McSweeney’s

Just because I am Pythia, Oracle of Delphi, all-knowing high priestess of the Temple of Apollo, blessed with divine insight into all that shall come to pass, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be able to hop on a prediction-market platform and throw a couple hundred drachmae on the Lakers winning the NBA Championship (spoiler alert). Yes, technically, I know the inevitable result of ev...

“Gasoline prices in the United States rose on Tuesday to their highest level in four years as peace talks between the United States and Iran appeared at an impasse.” – New York Times

Here at the Department of Energy, we want to ...

“After canceled gigs in the U.K., France, Switzerland, and Poland, Kanye West’s upcoming concert in Italy is sparking an uproar due to the rapper’s antisemitic remarks.” — Variety

Like everyone e...

With apologies to Rumi.

May this decree be signed expeditiously
and this divorce be soon over.

May it be amicable.
But not too amicable.
I refuse to vacation together.
Who do we think we are,

I’m confused, maybe someone can help me. This is like the third assassination attempt on Julius Caesar, but things are going great in Rome. The value of silver is strong, the liberti/bad homines immigration is under control, and we’ve bounced back from the bubonic pandemic.

So why do people keep trying to assassinate our leader?!

I heard one person say it’s beca...