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Things You Should Never Say to Your Partner During an Argument

Wed, 28 Oct 2020 10:31:12 GMT

No matter how perfect your relationship is or how in-tune you are with your partner, having disagreements is normal. The freedom to voice out differing opinions and talking about it is part of having healthy communication. Not everything should be spoken though, especially during the heat of the moment, because some words hurt more than they help and can widen the rift between you and your partner. Below we investigate the words and phrases that you should refrain from saying to your partner especially during a fight.

“I should just leave” or “You should just leave”

Hinting at a breakup or saying you don’t want your partner to be around feels like abandonment or giving up. Not only does this not solve the issue, but it’s, in fact, prolonging it, complicating it further and making it worse in the long run. Instead of saying this try: “If you need space or time, we can talk at a later time”.

“Whatever” or “It’s fine”/”I’m fine”

This is a big one. If you don’t feel fine and if you care, why say the opposite? Being honest with your feelings is part of being intimate with someone and having healthy communication. If you are not yet ready to discuss something, you can always say that you need to assess what is making you feel not okay. This way, you won’t be closing off communication and frustrating your partner at the same time.

“You always… or “You never…”

Absolute terms like never and always can make the other party feel that they are being judged or not being appreciated enough. These are also the ones that people remember long after the argument is over, leading to anger, resentment and a deteriorating relationship. You can rephrase this by saying “You sometimes…” instead of “you always…” and “my concern is …” instead of “you never…”

“That’s ridiculous!”

Saying this is like slapping your partner with words that you don’t care enough or that whatever they are feeling or saying has no validity. Instead of using this dismissive phrase, you can reword this as “I don’t agree with…” or by saying “The way I perceive this is…”

“Let’s just stop” or “Let’s just drop it”

If you need a timeout, then say that. Do not say something that essentially means you’re dismissing the concern or you’re giving up. Doing so can trigger feelings of abandonment. There’s a reason why your parents told you to never go to bed angry. The faster you can resolve an argument, the better it is for everyone involved.

“Oh, I’d love to see that!” or “Isn’t that just great?”

Or any other form of sarcasm. This creates distrust and is really nothing more than a passive-aggressive attack. Passive-aggressive remarks only hurt and do not resolve anything. Although, it tempting to try and hurt someone when they’ve hurt you, it will only make the situation worse.

**“You’re a #$%*&!”**

Name-calling does not serve any positive purpose. Yes, lashing out can make you feel good for a few minutes or hours but the guilt and hurt that follows isn’t worth it. The person being called the name will likely never forget it and resent you for it as well.

“But”

This usually negates whatever else you say and serves as a way to excuse an earlier behavior or thought. Use “and” or “just to add” instead.

“This is too much effort” or “it shouldn’t be like this”

Saying the phrases above is like saying you do not value the relationship enough to put in work. Remember, what you are feeling now is temporary and shouldn’t hurt your relationship that you’ve worked so hard for.

“Calm down”

Everyone who used this phrase in a fight knows that this phrase has the opposite effect and can only trigger more back lash. Instead of saying “calm down”, how about asking your partner to tell you what’s wrong in a clearer manner? This will make them gather their thoughts and communicate better.

Relationships aren’t perfect and in order to have a long lasting and healthy one, it takes effort, open communication, honesty and respect. Treat someone as you’d want to be treated and it can go a long way to seeing you through even the most trying of arguments.

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7 Deadly Sins of Drinking on a Night Out

Tue, 27 Oct 2020 15:45:40 GMT

It’s hard to admit, but we have a drinking problem here in UK. A recent study by Bbentleysoflondon established that marriages end in divorce 45 percent of the time, when one of the spouses drinks heavily. You hear the term ‘Binge Drinking Culture’ thrown around all the time in the media, but you only have to go out on a Friday or Saturday night to know that this is true. Wave after wave of drunk revelers, staggering aimlessly up and down the streets like victims of a zombie outbreak. And why? All in the name of getting laid.

“But I just want to have a laugh with my mates”. Maybe so, but this is a by-product. The main reason people consume so much alcohol at the weekend, is to attempt to lower their inhibitions and to try and meet someone. Why do I know this? Because I used to be exactly the same. By getting absolutely obliterated each weekend, I somehow thought this would assist me in plucking up the courage to talk to men. What did it do instead? It usually meant that by the time I did gather this ‘Dutch courage’, I was usually so inebriated that whatever slurred, incomprehensible message I shouted in a girl’s ear, failed to do justice to the great first impression I knew I was capable of making.

The reason this problem exists, is because we as a society have come to accept it. Its ‘mob mentality’ that causes people to think “As long as everybody else is doing it, then it’s alright’”. People are conditioned to think that they need to drink in order to have a good time and, if they don’t, they become very self-conscious and uncomfortable. It also allows us a convenient excuse for our behavior. Whether we do something bad (argue with our friends) or fail to do something good (successfully attract a woman), we are able to blame it on “Oh well, I was battered”.

This unhealthy dependency on alcohol is one of the number one reasons men fail to attract men and is something that, if you ever want to be truly successful with the opposite sex, you need to cut down considerably or stop altogether.

So here are the 7 deadly sins of drinking on a night out:

You cannot take ownership of your achievements. This means any success you do have with men on a night out, you cannot claim entirely as your own. If you can kiss a man in a club, but you can’t even talk to one in a shop, clearly there is a reliance on some external factor.
Embarrassing yourself. One of the side effects of lowering your inhibitions is that you will be much more likely to behave in an undignified way. This includes anything from rubbish fancy dress costumes, to full on nudity and passing out in the street (all of which I see on a regular basis).
Poor judgement. I’m sure you’ve all either experienced or know people who have experienced waking up next to somebody they wish they’d rather not have. As well as lowering your inhibitions, alcohol also lowers your standards and means you’re much more likely to sleep with someone that you may regret.
With the price of alcohol constantly rising to subsidies the strain on the NHS that it causes, it’s not uncommon to hear of people spending 100+ on a night out. Once you factor in the drinks, the taxis because you can’t drive, the cigarettes you wouldn’t normally smoke and all of the other associated costs, it quickly becomes a very financially inefficient way to meet men.
This is certainly one of the darker sides of alcohol and one that should be taken very seriously. Alcohol increases aggression and when this is combined with the frustration most men feel from their lack of success with men, it doesn’t take much for sparks to start flying. Seriously, when was the last time you saw a brawl in Starbucks?
Health. This is another factor that should be taken very seriously. The damage that alcohol causes your body is extreme and can lead to liver disease and even cancer. Not to mention the impact it can have on your appearance with the average beer weighing in at 250kcal per pint! Combine five or six of those with a kebab at the end of the night and you’ve probably exceeded your daily allowance in one evening alone.
Hangovers. As if all of the above reasons weren’t bad enough, paying for it the next morning with a thumping headache, feeling of a nausea and a mouth that feels like something died in it, hardly strikes me as an attractive deal.

We’re not saying you shouldn’t ever have a drink again. The occasional beer or cocktail can be very pleasant if enjoyed in moderation. However, if you rely on drinking in order to have a good time when you’re out or to be successful with local single men, then you still have internal issues that need resolving. Take it from a reformed binge-drinker whose self-esteem, disposable income and confidence with men have all sky-rocketed since cutting out the booze.

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Connecting With Women Through Conversation

Mon, 26 Oct 2020 15:32:50 GMT

Some women respond better to the direct approach, and can handle overtly sexual behaviour and are open to flirting.

But there are a lot of women who are uncomfortable with this, and prefer the indirect approach, and are attracted to men who can connect with them mentally first before emotionally and of course physically.

This type of girl, many pick up artists and dating coaches ignore, in fact pick up artists often tell men to be sexual with women straight away and to show their intention in the first few moments, which of course can work well on some women BUT NOT ALL.

Perfect the Art of Conversation

If I had one piece of advice to pass on to men it would be to improve and refine conversation skills, for the sheer reason that they are the backbone of every type of relationship but are severely underestimated in the Pick-up community.

As human beings we communicate in many ways, verbally, physically and visually are the most basic and obvious methods. To have a conversation with another person is a fundamental skill we learn from our primary education. To talk about various subjects with the people around us is a necessity of life in order to live. However, we must also converse for other reasons than to just fulfill a need or a whim, we must also converse to persuade, to befriends, to argue, to cause conflict, to educate and to understand. Thus conversation is of vital importance when it comes to representing ourselves and our needs to others particularly; strangers. Thus, conversation is perhaps the most necessary tool in seduction.

Despite this, many students I first meet are unaware and sometimes, skeptical about the importance of conversation skills or (as I like to call it), ‘The Art of Conversation’. When asked how they would rate their own skills, most people are quite sure of themselves, judging by their conversations with close friends and acquaintances within their own social circle. However, one of the main sticking points most students possess is ‘running out of things to say’. This is simply because having a conversation with a stranger is a very different scenario to that of speaking with someone you know something about, who is willing and prepared to speak to you. It is not enough to simply have a good opener, that won’t win a girl, nor will a great closing line – those skills (which can be bottled and rehearsed), will not alone seduce a girl.

The ‘dreaded’ mid-game that students avoid learning, and many PUAs avoid teaching is difficult because it is unpredictable and requires quick thinking with unpredictable answers. It has to entertain but not be a circus act. It requires a balance of questions and discussion (it is not an interrogation). One cannot rely on routines during mid-game conversations, although they can be implemented. To master conversation during the mid-game, requires the skill of working with whatever response you receive from the girl, trying to get as much information from her as possible and make her interested in you. The minimum you should achieve is that by the end of the conversation, before you close, you are no longer strangers. Here I will give you the techniques that I pass on to my students, to give you the grounding and the ability to master the Art of Conversation with most types of girls you will encounter.

