My Journey away from Anorexia

I struggle with the concept of saying I have anorexia, as by saying that I would be agreeing that I’m an unhealthily low weight and I don’t believe I am. I don’t think it affects me physically (that much) and I certainly don’t see myself as even slightly underweight. BUT, I also realise I’m still mentally fragile, never far from a spiral, as my mind remains consumed by number...

15/01/26

If you saw what I see every time I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I wonder if you too would be repulsed, not know where to look… or even worse, laugh? I wonder if you would see the fear, shame and guilt etched so icy it paralyses to the core.

I wish so much I could say all of what happened, but I’m terrified of the repercussions. I know if I don...

Time is going so quickly, yet I feel like I’m not seeing any progress at all. I follow the meal plan the dietitian sets and force myself through each day. Only, I don’t feel better and I’m starting to wonder if I ever will.

I like this placement, but I worry I’m too far gone, too stuck, but mostly, I’m terrified of remembering everything else becoming like it was. Each ...

It’s been a while since I wrote and things have changed so much in such a short space of time. For a very nice change, it’s for the better, on the most part anyway.

It’s been a week since I arrived at the placement. While I was extremely relieved to leave the confines of the ward, saying goodbye to a special few wasn’t easy. On Tuesday last week, I took the ward manager...

I hate this limbo, the uncertainty and the fear of not knowing where I’ll end up or when I’ll finally be allowed to leave.

The placement remains with a big question mark. They wanted me to ideally be 3.5kgs more (that’s their current minimum), but that was never realistic, so they compromised and said to gain a minimum 2kgs and they’d accept me instead. Only, even that ...