GOOD MORNING, SUNDAY! It's the perfect time to catch up on some of the great reporting and stories the Mercury churned out this week! (PRO TIP: If you despise being "the last to know," then be one of the first to know by signing up for Mercury newsletters! All the latest stories shipped directly to your email's in-box... and then... YOUR HEAD.)

• PPS and the Teachers' Union Ratified a Contract Agreement. Now What?

The PPS Board of Education and teachers both voted "yes" on a new labor contract this week, officially ending the historic teachers' strike that began November 1. But educators, district leaders, and students have lingering questions and concerns. ⁠

• POP QUIZ PDX!

Calling all smarty pants! 🤓 It's time for another super fun POP QUIZ PDX. This week's trivia topics include magic mushrooms, boring football, and YOUR CHOICE for Portland's *sexiest* bridge! 😍🍆🍑 See how well YOU score!

• A Decade After Federal Directives, Portland Police Will Start Using Body Cameras Full-Time

A long-delayed plan to outfit the Portland Police Bureau with body cameras is expected to be implemented next year. The city's $2.6 million contract with Axon comes years after the company lobbied the city and helped inform body camera policy in Portland.

• THE TRASH REPORT

It's trash diggin' time! This week: Cher is blowing the Xmas roof off, school is back (finally!), and... brace yourselves... Harry Styles got a haircut!

•  New Thing in the Lloyd Center: Secret Room Workshop Pop-Up

Through December 23, Secret Room Workshop Pop-up will host art shows, present workshops, and sell riso-printed art.

• HEAR IN PORTLAND

In music news this week: "Just Have Fun!"—the new joint EP  from Covi. & Drae Slapz—is... really fun! Jenny Don’t and the Spurs headline a NYE cowboy prom. And Portlanders reeling from the 1905 closure should check out Keys Lounge!

• It's the Holiday Edition of the Delightfully Evil TWO EVILS Game Show!

Get those tickets NOW for the most eeeeevil holiday game show of the season... TWO EVILS with Arlo Weierhauser & Kate Murphy! It's the audience vs. special guest comedian ADAM PASI! Go get those ho-ho-hos! 🎅😈

• MusicOregon Awards $57,000 in Grants to 18 Portland- and Vancouver-Area Musicians

With its second year of funding, MusicOregon's Echo Fund has awarded $57,000 in grants to 18 Portland- and Vancouver-area musicians. Here's a little about the winners and their projects.

• Ticket Alert!

Sebastian Maniscalco, Mariah the Scientist, Feist, Cat Power, and lots more of Portland's hottest upcoming shows are right here! Have YOU got your tickets yet? Here's where to snap 'em up!

• SAVAGE LOVE

She can't get over losing her ex—what's an out-and-proud goddess to do? Dan Savage issues a ruling in this week's SAVAGE LOVE!

WOW, THAT IS A LOT OF GOOD READIN'. I hope you didn't have any other plans this weekend! Dig in, and remember: Producing all this hard work costs moolah—so please consider contributing to the Mercury to keep it all coming! Thanks!

A grand jury found three Portland police officers who were involved in the fatal shooting of the Legacy Good Samaritan Hospital gunman in July, shouldn’t face criminal charges.

The decision was announced Thursday by the Multnomah County District Attorney’s Office. 

The Portland Police Bureau (PPB) officers searched for PoniaX Kane Calles, 33, for hours on July 22, after Calles reportedly shot security officer Bobby Smallwood outside the hospital’s maternity ward, and injured another security officer. Smallwood later died from his injuries.

Calles initially fled the scene on a moped, but a PPB sergeant spotted him in East Portland, hiding in some bushes, and later getting into a van driven by a friend he'd called to pick him up. According to police, the sergeant followed the van and called for backup. Officers tracked the van until it eventually stopped in Gresham, where police opened fire. The van’s driver was uninjured.

Officers Justin Thurman, Timothy Hoerauf, and Seth Wingfield were involved in the fatal shooting of Calles. A grand jury returned a not true bill, meaning the jury found the officers’ use of force wasn’t criminal. It's still unclear what happened in the moments leading up to officers firing on Calles. The DA’s Office asked the court for permission to release grand jury transcripts to the public, to provide additional transparency about the evidence considered. If the court grants permission, the DA's Office will post transcripts on its website. 

The day of the shooting, Legacy Health President and CEO Kathryn Correia conveyed "profound grief" on behalf of Legacy staff. "We offer our unwavering support to Bobby’s loved ones, to our patients in our care, to the staff at Legacy Good Samaritan and to all of our employees and providers suffering today," Correia said in a published statement.

The incident in July caused every Legacy and OHSU medical center in the Portland area to go lockdown. Health care workers received a “code silver” alert to run and hide. It also led to calls for increased security measures at local health care sites across Portland. In response, Legacy Health began equipping its previously unarmed security guards with tasers, and added metal detectors to its hospitals.

The investigation into Calles’ death by officers is the second officer-involved shooting involving Portland police this year. In 2022, PPB reported nine officer-involved shootings, four of which were fatal, one of which is still listed as “unknown.”

Portland’s system for reviewing police use of deadly force incidents involves an internal review, conducted within the bureau. An outside agency, like the East County Major Crimes Team, is typically also tasked with investigating. Cases also go before Portland’s Police Review Board, which includes community members, police, and members of the Independent Police Review Division. The District Attorney’s Office also conducts its own criminal investigation. 

While it won't impact the criminal investigation process, the city's police review system is about to change substantially, to be handled by a Community Board for Police Accountability. The new process, initiated by voters in 2020, will be devoid of police and instead be led by appointed community members. 

Jump to: Friday | Saturday | Sunday | Multi-Day

The Broke Gravy Show
The Broke Gravy dudes (Chris, Leon, and Eric) have forged a unique path in improv comedy, using the off-the-cuff medium to inspire deeper conversations on their perspectives as Black Americans. (They're also funny AF.) Fresh off their sold-out shows at The Turnout and Portland Mercury’s Undisputed Geniuses of Comedy, they'll head to Kickstand for an hour of "unfiltered conversation, idiosyncratic characters, and the joy of unknown possibilities." LC
(Kickstand Comedy Space, Ladd's Addition, $15 - $20)

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

Good Morning, Portland! And good morning to all the atmospheric rivers! The National Weather Service released a flood potential outlook late yesterday, writing "a series of at least two, if not three, atmospheric rivers will bring periods of widespread heavy rain to northwest Oregon and southwest Washington this weekend into early next week." So get on your booties on and salute the septuagenarian hero of your neighborhood who gets out there, in full body storm gear, and clears your street drains. Maybe it's time you take up the torch (which, in this case, is a long pole and / or inverted rake).