Avoid Interrogation

My first piece of advice would be. DO NOT ASK TOO MANY QUESTIONS. This is because the conversation can easily turn into an interrogation. Imagine if a complete stranger approached you and started asking question after question. Then imagine after these questions, that person asked for your number, or tried to close you. After answering questions about yourself, you don’t know anything about the person you are actually talking to so you’re unlikely to give your number to someone who is still fundamentally a stranger. It is easy to fall back on questions because they are safe and usually guarantee a response from a girl. So as you ask question after question, you may think, “Yes I’ve kept this conversation going for a while, how great! I must be doing well, she must be into me!” If she hasn’t made her excuses to leave at this point, then she’s probably just very polite. The other problem with asking too many questions, and also asking the most obvious questions (a point I shall come back to) she will simply fall back on auto pilot mode. This is even worse than being interrogated, as she isn’t even thinking about her opinions. She is literally just quoting herself. To be more specific I will include this real example of myself.

Guy: …So what do you do?
Me: I’m a student.
Guy: Oh yeah? What do you study?
Me: Japanese
Guy: Oh wow! So how did you get into that?
Me: I’ve been interested in Asia since I was eight years old and….(etc etc) The biggest problems with this conversation are:

1. Too many questions.

2. I am clearly on autopilot

If I had a penny for every time I was asked the question “How did you become interested in Japanese?” I would be a very wealthy woman now. Not only am I asked this by acquaintances and guys trying to pick me up and get to know me but also on every single university application and CV. Although it is understandable that one may like to show interest, try to ask a specific question to make a girl think, something that she may not have asked herself before, or if she has; not very often.

Example:

Guy: I bet you study fine art; you dress a bit like a Parisian artist. (1) Girl :What? How? No…I study Japanese.

Guy: That’s interesting, I was completely wrong. Tell me three things that interest you most about Japan. (2)

Girl:….oh…three things….let me think uh…the first would be… (3)

1) The use of an assumption is detailed, therefore it can be as wild as one sees fit, it also doesn’t matter if you have assumed wrong, the more detail – the more wrong you are allowed to be. If you are vague, the assumption is thoughtless and impersonal and seems like a line you use on all girls.

2) Admitting you were wrong, and moving straight on to the hook “Japanese” that was given to you. Asking for “Three things” is giving the girl a task that she must complete. She needs to acquiesce to your demands – this puts you in a higher position and also requires the girl to think about the answers.

3) In the girl’s response, there is clear evidence that she is not on ‘autopilot’ mode. She may look up to the side while she racks her brain to think of impressive answers. You have stood out from the crowd.

Suddenly the autopilot mode has broken and I have to think. When a girl suddenly has to think of an answer that she did not have on the tip of her tongue, you may notice her eyes look up to the side as she racks her brain. This, you could say, is the indicator that the autopilot mode is broken. You have suddenly stood out as a person who made her think and question a large aspect of her life.

Also when using the “tell me three things…” remember that she is fulfilling a task; she is doing something for you. In the previous example, when the guy was asking all the questions, he was doing all the work – now the shoe is on the other foot.

Reading Between the Lines

It is important to look behind a girl’s responses rather than taking them on face value. For example;

Example:

Guy: Give me three reasons why cats are better than dogs.
Girl: uh…They’re much cleaner, they’re independent, and they’re very soothing

Looking at these answers, one could either continue on by discussing the other benefits of owning cats, or perhaps the benefits of owning dogs or snakes instead. Or one could look at how these reasons are a product of her personality. She says she likes how independent cats are; does she therefore perhaps dislike responsibility? Does she not like children either? Or keeps a busy lifestyle? Or perhaps she’s stressed easily and needs a calming influence from the ‘soothing’ nature of a cat.

Offering these assumptions (again assumptions are stronger than questions) you are making an attempt to read into who she is inside. It may seem false at first, but girls appreciate being read. You are making an honest attempt to understand her as a person.

Example:

Girl: I work in a bank.

Guy: Is that something you always wanted to do? Or did you parents pressure you into it?

This is a very strong example, it may be a sensitive subject, however, if you are bold enough to bring this up then you are more likely to receive a deep and interesting response. High risk? High reward.

You must also offer personal or emotional details of your personality as well; otherwise she will be as much a stranger to you as when you first met, it will also encourage her to speak openly about herself to you. Remember you are much more likely to close successfully having been able to connect with her beneath the surface.

Of course, this is a very small snapshot of the conversation skills one can learn. This is not the full answer by any means but my intentions in explaining these few tips are to emphasize how easily mistakes are made and bad habits are formed and also to explain some of the reasons why talking to a girl who is a complete stranger can be so difficult and how one can rectify this situation. The Art of Conversation is a very broad topic which is difficult to break down alone but with training becomes an invaluable lesson. In the Pick Up community, you will find many trainers who give you lists of routines. I can speak from experience that routines, although fun and useful, are not the backbone of a conversation, neither do they give you much opportunity to get to know the girl or entice her to want to know you. Also in routines, one unexpected reaction can throw you off course (I have seen top Pick Up Artists fail when I gave them an unexpected reaction!). With conversation skills, you can be prepared for any response and entice a girl to deliver information and share a moment with you when two people cease to be strangers any more.

By John’s Special Guest: Kezia Noble
Kezia Noble, world’s leading dating expert for men, published author of best selling book “Noble Art Of Seducing Women” is a regular newspaper and magazine columnist as well as frequently appearing as a guest expert on TV shows across the globe.

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Make the First Ten Seconds of a Date Count

Mon, 26 Oct 2020 15:18:31 GMT

For you men who always seem to have great first dates, you probably already know this important, unspoken rule.

For those of you who always seem to blow it on the first date, I have one very important thing you need to remember: The very first moments are not about you.

But first, this actually happened to me, and it’s a prime example of what not to do:

I’m on a first date with a guy. The bodybuilder type. Not necessarily my type, but hey, we’ll give him a try. About ten minutes into our shallow conversation he grabs my hand and slowly places it on his upper arm. He looks down at my hand, looks me in the eyes, and says, “I just love the way a woman’s hand looks on my bicep”.

I start laughing because he just made a joke, right? Apparently, it wasn’t a joke, and I didn’t stick around much longer to hear any of his other non-jokes.

Guys, we know if you have gorgeous eyes or great hands. We know if you spent an hour color coordinating your clothes. We know if you’ve been eating loads of spinach and have achieved Popeye arm status. We also know if we aren’t ready to give you a compliment because you’ve failed to acknowledge anything about us.

Do you have any idea how much time we just spent getting ready for this date with you? And by the way, many parts of it were really painful.

This may sound obvious to many of you, but if you’ve been out of the dating scene for a while, let me just give you a quick refresher. The first ten seconds of the date are strictly about the female and complimenting her on her appearance. You get the next three seconds. Four if you’re lucky. Of course, I fully expect a woman to reciprocate the compliment, but some women just don’t get it. Don’t blame me if she doesn’t spend the next four seconds petting your perfectly sculpted Civil War sideburns. They are in style again, aren’t they?

Sometimes you’re nervous and you forget, I understand. However, if you don’t compliment her immediately, I guarantee she will be waiting for it. All night long. Seriously. And you’ll begin wondering why she isn’t engaging in the conversation. And you’ll be wondering why her responses consist of a bunch of mmm hmmms.

We’re simply hardwired for this initial conversation, starting with you:

“Hello.”
– “Hi!”
“You look beautiful.” (gorgeous – stunning – striking – right-click, synonyms)
– “Thank you!”

We blush and we feign bashfulness because we were totally not expecting that. Not at all.

So, yes, she needs to hear this, and no, it doesn’t mean she’s self-centered. If she is, you’ll find out quickly enough and probably regret the “Man, you’re hotter than Megan Fox in the first Transformers movie” comment. (Do not say that.)

But, this is what romancing a woman is all about, and it should start immediately. If you really are into her, compliment her a couple more times throughout the date, but don’t pile them on. It gets uncomfortable and just a little creepy for us after that.

Why can’t we women just make up our minds?

So, you’ve complimented her and conquered the most crucial kick-off part of the date. And now you’ve got your foot in the game. Continue being the gentlemen that you’re pretty sure you can be, and maybe then we can talk about your biceps.

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Talk, Talk, Talk?

Mon, 26 Oct 2020 14:27:18 GMT

If you’ve been a subscriber for awhile, you know there are two types of people in the world: talkers and doers.

Talkers talk a lot (especially about themselves), but when you examine their actions, you find they do little, and talk to cover that up.

Interestingly, though, when it comes to attraction, some of the best doers also talk a lot…but not in the way talkers do.

When it comes to women, if you wish to attract them, you have to talk to them. Women are attracted to the sound of a man’s voice the way men are attracted to looks. They are also attracted to the way a man uses his words, much as a man is attracted to how a woman dresses.

Talking to women is like writing—to get and stay good, you have to constantly do it. That means you never miss an opportunity to talk with a woman, even for a brief time.

The more you talk to women (and pay close attention to them), the more you realize they communicate much differently from men. Facial expressions, gestures, tonality, and structure of language are much different with women than they are with men.

When you talk to other men, it’s in a straightforward manner. But with women, a large part of the conversation is through intrigue, innuendo, inference, and shading the meaning of your words.

After all, if you come right out and tell a woman you like her, what does it do? It kills the attraction dead—there is no intrigue, no vagueness, no buildup, no anticipation, no activation or imagination, all important to the female mind.

Obviously you don’t start out good at talking to women—no man does. But the more you do it, and the more you pay attention to her reactions based on your inputs, the more you evaluate your communication and calibrate, the better you’ll get.

Most men don’t think about talking to women as a skill to be learned. They think it’s just like talking to their guy friends, then are mystified when women are not interested in them. Ask any woman about her bad dates, and more than likely she’ll say he went on and on and on about nothing. Ask her about her good ones, and she’ll often say he was funny, and they had amazing chemistry.

What is interesting about this is, during both the good and the bad dates, a man was talking. But what made the difference between utter boredom and chemistry was how he talked, what he said, and the way he said it.

