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CHAIRPERSON: Welcome, delegates. Before we begin, I’d like to congratulate everyone on another successful year of making children’s shoe sizing completely incomprehensible.

(Applause.)

VICE CHAIRPERSON: Thank you. As you know, our mission remains unchanged: no parent should ever know what size shoe their child wears.

DELEGATE FROM EUROPE: Here, her...


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Welcome to your beachside getaway. We are so glad to have you as our guests. Feel free to unpack, relax, kick off your shoes, and become better acquainted with your surroundings.

Your vacation officially starts now

Just a tiny request. You see how the house has one locked door? The nondescript, yet alluring door catty-corner to the second-floor powder ro...


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“Lindsey Graham, a Republican senator from South Carolina and a onetime opponent turned stalwart ally of President Trump who was a forceful advocate for an interventionist U.S. foreign policy, died on Saturday evening.”New York Times

...

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It’s a little embarrassing, but yeah, you’ve probably heard of me. Cyclosporiasis? I’m kind of, like, the most famous parasitic illness in the country right now? It’s so crazy, dude, but ...


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By now, many of you have probably read or heard about the recent exposé revealing a secretive society in which the wealthy and the famous hunt poor people for sport. I more than understand fans being concerned about my reported involvement when they’re seeing bizarre headlines and posts about panels where we allow the poor person to plead for their life and the dinners in whi...


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