? 

Thanks to the guys @DUDEwipes I’m prepared for my next shart attack! Cuz 💩 happens!! pic.twitter.com/lwxOLQaGow

— Enrique Hernández (@kikehndez) March 14, 2023

It's just about officially the beginning of Spring. I don't want to sound like I'm bragging, but I do have a house with a yard, which means I'm about to spend several afternoons a month mowing it. Mowing the lawn is the only yard work I look forward to. I like the slowness, the method, and that I can do it holding a beer. That said, this also looks fun. Maybe there's a cupholder for your beer?

U.S. issues Mexico travel safety alert, especially for these popular spring break spots https://t.co/wbdfhsgFeH

— The Oregonian (@Oregonian) March 16, 2023

Well, I guess I've done all I can here. Thank you for spending some time with me, and I'm sorry if I made anything weird.

Making it weird,

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! While you can expect showers today (and a high of 53), the sun returns tomorrow and Wednesday as temps soar back up to 60 degrees. Now let's soar into some NEWS! ("Soar" is one of those words that looks weirder the more you type it.)

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• If you love neighborhood association DRAMA, you're gonna flip over this banger of a report from the Mercury's newest star reporter Courtney Vaughn. Even after having their funds yanked by the city for financial mismanagement, the overprivileged souls of Southwest Neighborhoods, Inc. want Portland to resume giving them free money... without showing any sign of change. Come for the eye-bulging entitlement, stay for Commish Dan Ryan bending over backwards to help these rich crybabies.

• Speaking of chattering neighborhood groups, members of the Montavilla community gathered at a church to voice their unsurprising discontent over a proposed city-run safe parking site that would allow houseless people to stay and live in their vehicles. Their complaints stayed right on brand: expressing "empathy" without being empathetic, using right-wing dog-whistle, made-up terms like "homeless industrial complex," and automatically categorizing an entire group of people as drug addicted, violent criminals... you know, the YOUZH.

• But wait... who organized this meeting? OHHHHHHH... now this makes sense.

Angela Todd played a role in the PPA/Hunzeker attack on Commissioner Hardesty. At the time, Mayor Wheeler feigned concern but now he works directly with Todd, speaking at her forum on houselessness. https://t.co/CEdKeyQ6Ca

— Public Record And Data Archives (@PRADAPDX) March 19, 2023

• HOWEVER! Across the city, folks in the Central Eastside also held a meeting with city leaders about the first mass homeless encampment being located in their neighborhood, and expertly called out the mayor's hypocrisy for incorrectly trying to sell it as a "housing first" model. They also castigated the mayor for ignoring the concerns of local houseless nonprofits, and putting California's Urban Alchemy in charge of running the camp—even though the organization has been the subject of multiple lawsuits. (Congrats to this Central Eastside group who have done their homework and actually seem to know what they're talking about! Ahem... Montavilla.)

• RELATED AGAIN: Hilariously, Mayor Ted Wheeler (and fellow Portland Business Alliance employee, Commissioner Mingus Mapps) is claiming that his sweeps of houseless folk encampments near roadways has led to a dramatic decrease in the deaths of homeless people. AHEM. And now our own Isabella Garcia will handily disabuse them of that delusion:

Dickman said the change in the number of unhoused pedestrians killed in crashes (19 in 2021 and 10 in 2022) could be within a standard range of variation or other factors could have been at play—there just isn't enough data to identify a pattern, let alone a change in the pattern

— Isabella Garcia (@isabellaaliciaa) March 17, 2023

• A Portland Police Bureau employee is being charged with evidence tampering after she allegedly attempted to “destroy, mutilate, alter, conceal and remove physical evidence” in an investigation into her husband, who has been accused of manslaughter.

In this week's batch of food news, the Portland culinary scene welcomes some inventive flavor combos, from pho-braised brisket pizza to longanisa burgers. https://t.co/OmhVoh4kHA

— EverOut Portland (@EverOutPortland) March 17, 2023

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• A criminal indictment for former President Trump could drop as soon as tomorrow, and while he called for his minions across the nation to protest and flip their kitchen tables, so far he's received a muted response. However, rest assured his Republican cronies in the House will take the opportunity to feign outrage and use the situation to their fundraising benefit.