IN LOCAL NEWS:
• Remember the summer and those nasty near 100-degree days? On those days, I generally camp out in a movie theater for at least two showings, sometimes three. And that's how I came to watch the documentary All Light Everywhere, which isn't  exactly scintillating, but which did tell me that body camera manufacturer Axon purposely makes body cameras that see only about as well as a human being. It's more important that the camera reflect what the officer saw, to give a picture of what they were reacting to then to actually gather what happened. I bring this up because Portland Police may being donning Axon body cameras as soon as the summer or fall of 2024. News Editor Courtney Vaughn has more on that.

• Portland police are in trouble over a slideshow again, but it's not for including right-wing memes this time. Instead, a Tuesday presentation on preventing theft at large retail stores in Cascade Station and on Janzen Beach may have violated a state law against making mug shots public.

Today in: Whoops.

"In a brief presentation before Portland City Council on people committing retail theft, Portland police officers may have also violated state law."https://t.co/hAMUPf9vZO

— Alex Zielinski (@alex_zee) November 30, 2023

• "Help Determine the Fate of the Five" sounds like a Fast and the Furious movie title. But it's actually clever copy from the City of Portland, asking you to weigh in on the five statues that activists and protesters toppled or damaged at different points during the social justice protests of 2020. A warning: The survey confusingly appears to end at multiple points, and if you're taking it on a mobile device, it can be difficult to figure out how to progress to the next section—don't stop until you get to rate each statue! On one hand, I imagine that the responses from actual Portland-area residents will be somewhat skewed once the rage bait WTF Portland accounts get ahold of this thing. However,  on the other hand, what were the chances anyone would have listened to the results anyway?

• Speaking of Portland rage bait, the Oregonian reports that Kevin Dahlgren—who achieved internet fame for filming homeless people in the city—has been charged with further criminal counts, alleging that Dahlgren committed fraud during his time as a Gresham city employee.

•Trimet announced this morning that beinning on December 3 it will expand its 48 bus line (which runs between Beaverton and Hillsboro) to frequent service. In Portland, frequent service is every 15 minutes. Imagine how many people would be able to rely on the bus if frequent service was every 7-8 minutes. But I digress.

• There's a sinkhole in Cornelius:

pic.twitter.com/0Ry2mzaZak

— WCSO Cornelius (@WCSOCornelius) December 1, 2023

• Pop culture classical live music nights are a frequent occurrence in my inbox these days. However fans of the peaceful farming game, Stardew Valley, will want to note two special shows in May 2024, at Aladdin Theater, called Stardew Valley Festival of Seasons where traveling musicians will play arrangements of the beloved score live. Tickets go on sale today at 10 am. Check out details for that and other shows dropping seats this morning via our weekly Friday morning ticket alert.

IN NATIONAL /INTERNATIONAL NEWS:
• Despite attempts to prolong the weeklong truce and exchange of hostages between Israel and Hamas, Israel resumed bombing Gaza minutes after the ceasefire ended this morning. The Associated Press reports that "militants in Gaza resumed firing rockets into Israel, and fighting broke out between Israel and Hezbollah militants operating along its northern border with Lebanon." The BBC has a breakdown of reasons the ceasefire ended. The New York Times dropped an exclusive story, saying that Israeli officials knew of Hamas' plans to attack Israel's settlements around the Gaza Strip, but had dismissed it as aspirational. Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy is worried that the Israel-Hamas war will overshadow Russia's ongoing invasion of Ukraine.

• Sandra Day O’Connor, a retired supreme court justice who was the first woman on the Supreme Court, has died. She was 93. O'Conner was considered a moderate conservative in her time, but she fought for abortion rights and refused a 1989 attempt to overthrow Roe v Wade (which the current batch of fuckups overturned in 2022). 

• Friday morning is a good time for a nice longread. This Wired piece from earlier in the month is framed around ideas of how we co-create a culture of surveillance by filming one another in public spaces without permission. But the tale of a city dealing with homelessness and public nuisance will resonate with Portlanders. No spoilers, but the first video in this story didn't capture the whole situation—and how you feel about what unfolds will say a lot about you.

• The juiciest opening paragraph you will read this week comes from space.com, and describes solar flares:"Aurora chasers around the world are eagerly awaiting the arrival of a super-hot plasma eruption — known as a coronal mass ejection (CME) — that will slam into Earth." Granted, we aren't in a northern lights area, but Space has compiled this neat list of live aurora cams.

• Let us now celebrate the capricious and unprepared universe with a seasonal remembrance of this epic Patti LaBelle performance. Be the "where are my backup singers?"—interspersed with epic soloing—that you want to see in the world:

Tickets go on sale at 10 am unless otherwise noted.

MUSIC

Blind Guardian
Roseland Theater (Apr 30, 2024)

HELLO, SMARTY BUTT! It's time once again to put your brainy-brain to the test with this week's edition of POP QUIZ PDX—our weekly, local, sassy-ass trivia quiz. And this week, your brain will be tested on how much you know about magic mushrooms, extremely tedious local football, and which of Portland's many bridges you'd like to have sexy-SEX with! 😍🍑🍆

But before we continue... HOW DID YOU DO ON THE PREVIOUS QUIZ? Oooooh, very well indeed! And I have to agree with the majority's choice for the BEST "white elephant" present (especially since I've already bought it 🤫)!

OKAY, TIME FOR A NEW QUIZ! Take this week's quiz below, take our previous pop quizzes here, and come back next week for a brand spankin' new quiz! (Having a tough time answering this quiz? It's probably because you aren't getting Mercury newsletters! HINT! HINT!) Now crank up that cerebellum, because it's time to get BRAINY!

Create your own user feedback survey

Yes here we are. It’s been over 45 years and the virus is still out there. This year alone has frightened me, as I’ve lost 17 people alone to AIDS related complexes. The last one just a few days ago. At my age, it feels like 1995 and I’m a teenager again. Scared. Please consider making a donation tomorrow to the HIV Day Center in NE Portland run by EMO ministries. Make sure on any memo or digital donation you care to make, that you mention it is directly for the HIV Day Center, as you will be saving lives, feeding those in distress, helping them find counseling and above all endless hugs. It is a disease that is still killing people. Yes we are living longer, but the young are still being infected and it’s not discussed in schools like it was. Please, consider a donation. CAP gets plenty of money, the Day Center survives on donations.

A long-delayed plan to outfit the Portland Police Bureau (PPB) with body cameras may soon come to fruition. The city will spend up to $2.6 million on a contract with Axon to purchase body cameras that will be integrated into everyday policing. 

The Portland City Council approved the purchase agreement Wednesday, paving the way for a long-awaited, permanent use of cameras worn by officers. City staff estimate the cameras will be in use by late summer or early fall 2024.

