Mind4joy: Thoughts on Living with Joy, Purpose, and Conscious Choice

Work is Not the Purpose of Life

Sat, 07 Jan 2023 18:29:50 +0200

"Man does not live, therefore, to produce bread. He produces bread to live. The distinction is enormously important and relevant. Obviously man must have food, and so far as our experience goes, he must work to produce It, But work is not the purpose of life. Production is not the purpose of life. Instead, human lives are the entire purpose and the reason for all work and for all production.
- Robert G. Lewis - speaking about the issues of family farms at the annual meeting of the Interorganization Committee on Problems for Rural Youth in 1957

Proposition: There is NO absolute TRUTH.

Thu, 22 Dec 2022 18:19:10 +0200

The following is a philosophical discussion, a springboard for contemplation, please ensure that your replies are constructive...

Proposition: There is NO absolute TRUTH.

Even in science, which comes closest to "absolute truth," our knowledge is evolving, Before Einstein, it was TRUE that time was the same everywhere. Now we know more (our GPS systems are a practical implementation of the principle of Relativity).

In fields outside of science (politics, government, human relations, "morality," etc), TRUTH is no more than the OPINION of a person or group of people. Even if a lot of people believe something, that mass acceptance alone doesn't make it factually TRUE.

Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact.
Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.
- Marcus Aurelius

Truth is not defined by
how many people believe something.
Ask. Question. Think.
Decide - for yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance -
it is the illusion of knowledge.
- Daniel J. Boorstin

The antiquity and general acceptance of an opinion
is not assurance of its truth.
- Pierre Bayle

There is no truth.
There is only perception.
- Gustave Flaubert

Having a personal opinion is great.
Believing that one's personal opinion is absolute truth
leads to most of the world's troubles.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Who can YOU Help to Register and Vote?

Wed, 05 Oct 2022 16:28:38 +0200

The US election on November 8, 2022 is an extremely consequential election for the future of democracy.

In addition to voting yourself, and, if you are able, helping the candidates of your choice,
PLEASE encourage your friends and family to Register and VOTE! In many states, there is less than another week to Register.

THANK YOU!

What is "Moral?"

Thu, 09 Jan 2020 21:58:16 +0200

Question I received... I have been trying to decode the enigmatic statement by Isaac Asimov: "Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right." What do you think Dr. Asimov meant by that? Kindly advise. Thank you very much.

My response...

It depends on how you define morals. If you define "moral" as doing what you yourself believe to be "right," then the Asimov quote makes no sense.
But if you define "moral" as following the "settled customs of a stable society" (that is, doing what your family, church, and government "teach" you is "right"), then the conflict becomes clear.

Thus, I interpret the Asimov quote this way...

"What is Moral" is what we have been taught by our parents, teachers, religious leaders, and other influences.

"What is Right" is what we know in our heart to be compassionate, generous, honorable, and noble.

Laws are often cruel. Here are two great examples... And religious teachings and family/community traditions are also often cruel.

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2019/nov/12/arizona-migrants-trial-scott-warren

https://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-homeless-feeding-arrests-20180115-story.html

The Form of God

Sun, 25 Aug 2019 17:49:05 +0200

I don't doubt God. I have firm faith absolutely in God.
It's religion I'm doubting.
- Bono

How can God be so many different things to different people? How can God be a young Jewish man to some, an ancient male figure to others, and a female or an eagle or have eight arms or be formless for others? And how about having three forms simultaneously (Father, Son, and Holy Ghost)? How can God be the incarnation of peace and love for some, while embody justice and divine retribution for others? How can God be, for some people, someone/something that intervenes in each human's life on a daily basis, while for others God is more distant and does not micromanage our lives. How about free will and/or predestination?

Of course there are many theories. The most common belief is that exactly one of these views toward God is real, while all the others are false, and often viewed as intentionally heretical falsehoods. And of course many other people believe all ideas of any "god" to be strictly human inventions.

Personally, I believe that God is Omnipotent, Omnipresent, and Benevolent (although that seldom means that we get what we want). Being omnipotent, God can and does appear to each of us bearing exactly the characteristics (form and message) that best serve us individually. Those who need love see love. Those who need justice see justice. Those who need a "personal" God get that. Those who need a distant beacon to mark the goal get that.