The only way you can get good at talking to women is by talking to women, with the mindset that you are getting better and better at it, that you are learning a skill, not filling in the time. But when you pay attention to this, and start deliberately improving, you’ll eventually learn to speak the language of women, opening up a whole new world most men are never privy to.

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Forget Forever

Mon, 26 Oct 2020 14:20:00 GMT

The message is always there, although it gets worse over the holidays: when you meet a woman and feel intense attraction, it will last FOREVER.

If it doesn’t, either you’re a failure OR she misrepresented herself and fooled you. Therefore she must pay.

What a crappy message. Sure, it lines the pockets of jewelry stores, wedding planners, bridal shops, the state, private investigators, divorce attorneys, and everyone else who makes their living from the Marriage-Divorce Financial Complex.

However, it has absolutely nothing to do with reality, no matter how much we might wish it to. And while the Marriage-Divorce Financial Complex is all too real, in the end, it is YOUR choice whether to participate in it or not. I have no issue with exchanging goods or services if someone wants to buy or someone wants to sell, but along with that comes the personal responsibility of being an informed consumer.

The reality is this: intense attraction fades over time, and the blindness that comes with it wears off. It is a scientific fact that this initial attraction is completely gone after three years, and it doesn’t come back. People who make legal relationship decisions based purely on this feeling AND the constant bombardment of messages claiming it will last forever inadvertently find themselves sucked into the Marriage-Divorce Financial complex, set up to feed that beast by assigning blame to the other party.

However, when you recognize the reality that attraction does, indeed, fade over time, you prepare yourself for it AND you can make better relationship decisions. I have no issue with marriage at all, but I do have a huge issue with the way people make decisions to get into it, and how it’s sold.

Very few people make it to “death do us part.” Most, at some point, break up, get divorced, or simply grow apart into roommates who tolerate each other while remembering there used to be an attraction there. If you recognize this decidedly unromantic reality, you can make very good relationship decisions, and decide whether or not marriage is for you.

People whose marriages tend to last take reality into the situation—whether they have like minded goals, sex drive, ways to handle conflict, negotiation, etc. In other words, they have business skills applied to what is a business environment, and those skills can make the “business” (marriage) last. But even then, it might not last forever, and when you realize this is simply a human condition, you can end the agreement with no malice and move on.

When you get the idea of “forever” out of your mind, and concentrate on the present and near future, your experiences with women change. When a relationship “ends,” you don’t take it personally, which sets you up for the next one. And when you realize attraction fades but can be replaced with a good working relationship and fondness for each other, you give yourself to approximate forever, just not in the way you thought.

Never get into a relationship based on the expectation of forever. It’s a good way to quickly destroy one. Get into one based on reality, and strangely, you might find you last a hell of a lot longer than all those wide eyed fools wondering why their forevers have a definite expiration date.

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Why You Should Never Settle for Minimum Standards

Mon, 26 Oct 2020 14:13:30 GMT

Decades ago, when a woman was asked about what kind of man she’d like to meet, she’d say a doctor or a lawyer or some other kind of accomplished man. She’d list the attributes she wanted in him, things like smart, funny, ambitious, stable, etc.

Today when you ask a woman about what kind of man she’d like to meet, she starts by naming what kind of man she does NOT want to meet. No whiners, no liars, no unemployed guys, no guys who live with their Mother, and so on.

Even when you do ask her what she wants in a man, she’ll often say, a guy with a job and a guy with a car.

Pretty pathetic, huh? But that’s the sorry state of men today, most of them are whiney little babies who moan about how bad it is to be born into prosperity (and we ARE prosperous, especially in comparison to other countries) or who have weak, damaged, small self images.

Of course women still would like to meet an accomplished man, a man who takes charge, creates his own life, believes the best is yet to come, and is a lot of fun to hang around. But there are so few men like that today, that a guy with a job and a car appears accomplished in comparison to the soft minded males who are out there.

This is bad news for society (the military has actually done studies on this, worried about the shrinking pool of eligible recruits), but it IS good news for you, and any man who wants to be an accomplished man.

Becoming an accomplished man starts with your attitude, and attitude really is what’s attractive to women. A man who makes himself mentally tough, a man who seeks out opportunity while withstanding failure, a man who prides himself on his ability to earn (and improving that ability), a man who likes to have a lot of fun, and who truly likes women is a rare, rare gem.

Obviously that man is very much in demand, and when you make yourself that man, you suddenly have a lot of choice with women. When you adopt this attitude, you discover something interesting, something the girlie men in the media don’t want you to know: it feels right.

I’ve known guys who bought into the whole idea that angst was cool, that mumbling was cooler, and that being broke was the coolest who took a look at their results, decided they didn’t like them, and decided to adopt a whole new attitude.

They started walking upright, started speaking clearly, started looking people in the eye when they spoke, and got serious about learning how to earn and accomplish. Then they got results with women, and their demeanor is completely different. They felt the difference between accomplishment and entitlement, and they will never, ever go back to their whiney ways. They are no longer minimum or substandard men—they are accomplished men with an accomplished attitude who have no tolerance for the minimum. They want the maximum out of life, are willing to do what it takes, and have discovered the rewards along the way.

This is the kind of man you want to be, the kind of man you can choose to be.

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Assessing Blame

Mon, 26 Oct 2020 14:02:35 GMT

People LOVE to assess blame, especially in this day and age of entitlement.

Assessing blame is an easy way to avoid responsibility, an easy way to avoid failure, and something those with weak self images love to do.

Nowhere do people assess more blame than in relationships. If it didn’t work out, it was HIS fault because he’s an ass or it was HER fault because she was a bitch.

Or, what you hear just as often is, “we got married and he or she changed.” Or, “we committed to each other, and he or she turned out not to be the person I thought they were.” In all of these statements, there is an assessment of blame, usually on the other person.

One of the biggest reasons people assess blame when a relationship ends is to conform to the relationship narrative they’ve been bombarded with all their lives. That narrative is that there is ONE special person, your SOULMATE, you will meet, who will complete you in every way, and you will spend the rest of your life with. You will know them when you meet them because you will feel chemistry like you’ve never felt.

Now, when a relationship with a purported soulmate ends, there are two explanations. 1) That person PRETENDED to be your soulmate for nefarious reasons, emotionally defrauded you and scammed you, it’s their fault, and now they must PAY. Divorce lawyers love this explanation. 2) The whole idea of one soulmate is complete nonsense, and the reality is attraction waxes and wanes.

People do NOT like explanation #2 because it clashes with narrative. Furthermore, there is an entire industry I call “The Marriage Divorce Financial Complex” consisting of everything from diamond hockers to wedding planners to divorce attorneys who make a very nice living from people getting married and divorced and married and divorce. They profit from blame, and do everything they can to encourage it.

Now, I’m an avowed capitalist, and I have no issue with people making a market. However, as a consumer, it is up to YOU to do your due diligence, and make an informed buying or non-buying decision. And when it comes to blame and relationships, the best thing you can do is to NOT buy into it.

You see, the reality is, most of the time (not always) no one is to blame when a relationship dissolves, any more than anyone is to blame when the sun sets. It is a natural phenomenon, with the feeling of attraction reaching a peak, then naturally diminishing.

No one is to blame for this, it’s simply how attraction works. If you recognize it, and understand that almost every relationship you have will eventually end, then you can let them end amicably, and perhaps start them again at a future time. There is no such thing as one soulmate, but the good news is this: there are a lot of really cool women out there to spend time with, so that when one relationship ends, no blame needs to be assessed…just go spend time with another great woman, and what you will find as your life progresses is your life is full of great women, and that because assessed no blame, no relationship ever truly ends.

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Boomers: How to Become More Attractive to Women

Mon, 26 Oct 2020 13:56:42 GMT

Cool Older Guys Go Natural

I’m a boomer guy in my later sixties, and I’ve addressed aging, as have most of my fellow boomers. What I know with certainty, and I mentioned in the New York Times article, is that an older guy who dyes his hair just looks silly. Even someone with Coke bottle glasses will immediately notice your foolish attempt to look youthful.

So what can a boomer guy to be attractive to women?

My suggestions are based on twenty-five years working with men in groups, two decades of dating in between several relationships, and tens of thousands of comments on my articles about sex, dating, and relationships in The Huffington Post.

While men don’t fret about hair as much as women, Donald Trump’s comb-over must require a team of weavers, albeit with questionable results. It’s been suggested his hair is actually an animal of sorts that sits on his head. My point is that what’s so obvious in terms of hiding reality is also the least effective.

The Key To Sexy

What is far more effective, and would even help chubby Donald appear younger and more attractive, is getting into shape. A bald man who’s in shape is automatically appealing. Sean Connery has been the handsomest man in the world several times, and he’s bald, but always in shape, as are Jason Statham, Bruce Willis, and Vin Diesel, all bald actors who understand that what appeals most to women is being in shape, not hair.

Don’t Do A Belly Flop

I don’t know this with scientific certainty, but my personal experiences with women suggest that none consider making love with a big belly resting on them, sexy. A man’s sex appeal needn’t be limited by his body. How does a man know whether or not he’s overweight? Forget the charts. Get naked, stand straight, and look down. If all you see is the floor, you’re not in shape for sex or anything strenuous for that matter. If you can see your toes, you’re approachingin shape, and if you can see your feet, you’re in shape and physically ready to make love with abandon. Trust me, women will notice and appreciate your in shape body for lots of reasons other than sex.

But There’s More Than The Physical

The emotional component of successful aging for men follows right behind the physical, in terms of being considered attractive by women. A boomer guy who’s done some amount of inner, personal growth work is highly prized by women for several reasons. Women automatically presume he has at least minimal relationship skills, which are necessary to resolve issues as they arise.