Portland lags behind other major cities, and even other law enforcement agencies in the region, in its use of body-worn cameras to record interactions and incidents of on-duty officers. The devices have historically been used to help provide evidence and a clearer record of incidents involving use of force.

A 2012 settlement agreement between the city of Portland and the US Department of Justice over PPB’s policing practices called for the bureau to start using body cameras to increase transparency and accountability in policing. The city began exploring body cameras in 2014, and funded the program about six years ago. A drawn-out negotiation process between the city and the police union over policies dictating when officers can review footage stalled the program until earlier this year, when a pilot program was rolled out from August to October. 

Axon was previously selected for the city contract last year, but the bulk of the cameras and equipment have yet to be purchased. City leaders were eager to move forward on the long-awaited body cameras, but the city’s bidding and purchasing process has drawn scrutiny from at least one group.

Marc Poris of Portland Copwatch, an independent, volunteer watchdog group, said the city’s process for choosing Axon as its supplier was opaque. Axon was among four companies to bid on the city contract. The city took heat for awarding the contract to Axon without public input.

Poris said Portland Copwatch wrote to a city staffer responsible for posting the agenda documents “in hopes of seeing the actual evaluation criteria and report,” but the group couldn’t attain basic information without paying for a public records request. 

Poris also questioned the reliability of body cameras, which don’t capture the activity of the person wearing them, only the view from the camera. 

The city’s website indicates an evaluation committee determined Axon, formerly Taser International, was the most qualified bidder, and met all the city’s requirements. Notably, Axon’s relationship with the city of Portland started long before the body camera pilot project this year. 

City records show the company spent $3,000 on lobbying city employees between 2015 and 2017, and helped inform the city’s current body camera policy by providing sample policies from other jurisdictions that Axon has contracts with. No other vendor who submitted a bid to the city for body cameras shows up in city lobbying reports. 

Louise Hanson, the city's elections officer, clarified that lobbying entities only have to provide "a good faith estimate of total money spent" on lobbying city officials.

Portland City Commissioner Rene Gonzalez railed against Copwatch members for their criticism. 

“I just want to first observe my disappointment with a segment of the police accountability advocacy community that continues to attempt to make the perfect the enemy of the good,” Gonzalez said. “This is an important step forward for the city of Portland. It’s long overdue.”

Gonzalez said body cameras are “imperative in mitigating our risk of sometimes unfounded claims made against Portland police.”

The cameras worn by PPB automatically activate when an officer draws a service weapon, or when a police vehicle’s emergency lights are turned on. Officers are expected to manually activate the cameras while responding to calls and during “public order events.” Critics have questioned the legality of police filming people taking part in demonstrations or protests, noting the need for distinction between compliance with city rules for police and rules against mass surveillance of protesters. 

The cameras won’t be used during interviews with sexual assault or trafficking victims, unless victims consent. Police are also instructed not to activate cameras while in medical or mental health treatment facilities, unless there is a legitimate law enforcement reason to record. 

The city’s current body camera policy allows officers to review footage prior to drafting reports or conducting investigations, but major use of force incidents require involved officers and witnesses to give their account of the events before reviewing footage. 

The policy also requires officers to upload footage after each shift. The cameras don’t allow for footage to be tampered with or deleted. 

Staff with PPB and the mayor’s office said the current policies are subject to further review and negotiation between the city and police union, meaning policy changes could take place before the cameras are fully implemented next year.

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Rain returns to the area today with a chilly high of 42. And, hello... that sounds like the perfect time to partake in the Mercury's Holiday Drink Week, which runs now through December 3, and offers 26 specially-crafted, festive cocktails from Portland's best bartenders... and they're only $8 each! That should warm your cockles! And now let's warm them a bit more with some NEWS.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• While teachers and PPS have ratified the newest contract for educators, lingering questions and concerns are still hanging about... for example, will winter break be cut short for the kids in order to make up for missed time? Our Taylor Griggs dig into these thorny issues. Meanwhile, other employees of the school system—such as cafeteria workers, secretaries, and paraeducators—are rightly annoyed they weren't consulted about the newly agreed upon make-up days.

Out of all this, both of the student liaisons had the most sensible solutions for not only making up the time lost (adding incremental 15 - 30 minutes to each day), but also, approaching the PR shortfalls as one voice, regardless of PPS / PAT infighting.

The kids are alright. https://t.co/wqu4Yc4VGI

— Community Protection Bureau 🇵🇸 (@CPBWorks) November 30, 2023

• Portland City Council has voted in favor of forking over $2.6 million to Axon Enterprise, Inc. to outfit Portland Police with 800 body cameras and expand the program city-wide following a two-month pilot program. As usual, Commissioner Rene Gonzalez brought unnecessary drama and grandstanding to the meeting when he scolded a police activist for daring to ask for more transparency in regards to the results of the pilot program, saying, “(I) continue to be concerned about a small segment of the city that lets the perfect be the opposite of good.” WOW, that's a coincidence, because I continue to be concerned about a small segment of the city—namely wealthy business owners and their conservative puppets—that thinks transparency and rules don't apply to them.

Thank you KOIN6 News for highlighting the lack of response from Comm Gonzalez's office on the demands of thousands who want an expansion of our city's biggest chance to meet the needs of our community on the streets in Portland Street Response 👇🏾https://t.co/RlXU5pkLJU

— Candace Avalos (@candaceforpdx) November 30, 2023

• Speaking of non-transparency, Gov. Kotek's mysterious, secret task force, made up of mostly business people with a sprinkling of normies, has continued to mysteriously meet in secret while making plans to... well, god knows what... because they don't allow the media to report on their activity, and are seemingly not even taking notes. However, at least one member of the task force thinks that the group is focusing on making the city's garbage and trash problem go away without getting to the true root of the problem—which includes applying pressure to city bureaus and railway system to take care of the areas they control.

• For those who continue to be interested in football (I am not one of those people), former OSU defensive coordinator Trent Bray has been selected to replace departing head coach Jonathan Smith who's leaving the team for Michigan State. How should you feel about that? Ask someone who's interested in football.

• Jenni Moore's HEAR IN PORTLAND column once again brings you the week's most interesting music news and event notifications, such as how Portlanders are reeling from the 1905 closure, Jenny Don’t and the Spurs headlining a (yee-haw!) NYE cowboy prom, and a new EP from Covi. and Drae Slapz which is really fun!