For me, this idea that God can be everything and anything to each of us drives my commitment to honor all people and to respect each of their beliefs about God.

God's Spirit moves through us and the world at a pace
that can never be constricted by any one religious paradigm. I love that.
- Bono

We must be ready to learn from one another,
not claiming that we alone possess all truth
and that somehow we have a corner on God.
- Archbishop Desmond Tutu

God has no religion.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Religion is a blessing when, and only when,
it provides a focus for a compassionate community
to minister to its members and to the world at large.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Religion as a human phenomenon is as riddled through
with potential for both good and evil as any other phenomenon.
- Richard John Neuhaus

We can never be the better for our religion
if our neighbor is the worse for it.
- Anonymous

Gentleness, self-sacrifice and generosity
are the exclusive possession of no one race or religion.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully
as when they do it from religious conviction.
- Blaise Pascal

It is only partly true that religion does more harm than good in society.
The community makes God into the image it wants,
vengeful, or milky sweet, or scrupulously just, and so on.
- Mary Douglas

A common denominator of all religions
is that they have the power
to bring out both the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I never considered a difference of opinion
in politics, in religion, in philosophy,
as cause for withdrawing from a friend.
- Thomas Jefferson

Further reading: Perspectives on the Nature of God

Many Religions, One Divine

More thoughts on accepting others as they are

Thu, 23 Aug 2018 16:45:24 +0200

I have been asked to say more about this quote, and what if the other person causes relentless pain...

Happiness lies in accepting everyone
in our lives EXACTLY as they are.
We cause ourselves untold misery whenever
we believe others to be imperfect and try to change them.
This is the number one rule for a happy relationship.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A person might (or might not) be able and willing to change themself, but we have virtually no ability to change the nature of another person. Complaining, getting angry, making threats, etc, just further entrench a person in their unpleasant ways.

What each of can control is our own response to the other person.

Let's say that the situation is a married couple who love each other and mostly like each other, but are annoyed by minor defects in the other, like tending to be late for appointments. In this case, I would say to focus on what is good, to avoid criticism, and to lovingly attempt to look at the lateness as a quirk rather than as a defect.

But if the issue is repeated affairs or drunkenness, that's totally different. Personally, I'd recommend separation when possible, which it isn't always.

Let's say the problem person is your boss. Same answer. If the issues are minor, focus on the positive, and choose to accept the rest with joy and an upbeat attitude. But if the issues are serious, get a new job. In any case, never cling to the hope that another will change.

Also note that love vs. hate is a separate issue from how much time you choose to spend with another. You can still hold good feelings toward a person (and avoid hating them) even if you find you no longer want to spend time with them. A marriage or job can end without creating enemies (of course that requires both parties to act like adults).

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

May God Grant You Serenity and Courage

Tue, 14 Aug 2018 01:11:04 +0200

A reader who is stuck in very challenging circumstances and "can't seem to get ahead," asks,"Any prayer, affirmation, or advice would be greatly appreciated."

My reply...

I recommend pursuing two paths simultaneously:
1) Work to improve your circumstances.
2) at the same time, Choose to live the most joyful life possible within your current circumstances.

It's one of life's great paradoxes ...
Accepting with gratitude whatever life throws at us
is critical to happiness.
Yet without a goal and commitment, life loses much of its value.
The best we can do in the face of this paradox
is to play to win, but be cheerful in defeat
and ready to play again.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Courage and perseverance have a magical talisman,
before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish into air.
- John Quincy Adams

If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up.
Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.
- Michael Jordan

This is my wish for you:
Comfort on difficult days,
Smiles when sadness intrudes,
Rainbows to follow the clouds,
Laughter to kiss your lips,
Sunsets to warm your heart,
Hugs when spirits sag,
Beauty for your eyes to see,
Friendships to brighten your being,
Faith so that you can believe,
Confidence for when you doubt,
Courage to know yourself,
Patience to accept the truth,
Love to complete your life.
- Anonymous

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr (Serenity Prayer)

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Learn Mindfulness, Live in the Moment

Mon, 21 May 2018 19:18:11 +0200

Reader's question: "Could you steer me in the right direction to learn mindfulness, to live in the moment?"