A simple question from a woman can be telling. “How are you feeling about our relationship?” remains unanswered when a man offers what he’s thinking instead. And if that’s the best a man can do because he never considered her emotions worth exploring, he goes to the bottom of most women’s lists. Sure, looks matter, but they’re not more important than emotional availability.

You Can’t Think Your Way

You can’t think your way through a relationship. You have to navigate it with your feelings. In case you haven’t figured this out yet, what you need to know is that nearly every woman has. And while you may appeal to a woman because you’re charming or handsome, the conversation will eventually come around to your ability to express your feelings effectively.

Finding Your Way

Since I’ve run men’s groups for decades I appreciate the huge value associated with men sharing their issues with each other in confidence. If individual therapy isn’t an option, then a men’s group is a terrific alternative. And, since far too many men are loners anyway, joining a men’s group can solve two problems at the same time. The learning curve is steep if you’ve never talked with other men in a confidential setting, but once trust is established, a lifetime of angst flows like water, and listening to other men’s experiences in your situation is enormously helpful.

Isn’t this wimpy?

What’s wimpy is a man who has unresolved issues he inflicts on people close to him because he lacks the courage to work through them.

The other benefit is that you’ll no longer be a loner, which isn’t a type of man most women prefer anyway since your lone wolf status automatically makes a woman your entire universe, which few consider positive. Having friends you can trust and confide in isn’t the same as guys you play golf with on Saturday, or go to ball games with. These are guys who accept you unconditionally, without opinion or judgment, and who will literally stand by you whenever you need them.

Getting Older Isn’t For Wimps

Dealing with the realities of aging for men isn’t the sweetest part of getting older, but it shouldn’t be ignored just because it isn’t fun. It’s never too late to get your physical and emotional self in shape. And it isn’t entirely about being attractive to women either.

It’s feeling good about yourself in every way, and knowing that you aren’t willing to grow old ungracefully just because the clock is ticking.

By John’s Special Guest: Ken Solin
Ken Solin is a Dating Expert for AARP.org. , and writes about sex, dating, and relationships for The Huffington Post. He has worked with men in groups for thirty years, helping them to move beyond the issues that prevent them from enjoying successful relationships.

Ken is a father, grandfather, and an entrepreneur, and lives in the San Francisco Bay Area. He just completed his new book, You Gotta Have Heart-To Find Your True Love Online. He is a dating coach for boomers.

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Beware of Best Friends?

Mon, 26 Oct 2020 13:49:41 GMT

It’s a story as old as the hills: boy meets girl, falls in love, catches girl sleeping with his best friend. Same thing applies with women: girl meets boy, falls in love, catches boy sleeping with her best friend.

What gives?

Surely if you’re friends with someone, the last thing you should do is make a move on their girlfriend or wife, and if the girlfriend or wife was truly in love with them, they’d say no 100% of the time.

Yet, people sure do seem to catch their significant other sleeping with their best friends a LOT. Heck, if you check out the cotton candy for the mind site, http://www.fmylife.com/ you will see a significant percentage of the stories are about best friends and significant others.

To an extent this tracks with the recent study that people who date other people within tight, closed social circles tend to break up at a much higher rate. People get bored, and when they get bored, they look for something new (and forbidden) and often that is a dalliance with a best friend.

People underestimate and gloss over the biological imperative to mate, but it is one of the most powerful human urges and the reason there are 7 billion people on this planet. There is an old saying about stiff pricks and consciences, and this is a saying that is more true than most people would like to admit.

Obviously, you don’t want your girlfriend or wife sleeping with your best friend, and neither do you want to be sleeping with your friends girlfriends or wives. It’s just not cool and, more importantly, aggrieved friends tend to have guns or knives or clubs and use them in such situations.

It is, however, easier to say no when you know you have a lot of options, options you’d consider more appropriate for you than ruining a relationship with a friend forever. The man who can get a yes whenever he desires (and knows it) finds it easier to say no should the situation come up. Secondly, he knows not to put himself in a situation where he has an opportunity that might be hard to resist. Learning the skill of attraction tends to keep you out of trouble.

But what about your wife or girlfriend and your friends? First off, don’t be naïve enough to think one of your male friends might take a liking to your wife or girlfriend, and don’t ever be naïve enough to think she won’t take a liking to him. Biological impulse often overrules reason.

You can, however, manage the “risk” by having lots of different friends you spend time with, and not constantly seeing the same people every damn day or weekend. That’s when these things start, when he appears more exciting than you (because she sees you all the time and him some of the time), and that’s reinforced when you associate on a semi-regular basis. But when you have lots of different friends and lots of variety, the risk decreases.

Obviously not all women will sleep with your best friend (would you sleep with hers, hmmmm?), but don’t be naïve or arrogant enough to think one you’re with won’t do it. The biological urge to reproduce overrides a lot of good character traits when you give it a chance to flourish…be mindful of it and it’s power at all times. Hell, it’s the reason YOU are here.

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Why It Is REALLY All Your Fault

Mon, 26 Oct 2020 13:34:47 GMT

I have, for a very long time, subscribed to the philosophy of “whatever happens, no matter how bad, it’s all your fault.”

This is a little shocking to some people who believe that things happen that are 100% beyond your control, but when you dig into the mindset behind it, you understand why it is a very useful philosophy.

If it’s not always all your fault, that means you don’t have control over your outcomes in life, that it’s all up to random chance. People who choose to live in a floodplain, for example, are always shocked when they get flooded out, believing it was simply out of their control. But it’s not—they chose to live in a known floodplain, and would not have been flooded had they chosen to live elsewhere.

I had two, personal, aggravating experiences this week that let me know I was not taking my “it’s all your fault” philosophy quite as seriously as I should have.

The first one happened on Wednesday. It got cold here in Austin, and when I started my car, it took a little while for the battery to turn over. I figured it’d warm up, and it would be no big deal (having both a degree in electrical engineering AND having worked in the oilfields of Alaska, I feel like a moron in hindsight). I was in a hurry, and had a dental appointment at 2:30.

One thing I absolutely hate to be is late. As I was taught in the Navy, there is no excuse for not being on time, every time, and I pride myself on ALWAYS being on time. So, I got out of the gym at 2:10, with plenty of time to get to the dentist, pushed the ignition button in my car and…got a bunch of clicking. Immediately I knew I was not going to make my dental appointment.

I called them and rescheduled (pissed at myself- my dentist was a Naval officer, and hates people who are late too) for the next day. Then I got a jump, and immediately went to the auto repair shop to get a new battery.

The second thing happened yesterday. I signed up for a webinar on Facebook ads that started at noon sharp. I racked out at 11:30, went to my computer, and discovered the internet had died a miserable death. I did everything I knew how to do to restore it, but no luck. I logged onto the webinar at 12:19, mad as hell that I was late for the second time that week. Yes, the webinar was recorded, and yes I will review it, but I was late again.

Now, the question is, were these events beyond my control?

The answer is no, they were not.

Had I invested on a $100 power storage unit, I could have jumped my car myself, made it to the dentist on time, then gone to get my battery replaced. Had I racked out at 10:30 am instead of 11:30, I could have made it to a Starbucks or my apartment complex and used the Wi Fi there. In other words, I was improperly prepared both time, and both times I was late, it was my own damn fault, not something out of my control.

All successful people I know have this philosophy because it forces you to think in terms of prevention and solutions and looking at every little detail so you can have a lot more control in your life— and success comes from control. So, I will get a power storage unit, get up earlier for a scheduled webinar, and closely examine all the other things I do. The lessons of the week will serve me well…but I am still pissed I was late twice, and both time were absolutely, positively, my own…damn…fault.

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What Every Woman Needs to Know From You

Mon, 26 Oct 2020 13:29:33 GMT

One thing every woman is secretly afraid of, especially on a biological level is meeting a man who wants one thing only, then nothing else to do with her.

Consider the biological consequences of that during the caveman years: a woman meets a man (perhaps named Ugh), they hookup, and he goes off to do that with another cavewoman. What happens to the first one?

Odds are she gets pregnant with no caveman to provide for her and to protect her, especially when pregnant and when she has a young child. Back then, that was pretty much a death sentence, and women who gave into that died off. So, today’s woman has evolved to test every potential mate to see if he is going to provide and protect.

In today’s environment, many women are fine with a night of fun, and that’s it—modern birth control has mitigated the pregnancy risk. But…

What every woman wants to know from every man is that he likes her for her, and is just using her.

I’ve had many women say to me over the years that when they’re going to meet a guy they’ve never slept with, and can sense that is his intent, it’s a total turn off, even if they were attracted to him. It’s a biological response…the hit and run man kills the feeling of attraction (the mating signal) in every woman.

The funny thing about women is, when you talk to them AFTER they meet a man and things get physical is they say, “I had no intention of sleeping with him, but it just happened.” Then they go onto talk about how wonderful it was.

That’ll drive you crazy as a man because it’s illogical, but you have to think about it from a woman’s point of view. When it “just happens” it’s because the feeling of attraction deepened, and wasn’t killed by male behavior. A smart man knows if he has no intent of getting physical with a woman, he plans on only having a lot of fun, the night will often end with it “just happening.”

If you want to be an attractive man, you have to focus your intent on simply enjoying the time you are given with her. If you do this, initially some women will be confused because they’ve braced for that intent, and when it’s not there, they don’t know what to think. That vacuum is often filled by the feeling of attraction because, obviously, you are different than other men, you have no ulterior motive or intent, and so therefore it is OK for things to “just happen.”

Yes, attraction IS a paradox, but it is a paradox with an answer. Think in terms of biology and evolution, and it will start to make sense. Just because we are “civilized” does not mean we have undone hundreds of thousands of years of evolutionary psychology.

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Why Men Are Little Boys

Mon, 19 Oct 2020 14:38:12 GMT

Many women complain about not understanding men and always ask why they act the way they do. The answer is simple and I’ll sum it up for you. Inside each man is a frightened little boy who’d love to come out and get a little attention. Picture a little boy in a classroom sitting in a corner while the other students are running around freely, playing and having a good time. He won’t leave the corner because he knows if he does the teacher might catch him and he will be in even more trouble than he already is.

