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I am having a hard time of it at the moment. The retirement conundrum is there and the general life, the universe and all that too. Suddenly there's no purpose, no easy way out of a trap I suppose, or that's what it feels like.
The stuff that defined me has gone and I wasn't expecting this void and this confusion. It's not the same as the dark da...
I've got to get a grip on this but the heat last night didn't help - I got my cooler / fan working and managed to wake up around 2 and just about get back to sleep but at 6 woke again, turned off the fan (it's quite noisy) and come down here for an hour or so waiting for the alarm.
My mind is full of stuff that I don't seem to be able to shift. Seeing my mum...
My trip to see my mother was good and also sad / bad in someways too. I am struggling with purpose and I am in a strange place. The problems are those of ageing, of retirement, situation and on how I am dealing with them or in fact how I am not dealing with them. Once again, I am up early and once again I wake with this melancholy, tearful, no purpose,...
Awake early as my partner disturbed me. I was suddenly wide awake but it was around 6 so I just got up and came downstairs. I'm off to my mum's after breakfast. A bit of a journey but I will enjoy a few days away. Maybe it will help get my head together which is the main thing.
I do hate this period of my life as I cannot settle and my mind...
It sort of crept up on me in a way although I've been grappling with this for some while and it probably contributes towards my current state of mind too.
The thing that gave me meaning and purpose is no longer there. The hours spent trying to get something to work and then sell are no longer there so the routine of getting up and coming into the office and ...