My reply:

Just watch this moment, without trying to change it at all.
What is happening? What do you feel?
What do you see? What do you hear?
- Jon Kabat-Zinn

Do the small things of life with a relaxed awareness.
When you are eating, eat totally -
chew totally, taste totally, smell totally.
Touch your bread, feel the texture.
Smell the bread, smell the flavor.
Chew it, let it dissolve into your being.
- Osho

Set an alarm several times a day. Check in with yourself about how mindful you are being, versus how stressed. Do a reset. Let it be okay that the reset will only last for 5 minutes at first. Don't get discouraged. A tiny something each day is a success.

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Further reading: Letting Go and Accepting This Moment

Wisdom of Patience

12 Life Lessons I Learned From My Cat

Addressing the "real world" requires three actions - simultaneously...

Tue, 11 Jul 2017 16:40:03 +0200

A reader wrote: "Your words are so calm. But you have never addressed the real world.
I was beaten...what calm and enlighten words do you have to say to that.
Get with the real life world ...sir❗️"

My Reply...

Thank you very much for writing.

Addressing the "real world" requires three actions - simultaneously...

1) Recognize that whatever has happened in the past cannot be changed. Anger can't change the past. Revenge can't change the past. Acceptance and forgiveness are powerful tools in letting the past be the past, so you can focus on the present and the future.

Anger is often more hurtful than the injury that caused it.
- English Proverb

Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on.
- Alice Duer Miller

2) Have a positive attitude. Having a positive attitude is both a tool to make you happier in the present, and a tool from which to launch "real world" actions and success.

Positive thinking will let you do everything
better than negative thinking will.
- Zig Ziglar

3) Take action. Begin now. Begin again each day. Take action with calm focus, and with a well-thought-out plan, but take action, and persevere.

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent
about things that matter.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Attitude and action are both essential.
Attitude without action is mere pretense.
Action without attitude is merely frenzied motion.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

How Much Is Enough?

Thu, 29 Jun 2017 17:39:08 +0200

I often receive emails asking how the writer, in their specific circumstances, can possibly be expected to be happy, or to be grateful for life. What if they are in constant agonizing pain? What if their children are dying of starvation? What if they are living with relatives because they can't find a job? What if the investment advisor they trusted absconded with their money and they are forced to sell their yacht? Where is the line between "need" and "want?" How much is enough?

Some of the main themes of my Daily Inspirations are: gratitude for all of life, appreciation of the abundance that surrounds us, and the joys of simple living. I continue to assert that those themes are keys to happiness for most of us, but I also acknowledge that there are exceptions - mostly in situations of extreme physical pain (at least in America).

Making a conscious choice to be grateful for what one has, to have a positive attitude toward life, and to choose happiness are VERY powerful tools for living a better life. If a person has enough food, a roof over their head, and a tolerable level of physical pain, I recommend that gratitude and a positive attitude be the first-line tools in life.

There are a few common circumstances which cause severe long-lasting distress, and for which a positive attitude can be especially helpful:
* Being unemployed or underemployed. Recognize that the primary issue here is not money (at least in America, an unemployed worker and their family are not going to starve). The primary issue is a sense of shame and inadequacy.
* Loss of a loved one. They are in a better place. Appreciate what is good in life, and focus on the future.
* A childhood trauma such as bullying, rape, an alcoholic parent. The past cannot be undone. Appreciation of what is good, and a focus on the future are the best tools against past issues.
* Feeling lonely.

In situations where feeling lonely is the issue, or contributes to the issue, I also strongly recommend positive interactions with others, in addition to gratitude and a positive attitude. There are supportive religious groups, there are supportive community groups, and especially, there are opportunities to be of service to those less well off than oneself.

Finally, understand that appreciation and a positive attitude represent a starting point, a base line. A positive attitude not only offers more happiness in the present, but is also the strongest base from which to take action. A person with a positive attitude is better able to find a good job than a person who exudes negativity. A person with a positive attitude is better able to benefit their community through social and political action than a negative person.