Of course these men aren’t little boys anymore and they no longer have teachers to be afraid of. These men have an even greater fear now, something they deeply desire but at the same time scares them so much they shiver in their boots, almost causing them to pee their pants. You may be asking how these men can desire something that scares them so badly and what could it be? The answer would be, WOMEN.

Just the sight of a woman is enough to make the toughest, bravest, most masculine man lose all concentration, break out in a massive sweat and even make his heart skip a beat. Physically most men could squash a woman with a pinky finger, but when an attractive woman comes within talking distance, a man runs in the opposite direction faster than a Cheetah pounces on it’s prey. He’d rather walk on hot coals or fight a grizzly bear instead of striking up a conversation with her.

This is something that many women know, but no matter how hard they try, can’t figure out why most men are petrified of them. I have a little secret for you, as long as you promise not to tell anybody. Men were actually little boys at one time and they weren’t always afraid of women. Then again, these women weren’t always full grown and were also little themselves.

Way before puberty, little boys and girls would sit together in the school cafeteria eating their lunches out of their fancy lunch boxes, playing games while talking and laughing with each other. Little boys weren’t afraid to talk to little girls because there was no sexual attraction to cause any unnecessary stress or fear. And little girls weren’t afraid to start a conversation with little boys because they didn’t have to worry about being called easy or a slut.

I wish I could tell you that was the end of the story and that little boys and girls lived happily ever after together in peaceful harmony, but that would be a super big lie and an even bigger disappointment. Dating actually is chaotic and sometimes just extremely destructive to not only our mental health but also our physical health. It can cause us to have nervous breakdowns or eating disorders that lead to junk food binges in an attempt to ease the pain of a difficult break-up. So why do we put ourselves through it, then? It’s because if we don’t, we feel lonely and empty inside from not having someone to share our successes and failures with in life, and of course eventually growing old with, a time when nobody else might want us anymore.

As soon as little boys grew up and started to feel an attraction for women, this peaceful harmony got all messed up. Talking to women wasn’t quite so innocent anymore because now there was sexual tension involved, and if he got turned down, he had something to lose: his pride. Being turned down by a woman in front of friends and by-standers can not only destroy a man’s ego and pride, but also his confidence. Once this happens, you start to see desperation oozing out of his pores, even.

Maybe men are traumatized from when they were little boys and heard little girls commenting on how icky and gross boys were. Or could it be from being told by their dads not to be a sissy or little girl, and to toughen up? Many men are told while growing up to not cry or be sensitive or else they will be branded as a wimp for life. That’s a pretty harsh label to live with. Men feel that if they talk about their feelings openly, other men will see them as weak and pick on them ferociously. This is a major issue as to why men don’t share their deep inner feelings with women when asked to. Women on the other hand love to share their feelings with other women and get their opinions. This is one huge difference that exists between men and women.

Instead of letting all these built up feelings out, men instead let them build up inside. Over time, they simmer until there’s no more room to hold them inside – and then all hell breaks loose. These built-up feelings will show themselves in different ways ranging from playing sports aggressively to reckless behavior such as bungee-jumping or mountain-climbing. Some men will even get violent and beat their wives or girlfriends up…but this is mostly a problem for the mentally disturbed, and if you ever meet a man like this you should do yourself a favor and run away as fast as you can. Under no circumstances should you date him.

The largest majority of men will instead pout and throw a tantrum. Some may even stomp their feet and yell just like a little boy crying to his mommy. What he’s really saying is that I didn’t get my own way and I won’t stop until I get my own way. Men don’t mean any harm when they do this and it doesn’t make them bad men. They just haven’t had as much practice as women when it comes to socializing, and when faced with stress they don’t know how to express themselves in any other way except as, A LITTLE BOY. You have two choices here when it comes to dealing with a man who acts like a little boy. Put a diaper on him, give him a baby bottle and rock him to sleep or give him a big hug and tell him everything is going to be alright.

And if worse comes to worse you can always take a dream vacation together and act like kids together, bringing out the little boy and girl that exists within each and every one of us. So happy dating…and every once in awhile let the kids out to play, because after all, kids need to have fun too.

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A Cave Man’s Way To Attract Women

Mon, 19 Oct 2020 14:23:41 GMT

Hey CaveMan. We all know you’re responsible for inventing the wheel, discovering fire and teaching other guys how to bash women on the head with a club. You deserve credit for all those accomplishments – but when it comes to attracting women, we need to talk.

Yes, we all know that an old Geico commercials they say, “It’s so easy a CaveMan can do it,” and that it’s very humorous and entertaining to watch. Unfortunately for you, my hairy fellar, when you do it, it’s not so funny and entertaining.

The only way you’d actually be able to get a date would be to bash them on the head with your trusty old club. The problem is that things have changed quite a bit since you were hunting Wooly Mammoths. Today, instead of giving women massive migraines, men use social skills to attract the opposite sex.

Let’s start with the way you look and dress, Mr CaveMan. While it’s very true that clothes can make a major change in the way a man looks, it doesn’t do you any good if your body posture is all wrong. We all know that Caveman hunch forward and drag their knuckles on the ground while they walk, but when it comes to attracting the opposite sex, it’s all wrong.

Whenever you enter any type of venue looking for a date, your body language has a much stronger message than your words ever will.

Pull those shoulders back, CaveMan – but don’t look stiff and unnatural. Look relaxed and confident.
Lift your head up high. It’s been proven that women find men who lift their head up a bit more attractive than men who tilt their head downward. And keep your head straight; don’t tilt it to the side.
Be sure to smile. You want to look like the friendly CaveMan who’s having fun and is approachable. CaveMan can have fun too you know. Plus everybody wants to be around the fun person. Fun is like a virus – anybody can catch it.
Make good eye contact when talking to women so that they view you as having confidence and being trustworthy. CaveMen who look away even for a second or fidget are seen as insecure or thinking about something else, such as sewing a new pair of Saber-toothed Tiger Boots.

Now that we’ve corrected your bad CaveMan posture, let’s work on the way you dress. Women put a lot of time and effort into their appearance. They go get manicures, pedicures, get their hair done and keep their clothes very clean and neat. Women expect a man to look decent when they are going out places with him. A sloppily-dressed man is one of the biggest complaints women have. Women view men who dress sloppy as not taking much pride in themselves, and assume if they date them they won’t take much pride in the relationship either.

Here are a few tips to follow:

Go through your closet and throw away any clothes that are too big or don’t fit properly. Any shirts that have drooping collars or sleeves should be donated or trashed.
Make sure you wear pants that don’t droop or fall down showing your underwear. Straight leg is the most versatile and is always in style. Make sure you buy a good selection ranging from light to dark colors. Don’t buy any pants with holes, wear marks or any emblems on them unless you’re a 14 year old girl.
Any clothes with rips or stains should be thrown into the garbage.
Only wear shoes that are clean without wear marks. Shoes are the first thing that a woman sees when a guy walks into a room.
Buy clothes that are fashionable, but that will be in style for a long time.
Buy unique accessories and shoes that show your unique style and identity.

Some guys deliberately wear extremely outrageous clothes to draw attention and get women to start conversations with them. Items such as fury boas, cheesy jewelry and blonde dyed hair will definitely get you attention. But will it attract the type of attention that you truly want?

Every guy should show his awesome fashion sense by the way he dresses. But it should always be done in a way that makes you look fashionable and also masculine at the same time. Clothes can tell a lot about a person and can either make a great first impression – or an everlasting one that leaves a sour taste in all the mouths of the women you meet. You only get one chance at making your first impression a good one, so don’t blow it by dressing like a clown, CaveMan, because clowns only get laughed at.

Growing up, many CaveMen didn’t spend nearly as much time socializing as young Cavegirls did. While young Cavegirls were sitting around the cave sewing, starting fires to cook and talking about men, CaveMen were out playing sports, wrestling and getting into mischief. Young Cavegirls have alot more practice at socializing than CaveMan, because they’ve been practicing their whole life.

You and your buddies have a lot of catching up to do, so the sooner you start practicing the better. At first it’s going to be very tough to be more social and to make a connection when talking to women, but after a while you will start noticing little things the same way women seem to be extremely good at doing.

There are many books available on how to improve social skills and how to meet women, but many are completely useless. They come from the authors’ perspective and experience, and therefore most likely will not match your personality and lifestyle. Instead of using one of the exact same made up, memorized scripts that so many other guys are using word-for-word to try to start conversations, why not use something that’s real in your life instead? Here’s an example:

Memorized Script: I have a quick question for you guys. I can only stay a minute because I have to get back to my buddies, but you look smart and maybe you can help me with this: Who lies more, men or women?

Real question: Hey, I noticed that you ladies are wearing stewardess outfits, and figured you’d know quite a bit about travel. My buddies and I are going to Las Vegas, and wanted to know what would be the best Casino to stay at.

When you actually have a unique life with interesting stuff going on in it, you won’t need to make up fake stories or pretend to be a certain type of guy. You will actually be doing the stuff that you talk about and with real confidence. You’ll be the true masculine man that women adore and find attractive.

The next time you and your buddies go out to bash women on the head and drag them back to the cave, you can put your clubs down and follow these tips instead.

When talking speak in a calm, clear voice that is loud enough to be heard, especially if you’re in a bar where you have to speak over loud music, other conversations, etc. Speak from your diaphragm, not your chest. You will speak louder and deeper.
Don’t be like every other boring guy that tries to talk to her in the bar by asking a bunch of common questions as if it’s an interview. You won’t stand out as different, and she will automatically assume that you’re no different. Ask open ended questions that require her to give an explanation instead of just a yes or no answer.
Never take yourself or anything she says as a big deal. It’s okay to have an opinion about something or not agree with everything she says. This shows that you’re not trying too hard to impress her. If you do try too hard to impress her, you’ll be viewed as a weak man. You can stand your ground while being nice and without being a jerk. Be the fun guy everybody respects and wants to be around.
Teasing a woman and keeping her on her toes not only shows that you’re fun and flirty but also makes her feel more comfortable around you. Just make sure that you’re teasing rather than insulting – or you might be the one that gets bashed on the head with a club.

Stick with practicing all of these tips and in no time you will go from being a CaveMan to a real man before you realize it. Of course it won’t be easy and will be a lot of work – but anything that’s worth doing never comes easy in life. There will be times when it seems like you’re not making improvements or the obstacles are too big to overcome, but don’t give up. Keep working on improving yourself on a daily basis and eventually you will not only conquer these once seemingly impossible tasks but also move on to overcome even bigger ones. You’re a man, so don’t pretend to be one, actually be one.

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Macho Men Versus Women: The Epic Dating Battle

Mon, 19 Oct 2020 14:11:12 GMT

Hey ladies. Come closer. Closer. Now look over there. You see that sexy beast of a man over there? That’s known as a Macho Man. He’s unlike any other type of man you’ve ever known before. Alpha Male? Child’s play. Cave Man? No comparison. Nice guy? Don’t make me laugh. How dare you or anybody else even attempt to compare a fine specimen of a man like this to those other inferior men. A Macho Man is a completely different kind of beast altogether. He’s a very special beast. The sexiest of all men. Man of all men. Definitely the King of all men.

His clothes are worn out, bad fitting, and lack color and style?

Macho Men don’t bother wearing fashionable clothes that are clean and neat. This is how a Macho Man stands out in a crowd and distinguishes himself from other men. While Pick-Up-Artists “Peacock” to draw a women’s attention, the Macho Man does it by wearing colorless, dull clothing that fits like a garbage bag. Look at those scuffed up work boots with the shoes laces untied. After all, shoes are the first thing a woman notices when a guy walks into a room. And if that isn’t enough to make you drool, just look at that sexy scruffy beard, never mind the tobacco stains. I bet he doesn’t even wear cologne or deodorant. A man like this most likely hasn’t taken a bath in weeks, leaving his true sexy man smells for ladies like you to enjoy. No wonder you haven’t noticed the Alpha Male or Cave Man.

Why is he so loud, obnoxious, and rude, and calls women names?

This is how Macho Men attract the opposite sex. It’s part of their game plan. Unlike other men, the Macho Man doesn’t have to approach women. Instead he just sits there with the few acquaintances he does know and talks loud enough to make even a deaf man get a headache. This way everybody has no choice but to notice him, even in noisy bars. He’s definitely the leader among men, and we all know how much women love leaders. Every other man in the place is envious of this dominant super being. That’s why nobody even bothers talking to him. Besides he’s too skilled to be bothered with outdated social skills.

The Macho Man doesn’t buy women drinks either. He’s too smart for that. Instead he sits there, grasping his beer tightly, as if someone is trying to steal it. Maybe he’s onto something. We do know that a lot of women use men to just buy drinks all night and then ditch them when they get bored.

But I doubt that any woman will get bored with this super sexy Macho Man, because he has another trick up his sleeve. Mr Greatness doesn’t use Negs like a Pick-Up Artist does. He brings it to a whole new level. By calling women filthy names he’s not only showing he’s not desperate by any means, he’s also lowering her value and increasing his. In fact, he lowers her value so much that over time she experiences great periods of depression and low self worth, followed by therapy. There’s no way any woman would even consider leaving such a great, dominate man. He’s the ultimate challenge, and women crave a challenge. Let’s see you compete with that, Pick-Up Artists.

How do you avoid being scarred by these divorced, destined-to-be-single losers for life?

The answer is simple. Just look for the following signs mentioned above. Many Macho Men are either divorced or about to be divorced due to the fact that after years of abuse, their wives get fed up with them. These inferior men have no clue about how to truly love a woman and treat her right.

Instead of showing her love and respect, he controls her life and calls her untrue filthy names. Instead of helping her raise the kids, he sits around all day drinking beer and watching television. This bum has no idea what a job is. He probably can’t even spell it, seeing as he hardly has any education. You’re looking at a true lazy slacker who doesn’t strive to better himself but instead just strives to get by – barely. The kids grow up watching this – leaving the daughter to have mental issues and dating the same kind of guys her father was, and the son growing up to be the same abusive alcoholic or a confused loner.

Of course the mother ends up scarred for life, never allowing another man to fully enter her life again, thereby being cheated out of the true love that she deserves. And don’t forget the stress she endures working two jobs to support her children because the lazy Macho Man doesn’t even have the decency to pay child support. He’d rather quit his job first.

No man should ever put a woman down, especially his wife. If a woman truly isn’t any good, then why would any man want to date her? Why wouldn’t he just divorce her if she did end up being different than what he thought she was when he married her? It says alot about such a man. Obviously he’s desperate or he wouldn’t be with her.

When a man and women first meet, it might start out as a physical attraction, but if theres no mental connection, the new romance between them isn’t going to last long. Women like to know that a guy isn’t with them just because of their physical beauty, but also for the great qualities she possesses inside. She wants to know that he truly loves her because they have things in common, plus some unique qualities about her that aren’t the same as his so that they can both learn from each other.

While it’s true that both men and women should always strive to improve themselves on a daily basis, the fact is that men are the ones who have to approach women and ask them out. That’s why it’s important that men make the extra effort to improve their confidence, social skills and learn how to truly treat a woman right. It’s important that you guys read as many dating, social and confidence building books as possible on a daily basis. And if you truly feel like you have some inner demons that you can’t defeat on your own, seek out the proper mental help immediately in order to get better and form a healthy attitude towards women. Good luck, and keep me posted on your success.

The post Macho Men Versus Women: The Epic Dating Battle appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

How NOT to Go to Your Grave a Virgin

Mon, 19 Oct 2020 14:03:00 GMT

I know an 81-year-old man who has a deep, dark secret.

For a long time, I’ve known by the way he talks, acts, and presents himself to others that this man was very unique and different from most guys. Don’t get me wrong – he’s a decent guy who tries to get along with others in a respectful and polite manner.

The problem is he’s very awkward when trying to socialize with other people, especially women. Sometimes, he unknowingly says things that make women think he’s creepy or just plain desperate to talk to anybody who will listen. And maybe they’re right. It would be understandable, seeing as he lives all alone with talk radio as his only companion, is on a fixed income, can only get around if his bills are paid and he has enough to rent a car, has never been married…and shockingly, is a virgin.

Most people would laugh and ridicule this man if they discovered that he is a virgin, like in the movie The 40 Year Old Virgin. In that movie, Andy Stitzer (Steve Carell) is a lonely 40-year old virgin who has no social life except for watching Survivor with his elderly neighbors who live upstairs. Guys like this, especially in the extreme case of the 81-year-old, are mocked horribly because many assume that the only virgins are acne-popping high school teens who live in their parents’ basement. Of course, reality paints a much more pitiful picture. Virgins come in many different ages, many being over 40, and even your once-in-a-lifetime 81-year-old.

The cause of the ridicule is that it’s not just assumed all guys are having sex; it’s expected. Whenever a guy goes to any social gathering, whether a family picnic, friend’s birthday party or a group gathering among co-workers, the first things people ask him are, “Wheres your girlfriend? Are you single? Why aren’t you dating? When are you getting married?” They get bombarded by more questions than a criminal in an interrogation room with Dirty Harry.

If his answers imply that he’s not currently seeing a woman, then everyone assumes he’s either gay or not telling the truth. They think there must be something wrong with this guy, because there’s no possible way a man could be over 18 and still a virgin.

First come the mockery and jokes from his fellow guy friends, making the already lonely and depressed guy feel smaller than an ant. Next comes the assault of bad dating advice you often hear circulating around dating circles like gospel. Some will say, “Just ask a lot of questions when talking to a women.” Others will say, “Be mysterious or give lots of compliments,” assuming this will make her desire you like a mountain lion drooling over a t-bone steak. Then comes the more complicated advice, such as mentioning something fun you’re going to do over the weekend, dropping the subject and talking about something else so it will have time to soak into her brain, then bringing it up again later and asking her to join you when you go. Of course, you can always go with the most simplest and common advice and “just be yourself” – but we all know how that usually ends up. Unless you eliminate all your bad habits first, this is basically dating suicide.

These poor confused, lonely guys not only get tons of pressure from friends and family to have sex, but the media also bombards them with the image that they should be able to get sex easily on a daily basis. Watch a movie and there’s always a scene with a man and woman hooking up and having sex. Go into the magazine aisle sometime, and you will see thousands of magazine covers featuring scantily clad women, suggesting that these men go out and find a woman right now to have sex with. If only it were that simple.

The problem is that first, not all of these men want to have casual sex, and second, even if they did, these magazines never tell them how to go out and meet a women and eventually end up with a date. Some men want a relationship with a special woman they feel a deep and meaningful connection with, rather than just empty, meaningless sex. But since most magazines feature articles by so-called-experts that only write about theories instead of actually practicing social building skills, the advice is usually as useless as trying to fight a tank with a squirt gun.

So what usually happens to these socially awkward, confused men? A lot give up altogether, not knowing where to begin. They accept it as their fate, even while miserable inside, rusting away like an old car in a junkyard. Others will get extremely desperate and try the current dating gimmicks that charge thousands of dollars to attend, much the same way unemployed, broke people do with get-rich-quick schemes. These over-hyped programs or boot camps market to these very desperate, lonely guys who will do anything for a date. Society beats them down for being single until they are willing to do anything in the hopes of being happy, even pay every penny they possess.