Happy #Arrestmas Eve! pic.twitter.com/NMK0UP1X6d

— Space Force Cadet (@SpaceForceCad) March 20, 2023

• A panel of UN climate scientists have issued a dire warning, that unless nations come together now to battle climate change, our already bleak situation could become irreversible by 2035.

• Chinese leader Xi Jinping is in Russia to shake hands with accused war criminal Vladimir Putin, and make a bid for the two countries to become a world superpower—a move that's sure to unnerve the US and her allies.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 https://t.co/ptN3vD0FRY

— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) March 19, 2023

• Taylor Swift kicked off her wildly anticipated "Eras" tour in Arizona on Friday, performing a three hour concert (!) that included 44 songs (!!). Damn, Taylor! Save some for your Seattle gig!

• And finally... me, coming into the new work week like...

Looks like landing at St. Barts airport is pretty wild pic.twitter.com/xytsehcRrt

— Wu Tang is for the Children (@WUTangKids) March 19, 2023

GOOD MORNING, SUNDAY! It's the perfect time to catch up on some of the great reporting and stories the Mercury churned out this week! (PRO TIP: If you despise being "the last to know," then be one of the first to know by signing up for Mercury newsletters! All the latest stories shipped directly to your email's in-box... and then... YOUR HEAD.)

• Portland City Council Approves Incentives for Office-to-Apartment Building Conversions

Facing a housing crisis and a sluggish downtown economy, Portland City Council is aiming to incentivize developers to convert vacant office buildings into residential apartment complexes by waiving fees and relaxing seismic requirements. But is it enough?

• POP QUIZ PDX!

Hey brainy butt! 🤓 See how well YOU score on the latest POP QUIZ PDX! This week: famous Oregon flops, creepy bird lovers, and the eventual (and welcome) death of capitalism! 🤗

• Climate Change and the Housing Crisis are Burdening Portland’s Emergency Shelter System

As climate change increases the frequency of severe weather events and the region’s housing crisis persists, operating emergency shelters is taking an increasing toll on the county and city—as well as the community volunteers who run the shelters.

• Traffic Deaths in Portland Remain Record-High For a Second Year

Sixty-three Portlanders died in traffic crashes in 2022. Speed, dark conditions, and prolonged road exposure played a significant role in another year of record-high fatal crashes in the city.

• THE TRASH REPORT

Let's go, trash pandas! 🦝 Here's the hottest goss of the week: A slap-less Oscars, a disappointing revelation about Hugh Grant, and... if you love bird puns... buckle up, baby! 🦜

• Win Free Tix to the Treefort Music Fest!

Oooh-WHEE! There's still time to enter to win TWO five-day general admission passes to the Treefort Music Festival! (WHAT?? YESSSSS!) 🏃‍♀️

• Oregon Is at a Crossroads for Trans Rights

Guest editorial: Blair Stenvick of Basic Rights Oregon on why the fight for gender-affirming care and trans rights is especially important right now.

• HEAR IN PORTLAND

In this week's music news: All-ages hip hop shows from Friends of Noise and the Y La Bamba record release show deets you desperately need.

• Oregon Symphony 2023-24 Season: Cancellations, Crowd-Pleasers, and Comebacks

Approachable programming like the cinematic Popcorn series returns in the recently announced Oregon Symphony 2023-24 calendar. But budget cuts nixed the annual free waterfront concert.

• SAVAGE LOVE

In this week's column: She was never able to have vaginal penetration orgasms before... but now? BLAMMO! What's up with that?

WOW, THAT IS A LOT OF GOOD READIN'. I hope you didn't have any other plans this weekend! Dig in, and remember: Producing all this hard work costs moolah—so please consider contributing to the Mercury to keep it all coming! Thanks!

The remarkable journey of life can never be dull or difficult as long as there are sublime vistas and surprises along the way. From your first happy welcome, to our sad, sudden parting, it's been impossible to ignore the unifying thread woven throughout our every shared caper, argument, or silent moment of gladness, and it is this: no one who glides within your orbit will ever be bored, their moment with you will be rich, the absence of you will tug in delicious sorrow. To know you is sublime, to remember you, an act of love.

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

GOOD AFTERNOON, PORTLAND! *whispers* (Is it thong weather?) I do believe it's... THONG WEATHER! 💥😎😛 And here's your thong weather report: Expect sunny skies and a thong-tastic 64 degrees tomorrow... and while showers return on Sunday, the temp will still hit 56, which means you can wear your fur thong! And now, here's some thong-tha-thong-thong NEWS. 

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• If you love neighborhood association DRAMA, you're gonna flip over this banger of a report from the Mercury's newest star reporter Courtney Vaughn. See, even after having their funds yanked by the city for financial mismanagement, the overprivileged souls of Southwest Neighborhoods, Inc. want Portland to resume giving them free money... without showing any sign of change. Come for the eye-bulging entitlement, stay for Commish Dan Ryan bending over backwards to help these rich crybabies.

After being cut off from city funds in 2021 for financial mismanagement, neighborhood coalition leader Southwest Neighborhoods, Inc. is seeking new money from the city. Critics aren't convinced the neighborhood group has changed. https://t.co/XRKbr3PMkQ

— Portland Mercury 🗞 (@portlandmercury) March 17, 2023

• Very much related: Building more housing is IMPERATIVE to curbing the state's homeless crisis, and while every NIMBY in the state is screaming and crying for houseless folk to disappear, according to a new poll, only a quarter of Oregonians want new construction in their neighborhood, and half don't want landlords to get any special incentives for taking in the homeless. Feel free to lose YOUR GOT-DAMNED MIND.

• Hilariously, Mayor Ted Wheeler (and fellow Portland Business Alliance employee, Commissioner Mingus Mapps) is claiming that his sweeps of houseless folk encampments near roadways has led to a dramatic decrease in the deaths of homeless people. AHEM. And now our own Isabella Garcia will handily disabuse them of that delusion:

Dickman said the change in the number of unhoused pedestrians killed in crashes (19 in 2021 and 10 in 2022) could be within a standard range of variation or other factors could have been at play—there just isn't enough data to identify a pattern, let alone a change in the pattern

— Isabella Garcia (@isabellaaliciaa) March 17, 2023

• While an Oregon bill that would ban the use of kangaroo skin to make sports shoes and other goods has hit a dead end, activists are pleased as punch by the news that both Nike and Puma will cease using kangaroo leather in their overpriced creations. (Do you own "kangaroo shoes"? If you or your kids play soccer, then the answer is probably YES.)

Saddle up, trivia lovers! 🤠 Let's see how well YOU score on this week's wicked fun POP QUIZ PDX. Expect lotsa quizzy Qs about famous flops, drinking on the job, and everybody's fave topic: the death spiral of capitalism! https://t.co/n1ysuVAR43

— Wm. Steven Humphrey (@WmSteveHumphrey) March 17, 2023

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• It's always a good day when war criminal Vladimir Putin is issued with an international arrest warrant over accusations that he committed war crimes for the "unlawful deportation of (children) and unlawful transfer of (children) from occupied areas of Ukraine to the Russian Federation.” While he will certainly ignore such a warrant, it will definitely make for some awkward moments during his weeklong sleepover next week with China's President Xi Jinping.

Breaking News: The Justice Department is investigating the owner of TikTok for possible spying on U.S. citizens, according to people familiar with the matter. The inquiry appears to be tied to an admission by the app’s owner, ByteDance. https://t.co/pVOMnFu5kU

— The New York Times (@nytimes) March 17, 2023

• Run to the store this weekend and buy some popcorn, because multiple law enforcement agencies are preparing for the possibility that former President Donald Trump could be indicted as soon as next week (!!) for his role in the Stormy Daniels hush money scandal. (Meanwhile a federal judge has ordered Trump attorney Evan Corcoran to testify regarding the mishandled classified documents that were found at Mar-a-Lago. SO MUCH LEGAL TURMOIL, I LOVE IT.)

• News for your racist uncle: Despite recent accusations that the coronavirus was leaked from a Chinese lab, recent data indicates that the virus may have originated in Wuhan raccoon dogs—which I've never heard of, and to be honest, I'm not exactly psyched by the prospect of a dog that can steal and open a can of snacks all on her own. Anyway, the World Health Organization is investigating.

• Sad news for all of us fans of John Wick and The Wire:

Rest in Peace Lance Reddick 💔 pic.twitter.com/P0vPinu7li

— Alamo Drafthouse (@alamodrafthouse) March 17, 2023

• Thousands of demonstrators are flooding Place de la Concorde in France to protest the government's plan to raise the national retirement age from 62 to 64, and the situation wasn't improved when President Emmanuel Macron suddenly ordered the legislation to pass without allowing lawmakers to vote on it. (Trust me when I say the French make Portland's so-called "riots" look like a kindergarten trip to the cotton candy factory.)

• And finally... what your office cat is doing while you're away for the weekend.

they're evolving pic.twitter.com/LN5QDtD8QY

— cats being weird little guys (@weirdlilguys) March 17, 2023

First, it was a $66,000 Paycheck Protection Program loan during the COVID-19 pandemic that raised eyebrows. Then, an audit concluded a city-funded district coalition had misspent close to $354,000 over the course of a decade. That chain of events led the Portland City Council to cut off Southwest Neighborhoods, Inc. from city funds in 2021.

Now, Southwest Neighborhoods, Inc. (SWNI), a nonprofit representing neighborhood associations in South and Southwest Portland, is coming back before city leaders, asking to be reconsidered for annual funding. Neighborhood leaders in South and Southwest Portland say the funding would be a welcome relief. Others are worried about accountability. 

SWNI is one of seven district coalitions established by the city to represent and provide services to neighborhood associations in its geographic boundaries. Neighborhood associations are intended to improve livability in the city, via increased civic engagement and communication with elected city leaders. District coalitions provide support and technical assistance to those neighborhood associations, in the form of administrative services, board training, and community outreach efforts. The city of Portland typically provides funding to coalitions that gets passed on to associations. 

In recent years, the Office of Community & Civic Life has reexamined the roles and functions of neighborhood associations and coalitions, which tend to consist of only homeowners and often lack racial and economic diversity—a criticism leveled at SWNI before it was cut off from funding.

After concerns about suspicious financial activity within SWNI back in 2020, the city commissioned a financial audit of the coalition. The audit found roughly $174,000 was lost to employee embezzlement at SWNI from 2003 to 2010. Auditors cited a lack of internal financial controls and lack of board oversight, but also noted lax city oversight contributed to an additional $179,000 being mishandled. 

The fallout of the financial audit led to three neighborhood groups leaving the SWNI coalition. Facing financial uncertainty, SWNI is now seeking approval for city funding from Civic Life—but critics argue the organization has made no meaningful changes since being cut off in 2021.

While no decisions have been made on whether the embattled nonprofit will receive city funding again, SWNI’s board seems to have the ear of Commissioner Dan Ryan, who oversees Civic Life. SWNI’s board voted Wednesday, March 15, to send a proposal to Ryan and the Civic Life bureau, outlining how funds would be used to serve neighborhoods, nonprofits, and community groups, while making a bigger push for equity and inclusion. The proposal does not include a specific funding amount, just a plan for how future money would be used.

“This is a unique opportunity,” SWNI Board Chair Steve Mullinax said during the meeting. “It comes as there is new leadership on council. The commissioner (Ryan) is more interested in what we can do moving forward, than what has transpired in the past.”

Prior to Ryan being assigned to oversee Civic Life at the beginning of this year, former Commissioner Jo Ann Hardesty was in charge of the bureau. Following the audit, Hardesty recommended cutting SWNI’s funding. The City Council later approved a plan to have Civic Life take over to serve neighborhood associations in SWNI's boundaries. 

Mullinax said without a new infusion of stable funding, SWNI may be forced to shutter, leaving neighborhood associations with fewer resources and less cohesion. 

T.J. McHugh, acting director of Civic Life who serves on Ryan’s team, said “no decision has been made” to change SWNI’s current operating model.

“Any change to the current structure of how Southwest Neighborhoods are organized or funded will involve neighborhood associations, community organizations, and the people who live in the area,” McHugh said.

Still, McHugh’s request for a funding proposal from SWNI signals a willingness to re-consider partnering with the organization. Swaying Ryan might be SWNI’s last chance at success.

After losing city funding, SWNI scaled back its services in 2021 and laid off all staff except a part-time bookkeeper, relying on private donations each month. Southwest and South Portland neighborhood associations within the district coalition were directed to work with Civic Life for administrative services and insurance coverage, instead of SWNI. Many neighborhood leaders say that hasn’t been working out.

Shortly into the administrative transition, neighborhood associations were informed that a different district coalition had failed to acquire proper insurance coverage on their behalf. Associations also reported little to no communication or access to Civic Life.

“Our neighborhood’s experience with the city of Portland has been a lot of red tape, a lot of small individual grants, and just seems to be dividing us into small little groups,” Marianne Fitzgerald, a Crestwood neighborhood resident, told the SWNI board. “The city really hasn’t done much to unify people in Southwest Portland, so we want to leverage our resources.”

City leaders warned of “toxic” behavior

Even before a formal funding proposal reached Ryan’s team, the city was met with opposition. In a series of letters and emails to Civic Life, some former SWNI members urged the bureau not to restore funding, citing a pattern of “bullying and intimidation” from SWNI leadership. That behavior in past years led neighborhood association leaders, and, in one case, the coalition’s own equity leader, to step down.

Carol Porto, a former SWNI board secretary, wrote to Civic Life staff and city commissioners March 13, claiming a toxic culture within the organization. 

“Taxpayer dollars are not to be squandered on a handful of citizens for whom bullying is a standard practice, who say one thing but do another where equity is concerned, routinely make false representation claims, and deploy tactics to suppress, oppress, exclude and disregard community members,” Porto wrote. 

Porto said she was once asked to change meeting minutes to include “inaccurate information,” and said two other committee leaders—including the former equity and inclusion chair—both cited threats, bullying, and “demeaning behavior” from SWNI’s former president in their resignation letters. Porto also reminded council that South Burlingame Neighborhood Association’s president has been “threatened with lawsuits, grievances, cease and desist orders and forced board removal.”

Critics say SWNI leadership is quick to censor dissenting opinions and doesn’t allow meaningful discourse on topics like exclusionary policies, or the group’s own historic missteps. 

During Wednesday’s meeting, SWNI equity and inclusion chair Laura Campos was interrupted by Mullinax for voicing concern over how a recent neighborhood summit was facilitated. Campos ultimately voted against SWNI’s move to ask the city for funding, calling the group “out of line” with equity practices and state housing goals. Another meeting attendee was kicked out of the virtual meeting after posing questions in the chat about how SWNI would rectify its financial oversight, if given city funds. 

“Literally nothing has changed at SWNI since they were defunded in March 2021, except that several neighborhood associations have since left SWNI,” said Marie Tyvoll, former chair of the Hillsdale Neighborhood Association in Southwest Portland. 

Tyvoll was ousted from her neighborhood association position by SWNI leaders after a series of clashes, including her suing SWNI for failing to provide public records. 

SWNI leadership did not respond to the Mercury’s request for comment, but current board leaders appear eager to move past prior conflicts and focus on a path forward.

“This plan is presented in the hope that it will be the foundation for moving forward in a positive way to restore – and enhance – the full range of Coalition services for all of our residents, including renters and previously underrepresented members of the community,” a draft version of SWNI’s proposal for city funding states.

SWNI’s request for funding comes as larger questions loom about the viability and purpose of district coalitions, especially as Portland gears up to change its form of government that includes geographic representation in 2025. Many district coalitions have proven dysfunctional and been stymied by a lack of community participation and volunteer leadership. Three of the seven neighborhood coalitions are now run by the city, instead of a contracted coalition like SWNI. 

It’s not just the coalitions that have become difficult to operate. The Office of Community & Civic Life was deemed by the city in 2017 as “suffering from limited accountability and outdated funding and program models.” Four years later, a damning report revealed widespread dysfunction and plummeting employee morale within the bureau. At least two former Civic Life directors were forced to resign with payouts from the city in the wake of the report. The bureau has continued to experience a high level of leadership turnover. Michael Montoya, who was appointed as interim bureau director in 2021, left on a temporary leave of absence in early March, citing “personal matters.” McHugh, a special projects and policy advisor in Ryan’s office, was appointed to run the bureau in Montoya’s absence. 

Tyvoll and others say Portland’s district coalition and neighborhood association system is outdated and archaic, and should be replaced.

“The way Neighborhood Associations are organized reinforces a racist power structure that led to our system, which continues to prop up a core group of white people,” Tyvoll said. “Six people, all white identifying, made most of the motions that went to SWNI, and thereby, City Council. If you don’t have folks who use the lenses of equity and inclusion and the basic best practices, that organization is going nowhere.”

2NW5
The Hoxton's Basement Bar is back in action under the moniker "2NW5," a new speakeasy-inspired concept. The menu includes elegant bar snacks like oysters, arancini, steak tartare, and "green eggs and ham" (deviled eggs with harissa and bacon) alongside classic cocktails like Sidecars and Jungle Birds.
Old Town-Chinatown

Lucky for you, there are plenty of cheap and easy events this St. Patrick's Day weekend that won't cost you a pot o'gold. Check them all out below, from Irish Festival 2023 to St. Patrick's Day Party with Pfriem and from This Ain't No Disco: A Drag and Burlesque tribute to Talking Heads to Palestinian Art and Cultural Festival.

Adam Melchor: Free Pizza Lunch, In-Store Performance, and Signing
Indie-folk singer-songwriter Adam Melchor will stop by Music Millennium for a free in-store performance, signing, and pizza party in support of his sophomore album, Here Goes Nothing!, which features an appearance from PNW favorites Fleet Foxes.
(Music Millennium, Kerns, free)

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

Good Morning, Portland: We're looking at some nice ass weather this weekend. I wouldn't be a true midwesterner if I didn't immediately follow such a statement with a reminder to keep your drunk bros out of the fast, cold, and tricksy Oregon rivers.

IN LOCAL NEWS:
• OPB's Amelia Templeton has been writing a multi-part investigation of Oregon's mental health system. Yesterday, part one looked at the problem of not having enough facilities to house people experiencing serious mental illness. Today's part two is about rural areas, which have disproportionately higher instances of “deaths of despair.”

• If the conversations about ongoing staff shortages in Oregon's hospitals are of interest to you, the newly released study—compiled by the Oregon Longitudinal Data Collaborative—explains some of the problems and recommends solutions. By all means, read the study, but OPB's Meerah Powell summarizes it well, too.

• Today in continuing the tradition of making "a desire to focus on his family" sound sketchy as fuck:

ICYMI: the outgoing director of @OHAOregon discussed conflict of interest issues with the state ethics watchdog before he unexpectedly resigned, citing a desire to focus on his family. The watchdog's opinion could complicate the search for a replacement: https://t.co/3A0043UZ64

— The Lund Report (@TheLundReport) March 17, 2023

• If you take Amtrak regularly (or even just next week) you may want to be aware of these service hiccups.

• OH, IT IS FRIDAY, BY THE WAY, and you know that means new tickets are dropping for upcoming shows:

Pint-sized queen of vulgarity Ali Wong has plans to pop by Portland in July. Plus, Counting Crows & Dashboard Confessional and perennial emo faves Jimmy Eat World & Manchester Orchestra will rock Bend's Red Mill District this summer. https://t.co/71kkXVXVm6

— EverOut Portland (@EverOutPortland) March 16, 2023

IN NATIONAL / INTERNATIONAL NEWS:
• Oh holy shit, this just dropped so keep an eye out for future developments, but the Associated Press reports that the International Criminal Court located in the Hague, Netherlands issued an arrest warrant for Russian President Vladimir Putin. Whether this is anything other than a piece of political theater remains to be seen—my general understanding of the Hague is that it only matters to people who respect the Hague?  And Russia does not.

BREAKING: The International Criminal Court has issued an arrest warrant for Russian President Vladimir Putin for war crimes because of alleged involvement in abductions of Ukrainian children. https://t.co/3GGDn4ilIj

— The Associated Press (@AP) March 17, 2023

• As former president Donald Trump works on his bid for reelection to the White House in 2024, YouTube announced this morning that it will allow him to return to the platform. He had previously been banned in 2021, after thousands of his followers attacked the US Capitol on Jan 6. It's not like YouTube has repeatedly been reported on as a radicalizing medium or anything.

• French President Emmanuel Macron forced a bill through his nation's parliament yesterday, raising France's retirement age from 62 to 64. And the French ARE NOT HAVING IT. If you ever wonder why the French travel, vacation, and eat lunch like human beings—it might be because every time someone tries to take away their rights they get out there and flip cars. For more background on the story, I liked yesterday's episode of the Daily.

• Your energy today—I am going to be that dachshund still carrying the hotdog costume til the end:

@yunabugs YOU GUYS… I AM WINDED FROM THIS TREND. 😮‍💨 #fyp #fy #foryou #dog #dachshund ♬ ceilings - Sped Up Version - Lizzy McAlpine