Positive thinking will let you do everything
better than negative thinking will.
- Zig Ziglar

The best way to cheer yourself
is to try to cheer someone else up.
- Mark Twain

I wept because I had no shoes
until I met a man who had no feet.
- old Persian Proverb

He who can give thanks for little
will always find he has enough.
- Anonymous

Nothing is enough for the man to whom enough is too little.
- Epicurus

We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men
who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread...
They offer sufficient proof that everything
can be taken from a man but one thing:
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl

Which Kind of Person are You?

Mon, 10 Apr 2017 17:54:42 +0200

Choose one...

If you need to ask permission, you already know you shouldn't do it.
- Timi Ruiz

or...

If you need to ask permission, you already know you will need courage to do it.
- JLH

Further reading: Need For Approval

How to Deal with Rejection

in the depths of depression

Thu, 30 Mar 2017 17:16:56 +0200

a reader writes: I am in the depths of depression, it is hard to breathe each breath, let alone have the energy to be grateful.

My reply:

Thank you for writing.

I am very sorry that you are in the depths of depression. That is a very challenging situation.

There is certainly no single cure-all, but making a list of things you are grateful for is one small step.
See A List of Gratitudes - a Thanksgiving

Whatever you do, DON'T give up. Keep moving forward. Do what you can, and don't sweat the rest.

Do you have a support network? If your friends and others are not sufficient, consider adding a church-based or community-based support group.

Many people find that helping others is a good way to help themselves.

The best way to cheer yourself
is to try to cheer someone else up.
- Mark Twain

As we work to create light for others,
we naturally light our own way.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

One thing I know: the only ones among you
who will be really happy are those
who will have sought and found how to serve.
- Albert Schweitzer

If there is anything else I can do for you, please don't hesitate to ask.

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Further reading: How to Think Positive

Five Questions to Ask Yourself When You Feel Sad for No Apparent Reason

Conscious Breathing to Relieve Stress

What is "True Love?"

Thu, 26 May 2016 19:47:41 +0200

A reader's question: I would like to know more about true love...

Ah, "true love"

First, let's talk about different kinds of "love"

1) There is the kind of "love" that matches the phrase "love at first sight." I think the word "lust" is much more apt for this emotion, but...

2) There is conditional love: I will "love" you as long as you do what I want, e.g. take out the trash, have sex with me, cook and clean house, have a well-paying job, be home for dinner every night...

3) There is unconditional love: This is an emotion that does not require any reciprocity. When Christians talk about "Jesus' love," this is the kind of love they refer to.

In a marriage, or long-term intimate relationship, all three of the above are present, to some degree, and are intermixed is ways that cannot always be distinguished.

So what is "true love" in an intimate relationship? For me, true love is a long-lasting relationship with lots of #3, some #1, and as little #2 as possible.

No partner in a love relationship...

should feel that he has to give up

an essential part of himself to make it viable.

- May Sarton

True love is a process of co-creation

in which neither feels ownership or superiority.

Jealousy is a highly destructive force

for love and relationships.

- JLH

True love is never a selfish emotion.

If you want something from someone -

especially if that something is sex -

what you are feeling is not true love.

True love is about wanting happiness for the person you love -

and not about seeking happiness for yourself.

Fortunately, in most cases our own loving presence

is the greatest gift we can give to a person we love.

Nonetheless, the litmus test of love is knowing

we would choose never to see that person again

if we believed that distance would bring them greater happiness.

- JLH

Great relationships begin with two people who are each

self confident and who come to each other with the openness

to see and accept the other as a unique and wonderful person.

If there is true love and an alignment of fundamental values,

choose to join your life with your new partner

and vow never to criticize their nature -

the essence that makes them uniquely themselves.

- JLH

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When You are Feeling Depressed and Hopeless

Tue, 23 Feb 2016 21:53:47 +0200

If you are having a major health crisis, I really feel for you. However if you are reasonably healthy, have enough to eat, and have a roof over your head, you have an opportunity to look on the bright side of your life - to appreciate what is right with your life.