If you’re one of these lonely, dateless guys I have a little secret to tell you that many of these boot camps or programs wont teach you. The only way to get good at talking to women is to hone these skills:

Talk to as many people as possible The more people you talk to in as many different social situations as you can, the better you will get at adapting to your environment, which will make you a much better conversationalist.
Update your sense of fashion The way you dress is what gives people their first impression about you and determines how they are going to perceive you.
Build your confidence Women find confidence to be the sexiest thing a man can have.
Keep your attitude positive Nobody likes to be around a miserable, negative person, so keep a positive attitude.
Treat women with respect Many coaches will tell you to use gimmicks such as ignoring women, using magic tricks or insults. These may get you temporary success, but will never really help you improve your social skills. Improve yourself from the inside out, and you won’t need such creepy gimmicks.

While this list isn’t extensive, it does provide some of the most important aspects of your life that will need some major improvements before you will be able to actually go out and socially wow groups of people and women alike. This will take tons of practice and patience to master, no matter what the so-called experts who want to charge you thousands of dollars to learn a few magic tricks and opening lines will tell you. You can either go out and practice until you learn the necessary social skills, or you can go to an overpriced boot camp only to find out later that you will still have to go out and learn how to socialize. It will just cost you $7,000 less. It’s your choice, so good luck.

The post How NOT to Go to Your Grave a Virgin appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

Bahumbug To The Whiny Men

Mon, 19 Oct 2020 13:29:24 GMT

Dear whiny men,

There was a time that I used to feel bad for you and could understand why you felt sad and lonely. I know how painful it can be when the holidays roll around and you feel left out when everybody shows up with their significant others. You feel like you get up every morning and go to a dead-end job – even though you could do better than the people running it, if you were only given a chance. All your friends aren’t around when you are down and out, and your family couldn’t care less about you.

It’s as if the whole world is against you and there’s nobody there to tell you that everything is going to be alright. The women out there are superficial and only want good-looking guys with money. Your employer is greedy and only interested in using your amazing talents to make money without giving you credit for keeping the company from closing for all these years. And your family doesn’t appreciate you because they are jealous of your potential to take over the world. You’re angry and upset because you deserve better than what you’re getting and won’t stop until you get what you deserve.

Does this sound like someone you know, or is it you?

Well I have a message to all you whiny men who feel this way, because as far as I’m concerned I have no sympathy for the anger and resentment that you are holding inside towards others. I see men like you complaining on different websites created by dating gurus who tell you that it’s not your fault. Society has beaten you up. Women don’t understand you and don’t give you the sex that you’re entitled to. I’ve heard it all and I don’t buy it.

I get complaints everyday from men just like you, and I’m going to give you a few examples of some men who are too lazy to do anything about their life, and choose instead to complain.

Here’s one from one of my favorite complainers named Dave.

Ms. Mimi – Thanks for your honesty (if in fact you are really a female)/I wish that more women had your attitude since so many of them could learn from you.
If I get a young lady out for coffee ( I pay) , it is because she asked me , and showed that she was interested in me. It is absolutely NOT worth my precious time
to approach, and I think that your own experience has shown you why men have to think this way. Women think it is the man’s “JOB” , i already have a job.

I’ve been through this discussion a thousand times and am not going to address it again. Instead, I’m going to give a bit of harsh but well-deserved advice to you, Dave. This website is not about helping women improve themselves, even though it never hurts if they do. It’s about helping men improve their social skills, because in all honesty most men need it more. They are so afraid to take a chance to get what they want, including a date with a gorgeous woman, that they’d rather stay single before they swallow their pride and admit that they need help with their social skills.

Women aren’t afraid to admit that they want a man, and have even shown it on here by commenting and asking for help more than the guys whom this site was made for. The reality of life is that we need others to succeed in life and can’t do everything on our own, including overcoming social problems. I have spent a lot of time obtaining the best information from different experts and even women to give you a different perspective from others so that you can realize what your problems are and attempt to correct them. And for the ones who need help, I have offered help numerous times, so there’s no excuse as to why you’re complaining about what women are like or how bad your lives are.

I have always recommended that you don’t waste time on the women who are not compatible for you or have social issues that no man in his right mind would ever tolerate. Women are just like us. They are human and are no more perfect than we are. All you have to do when you meet a woman who seems to lack the qualities that you are looking for is walk away. There’s no law saying you have to date her under all circumstances. The problem is that you’re desperate because you’ve been alone for so long since no woman wants you.

This is all your fault because you refuse to change. Put yourself in the shoes of your prospective date for a second. Would you date a woman who wears messy, stained, or dirty clothes that haven’t been washed in weeks? How about if she didn’t shave or shower? Or didn’t take care of herself by not exercising? And how about if she had bad table manners or was embarrassing by the way she acted when meeting your friends? You guys expect a lot, but ask yourself what you’re offering in order to get a woman to date you. Why would a woman date you if you’re too lazy to put the work in to show that you’ll take the relationship serious? Does it seem fair that women have to be fit, dress and smell nice, get bikini waxes and be friendly, while you have a grumpy attitude and look like a sewer dweller?

Well according to John there’s another reason.

Whatever. Women do want the “bad boys” and will always go for a man who mistreats and abuses them. I’ve seen it so many times in the past 20 years. Any man who has a shred of decency will always be rejected by a woman, but they will do anything to get with the thug in the room, even after he beats the cr@p out of them.

Women simply do not want good men anymore. They’ve been conditioned by society that they have to accept the scum because that is the only type of person who can make their lives interesting. Yeah, till he beats you to death as happened to several women I went to high school and college with.

I’ve heard this complaint a thousand times and am tired of hearing it. The reason why many women go for the so-called bad guy is not that they like to be abused and beat up. It’s because they are the only ones who will not only approach women but also ask them out. They don’t stumble over their feet as soon as a woman walks into the room. Women like attention just like we men do, and feel the same about excitement.

Many so-called nice guys are afraid to show women their interest because they are either afraid the women will reject them and destroy what little confidence they may have left, or get offended because you’re somehow doing something wrong as if you’re a little boy. When will you guys wake up and realize that women are just as afraid of being rejected as you are? In fact, it’s worse because if a guy rejects her in front of others then there has to be something terribly wrong with her since, according to myth, any woman can get a man into bed.

Another problem is that women can ruin their reputation a lot faster and easier than a man can. When a woman is seen asking men out, people automatically assume she’s desperate, or that she’s easy and will call her a slut. Once this happens, she will have this reputation for the rest of her life and have a harder time finding good quality men to date. This is why women don’t ask men out.

The so-called bad boys who know about this swoop in and take the women away while you innocent so-called good boys sit on the sidelines wishing it were you. This causes you to get angry and resent women, because you feel like you’re entitled to what the so-called bad boys are getting. Lot’s of sex from women throwing themselves at you!

When all this doesn’t happen, you seek out websites where you can complain and blame everybody for what you are too afraid and lazy to go out and get for yourself. Do you think you can get a job without looking? Buy a house without looking? Make money without working for it? Like anything else in life, you don’t get anything for free. You have to go out and work and take what you want, or nobody else is going to give it to you. And this applies to dating also.

The women aren’t going to come knocking on your door and form a line down to the end of the street just to meet the incredible you. So here’s what I have to say to you whiny men. Bahumbug!

Unlike other sites where I see men and the pathetic dating experts talking about women and calling them names, I happen to respect and like women, actually. There’s nothing like the feel and beauty of a woman who you love. If you don’t like and respect women like you should any other human being, you’re not welcome here and can go somewhere else and whine like a baby. I’m not a baby sitter and not about to waste my time changing your diaper and feeding you a baby bottle.

So if you want help, don’t hesitate to subscribe and leave a comment below. And make sure that you share with others. Otherwise Bahumbug to you. Stop worrying about what is wrong with women, but rather how you can become a better you.

The post Bahumbug To The Whiny Men appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

Is She Just Too Complex For A Man To Get? Just A Nag?

Mon, 19 Oct 2020 13:14:26 GMT

There is a tremendous pay-off to continuing the “story” that women are mysterious. Both men and women benefit from this excuse. This justification alleviates both men and women from having to take responsibility for their own differences – even at the expense of diminishing women, as they are labeled at best “mysterious” and at worst “flakey, air-head nut-jobs.”

Power Productions Corp.

The Issue

Him: In your mind, you’re telling yourself that there’s no way you’re ever going to understand this uncontrollable, over-emotional, uncaring nut-job, because women are more mysterious and confusing than the Bermuda Triangle. You wonder if she’s deliberately trying to make you feel bad about yourself with this nagging. Maybe she just enjoys conflict. When she starts going in on you, you try to smooth the situation over by staying silent, maintaining a deceptively calm exterior, or taking complete blame and apologizing profusely even though you’re not sure what you did wrong, and aren’t sure if you even care at this point. All you want is for her to cool off and for the storm to blow over. You feel so frustrated. You love her, and this is why it pains you that she seems to want to make you feel small, and to breach the peace. Doesn’t she care that you had a really stressful day at work? All you know is that you’re starting to resent her deeply and to slowly drift away from her.

Her: Your woman is telling herself that you’re a jerk or an asshole who selfishly cares only about your own needs and comfort. It seems like you aren’t even listening to her, since she has spoken to you about this particular issue repeatedly to no avail. She is convinced that you don’t care enough to try to understand her feelings and meet her needs. She feels alone and abandoned, like a voice crying out unheard in the wilderness. She thinks her emotional turmoil is proof that she cares about the relationship, and your seemingly calm indifference proves that you aren’t at all emotionally invested in the relationship and are unmoved by her frustration, confusion and sadness over it. She wonders if you even love her enough to want her to be happy. She loves you so much, so that’s why your apparent indifference wounds her so deeply. She tries to ignore her building frustration and confusion, but it becomes impossible to hold back and she bursts like a dam. She sounds harsher than she intended, but at this point, she just wants to know that you feel something, anything. After the argument has been either averted or fought and ended, you still don’t do anything about the original issue, and her frustrating cycle – trying not to nag while suffering silently about her unmet need – starts all over again. All she knows is that she resents you and is slowly drifting away from you.