Get those tickets NOW for the most eeeeevil holiday game show of the season... TWO EVILS with Arlo Weierhauser & Kate Murphy! It's the audience vs. special guest comedian ADAM PASI! Go get those ho-ho-hos! 🎅😈 https://t.co/bxAW40ubEk

— Portland Mercury 🗞 (@portlandmercury) November 29, 2023

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• Let's kick off this section with some DEATH. (Happy holidays? 😬) Former—and wildly controversial—secretary of state Harry Kissinger, who was the engineer (among other atrocities) of the 1969 bombing of Cambodia, has died at age of 100. Meanwhile, the troubled but immensely talented former Pogues' frontman Shane MacGowan, beloved for his growling, punk, Irish stylings (and one of the best Christmas songs of all time), has also passed away at the age of 65.

Rolling Stone with the win on today's obit headlines: "Henry Kissinger, War Criminal Beloved by America’s Ruling Class, Finally Dies" https://t.co/pPZWZ5vmWz

— sarah iannarone (she/her) (@sarahforpdx) November 30, 2023

• This is NOT GOOD: Russia's Supreme Court has for all intents and purposes outlawed LGBTQ+ activism in their country, calling it an "extremist" movement, and without presenting any evidence ruled that gay folk incite "social and religious discord.” Unsurprisingly, no one from the LGBTQ+ community was allowed to testify to the contrary before the ruling was delivered.

• Due to Elon Musk's abysmal running of Twitter (not ever gonna call it "X") and his antisemitic leanings, advertisers are jumping off the platform in droves. When asked about it at this year's DealBook Summit in New York yesterday, Musk defensively replied, “If somebody’s gonna try to blackmail me with advertising? Blackmail me with money? Go fuck yourself. Go. Fuck. Yourself." Take it from somebody who works in media, advertisers LOVE this kind of talk! 

Donald Trump is once again prohibited from attacking the law clerk at his ongoing bank fraud trial in New York, now that a four-judge appellate panel has reinstated a gag order that was briefly lifted this month.https://t.co/XHY6Znti6u

— The Daily Beast (@thedailybeast) November 30, 2023

• For those who enjoy train wrecks, don't forget that California Gavin Newsom will be debating Florida shit-head Ron DeSantis on Fox News tonight at 6 pm PST. The clear winner will undoubtedly be Newsom, who swears he is not running for Biden's job in 2024—but is probably setting the stage for 2028. DeSantis, on the other hand, who is desperately trailing Trump in every conceivable poll, just wants people to like him and appreciate his creepy, unrealistic smile.

• And finally... it's okay not to share EVERYTHING.

Gym is little crowded today..🐈🐾🐶💨😅 pic.twitter.com/jJoKXxA2hC

— 𝕐o̴g̴ (@Yoda4ever) November 30, 2023

Portland Public Schools (PPS) educators and students returned to the classroom on Monday, November 27, after a nearly month-long teachers’ strike. But before the contract agreement between PPS and the Portland Association of Teachers (PAT) union could be called a done deal, the union and school board had to vote to ratify it.

On Tuesday, November 28, educators and the PPS Board of Education voted “aye” on the three-year labor contract for PPS teachers, capping off almost a year of bargaining and a lengthy, historic strike. After an extensive, eventful bargaining process, district and union leaders are relieved to have a contract inked. But educators, district leaders, and students have lingering questions and concerns.

Despite some misgivings from educators and union leadership, teachers voted overwhelmingly to support the agreement. Out of the 93 percent of PAT members who participated in the vote, nearly 95 percent voted yes. Following the union ratification, PPS board members met at a special meeting on November 28, where they voted unanimously to approve the contract. But their approval came with some caveats. 

During Tuesday's school board meeting, board members heard from people who strongly opposed the decision to cut winter break by a week in order to make up for lost class time. One of the opponents was Jorge Sanchez Bautista, a McDaniel High School student who serves as PAT’s student liaison. Sanchez Bautista said many PPS students have felt voiceless during the strike, reflected in the fact that they didn't get to participate in the decision about how to make up lost school time.

He said students have been circulating a survey about how they'd prefer the time to be made up, and most of the students who answered want a different solution than removing a week of winter break. Instead, students suggest adding an extra week in June, lengthening the school day, and having school on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day in January. 

"Taking away our winter break isn't an option. Folks have plans, and have to decide whether to stay or go," Sanchez Bautista said. "Having school during a time when the majority of people are busy is just a waste of classroom time." 

Though the school board members considered Sanchez Bautista's concerns, they nixed several of the options he said students preferred. For one, seniors in high school— who finish school early— wouldn't benefit from the school year being extended further into June. And board members rejected the idea of extending the school day by 15 or 30 minute increments.

"I will not sit with 15 minute increments. I just can't do it," board member Herman Greene said. But Greene and other board members were open to making changes to the make-up day schedule as long as it wouldn't mean voting no on the entire contract and going back to square one.

The school board's approval of the labor contract— including the new school calendar— doesn't prevent the district from amending make-up days, if needed. But for students, the issue runs deeper than just the winter break schedule.

"Students were glad to picket with their teachers [during the strike] and advocate for things that they had dealt with," Sanchez Bautista said at the meeting. "But in the end, we were disappointed...Students never voted for the strike to happen, never brought into bargaining to talk for themselves, and weren't in the conversation about how to make up for lost time." 

Frankie Silverstein, the student representative on the PPS board, issued a similar sentiment. As a student representative, Silverstein is a non-voting member of the board, but she read a letter she'd prepared in lieu of casting a vote.

"If I had a vote, I would be voting yes...I'm grateful for everyone's hard work— not only the time devoted, but the emotional labor this took," Silverstein said. "There is no winning, because students have been losing this whole time. In theory, we should all be on the same side. We are a district, a team. To be frank, I'd like to see us act like one." 

Silverstein said she thought people would've been less frustrated if the district was more transparent about how their decisions are made. She said both the district and the union released updates that were "convoluted and inflammatory," and reduced the community's trust in both parties.

"What we need to do is move forward while learning from our past," Silverstein said. "My ask is that PAT and PPS put out a joint statement that's clear, unbiased, and transparent. ...A lot of the information that's been presented has been one-sided. I think we just need to present the facts and then let people draw their own conclusions." 

Other board members appeared receptive of the message to increase student involvement, and PAT President Angela Bonilla spoke favorably of it, too. 

"I hope we can create more systems that ensure student voices are not just added as a way to say that we have a student voice, but heard and acted upon," Bonilla said at the meeting. "They are the ones who own the future. We're just keeping it warm for them." 

Hanukkah starts next week and Christmas is just around the corner, so we know that readers are weighing the costliness of music shows against the price tag of holiday prep, but we’ve got the scoop on a new free jazz night at Keys Lounge, a new hip-hop collab from Covi. and Drae Slapz, and a New Year's Eve cowboy prom, starring Jenny Don’t and the Spurs. Get all the music tea that’s right Hear in Portland. 

Upcoming local event(s) featuring local artist(s).

With the recent news that jazz-focused bar and pizza joint the 1905 went out of business, it’s time to count our blessings and keep track of the bars and venues that are hosting jazz on a regular basis. Local jazz trumpet player Pablo Rivarola recently launched a new weekly jazz series at Keys Lounge, a vintage-inspired cocktail restaurant-bar in an old locksmith building (with brand-defining signage). Since late September, you can find Rivarola at Keys every Tuesday hosting the Session and jamming with a revolving door of local jazz musicians. Even better: The bar offers all-day happy hour on that day and don't charge a cover. Upcoming installments will feature appearances from experimental jazz guitarist Mike Gamble and drummer Machado Mijiga. (Keys Lounge, 533 NE Killingsworth, every Tuesday, 8 pm-late, FREE)

          View this post on Instagram                      

A post shared by Keys Lounge (@keyspdx)

New release(s) from a Portland-relevant artist.

We love a good local music collaboration, especially when hip-hop is involved! Portland based rapper Covi. teamed up with producer-rapper Drae Slapz to drop a listen-worthy new joint EP at the top of November called Just Have Fun! The first proper Covi. project since his 2018 debut Escalate With Me, the lighthearted title of the project ends up being spot-on, because the five tracks are all quite fun(!) to listen to. The EP represents the best work we've heard from Covi. to date, kicking off with three hyper-lit club-ready bangers—“Bout It,” “Donald Duck Orange Juice” and the twerk-worthy “Scoring Title.” My personal favorites are “Agent Covi Banks,” which features a quieter delivery from Covi. and “Tell Me Something” where we learn that the artist's euphonious and melodic approach can create addictive listening.

Some upcoming music buzz to add to your radar.

Jenny Don’t and the Spurs, Portland’s longtime purveyors of cowpunk and outlaw country, have been carrying on in honor of their beloved former drummer, Sam Henry, who passed in 2022. (Henry also performed with Jenny in her previous band DON’T, and was best known for his work with punk rock group the Wipers.) There’s a lot to love about Jenny Don’t and the Spurs’ sound, even to someone who wouldn't consider themself a country-western music fan. Over a foundation of cinematic strumming, the twangy vocals of Jenny Don’t feel nostalgic and pitch-perfect. She demonstrates a mastery over vibrato that, at times, strikes us as reminiscent of Dolly Parton. Look forward to this upbeat desert rock to kick in the new year. (Polaris Hall, 635 N Killingsworth Ct, Sun Dec 31, 9 pm, $30, tickets here, 21+) 

Are you looking for a hilarious, live comedy show where YOU can walk away with a fabulous PRIZE (or two)?

Well, you're in luck, because Mercury Geniuses of Comedy, Arlo Weierhauser and Kate Murphy, are your hosts for the most diabolical, hilarious, and EVIL live game show in town… TWO EVILS! Join Arlo and Kate as they ask a series of truly evil questions, and it’s up to our special guest contestant and the audience (who will vote on their phones) to decide which is the lesser of TWO VERY EVIL ANSWERS. Are there prizes? You bet your butt! Is there comedy? Oh, absolutely! And even better, this will be our special ho-ho-HOLIDAY EPISODE! 🎄🎅💀

Plus, this time around we'll be welcoming special guest comedian (and "Portland's Funniest Person" recipient, ADAM PASI! Oh, and guess what? If you bring a can of food or non-perishable food donation for Urban Gleaners (helping those suffering from food insecurity) you'll be entered to win a wickedly sweet PRIZE!

SO GET THOSE TIX QUICK NOW AND HERE! 

Don’t miss the most delightful and morally corrupt comedy game show of the century… TWO EVILS with Arlo & Kate!

WHEN: Wednesday, December 13, doors 7 PM / 7:30 pm show

WHERE: The Siren Theater, 3913 NE Mississippi

TICKETS: $15 advance, $20 door

Presented by your pals at the Portland Mercury!

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Have you had an $8 holiday drink yet, courtesy of the Portland Mercury's Holiday Drink Week? Here's where you can get one. These holiday beverages are perfect for warming up your cold bones in these frigid temps we've been experiencing lately. ANDDDD...onto the news.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Portland teachers and the Portland Public Schools board both voted (overwhelmingly and unanimously, respectively) to approve the tentative contract agreement between the teachers' union and district, officially ending the historic teachers' strike that went on for most of this month. BUT...they might switch around some make-up school dates, because people aren't happy with losing a week of winter break. But they also might not, because the district already notified people of the plan to do that. Anyway, stay tuned for more on this topic from us over here at the Mercury, coming soon.

And the @PPSConnect School Board ratified the Contract tonight as well, 7-0! https://t.co/n0pPyOeQTK

— Julia Brim-Edwards (@BrimJulia) November 29, 2023

• Speaking of the Portland teachers' strike, Governor Tina Kotek is using this post-strike moment to announce she plans to lead statewide conversations about Oregon's public education funding system and how to reform it. Okay, Kotek, NOW you want in on the action, huh? Regardless, even if it may seem like these conversations are long overdue, it's better late than never, because Oregon's education funding system is slightly whack in ways too complicated to get into in this brief news blurb. I look forward to seeing what comes out of this on a broader level.

• The Portland Bureau of Transportation (PBOT) has done it again (made me sigh deeply out of exhaustion). The bureau, facing a roughly $32 million budget shortfall that will likely result in dozens of layoffs, is unfortunately addicted to making terrible financial decisions...like paying almost $300,000 for a transportation app only to decide it's not fit for use, swallowing the cost. Obviously, $300 grand is only a small fraction when compared to the budget crisis PBOT is in, but these things add up, you guys! And throwing money in the trash like this isn't exactly the way to win over the public's trust. I could go on, but I won't. 

• It's Savage Love day! Get yer weekly dose of life/love/sex/everything advice from Dan Savage in his latest column, featuring an "out-and-proud goddess" who can't get over her ex. 

• A woman slipped and fell several hundred feet down Mount Hood last Saturday morning, and was rescued by some heroic Portland Mountain Rescue volunteers, along with their friends at Hood River Crag Rats. (I did not know either of these organizations existed, and I still don't know what a "Crag Rat" is, but I've decided I'm a big fan of this mountain rescue subculture.) The rescuers seemed to use a combination of skis and ropes to get the woman down. It's not clear how the woman is doing now, but I hope she is okay— falling several hundred feet is quite an intense experience. To all the rest of you: consider limiting your daredevil behavior, hmm? Sometimes the path MORE traveled is the one you should choose. (Disclaimer: My recommendation is not at all meant to victim-blame the woman in question here. Just be careful, y'all!)

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• Mediators in Qatar want to extend the temporary cease-fire between Israel and Hamas for at least another couple of days to allow for both sides to release more captives and more aid to reach people in Gaza. Yesterday, Israel released 30 more Palestinian prisoners as part of the hostage exchange, many of whom were minors who hadn't been charged with crimes and were held by the Israeli government for days or weeks. Others around the world continue to call for a permanent cease-fire, with one Vermont senator joining the list of people in U.S. Congress asking for peace. Unfortunately, it wasn't the Vermont senator many of us were hoping for. (Cough, cough, Bernie, where are you!?) 

• Its Spotify Wrapped Day:

2023 #SpotifyWrapped has entered the chat. pic.twitter.com/QANRohMr9i

— Spotify (@Spotify) November 29, 2023

• Michigan may have brought us Motor City, but now, the state is bringing big clean energy.  Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer signed a major clean energy package into law Tuesday.  Among other things, the Clean Energy and Jobs Act mandates state utilities shift entirely to clean energy sources by 2040.

• Michigan may be going green, but Kansas is trying hard not to go yellow. Apparently, so many Kansans loathe the state's new license plate design, the governor said she would halt production of the plates. Kansas residents will get to vote on a new design to replace a bold, golden yellow design.

Paste Magazine has acquired Jezebel, which shut down three weeks ago.

Terms of Jezebel's sale are not being disclosed. Paste Magazine is acquiring the Jezebel brand and its archive of content, but no employees are coming over under the deal. https://t.co/Vt0RO73X08

— Variety (@Variety) November 29, 2023

• Remember how the Pope was supposed to attend the U.N. Climate Conference, which will begin in Dubai on Thursday? (If you didn't know this, it means you don't keep up with my Good Morning News posts, and I'm very hurt.) Well, he's not going anymore, thanks to a bout of the flu. Like I said last week, the annual U.N. Climate Conferences are kinda B.S., but I was hoping the Pope would be able to drill the fear of God into our world leaders so they would be more inclined to act on the existential threat of climate change instead of sitting around and twiddling their thumbs. Damn! Sorry, Holy Father, and get well soon so you can be at the next one. 

• Finally, happy hump day. I hope you get the chance to relax like this here horse at some point soon:

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To the driver of the beat up SUV this morning, there's no need to shout expletives at me for using a marked crosswalk early in the morning. I understand having to slow your vehicle down to a stop while I'm in the middle of my crossing is a huge inconvenience for you. Obviously your driver privileges supersede my right to life, health, and not being smashed into by a 1 ton vehicle already going above the 25 mph speed limit. Fortunately state law requires that drivers stop for pedestrians to cross at all intersections, even if they are not marked. I suggest the state revoke your license and force you to take drivers ed again. Please follow the law, it's only my life vs. your convenience.

I don't want to! As a woman, in general, gas stations are already sketchy when you have to get out of the car. I don't feel safe anymore, and it also took jobs away from good people. The guys that have worked at my most frequented gas stations have been replaced by automated machines. We would always chat, they'd give my dog pets and treats, and it's people like that that make my neighborhood great! But not when I get off work, it's dark and ominous asf as I stand alone outside. I'm not trying to play the victim here- I just want to be safe. And as much as I love my city, it's not safe at night anymore in Portland, especially for a woman. I've already been harassed twice, and it's turned a mundane task like getting fucking gasoline into a whole thing where I don't feel safe at all and have to plan accordingly. I shouldn't have to have a taser in my hand while I'm trying to juggle a big smelly gas pump. I want these hard working fellas to get their jobs back, and restore my sense of, or at least the illusion of safety. And yes, I know this is going to trigger some of you piece of shit incel misogynists. Stop being fucking creeps and leave me the fuck alone.

[ Read more ]

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! It’s Tuesday, November 28. If the onset of the holiday season has you stressed, or you just need a good excuse to meet with friends and sip on somethin’ fun, more than two dozen restaurants and cocktail bars are offering festive, sexy drinks for Holiday Drink Week.

Coming on Nov 27: It's the Mercury's Holiday Drink Week! A full week of festive, holiday-themed cocktails from the city's best bartenders... and only $8 each! 🍸️ 🎄😍https://t.co/xdOoY3F872

— Portland Mercury 🗞 (@portlandmercury) November 17, 2023

Let’s get into the headlines!

In Local News:

• The Portland City Council will meet virtually this week. On the agenda is a $2.6 million contract with Axon for body cameras for Portland Police Bureau (PPB). Earlier this year, PPB wrapped up a pilot program to test out the body cameras. Now, it’s time to implement the use of the cameras across the bureau, full-time, as part of the requirements of a settlement agreement with the Department of Justice.
• Speaking of police, Portland Police Bureau announced Monday that it will take over the homicide investigation into the death of 32-year-old Joanna Speaks, whose body was found in April in Clark County, Washington. Police say an ongoing investigation done by the Clark County Sheriff’s Office and Ridgefield Police indicates Speaks was likely killed in Portland. Speaks is one of several women found dead in the Portland area within the same timeframe, but investigators previously said that despite finding a person of interest who may be linked to the death of four other women, they don’t believe Speaks’ death is connected to the others. Unfortunately, the case ticks up Portland's homicide rate to 68 so far this year. 
• Yesterday marked the first day back at school for Portland Public Schools students since October 31, after a nearly month-long teachers strike. It’s wild that kids went to school on Halloween and didn’t come back until after Thanksgiving, with no learning during that time, but it’s also pretty wild that a school teacher trying to support their own children on their salary might have a hard time affording to live in the city they teach in. Tonight, the Portland School Board is slated to meet and approve a three-year contract with the teachers union that includes a nearly 14 percent cost-of-living adjustment spread out over the next three years. To make up for the lost school days during the strike, PPS winter break will be a week shorter than initially planned, and the school year would be extended by three days. Taylor Griggs has covered the strike saga since before it started. Find out what the board is slated to vote on in her coverage.
• In a spot of nice news, MusicOregon is giving away $57,000 in grants to Portland-area musicians via its Echo Fund. The grants help recording artists get albums recorded and distributed. It's an attempt to keep the city's vibrant and eclectic music scene alive, while giving budding musicians a fighting chance. Read more about the endeavor and recipients in our coverage, courtesy of Ben Salmon.  

  With its second year of funding, MusicOregon's Echo Fund has awarded $57,000 in grants to 18 Portland- and Vancouver-area musicians. Here's a little about the winners and their projects:https://t.co/CGNqeHHttx

  — Portland Mercury 🗞 (@portlandmercury) November 27, 2023

• If you’re trying to be civically engaged and track the candidates running for Portland City Council in 2024, our district-by-district guide provides background on who’s running. More than three dozen candidates so far, and we're just getting started. Consider this scratching the surface while we’re still a year out from the November 2024 election, but rest assured, more in-depth, policy-based Q&As are forthcoming.     

Me, when a new candidate files for the 2024 City Council race:

“Dead, dead, gonna die.”

@myaandmax13 i can not wait to die #wormfood ♬ original sound - m&m

In National/World News:

• In what would be a Christmas miracle if it unfolds, the U.S. House of Representatives could vote on whether to expel Rep. George Santos from office. Santos has survived two other expulsion votes, but in the wake of a House Ethics Committee investigation that found he improperly used campaign funds for things like botox, OnlyFans and Sephora purchases, he’s losing supporters. 

Speaker Mike Johnson (R-La.) said he spoke with Rep. George Santos (R-N.Y.) “at some length” during the holiday recess “about his options” as the embattled lawmaker faces a likely third vote on his expulsion https://t.co/dfs4TwdTXq pic.twitter.com/HNvEyVtWoi

— The Hill (@thehill) November 28, 2023

• An upcoming US Supreme Court case will decide the constitutionality of a tax on offshore earnings that was part of Donald Trump’s 2017 tax package. The case has government officials and tax code wonks freaked out because if the justices strike it down, it could upend a lot of the country’s current tax code and prevent the prospect of a future wealth tax. The one-time tax on offshore earnings has generated billions since it went into effect. That’s not all. The Washington couple at the center of the case, who are fighting a $15,000 tax bill on what they say was an investment in a friend’s company years ago that never generated any profit for them, likely fibbed and left out major details in court filings. Apparently, one of the plaintiffs was on the board of the company for years, and received a $29,000 interest payment on a $245,000 loan he gave the company recently. I feel like if you have $245K to loan out, you probably aren’t going hungry over a $15,000 tax bill.
• Another court case coming before SCOTUS challenges the Securities Exchange Commission (SEC) and could have implications on other agencies and regulations meant to prevent fraud and exploitation. Securities and Exchange Commission v. Jarkesy stems from the SEC fining investment adviser George Jarkesy $300,000 and ordering him to pay about $700,000 over securities fraud. Jarkesy argues the SEC may not have the authority to impose monetary penalties and questions whether the SEC’s administrative law judges can be protected from removal. It’s a complicated case that progressed after an extreme ruling in a lower court. The Atlantic says it could topple the government.
• After being an antisemitic prick on the social media site he bought and tanked, Elon Musk tried to absolve himself of criticism by traveling to Israel recently. Alongside Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, Musk toured a kibbutz that was attacked by Hamas in October and got a wag of the finger from Israel’s president, Isaac Herzog, who told Musk X he should do better at reigning in the rising antisemitic content on X, formerly Twitter. Musk agreed, spitting out something akin to the observations of a 14-year-old boy, despite recently endorsing a post accusing Jews of hating white people.

  Why is he wearing a bulletproof bib https://t.co/ZyxZ0JzH83

  — eve6 (@Eve6) November 27, 2023

MusicOregon announced Monday that it has awarded $57,000 in grant funding to 18 local musicians and bands to help pay for non-performance endeavors such as recording, production of vinyl records and music videos, promotional efforts, and more.

This is the second round of grants from the nonprofit's Echo Fund. While MusicOregon is focused on empowering independent professional music creators across the state, the Echo Fund drew applications from just Portland Metro and Vancouver areas.

Recipients include:

• Cay is Okay, an indie rock trio led by queer, non-binary Filipinx-American musician Cay Davis. Their most recent release—2020’s Waxing Gibbous EP—kind of sounds like Liz Phair fronting Pavement. Cay is Okay will use the funds for album recording, art and distribution.
  
  
• Laryssa Birdseye, a rising singer and songwriter whose new album Chrysalis, released in September, blends emotionally raw lyrics about loss and grief with a sleek, upbeat electro-pop sound. Birdseye will use the funds for vinyl duplication.
  
  
• Hope & Failure, the trio of Rhone Lachner, Mikey Romay and Sam Forst, who are planning to record their first album soon. Video of live performances reveal a sound that veers back and forth from slow, quiet doom-folk to heavy, cathartic metal. Hope & Failure will use the funds for album recording and mixing.
  
  
• Aaron Nigel Smith, a Grammy nominee and 20-year educator who has performed all over the world and is best known for his reggae music for kids. In an interview, Smith said he has been writing songs for a new EP that blends reggae, folk, and country for about a year, and the grant has allowed him to hire collaborators and start recording. "These funds enable me to pay local engineers and musicians respectable fees for their creative work. It feels great to pay it forward," he told the Mercury. "It’s rare to see opportunities for funding that support independent musicians. I’m excited to see intentional work to help Portland creatives. It makes me feel seen and motivates me to do the best I can to make the funders and city proud."

"If you look at the winners, it’s different genres, different ages, different colors, different genders," said MusicOregon's executive director  Meara McLaughlin. "It’s different identities and different cultures, and that’s the story of Portland music.”

McLaughlin went on to explain that thanks to the symbiotic relationship between curious, supportive consumers and adventurous musicians, Portland’s music scene has no “anchor genre” like folk in Austin, country in Nashville or jazz in New Orleans. Instead, she described the city as “an incredible sonic incubator,” where musicians feel free to experiment and take risks.

For that to continue to happen, however, musicians must be able to make ends meet in Portland, where disappearing revenue streams—sales of recorded music have dried up thanks to streaming platforms like Spotify that pay very little—make it increasingly difficult to afford the city's rising cost of living.

MusicOregon is trying to bridge the gap with its Echo Fund, raised by the organization’s annual Portland Music Month initiative: a monthly, multi-venue festival held in January. After the first Portland Music Month in 2022 was largely canceled because of the Omicron COVID-19 virus variant surge, the 2023 version raised enough to support the 18 winning artists—out of 217 applications submitted.

If this model of fundraising and grant-giving feels new to the music world that's because popular music has historically been overlooked by the kinds of institutions that help sustain important sectors of society when money is tight, McLaughlin said.

“Musicians were considered too commercial to receive arts and culture grants, but they’re also considered too creative to get business grants, even though they are, in fact, creative entrepreneurs,” she explained. “So they’ve been left in the middle.”

Not only does that hurt working musicians, it doesn’t accurately reflect their value to a city like Portland, which has 30 percent more live music venues than Austin and twice as many as Nashville. "Constance Bracewell, the executive director of the Old Church, said that our music sector is like a coral reef: Everything else relies on it," McLaughlin said.

“Businesses have succeeded here in the past 15 years because we have a certain lifestyle (and music) is a huge part of that, but it hasn’t been supported,” she continued. “So we created MusicOregon to support creative empowerment in a way that says, 'These are culture creators and they are important. They needed to be sustained or … they will stop what they’re doing or they’ll move away to find a creative life somewhere else.'"

Find a full list of the recipients here, and below:

Cay is Okay, for album recording, art, and distribution

Blair Borax, for album art and duplication

Maita, for music video production

DaMiNo, for mastering and vinyl record pressing

Aaron Nigel Smith, for recording

Ashleigh Flynn & The Riveters, for  branding and music video

Olivia Lyon, for album recording, mixing, and mastering

This is Blew, for recording and professional photos

Juan-Felipe BZ, for album mixing and mastering

Rachel Brashear, for album recording

Caicedo, for album recording, mixing, and producing

Laryssa Birdseye, for album vinyl duplication

Big Wyno, for recording and music video production

Childspeak, for album production

SLiM and the Get Down, for music video production

KADREN, for merch production and promotional commercial

Dirt Twins, for music video production

Hope & Failure, for album recording and mixing

You won't regret taking the time to plan out your week with our top picks guide. We're taking the time to shout-out happenings from Depeche Mode: Memento Mori Tour to Jenny Lewis, from Brett Goldstein: The Second Best Night of Your Life to The Portland Mercury's Holiday Drink Week, and so much more.

Beyond Walls: Five Films for Prison Industrial Complex Abolition
Are you prison abolition-curious? This collection of short films should answer your pressing questions by "defining and amplifying what prison industrial complex (PIC) abolition means." Organized by Don’t Shoot Portland and Working Films, a nonprofit that "uses documentaries to advance social justice and environmental protection," the free screening also aims to empower viewers with the tools and actions needed to envision a world beyond policing. LINDSAY COSTELLO
(Clinton Street Theater, Hosford-Abernethy)

Good morning, sweet angels of garbage! Welcome to another round of silliness in this Trash Report. I'm the blob of leftover mashed potatoes formerly known as Elinor Jones. Thanksgiving is over and now it is Christmas for a month. Hey, why is it everyone is quick to make fun of people who celebrate "birthday month," yet this one dumb holiday gets basically a quarter of the year? Christmas probably celebrates her half-birthday. She's a basic bitch, and you can quote me on that. 

Want some more hot takes upon which to warm your frosty but dexterous paws? Let's go!

I said it last week and I'll say it again: Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I already had plenty to be thankful for, and now there's one more thing to put on the list, which is Cher blowing the fucking roof off the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade at the ripe old age of 77. "But Elinor," you say, "she could not blow the roof off; it is a parade, and they are already outside." You sure about that? Or maybe Cher is just tricking you into believing that there was never a roof because that's how hard she blew that roof clean out of there. She performed a song called "DJ Play a Christmas Song," a life-changing ditty wherein she asks a DJ to play a Christmas song so that she can dance all night long. Simply listening to three minutes and 29 seconds of this holiday insanity was enough to have me begging for some nog and a nap; I certainly couldn't dance all night long! But I'll be the first to admit that, sadly, I am no Cher. This song is going to become my entire personality for the next four weeks so get ready. Mariah Who?? 

The other best thing that happened at the parade is Beyonce released a trailer for her Renaissance movie. We all got cute with the red lipstick for Taylor Swift's concert movie, but now we get to dress up like disco balls and I am here. For. It. DJ Play a Christmas Song, sure, but DJ, also play this entire album, because I may not be religious for Jesus but the transition from "Cuff It" to "Energy" absolutely makes me believe in a higher power. 

I am writing this on Sunday, having spent most of my time at my computer ignoring my deadline as I refreshed local news, wondering if my child would ever go to school again. And hooray, Portland Public School Teachers reached a tentative agreement! I'm so happy for them to have a more sustainable contract, and for the kids and families who have been impacted. I'm also mad it came to this and went on for so long! Like, what the hell was the district doing being stubborn about a class size committee?! My dudes, committees advise on rules, they don't make the rules! They wouldn't have had to do what a committee says! If PPS two weeks ago insisted that the committee had to consist of four teachers, two parents, an astrologist, the astrologist's hamster, and a rotating local celebrity, they should have said "great idea, here's your contract, time to go back to school!" Whatever. It's done now. I'm really proud of PPS teachers for standing up for themselves and for our community for standing with them, even if it did mean I had to take frequent breaks during my workday to prepare snacks for a small needy person. Well, a second small needy person. (I am also small and needy.)

One thing that made me rage spiral last week was listening to leader after leader say that there simply was not enough money to give the teachers what they asked for, while cops are straight up fucking around on our time using toys that we bought them. CNN shared this video - probably trying to be cute, perhaps not reading the room - where some cops in Wisconsin pull over a dude as a ruse so he can surprise his girlfriend with a proposal and the whole thing is captured on the cop's body camera and then released to social media. The body cameras that we, as taxpayers, bought cops in hopes that they'd stop murdering Black people. Cool country, great priorities. 

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Great book news for people who can't read: Republican Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene and murderer/2nd Amendment darling Kyle Rittenhouse are both coming out with books! This is a great way for adult children of aging Republicans to monitor their parents' mental acuity.  Basic Republicans? Sure, okay. MTG or Rittenhouse books on the shelf? Time for some hard conversations. 

Sexually ambiguous moppet Harry Styles got a haircut and oh boy, people felt some kind of way about it! The celebrity gossip site Deuxmoi was the first to break the news and Harry's fans were all over her DMs, insisting she take it back, as if they were personally harmed by the rumor of Styles cutting his hair. Of course, Deux ended up being right, and these poor people now have to sit with the hard truth that they are not owed a hairstyle by their celebrity crush. Since I write jokes for the internet rather than saying them out loud, the following will work: Hey, the name's Harry, not Hairy.

You know what else is happening in hair? Vogue says that 90s supermodel Linda Evangelista's iconic shag might be this winter's It hairstyle. Those of us who attempted to pull of the short Drew Barrymore or Winona Ryder hair in the '90s wish today's trend followers all the best of luck during what is likely to be a long and awkward grow-out. 

Daryl Hall is suing John Oates - yes, that Hall, and that Oates - to get out of some sort of business venture, which is such a sad state of affairs. It's giving Brad suing Angie over her selling her stake in their French vineyard; we know it's not about the deal, it's about the failure of a years-long relationship and the broken hearts still glowing red among the embers and ashes of a flame extinguished. I mean, it's obvious to everyone that Hall is still in love with Oates! Sure, Oates deserves to live the live of his choosing, but I do hope that they can peacefully work through this matter and amicably share custody of "You Make My Dreams Come True," which has done nothing wrong and deserves the love and support of both parents. 

Gosh, it is time to go. Thanks for reading. I hope that wherever you spend this week, there is a DJ near you so you can say "DJ Play 'DJ Play a Christmas Song.'" You deserve it.

Lovingly,