I don't think of all the misery
but of the beauty that still remains.
- Anne Frank

If you want to feel rich,
just count all of the things you have that money can't buy.
- Anonymous

He is a wise man who does not grieve
for the things which he has not,
but rejoices for those which he has.
- Epictetus

The enlightened give thanks
for what most people take for granted.
- Michael Beckwith

Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect.
It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.
- Anonymous

The best way to cheer yourself
is to try to cheer someone else up.
- Mark Twain

Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind,
than on outward circumstances.
- Benjamin Franklin

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Presidents of Their Own Times

Mon, 15 Feb 2016 22:20:44 +0200

Today, Presidents' Day, may be a good day to examine our feelings about our earlier Presidents and other great people who lived in days gone by.

Generally, Americans have focused praise and gratitude upon the likes of Washington and Jefferson, but more recently, many people make the case that as slave-holders Washington and Jefferson were terrible and morally-flawed people. This early-stage movement follows upon the older and better established movements that declares Christopher Columbus to be a genocidal invader rather as one who "opened up" America to European settlement, and the likes of Robert E. Lee to be slave-holding traitors.

Can we reconcile these opposing points of view. I believe we can once we recognize that Washington, Jefferson and everyone who lived in the past were creations of their own time, and each stage of history has its own customs, its own values, and its own morality. If we are unwilling to acknowledge that morality is a function of the times, we must condemn ourselves and everyone living today for failing to live up to the evolving morality we will be judged by a century from now (how could those people let children starve? why did they shoot each other? and perhaps other concerns we can't even imagine today: why didn't they let 12 year-olds vote? why didn't they require a license for procreation to prevent overpopulation?)

Look at life as described in the Old Testament - the sacred book of Christians, Jews, and Muslims alike. The Old Testament records, without condemnation: polygamy, genocide, torture, mutilation, infanticide, incest, slavery, and many other practices that today's Americans regard as immoral. Yes, times change. Abraham, David, and other heroes of the Old Testament, like Presidents Washington and Jefferson, must be judged as people of their own times.

Today, let us appreciate the best of Washington, Jefferson, and the others. And let us also appreciate our own time for having moved past practices like slavery and dueling.

Keep pace with the times.
We might as well require a man to wear still the coat which fitted him when a boy,
as civilized society to remain ever under the regimen of their barbarous ancestors.
- Thomas Jefferson

My first wish is to see this plague of mankind,
war, banished from the earth.
- George Washington

What a cruel thing is war; to separate and destroy families and friends,
and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world;
to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors,
and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world!
- Robert E. Lee

We have abundant reason to rejoice, that, in this land,
the light of truth and reason has triumphed over the power of bigotry and superstition,
and that every person may here worship God according to the dictates of his own heart.
- George Washington [Washington was a little premature on this one]

All persons shall have full and free liberty of religious opinion;
nor shall any be compelled to frequent or maintain any religious institution.
- Thomas Jefferson - Draft Constitution for Virginia (June 1776)

Our civil rights have no dependence on our religious opinions,
any more than our opinions in physics or geometry.
- Thomas Jefferson

The whole art of government consists in the art of being honest.
- Thomas Jefferson

I am conscious that an equal division of property is impracticable. But the consequences of this enormous inequality producing so much misery to the bulk of mankind, legislators cannot invent too many devices for subdividing property.. a means of silently lessening the inequality of property is to exempt all from taxation below a certain point, and to tax the higher portions of property in geometrical progression as they rise.
- Thomas Jefferson

Our liberty depends on the freedom of the press, and that cannot be limited without being lost.
- Thomas Jefferson

Merchants have no country.
The mere spot they stand on does not constitute so strong an attachment
as that from which they draw their gains.
- Thomas Jefferson

When One Has No Dreams Left

Fri, 12 Feb 2016 21:57:44 +0200

Reader's inquiry: I think I don't have any dreams. There is nothing I want to have or do :(

My reply:

This is opportunity for you to look deeply into (meditate upon) your inner self and your inner motivations.

Perhaps you are very contented and at peace with yourself and the world.

Or perhaps you have squashed your dreams because you don't see them as even remotely attainable.

Or perhaps something else...

Look deeply...

The key to happiness is inner peace.
The greatest obstacles to inner peace are disturbing emotions
such as anger, attachment, fear and suspicion,
while love and compassion and a sense of universal responsibility
are the sources of peace and happiness.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

A man is not old until his regrets take the place of his dreams.
- Yiddish Proverb

Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die,
life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly.
- Langston Hughes

Trust your own inner guidance.
Have faith that your steps are
carrying you toward your dreams.
Keep your eyes on the heavens
and believe that your feet will carry you well.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Anxious , Depressed, Job Not Inspiring?