You both feel as if you just can’t connect, and don’t know how much longer this can go on. It’s as if a giant gulf has opened between you, and as much as you each want to, you can’t close the divide or cross it to reach to your partner. You doubt your partner genuinely wants to reach you, anyway. It feels like the most frustrating thing in the world.

Why This Happens

Most men do want to communicate and to be a good boyfriend or husband.

The trouble is that most men are taught as boys to hold most of their emotions inside. Boys who express any feelings besides anger, aggression and ambitiousness are teased by adults and other kids, who tell them they’re big babies, sissies, or acting like girls. Boys live in fear of this shaming growing up.

Instead of practicing communicating, boys are told to go play football or play war with toy guns. Boys are also told to just leave the girls alone, since boys are bigger and stronger and taught how to be rough, and girls don’t play the same way. When guys get older, many of us still follow the respectful rule to be gentle with women. Since we love our woman, we don’t want to fight with her. When a woman starts expressing any displeasure or frustration or getting mad, we see it as bad since we only associated this with anger and hate. That is because while growing up, other men never showed their feelings unless they were mad and wanted to fight us. We think she hates us and don’t know how to handle it because we’re taught not to argue or fight with women out of respect.

Whenever men think about sharing or discussing feelings, we hear the little mocking voices in our head saying she won’t understand, or will ridicule us and say we’re unmanly. When we do attempt to say how we feel, we often say things wrong or offend, even though we don’t mean to, because we’re not good at this type of communication due to lack of experience.

Women grow up communicating in a judge-free environment; they practice displaying their feelings and talking about how they feel to their mothers, sisters and best friends without being laughed at. They also receive more emotional support while growing up. With all of this social practice, many women can more easily spot when another person is upset or sad over something, and how to get them to talk about it. Since many guys don’t spend time learning how to observe these things growing up, many of us don’t know what cues to look for to see how the other person is feeling. Women and men have the same emotions, but men learn to suppress them a lot more and not learn to understand what these things mean when they feel them, until their own feelings are basically foreign to them. No man will admit that he’s socially awkward and doesn’t know how to communicate, because of the fear of exposing himself to public ridicule from nearly everyone.

What Men Can Do

Women’s biggest complaint is that their partners or husbands don’t understand them and seem emotionally unavailable. Most women want the sort of guy who will open up to her and share his feelings and problems with her, and understand what she is going through and support her when she’s low. By opening up to her and telling her how you feel and how much you care for her, the two of you will have a much closer relationship, and your woman will appreciate the fact that you cared for her enough to overcome this enormous obstacle.

Do not assume that you know better than her what she needs and how her needs should be met just because you’re a man and think you’re far more rational and therefore superior. Logic and emotions are equally important and neither of these things can be denied without creating a fractured, unfulfilled human being and a fractured, dysfunctional relationship.

Never date a woman who bashes you for communicating your feelings or trying to understand hers. Also, just as there are some men who would like to believe they have a complete monopoly on being logical and understanding logic, there are some women who would like to believe they have a natural monopoly on understanding and communicating emotions, and would not like to see that change by allowing men to grow. You shouldn’t get involved with women like this, because they are denying you a part of your humanity.

How Women Can Help

Men want to feel that at least there is at least one person in the world who they can relax and really open up to sometimes without feeling judged. They are wearing a mask with everyone else in the world because they have to, and don’t want to always have to be on guard with you, too.

You can help your man by encouraging open and honest communication. You may start by telling him that you don’t understand his behavior and you want to, but don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable. Always listen respectfully to his perspective. Never get judgmental or defensive, or dismiss his viewpoint or feelings as invalid. Your perspective may be completely different than his, but being a woman does not make your viewpoint more valid than his. Do share your differing viewpoint with him afterward so that each of you can see where the other is coming from and arrive at a mutual understanding.

Avoid accusatory language. Never mock him as being unmanly for opening up, or he will completely lose trust in you and shut down again, and never open up to you for a long time, if ever. It’s never a good idea to tell men how they feel, because men take it as a personal attack. It makes a man feel like you’re assuming instead of trying to understand him, and that you don’t want to understand.

Of course, not all men will be willing to work with you to build a deeper connection, so you need to be sure that the man you select for a relationship is one you can talk to, who cares enough to listen, and can empathize with your needs and is making the effort to learn how to grow in this area.

Growing Closer is a Team Effort

Romantic relationships, especially marriages, are supposed to be about mutual support. In order to be supportive, you both need to be able to be good listeners and good communicators. Men and women are different, but not so different that a man and woman can’t ever hope to understand each other. If you put in the effort, you will be able to understand each other and forge a deeper bond. Remember that declaring women “too mysterious” or men “emotionally shallow assholes” is a cop-out.

The post Is She Just Too Complex For A Man To Get? Just A Nag? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

Are You Social Enough?

Mon, 19 Oct 2020 13:05:23 GMT

Imagine the CEO of a huge corporation has a major speech to make to ten thousand employees in the morning. He stays up all night writing notes to prepare his presentation. The next day, he arrives to work extra early and calls all of his top executives and best writer into his office. His speech needs to be precise, clear and convincing. Right before he gives his amazing speech, he heads to the bathroom and looks into the mirror. Splashing water onto his face, he tells himself he can do this. After all, he’d gone through much worse than this in order to become CEO. Even though his heart is pounding and his palms are sweaty, he heads out to the stage and gives one hell of a speech.

Here’s a guy who gets it. He understands the power of being social. How do you think he became the CEO of the corporation he works for. What started out with working in the mail room has turned into a career that even he didn’t anticipate from the beginning.

Like our government, companies are run by politics. You will notice that many people in your company rarely get raises or promotions although they are usually the ones who are busy working and never hanging out socializing by the water cooler. What’s the problem, you may wonder?

Consider the people who do hang out by the water cooler socializing. They walk into work early in the morning and take the time to say hi to everyone and shake hands. Next they head to the break room, pour themselves a cup of coffee and ask all the bosses and co-workers how their weekend was. From there, they talk about sports, family matters and their holiday plans. After work, they all meet at the neighborhood bar down the street and have a few drinks and grilled food together.

If you are one of the people who work ten times harder than anybody else, you may very well despise these people. When you get to work in the morning, you head directly to your desk and get straight to work. Instead of pouring cup after cup of coffee, you are already half-way done with the marketing plan that has to be handed in by Friday, but because you love your job you are way ahead of schedule. You find the constant chit chatting and ball tossing in the office to be annoying. And while they’re hanging out after work, you’re working overtime in order to finish up the extra work that the slackers never had time to get to. To add insult to injury, while you keep going unnoticed, the ones who waste time socializing seem to get all the raises and promotions.

Unlike the CEO, you just don’t get it. People not only love to socialize, they need it, they crave it. Why do you think websites such as Instagram and Facebook became so popular? And of course let’s not forget the newest player to the game, Twitter, which allows anyone to post up to the minute updates with one hundred and forty characters or less. Who would’ve thought a thing that allows so few characters would become so well liked? Maybe it’s because people like to be connected to others twenty four/seven.

There are also many books on the subject available on Amazon. Books are a great place to start if you are not accustomed to being very social, because they allow you to start with simple interactions and advance to more adventurous ones at your own pace. Just make sure that the book that you choose has a lot of high ratings.

The post Are You Social Enough? appeared first on Loveawake.com blog.

Peacocking Or Image Building?

Mon, 19 Oct 2020 12:48:16 GMT

The first time I heard this term, it was while reading about the pick-up-community. Peacocking is the act of wearing something completely different and often times ridiculous in order to stand out from the crowd. At first, I thought that this was just a joke – until I noticed that whenever I wore something very unique and different, I’d get many compliments from both men and women and asked where I got it from. Two examples of this is my watch from New York City and wallet from Mighty Wallets. Both of these items get plenty of attention without screaming “look at me” and without looking ridiculous.

Peacocking when done right is the equivalent of a company trying to build an image towards its consumers. Like the dating world, launching new products is very competitive. There’s only one difference. You’re not just trying to sell a product (you); you’re looking for something much more sacred. To get close to a woman. Get to know her better. And eventually get intimate. In order to do this, you want to project the right image so that she’ll consider you more than just a potential mate. Many men get past her defenses and become a potential mate. The problem is that they never become more than that. Why is that? There are a couple of reasons why this happens to men and they end up going home to cry themselves to sleep.

They look like a circus clown

Imagine going to meet a financial investor only to be greeted by a guy that looks like he just came from the circus. Would you trust him with your life savings? Of course not! Now imagine meeting a woman while wearing woman’s pants and a see through mesh shirt. She’s not going to consider you a possible mate because she’s going to think you’re immature. Not the image to project to any woman you’re trying to date.

Lack of Identity

Many guys will dress up in outlandish outfits without considering what kind of image they are projecting. It’s important to dress in a way that you’re comfortable with in order to not constantly worry about what others are thinking of you. Everything from your pants, shoes, shirts and accessories such as watches should match the type of person that you are. This way you’re not constantly distracted, thinking about them rather than focusing on socializing.

High quality and style rules

I was once visiting a friend who worked in a bar to grab a bite to eat while there. Everybody was dressed in worn out t-shirts, jeans and sneakers. This guy walked in wearing a classy suit, dress shirt, flashy tie and shoes. Everybody instantly noticed him, and because he acted cool, had no problem with socializing. And he did this without dressing like a fool.

Accessories are great peacocking tools

If you’re anything like me, you are not the type to wear a suit everywhere you go. Now I’m not saying you should dress like a bum, because clean, good quality clothes can go a long way. Unique watches, wallets and sneakers can all make you stand out without looking like you’re trying to get attention. In fact, they can make you look like the cool guy that has a laid back and fun personality.

When it comes to peacocking, more is not always better, and can make you look like a well-respected guy that everyone wants to talk to, including women.

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