Fri, 12 Feb 2016 21:28:56 +0200

Question from a reader: I feel low, anxious, depressed, job not inspiring, what should I do?

My reply:

1) Look for the high points in your job: co-workers? customers? whatever is uplifting.

2) Consider a different job or becoming self-employed. Those may or may not be viable options, but think seriously about it.

3) Look to get your true satisfaction from sources outside your job. Appreciate your family. Volunteer in your community. Help someone less fortunate than yourself - perhaps volunteer at a food bank or soup kitchen.

As we work to create light for others,
we naturally light our own way.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Life's most persistent and urgent question is,
'What are you doing for others?'
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

If you don't like something, change it.
If you can't change it, change your attitude.
- Maya Angelou

The best way to find yourself
is to lose yourself
in the service of others.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The more we care for the happiness of others,
the greater is our own sense of well-being.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

The best cure for our own self-inflicted suffering
is often service to others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Turn the Forces of Nature to Your Advantage

Thu, 11 Feb 2016 21:51:22 +0200

Don't fight forces, use them.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Today, when the winds of adversity blow strong,
redirect their force into the
service of your highest intention.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Question from a reader: Please can u throw more light on the wind and redirection thing? (Asked with regard to the quotes above...)

My Response:

A sailboat is designed to use the power of the wind to move in almost any direction (except directly into the wind). I use this as an analogy for our own ability to turn the forces of nature to our advantage. An example would be seeing a college rejection not as a failure, but as an opportunity to learn a trade or start one's own business.

Read my much longer explanation here: www.sail7.com/life-storms

A Question about Forgiveness and Moving On when Hurt

Thu, 04 Feb 2016 01:05:45 +0200

Question from a reader: How can I forgive a person who has taken advantage of me and abused me. I am in a relationship with a person who has lied over and over, and when things don't go his way he just walks out. I want to be able to move on, am ready for that, but I just feel like he has hurt me so much emotionally and spirituality, and he gets to go on like nothing happened.

My reply:

Take care of yourself - nothing more, nothing less.

Move on with no regrets, and as few resentments as you can possibly manage. Whatever anger you feel will only hurt you, not him. Any thoughts of revenge only hurt you, not him.

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
- The Buddha

Resenting someone is a way of never leaving that person.
- Kare Anderson

Once you have seen the truth
you must make the decision to let go
of the pain, anger, and resentment you have been holding on to.
This requires you to take action.
If you are attached to your pain, resentment,
and self-righteousness, and addicted to your emotional reactions,
this will be a difficult step for you.
Taking action requires letting go of the very thing
you have been holding on to for so many years.
There is comfort in what we find familiar,
even if we are experiencing pain and suffering.
The pain and suffering itself becomes the familiarity we seek.
It takes absolute faith in yourself
plus courage, will, and discipline to let go.
But once you let go, it will be as if
the weight of the world has been taken off your shoulders.
In this process it is important to forgive
not just the others in our lives, but also ourselves.
For most people, giving ourselves
the gift of forgiveness is very challenging.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Forgiving others is a gift to yourself,
given not because the other deserves pardon,
but because you deserve the serenity and joy
that comes from releasing resentment and anger,
and from embracing universal forgiveness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Forgiveness is not always easy.
At times, it feels more painful
than the wound we suffered,
to forgive the one that inflicted it.
And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.
- Marianne Williamson

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

What To Do When You Feel Lonely

Fri, 22 Jan 2016 18:26:45 +0200

A reader writes: Sir, I don't know why I feel lonely always, I can't change this attitude. Please suggest me some tips to come away from this.

My Reply:

My suggestion is for you to think more about helping/comforting other people, and less about yourself and your own troubles.

The best way to cheer yourself
is to try to cheer someone else up.
- Mark Twain

As we work to create light for others,
we naturally light our own way.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

One thing I know: the only ones among you
who will be really happy are those
who will have sought and found how to serve.
- Albert Schweitzer

What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?
- George Eliot

For those who are bored with life,
the path to happiness almost always comes
through service to the less-fortunate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie