I did my first ever holiday gift guide for travelers a few years ago, which was fun to compile. Readers seemed to enjoy the various items, and I was happy to share some of the products that accompanied me on the road. This year, I wanted to do something a little different.

For starters, my life is a little different – something all of you already know. As a result, my own gifts to family and friends aren’t souvenirs from far-away places, but fun things I’ve discovered online. I wanted to share some of them here, especially as many are small businesses like myself.

The items below are from artists that I have supported, some of whom I’ve actually met, and they are all products I stand behind.

Art and jewelry gifts

Some beautiful items to make your own.

BECCA JANE DESIGNS

When searching for a gift for my mum’s birthday this year, I thought I would do something a little different. I looked for an artist who could illustrate our family with a beautiful border and then send her a printed copy for her birthday.

I’ve never commissioned this kind of gift before, and Rebecca – the artist I chose – was patient and kind, and we went back and forth a few times until I was satisfied. She even agreed to make my brother as depicted, wearing his favourite martini t-shirt.

I was waiting on this gift guide until my mum received her gift, and she loved it!

Rebecca’s full shop here, and note that she will do other kinds of designs as well, like Save the Dates for weddings, holiday cards, personalized baby blankets, and more.

LEXIGRAPHIQUE

I’ve followed Michael Buchino’s whimsical word work for some time on Instagram, as it combines two of my favourite things: learning, and art. His Insta feed, Lexigraphique, is one of those accounts that I send to multiple friends many times a week.

Before this guide went up, I wrote him to ask if he had any holiday items I could include, and lucky for all of us he was just about to launch the hygge cards below.

You can buy his prints and these cute holiday cards in his Buchino shop, here.

PICTRIXDESIGN

Anne Connell’s shop is a wonder to behold, chock full of paper goods designed — as she notes on Instagram and on her website — with an “absurd attention to detail” She lists herself as a precisionist, and it’s easy to see why. Her artwork is meticulous, delicately crafted, and very unique.

I found her botanical card series first, and clapped my hands with glee. As someone trying to get out in nature during brief spurts of respite from bedrest, they were a breath of fresh air. Her constellation cards, featuring each of the zodiac signs, are a clear crowd-pleaser. I’ve put those two types of cards below but honestly it’s worth heading to see her full shop.

I realize these are listed as cards, but I think they are frame-worthy all by themselves.

Her full shop here.

LUNETTE VULVA EARRING

I’ve written about how a menstrual cup has been one of the most useful items for a solo female traveler to bring, and this year they’ve added a fun lightweight jewellery option in wood. I bought these for myself, and absolutely love them. They’re subtle enough to not scream VULVA to anyone you meet, and they’re in my favourite colour.

Earrings here, and a necklace option here.

NICALLENART

Nicola is a long-time Legal Nomads reader, and a fellow lawyer and traveler. She has generously shared bird illustrations and other fun to keep me cheered up when I’ve been down. She’s also a very talented artist, and her cards and other items are rich in puns and joyful artistry. 

Nicola’s work reminds me of the children’s’ books I loved most, with creative characters, maps, and whimsical animals. A talented hand-brush lettering artist, she also includes a lot of drawn typography in her work.

From a grumpy owl to a festive sheep, you’ll be sure to find holiday cards to your tastes. And one of my absolute faves is her wedding card below, “Of all the fish in the sea” — delightful.

Nicola’s full shop is here.

BIRDSTRIPS

I’ve had the pleasure of meeting Jess, the genius behind Birdstrips, in person twice. She’s currently in Montreal, and a friend introduced us just before I re-leaked last summer. Her illustrations have grown a huge following on Instagram due to its relatable messaging, and her captions that accompany the drawings are raw and vulnerable. Together, it’s powerful work that makes almost everyone feel heard.

In Jess’ words, the shop comprises “the existential distress of the flightless through the eyes of the flighted.”

You can check out her images and pick up mugs, shirts, prints and more, here.

ABSTRACT AERIAL ART

JP and Mike Andrews, two brothers from the UK are an Instagram favourite of mine. I often share their images with my community because their eye is unique, and their pictures compelling. Like me, they absolutely love to travel. Unlike me, they specialize in photographing bizarre, aerial images our planet using drone photography.

Their goal: to share perspectives of the world otherwise unseen, captured from a vantage point most of us miss. A great gift option for those who love to roam.

Here’s one I love from them: Skyline, a drone photograph of a freighter that looks like a cityscape.

And this aerial view of a beach made me smile:

Their full gallery shop here.

TEKSTARTIST

Jason Markow, aka TEKSTartist is an artist I found a few years ago, and was hooked immediately. His work combines both traditional and digital media, a fusion of techniques that result in elegant yet crisp products. Given that my own products are typographic representations of food, I love that his art includes quotes he’s enjoyed over the years, visually represented in unique ways.

One of my favourites: this flower, “Your Garden, Forever” available here, created by warping and twisting the words from Tennyson’s famous quote – “If I had a flower for every time I thought of you…I could walk through my garden forever.”― Alfred Tennyson

And the item below, The Giving Tree, was created by warping/twisting the words from the entire set of text from Shel Silverstein’s iconic book “The Giving Tree”. Buy a copy of the artwork here.

Full shop here.

EFFIN BIRDS

These illustrations of birds with curse words sayings are all the rage on Instagram and Twitter, for good reason: they’re hilarious. Crafted by Aaron Reynolds, they do seem to offend some, but as the name suggests exactly what they are it’s hard for anyone to be upset. Don’t like them? Close the tab.

Personally, I find them exactly what I need, each and every day.

Clothing, mugs, pins, and more here, plus an Effin’ Birds book and a 2022 Calendar too.

TOTE BAGS: TYPOGRAPHIC MAPS OF FOOD

I’m excited to share the new tote bags in the Legal Nomads shop. Previously, I offered a canvas, bull-woven tote of the maps, with the map printed on one side. These new tote bags are black and white – and if people like, I can also swap out the handles to make them red or mustard! – and the design is printed on both sides.*

The new tote has sturdy handles and holds up to 44lbs, perfect for errands and/or carrying a laptop without a laptop bag. Food maps of Japan, Thailand, Vietnam, Portugal, Italy, and Mexico available.

Shop the new totes here. The full shop is here. Use code TOTESAMAZING for a 15% discount until December 8th, 2021

MICAPEET JEWLERY

Given my love of nature, it’s no surprise that I also love jewelry that depicts it in design. I saw these gold leaf earrings recently and ordered a pair as my holiday gift to myself. They’re lightweight — great for anyone with headaches — and they are delicate and just so pretty. I like the contrast of the gold with the emerald green stud in the ear.

If leaf earrings aren’t your thing, Mica also has necklaces, rings, and other earrings in a variety of shapes and sizes. They’re lightweight and beautiful, and oh so creative. Her jewelry is hypoallergenic and nickel-free.

Buy the same gold leaf earrings that I love here, with Mica’s full shop here.

KAMOKA PEARLS

My friend Celeste is not only a great travel writer, but also runs an environmentally-friendly Tahitian pearl company, Kamoka, that adheres to the strictest levels of sustainable farming in the world. Their pearls are from oysters grown in the nutrient-rich lagoon of Ahe Atoll, 300 miles northeast of Tahiti, with electricity supplied by solar and wind power. And if you needed more convincing about supporting their enterprise: a National Geographic study found that their farming methods helped increase the area’s fish population in recent years.

As with my former gift guide, I wanted to include their Mana Bracelet. At $99, it is durable and beautiful. Celeste said that this bracelet was initially crafted for surfers. Now, it’s one of their best sellers for active people who want a beautiful pearl bracelet without worrying about fragility. The adjustable band is made from kangaroo leather (the strongest leather in the world), and is a great choice for the fashionable wanderer and the active fashionista alike.

For something a little more delicate (and fragile!), I love this white Tahitian keishi pearl ring, offset with a crescent to represent the sun and the moon. Keshi pearls are happy accidents, small nuggets that are created as a by-product when the pearl grows without a nucleus, or rejects the bead nucleus as it grows.

I love that Kamoka took these often-discarded items and made something beautiful out of them.

• The Mana Bracelet is available here.
• The White Tahitian Pearl Ring is here.
• Kamoka’s full shop, with pendants, necklaces, rings, bracelets, and more, is here. 2021 Pre-holiday sale is on as of updating this post, with 15% off.

Practical Gifts for the Home

WINE WANDS

I was sceptical of these, but they really do work for me during the occasional time that I have a glass of wine. Due to an inflammatory immune condition called Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (I’ve written about it elsewhere on the blog), wine is a rarity. But these wands make a glass something I don’t react to anymore, which has been great.

Buy them here.

SAD LAMP FOR WINTER

I use a SAD lamp in the winter months when in a colder climate. As the days shorten, it’s easy to feel the winter blues. These Verilux lamps are affordable and use LED lights, and are more and more portable over time. They only brand I’ve used for years.

Buy them here.

QUIETON 3 NOISE CANCELING EARBUDS

These tiny earbuds don’t play music or audio from the phone, but have noise cancelling technology. They’re the world’s smallest for this purpose, and are built to be comfortable for sleep—including for side sleepers. I was concerned they’d fit, but they come with an XS earbud size that is perfect for me.

Buy them here. Black Friday sale on before the 2021 holidays.

FOOD CRAYONS

These are a Quebec product, and super fun. They are concentrated flavours in a “crayon” that comes with its own sharpener. You can add the shavings to boost any meal, or cocktail, with a variety of flavours. Made by hand, they are all vegan and gluten-free, and currently offer 24 flavours.

Buy them here. They ship outside of Canada, too.

For readers who asked how to support me during this holiday season, the best ways are via my Patreon (come join us! there are birds!), or via a one-time support option.

Thank you as always for all the love!

-Jodi

The post The Legal Nomads 2021 Gift Guide appeared first on Legal Nomads.

It’s been awhile, and though I do share tidbits more frequently on social media and via my newsletter, I wanted to do a full write up of what has been going on. I haven’t published a blog post since April, so this is a long overdue update. It shares some exciting professional news, but also the personal as it relates to my health.

This community has been a huge part of what has kept me afloat during the last few, difficult years. With my limited bandwidth due to the ongoing spinal cerebrospinal (CSF) leak, I hae had to cut out some of work I want to do. The blog was put on hiatus first, because updating on social media (primarily Instagram) is quicker and less labour intensive.

But while I have not been putting out new posts here, I have spent many hours updating the backend of the website, and working on a number of other things that I wanted to share. I’ve also seen specialists and learned more about my body, enough that that information sheds a very different light on the many years of chronic pain I endured prior to my CSF leak.

It has taken time to process the thread that now connects dots I never thought to connect, and I wanted to keep my community updated.

Personal Updates

A few updates about how I’m feeling, those connected dots, and where I’m living.

Moving to Gatineau, Quebec and Living Semi-Independently

Since May, I’ve been living in Gatineau, across the river from Ottawa. My brother lives in Ottawa, and my plan is to eventually move there as well. For now, though, Gatineau has been a lovely middle ground. I got to spend a summer wandering down to the water, seeing my family, and learning how to live mostly alone, with a leak.

My brother and his partner come over once a week to help with things I cannot do, like getting groceries for me, and doing my laundry and my vacuuming. I’m lucky that I have them to pick up the slack that my leak steals away, and I will never complain about getting more time with people I love so much.

At first, adjusting to the apartment felt really deflating. There were many things that I couldn’t reach, or use. The bed was too low and very painful to get in and out of. The freezer was a drawer under the fridge, so I couldn’t open it without making my CSF leak worse. The dishes and pots were too heavy for me to wash myself, or use comfortably. The list went on.

These are fixable problems, of course. I got a mattress pad, a tiny freezer, and new lightweight dishes and a small pot to use, thanks in no small part to the Amazon gift cards you got me for my birthday.

But the initial weeks here felt really deflating. As humans we are so good at adjusting. Sometimes too good, and we forget where we really are. The perspective I lost was that I am actually more disabled than I remembered, something that hit me hard when I moved into this apartment.

Like anything else, adjusting to this new life has its ups and downs, and eventually I got past the frustration and started strategizing ways to fix the problems I was facing. I also got a kitchen rolling cart, lots of canvas storage bins since everything has to sit on counters to be reachable for me, and a few other things that make the place more comfortable.

I was never sure if I’d even be able to live independently again. So while there is a lot I wish I could do, I am very grateful that I am able to have more autonomy after years of being so dependent on others for every little thing.

Spinal CSF Leak Status

As I mentioned, my spinal CSF leak is still active. But my body either seems to have produced more CSF, giving me some additional “uptime”, or it has gotten slightly better. I did have a whopper of a setback before my birthday in August, but ultimately I have come back to baseline again. That baseline now is better than it was last year at this time. I am getting around 5-6 hours of standing time a day, with many breaks to lie down in between.

The net of that uptime is that I am able to put some extra work in, and I have thus divvied up my hours toward some of the projects below. I’ve also been able to handle longer walks, which always helps lift the spirits.

A percentage of that uptime goes toward the necessities of life, since I’m living alone. Doing my own dishes, preparing my own food—it all takes time and effort, and pain. But it’s been wonderful, and peaceful, and like rediscovering myself again.

My life does remain very small, and an “exciting” day for me is when I go for a slightly longer walk than usual, or make some progress in other ways. Like last month, when I was able to go and get take-out food at a restaurant by myself, for the first time in many years. It’s not anywhere near the intensity of the life I used to lead, but it remains more than I thought I’d be able to claw back.

The little things are what I now celebrate. And I am lucky to have others here to celebrate with me.

Angry Mast Cells

I recently finished a very long mast cell activation disorder page. Well, for now it’s finished! I update it when new studies or research comes out.

Many of you know how tough the last years have been in terms of reactivity to food, environments, and other strange new triggers—like sunlight. Some of these issues started after I got sick in 2013, but I actually had many years as a child where I would cough and itch while trying to sleep. This went away when I hit puberty, and remained mostly in repose until 2013. Then, when a lumbar puncture gave me a CSF leak, the sleeplessness, itchiness, tickling in my throat and more came back, in addition to many new issues. This culminated in my going into anaphylaxis on the table during my final round of blood patching.

Ever since, I’ve been struggling to stabilize and calm my immune system. I started learning about mast cells because other CSF leakers with complex cases also seemed to have this issue. It was a fellow leaker who suggested I look into it initially.

From the page I wrote:

Mast cells are “sentinels” of the immune system, a type of white blood cell that helps control the immune processes in the body. They are called resident immune cells because they reside in tissues and not in our bloodstream. And they reside in tissues all over the body, from the connective tissue, to the endothelial cells, to the epithelial cells, and even in the brain.

Over time, I kept a huge folder of notes, studies, and protocols and whittled down my own self-experimentation to something that has worked. I was able to self-refer to a specialist outside of Canada (thankfully my global travel insurance covered the lab work needed to test for it, but not the specialist appointments themselves), and travel to the United States to do the required testing.

Testing confirmed that I do, in fact, have this disorder. It’s a doozy, and it affects every aspect of my day-to-day life, in addition to the leak. I went from eating tons of street food and traveling the world, to going into anaphylaxis with certain smells, foods, or insect stings.

Given how many people have written me over the years with strange reactions, hives, thick sticky blood, bone pain, rashes, itching, headaches, and much more, I wanted to share the resources page because it goes into symptoms caused by each of the systems affected by mast cells when they are dysfunctional.

In addition, the prevalence of long-covid during the pandemic is relevant. Anecdotally, many of you wrote in to say that you’ve been diagnosed with a mast cell disorder following a COVID-19 infection. This matches some of the literature, but research is ongoing in this area. At least one mast cell specialist agrees. It’s also similar to what happened after I got sick in 2013.

Given those numbers, I wanted to make sure I had a resource page for those of you with long covid, too. It has felt so bewildering to manage and tackle this very erratic condition and I know how exhausting it can be to look at the scads of very contradictory information online and try to make sense of it.

While I am obviously not a medical doctor, nor do I play one on TV, I hope my research notes will help patients navigate this complicated disease.

Wonky Connective Tissue

Another mystery solved. It turns out that I also have a genetic condition that affects my connective tissue. It’s called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS), of which there are different subtypes. According to the geneticist I saw, I have the hypermobile type (called hEDS), the subtype where the gene has not yet been found. Diagnosis is thus made based on clinical findings.

Way back when I started writing about this spinal tap and what happened thereafter, I said that the patients that had connective tissue problems were the ones who seemed to have the worst outcomes.

Sadly I am in that boat.

The geneticist confirmed that disparate issues I never would have thought to connect all lead back to my collagen synthesis. And that the worsening expression of this condition also explains the years of chronic pain since I got sick in 2013. (Apparently it’s also why I look so young, though the rest of my body feels like it’s 90 years old.)

My appointment with the geneticist was an overwhelming one. For starters, she was taken aback by the force of what I put my body through during my many years of travel. She told me she was surprised it took so long for everything to really collapse. She confirmed that in some of her patients, getting a bad virus can worsen the underlying collagen issues, which dovetails with the changes in my body and skin after I got sick in 2013.

But even before then, there were so many strange quirks that ran in parts of my family but did not seem to affect my friends. Those included how my ligaments easily tore, how I had delayed wound healing, how my skin was soft and velvety and thin, how flexible I was, the fact that local anesthetics don’t work for me—and more.

This last factor was also why my spinal tap was so excruciatingly painful.

Prior to the lumbar puncture, any concerns I raised to doctors about my rising pain levels or easily-obtained injuries were simply dismissed as “stress.” This minimization or ignoring of symptoms isn’t new, but is common. Says geneticist Dr. Clair Francomano,

“A lot of people hear that it’s all in their head, and that there is no physiologic basis for their symptoms,” Francomano said. “Particularly if they’re healthy-looking young women, unfortunately there is a tendency to dismiss their experience.”

Via STAT Magazine, “Everyday bumps injured her joints, but finding the reason took half a century“

For me, the diagnosis was validating. The stretchy skin and painful joints and so much more made sense. As does celiac disease and the mast cell issues. A 2021 case control report found that celiac disease was one of the most common gastrointestinal conditions associated with EDS, and the association was much stronger than in controls. And a different 2021 analysis found that in hospitalized patients with MCAS, 1 in 3 had a comorbid diagnosis of hEDS.

But it was also deflating. Connective tissue disorder patients seem to be the ones where the leak repairs don’t hold. In my years in the CSF leak groups, those of us with wonky tissues are the ones who blow out new leaks and/or have their old ones re-open frequently, even with surgery. This information is part of why I’ve been so conservative about pursuing further procedures.

The diagnosis also hit me hard for another reason: throughout my life, I joked that I was scrappy “even though my body hated me”. I’d say things like, “oh I was built from the defective parts of other people!” My ex used to say I was built with no warranties (yes, as lawyers we thought this was funny). But the truth was the opposite. Not knowing I was a canary in a coal mine, I put my body through so much. I pushed myself to the brink many times. I stubbornly kept traveling even when I got frequently sick. Even when I dealt with years of chronic pain. 

And throughout I was mad.

Mad at my body, mad at my exhaustion, mad that I couldn’t be “normal” like everyone else. 

Why did I always get hurt? Or sick? Or exhausted?

Now I have my answer. All those years when I was mad at my body, I should have been proud of it. Despite these underlying things I didn’t know, it allowed me to see the world intensely for a decade. 

Now I know. 

Business Updates

Some of the projects I’ve been working on in the months since I last published.

Sharing Resources about Pain on Patreon

I created the Patreon as a way to accept support from this community, but it is slowly morphing into a place where I also share resources for people who are suffering for chronic pain, or those who know someone who is in pain.

The sad reality is that most of us are in one of those two categories.

Over the years, I’ve received many questions about how I’ve coped with my own pain levels. Now, I’m getting questions about how someone can support a person in pain. So the Patreon’s AMAs are a place where I answer those questions, and add additional resources.

The posts I’ve shared there also go into how I made the apartment I’m in accessible, and what changes to the setup allowed me to handle living alone with the disabilities I now have. Most recently, as sometimes people feel bad about asking for help or accepting help, someone asked me to talk about how to talk to someone in pain to help them get support if they are stubborn. (I’ll be answering this in the next AMA).

From feedback so far, these have been really useful. I look forward to sharing more.

Also, I’m now a Patreon ambassador! I got an email from them in the summer, asking if I’d be interested in applying for an ambassadorship programme they were building. I’m one of a small group of creators (out of their 200,000 users) who were accepted.

It’s still quite new, and thus far it’s been lovely to meet some really interesting, super artistic people. The ambassadorship is unpaid, but features workshop—I’ve attended a few so far—and rewarding breakout rooms with others in the programme to share strategies and problems/successes. Other perks include 1:1 product support, social media features, fun swag for my Patreon community, as well as paid opportunities to participate in things like product focus groups or creative collaborations with their team.

I don’t know how they found me, and it’s intimidating because many of the other creators have upwards of 2000 Patrons, but I’m looking forward to participating! Given that it was all of you who asked me to start a Patreon, I have this community to thank!

If you’re interested in joining the Patreon community, you can do so here.

The Curious About Everything Newsletter

Despite all this excitement of moving to a new place, I’ve managed to keep my newsletter running. I’ve been playing around with format (and emojis, I can’t help myself), and primarily spotlighting a few important reads each month, along with more fun photo-essays and quirky pieces I find. I sometimes include personal updates, but the focus of the newsletter is on talented and/or important writing worth reading.

While it is on Substack, and many writers have moved to a paid newsletter model, I do not plan to do so. The Patreon is the primary support system for my income, alongside celiac cards and the food maps shop. The newsletter I plan to keep free.

Even if this site has been more dormant than I would like, I feel happy that CAE has gone out every month for the last 11 months.

You can sign up below if you are interested in receiving it.

A Big Piece about Mental Mindset (Coming Soon)

I had a post called How to Get Through Terrible Times that I had on this site, but I have temporarily taken it down as I planned to publish it separately. But it, and Instagram posts about resilience and reframing, caught the attention of an editor at a big outlet, who commissioned a piece about how I found joy again despite my limited life.

I’ve been working on this piece during the last while and it’s still in editing, but I am excited to share it here along with the republication of the Terrible Times piece.

Redesign of Legal Nomads:

You may have noticed that the site is a little different!

Arthur the raven, my mascot, is very prominent. Ravens are such incredibly curious birds, and I chose one as my site’s throughline in order to highlight that I still am too, albeit in a different way to before.

And, a new slogan: curious about everything. I am no longer telling stories through food, so that slogan had to go. The new logo reflects a divergence from my prior life of travel and food, but also the truth of who I always was: someone who wanted to learn as much as possible.

I started to feel really dissonant when I looked at the ‘old’ Legal Nomads, so this reflects more of where I am in life while still maintaining a similar structure.

I’ve added health and chronic pain to the main categories on the home page, too, since they are now a bigger part of what I write about.

I had really specific ideas of what I wanted, so as with the last redesign to the site I provided the assets (new logos, Arthur the Raven, etc.) to a web developer instead of hiring someone who did branding as well as development. The assets were inked by my artist-in-Legal-Nomadsness Ella F. Sanders. The redesign was done by a web developer who works for fellow travel blogger Mike’s web development company. While her work was paid, he donated his own time pro bono to help supervise the project.

Post Overhauls and Page Updates:

My morning routine is to get up, make coffee, and then do some work on the website until I need to take a break.

This has allowed me to slowly update pages and posts over time, and keep Legal Nomads more current.

Among them:

• The gluten free guides are updated for 2021. They’re here.
• The gluten free New York City guide has also been updated to reflect restaurant closures and some newcomers to the scene that are 100% gluten free.
• I added a history of Belize section, and a “where is Belize located” section, because believe it or not that’s the most common search term for this post. It’s also got COVID-19 rules for visiting, if you were choosing to risk going now.
• I updated the Vietnamese Egg Coffee Recipe with places to get it in North America, and new pieces and videos about the sweet treat.
• I updated my piece on sleep issues and jet lag with information about how to sleep better, and new studies about chronomedicine and Covid-19.
• I updated my Vipassana Meditation retreat experience with some new data about the dangers of those kinds of retreats, and how in some cases they can lead to a mental break.
• The Alternative Careers for Lawyers page has been updated to include pandemic information, the rise of consultants in the legal field, and a more clear breakdown of how to go about shifting careers when you feel overwhelmed thinking about how to do so.
• I will update my history of chili peppers post soon to include the 2021 Nobel Prize winning research on capsaicin and pain.

RSS-to-Email Changes: Feedburner is no more. RIP Feedburner.

Google has been threatening to cut RSS-to-email options for Feedburner for many years. The service was deprecated years ago, and this July they finally said that they were done supporting that option. So I had to figure out what service to use in order to get those people their emails. (Since I barely write here, I had lots of time to do this!)

For those of you who opted to receive Legal Nomads updates via email, you’ll see that this post looks different in your inbox. It’s being sent by a newer company called Follow.it. I moved over the Feedburner list to this new company after researching options for a replacement.

For those who are interested in signing up to get these posts via email, you can do so here, or via the sign up form below.

Given how infrequently I post here, the best option to receive a similar service as prior is to select “email updates” as I’ve highlighted in the image below:

If you were already subscribed to get Legal Nomads posts by email, you do not need to do anything. I wanted to explain why the emails look different, and let everyone know they can also sign up that way if they prefer.

That’s it for now!

While the pain I’m in never goes away, these projects and my newfound autonomy have helped make these last few months some of the best in years. I may not be mobile or traveling the world anymore, but I believe that I’m able to help more people than ever before.

Whether it’s helping navigate tough times, understanding pain and loss, or just giving more context to the illnesses of loved ones, this work feels useful.

And feeling useful goes a long way toward life satisfaction for me.

Thank you for allowing me to share this journey with you.

Until next time,
Jodi

The post Connecting the Dots: My Chronic Pain Explained. (And a Long Overdue Update) appeared first on Legal Nomads.

A few weeks into December, I received a message in my “requests” folder on Facebook. I didn’t know it at the time, since it was buried in Facebook purgatory. It was only a month later that I thought to check my requests inbox. I found the following message.

Hi, you don’t know me, but we found a backpack with your credit cards in it on my roof in Park Slope Brooklyn. Did you by any chance lose or have a backpack stolen in the last few years? If so, let me know; there are a couple of things still in it.

My heart just about stopped in my chest.

For those newer to the site: when I was in the ER in August 2017, getting a spinal tap that would leave me disabled, the apartment I was cat-sitting for was burgled. In fact, the time that the burglar entered the apartment (per the time stamp on the apartment’s baby cam) was the same time that the doctor was starting the lumbar puncture.

Setting aside the creepiness of that confluence, part of what was stolen was my trusty Tom Bihn synapse daybag. The thief used it to gather my belongings and those of the apartment tenants, stuffing the backpack with things but leaving me my Canadian passport and a $5 Canadian bill on the couch when he left.

Once my heart started beating normally again, I replied to this woman thanking her and trying not to overwhelm her with all the crazy details of the night this all happened. I asked where she was located, and briefly explained that the robbery happened while I was in the hospital, and I never expected to see my bag or its contents again.

It turns out that she lived only a few houses down from the house-sit, and had recently paid someone to clean her chimney after a few years. It was the chimney cleaner who found my backpack tucked into the side of the chimney vent on the roof of her house.

In the backpack was a few random and not useful things: a blue dice that was not mine, my old hand lotion, some Tylenol, and business cards from a travel meet and greet. Happily, it also contained both pairs of prescription glasses that I had to replace following the burglary. The glasses frames are warped from years of temperature fluctuations, but should be able to be adjusted at an optometrist. Among the items was also a few of my credit cards.

The woman at the apartment a few doors down looked me up on Facebook after the chimney cleaner gave her the bag, and sent me a message. I assume she realized it must have been a few years ago since those cards had all expired.

Reunited and… I am not sure it feels so good?

What wasn’t included: the laptop that was stolen, the money, the jewelry stolen from the apartment, and more.

As you can imagine, this lady’s message brought back all of the feelings. I wrote her back, but it took some time for her to view my reply, and in that time I was flooded with resurfaced memories. That evening was the worst in my life. To have an unexpected reminder felt like kicking up a lot of sediment from the bottom of a lake that appeared to be clear. It did serve as an opportunity to work through some of those emotions in ways I hadn’t yet gotten to, though and I am grateful for that. Ultimately, it was a good exercise.

And of course I am very grateful for her efforts to reach me.

In the end, one of my best friends went to pick up the backpack. This friend is Cheryl, someone I went to law school with. We became good friends when she offered to sew a mermaid tail out of sequinned stretch fabric so I could sing a parody rendition of Part of Your World from the Little Mermaid. (The song was “Part of that Firm” and yes, the tail had little elastics so I could flop it around stage when I walked. And no, I am too old for there to be a digital version of this rendition. Thank god.)

Cheryl and I ended up working at the same New York firm many years later, and were pretty much inseparable by then. We’d grab lunch together, we’d alternate coffee runs, and when quit my law job to travel we stayed in touch and I often house-sat for her and her husband when I went back to New York in the summers.

I mention all of this because Cheryl knows me knows me – she knows all the things that make me happy and make me sad. And she knew, of course, just how much of a mindfuck getting this backpack would be.

So, she set upon the backpack with a loving frenzy, to make me feel better. She not only washed it and dried it, but mailed it back to me full of llamas.

A llama sweatshirt, llama Christmas tree ornaments, llama card, llama notebooks, and more.

Llamatastic, with love

I wondered what to do with the backpack, now that I had it back. Tom Bihn had kindly mailed me a replacement when they read the story of the burglary, and I was using it day to day.

I contemplated burning it, or shredding it, or just donating it. But ultimately, it felt like a bit of a miracle that it had returned, so unusually, over three years later. I decided to offer it to another good friend who would appreciate the tenacity of the backpack and also use it for her own needs. And who would appreciate the llamafication of it once it was found.

Her reaction to my offer was exactly my train of thought: that it was a miracle bag and deserved a good home, transmuting the bad into something useful and kind.

It may seem like just a backpack, but for those few weeks it felt like it held all of the liminal weight of a life about to change. Until it had a new home, the backpack was a holding of my breath, the transient space between an old, mobile Jodi and a Jodi that I am still getting to know.

There was some power in it for me, feeling like it came around again on the spiral of life. Power in managing the emotions that receiving the bag dredged up. And a hope that by closing that chapter, it would bring me more healing in the future.

Since you’ve all come along with me during this extraordinary ride, I wanted to share this story.

Someone once told me I was an outlier of possibilities, and I suppose being reunited with this bag falls into that category. All I can do is ride the waves as they hit, and try to feel the strength that comes from making my way through them.

Brief other updates:

• The Patreon! We are up to 209 patrons, and it’s a lovely new community. I’ve enjoyed sharing shorter posts there and the feedback has been great.
• Newsletter! Despite my leaky state, I’ve managed to get out a newsletter monthly, filled with the best long reads from the prior month, and a grab bag of fun things to explore from around the web.
• Redesign! It’s not yet done but we’re close. I’m excited.

I hope everyone is staying safe and doing well.

-Jodi

The post A Surprising Message I Just Had to Share appeared first on Legal Nomads.

It’s been a long while since I’ve written on Legal Nomads. When people ask how I’m doing, I’ve taken to saying, “I’m hanging in as best as I can.” What else can we all do? These are pretty unusual, extreme times, and honestly I’m just impressed with anyone who makes it through each day without cracking at least once.

While I haven’t been writing much here, I have been working (in 20 minute standing increments!) on some really rewarding things, which I am excited to share with you here.

1. I’ve Launched My Patreon

Many of you have asked about ways to support me at a time where I can’t physically work the way I used to. Patreon is a great way to do so.

I released my Patreon to the world his week. For those unfamiliar with Patreon, it’s a membership platform that allows people to sign up to receive updates, behind the scenes videos, private podcasts and more from their favourite creatives, writers, or artists. A lot of you in this community have suggested I start one up, and in my tiny working increments I was able to get it up and running.

Many of my travel blogging peers have started one, but my Patreon is a bit different than the norm, because it’s support only. So instead of each tier offering more and more rewards for what you sign up for, my campaign has each tier receiving the same access and benefits as the others. I structured it this way because pain limits my day to day output so much that I’d rather be absolutely sure that I can deliver what I promise, vs. creating high monetary tiers and break that promise.

It’s an amazing feeling to have a community of people asking to support me from far flung places. I’ve had artists and photographers reach out as well, to provide monthly goodies that I can add to the tiers — mostly bird-related or soup-related, which seems about right!

The launch video is below. Patreon page is here.

Though it is a support-only Patreon, everyone does receive a bunch of rewards!

• Your name on the Patreon thank you page on Legal Nomads.
• Your name on an Instagram thank you post.
• Early access to podcast details, Legal Nomads site redesign, and news.
• Ability to vote on future episode topics for the podcast.
• Monthly video or audio AMAs on Patreon, as my health allows. You can submit questions that I will answer.
• Shorter videos with updates about progress for the podcast, redesign, and any other updates in the Legal Nomads universe.
• Supporting me with a stable income at a time where I’m physically unable to work as I used to.
• A thank you image of your tier bird, one of Bob, Fiona, or Arthur (these are the birds in the header of this post – I love them so much.)

I may add higher tiers with specific rewards later. There are also fun goodies in the works as I mentioned above.

I saw this on the page itself, but here’s how I plan to use the funds:

• Funding my operating costs so that I can keep my websites and projects afloat.
• Supporting the launch and production of my new podcast, that will allow me to create and share content with you through a more manageable medium given my current condition.
• Helping me convert my blog posts about chronic illness into audio form in order to make them more accessible to others (I will hire a sound engineer to do this).
• Redesigning Legal Nomads to include a new home page, logo, and site flow that reflects my present.
• General support for me as I navigate this new, limited, way of life.

A big thanks to the following wonderful people, who took the time and energy to preview the page, the video, and give feedback along the way (including many testing-of-the-banner-image-on-mobile attempts) for this big launch: Ella Frances Sanders, Audrey Scott, Catherine Bodry, Christopher Nowakowski, Dalene Heck, Derek Earl Baron, Jim Fricker III, Kate McCulley, Marta Bethencourt De França, Mike Sowden, Reine Gammoh, Shannon O’Donnell, Tasha Mary, and Tim Van Der Linden.

A New Newsletter

I mentioned in my last (August 2020) post that I would be restarting my newsletter on Substack. I did so because Aweber was becoming cost prohibitive at a time when I wasn’t able to work, and Substack’s offerings are free unless you charge for your newsletter (at which point they take a percentage). Since I always plan for my newsletter to be free, it made sense to switch over.

I’ve done three so far and they follow the lines of my former Links I Loved missives: some musings about a topic of interest, personal updates, the best reading from around the web that month. The next one goes out at the end of February.

If you were on the Links I Loved list, I’ve brought you over to Substack. If you think you were but didn’t get the new publication, please check your spam folders on February 28th! And if you’re interested in receiving it, please sign up below.

You can check out the archives here, first.

A Legal Nomads Redesign

This site no longer reflects the person I am, or the life that I lead. I love it, and I’ve enjoyed writing on it for all these years through the iterations and redesigns, but it’s no longer me.

This time, colours, logo, and layout are going to change. I don’t plan to change too much given my limited bandwidth but will start with the basics: the homepage, some of the category flow, and the about page and basic text.

Also changing? The slogan. I’m not telling stories through food any longer. I’m also not a legal nomad, but after 12 years here I am sticking to the domain. The new slogan is Curious About Everything, same as the newsletter. The main theme colour will be a green-blue, below. I’ve also chosen a mascot, a raven I’ve named Arthur, since corvids are insatiably curious just like this community.

The main page will have similar categories as right now, but will ask the question, “What are you curious about today?” to browse them. Other than that and the look-and-feel of the home page, I may make changes bit by bit but the content from the last decade will remain. I’m excited to have a site that reflects a little more of my present mindset, though of course curiosity is what fuelled my life of travel all along.

Podcast Progress

I was never one of those “I’m going to write 4000 words every morning” people. Unless I was under deadline, my writing held the same kind of whimsy as my travels: when inspiration struck, I pounced. And then I basically went feral. When the tingly, “I need to write” feeling started, I knew I needed to stock up on snacks, get a shower in now, and cancel plans with friends. I would forget to eat, live, and do day-to-day tasks; writing blotted everything out.

It sounds manic, I’ll give you that, but it worked for me because I never knew where the writing journey would lead me. I never had a set arc before I sat down to my laptop but found the joy partly in the process of my brain’s wandering.

(Case in point: I stood up to write this post now, and realized I missed something I was supposed to do at 8pm… because I got lost in writing.)

My point is here is that the act of writing is itself such a big part of what makes me feel creative and alive, and it’s been very hard not to have it in my life. I’ve realized voice-to-text does not bring me the needed tinglies, nor do other accommodations for my CSF leak. So as I said in my 12 years of Legal Nomads post, I’m going to be moving toward a podcast instead.

The podcast was going to be called Ask a Jodi, but I’ve changed the name to be “The Way Through” – because at its core, it is a podcast about getting through the ups and downs of life. If you have topics you’d like me to cover, I’d love to hear from you! Email me at jodi-@-legalnomads .com or via my contact page. Thus far, I have a list I’ve kept from your questions, which includes how to be more resilient, how to be less anxious, and how to sleep better.

That’s it for now! Thanks for all your support, love, and enthusiasm as I navigate through this complicated time. I hope you’re staying safe and well.

xo,
Jodi

The post Life Updates:<br /> a Patreon, a New Newsletter, and a Site Redesign appeared first on Legal Nomads.

I’m late to my own party, but April 1, 2020 marked twelve years since I quit my job as a lawyer to travel the world.

By now you guys know the drill: each year I wrote an annual update post for April 1st, about my state of mind and the state of my business. I’d usually also have a get together with friends to celebrate, wherever I was. In Saigon, it was a party with bun cha and rice vodka. In Oaxaca, it was mezcal and quesadillas.

This year, the date fell during the long trek back to Montreal from Florida. I was trying to move quickly enough to get home safely, but slow enough to not exacerbate my spinal CSF leak.

While I was technically on the road on April 1st, the date involved a little less celebration and a little more pandemic than usual.

Since today is my 41st birthday, I thought I would use the occasion to do that annual write-up.

Here’s a post about what’s going on, and some of what comes next.

How to Get Through Terrible Times

In my birthday post last year I talked about how the way out of despair is to intentionally move through it. Since the pandemic kicked off, I’ve gotten more messages from readers asking what that kind of deliberate mindset means, and how they can keep hope for a better future. Hope is a complicated thing, because to have no hope at all opens the doors to despair. But to only live in a space of hope means you are deeply unsatisfied with what is. Somewhere between those two places is a space where you actively choose to lean into your reality, even if your reality isn’t wonderful. It’s easier to paper over things or live from a place of denial. As with other crutches, however, those tactics provide short term relief without any long-term processing.

It’s easier said than done, I know. 

From Resistance to Resilience

In this very long, very complicated few years, so much of my work has included the discipline to move out of my mind and back into my heart. That sounds hokey, but it’s also critical to survive when life punches you in the face. And it’s just another way of saying that your attention is best spent focusing on the present moment. Or, for those who prefer their Eckhart Tolle, that the present moment is all we have.

He’s not wrong, though. It is pretty futile to resist what actually is, because it actually is. To dwell in regret, or to try and change the future based on prior actions, is wasteful at best and yet we do it over and over again.  That we do this despite not being able to control the past or the future creates tension, and that tension usually causes even more anguish.

How we handle the present moment is another way to look at Viktor Frankl’s advice from Man’s Search For Meaning, which I referenced in my initial post about the spinal tap. When forces beyond your control take everything away from you, they still can’t take away your freedom to choose how you respond to the situation.

What happens, then, when your present kind of sucks? Or, as many of us feel right now, deeply truly absolutely sucks? It doesn’t change the work. With each blow, we have to pick ourselves back up and try to focus our mindset on what we can control and do and change. Nothing is certain, and nothing ever was. We allow ourselves to believe it is to give an illusion of safety, and when that illusion is taken away – as it is during this pandemic – it’s even harder to stay afloat.

It may feel infuriatingly impractical to discuss present-moment attention when the world is burning. It sounds so simple and also so amorphous. But resisting the present is often a terrible waste of energy, bleeding out into the abyss. Letting that resistance go is the starting block to moving through, and the cornerstone to resilience in difficult times. When everything is uncertain, like in 2020, it’s even more important for our mental and physical health to reground ourselves in the present moment. Doing so does not take away from actions or activism, nor does it equate to complacency. It’s a mental process that allows ourselves to stand more firmly in the now, and be calmer as a result.

The winter that I releaked, I also lost my stepdad’s mum, my grandfather, several friends, and the future I thought I was slowly working toward. Grief upon grief, until it felt like I was drowning over and above the physical pain. Meditation helped create more space to grieve, but didn’t stop my feeling suffocated. I had the help of incredible friends, a therapist, and a lot of good books to do so, but I still had to find it in me to do the work. No one else could do it for me. I had to refocus myself again and again on the present moment. Eventually the waves of grief got smaller and smaller until it didn’t feel like I was drowning anymore.

Grief upon grief is what it feels like to exist in today’s world, for many of us. Loss of human patterns and function, loss of humans, loss of freedom. The stages of anger and grief and confusion and brittle injustice feel overwhelming, but they cannot stop you from reminding yourself of what you still do have each day. They cannot stop you from finding gratitude within the broad feeling of loss.

I receive a lot of emails from readers saying they understood more of the grief and the isolation from my leak journey as they too were in lockdown during COVID-19. The collective grief is an important thing to acknowledge, and while the new normal has yet to take form there’s no question that ignoring our feelings only adds to the discomfort. In times like these, it’s also important not to compare individual suffering. Pain is not a competition. Misery is not a competition. We’re all going through it now, in a myriad of dizzying ways. Perspective is so important but very hard to maintain when you are going through the shit. Social media, of course, doesn’t help.

One way of maintaining perspective is to refocus your aperture on the macro, while challenging yourself to accept the micro. In the meta-suffering of the collective, our smallness abounds. As Jess Zimmerman said in a recent Catapult piece, “A glittering carpet of human misery is spread in front of us every day. Of course it feels obscene to say you’re sad.”

You need to say you’re sad these days, no matter how obscene it feels. It benefits no one to keep that inside in 2020, where sadness cloaks everything and the world feels like it’s shifted off its axis for one mad season (maybe more). The vulnerability helps all of us, too. As it’s helped me, sharing here the last few years, in the middle of my own crisis of identity. Acknowledge the sadness, let it go, bring yourself back to the present moment.

In a few days, it’ll also be three years since the spinal tap. I thought by now I’d be better and I’m not. I think you all thought I’d be better too. The joke’s on all of us because here I am, not so much better. I am, though, much better at handling the mental spikes and crashes that come with a volatile chronic condition. I’m better at accepting that this is where my life is. It may be indefinite, it may not.

But right now, it is.

When talking about surrender, a good friend cited a Hindu proverb: a baby is born with clenched fists, and a person dies with their hands open. There’s a Yiddish proverb that says the same. And therein lies the challenge of life. To let go, over and over. To sit in the muck and the mess and the grief, and continue to try and unclench those fists and let go.

What’s Next for Legal Nomads?

With increased acceptance of my day-to-day reality came a sense of increased dissonance when I looked at Legal Nomads. That smiling person on a motorbike on my front page is no longer me. Telling stories through food is no longer me. Those are part of me, sure, and I am proud of whatever roads took me to them.

Still, I would open my dashboard every so often and think, “what am I even doing? Is there a point to any of this anymore?”  Questions that many of us are asking these days, and ones that take sharper form because the physical opportunity costs of working are so great for me.

I love writing, and my mind misses writing. Writing this post in morning increments felt like coming home. My body, though, it doesn’t so much like me writing. My leak symptoms worsen when I do and while I have tried creative solutions like voice to text or transcription, they don’t scratch the writing itch. I love the typing itself, the act of words falling out of my brain and rearranging themselves into prose.

So I decided I will do something a little more drastic.

Killing my Darlings

In order to create a good piece of writing, you often need to first cull those paragraphs or characters you feel attached to even though they no longer contribute critically to the whole. You need to “kill your darlings” to make a better-working piece.

For me, killing my darlings results not from ornamental prose but from the physical limitations on my ability to work. While my creative time is endless, the actual creating takes the kind of physical overhead I no longer have at my disposal. I’m divesting some of the projects I’ve clung to in the hopes that I’ll be able to build something exciting for my community.

I have a half-finished writing course workbook, and a full outline for a product for lawyers who want to change careers.

Neither will be doable in the next very long while with my limitations. But the reason I wanted to build these products was because readers asked for them, and clearly had a need for them. So I’ve partnered with people I trust to fix those pain points since I cannot.

How to Tell Better Stories in a Digital World: My Storytelling Course

I planned to do a storytelling course, and I have a half-completed workbook and many sign ups from readers. I’ve tried to think of ways that I can do this project while leaking, because I love to teach storytelling. At the moment, I don’t think it’s possible to do so without eating into all my uptime.

So I’ve partnered with two people I trust to offer two different courses; which one might be best for you depends on your needs.

Storytelling Course with Lola Akinmade Åkerström

How can we craft and share those stories with others that can create empathy and connection with others? How can we cradle with care the responsibility of telling other people’s stories? How do you hook, engage, intrigue, and keep your readers all the way to your closing message? How can you find threads and narrative arcs to structure your story?

These are all questions Lola addresses in her comprehensive course about storytelling.

The course is self-paced, and includes lectures, video modules, and lots of case studies and examples to illustrate the lessons Lola teaches. Lola just launched this course, and I contacted her to see if I could refer my readers her way because it’s a great alternative to what I planned to do.

Lola has offered $50 off for Legal Nomads readers if you let her know that’s where you came from for the course.

Blogging Course with Mike Sowden

I’ve also referred some of you to my friend Mike*, who has a course called Engage! A Storytelling Course for Bloggers. A lot of readers aren’t bloggers and thus want a broader more technical story instruction, which Lola can provide. For those who are in the blogging world, and/or don’t have the budget for a larger course,Mike’s course is a great option.

His course is self-paced over 8 weeks, aimed at teaching bloggers how to be a better storyteller. It includes email lessons, audio lessons, PDF guides (including my fave, “How To Edit The S#!t Out Of Your Writing”), and 1:1 support from Mike.

He has offered a $15 discount for Legal Nomads readers: enter the code donkeyballs2020 or use this link to purchase.

*Mike also kindly edited this post, and many others, for me. Mike is a good set of eyes for your brain.

Leaving Law Behind with Casey Berman and Adam Ouellette

My Thrillable Hours series exists to inspire lawyers feeling deadened by their job options to find the courage to think more broadly. I created it to help with fear, career change, and life after law. Though I also had plans to make a course to help lawyers take a leap, I didn’t get to finish it.

Casey and Adam have, and so I’m partnering with them to fix the pain point some of my readers have. They’ll help lawyers through the process of leaving the law, if that’s what they want, and help them overcome the blocking beliefs and self-sabotage that can get in the way. They also provide their students with interview and résumé help, as well as support to allow lawyers to hone in on what alternative career is best for them.

Basically, if I can’t help you I feel that Adam and Casey can at Leave Law Behind.

The plan is to hopefully record a video interview with them, too, for Legal Nomads readers.

The “Ask a Jodi” Podcast

A few years ago, I bought the domain Ask a Jodi and thought I would do videos answering questions readers had about life and everything after. It was actually my sitting on the ground to dig out a tripod from my drawer that led to my re-opening the leak in 2018.

I shelved the video idea as it was infeasible, and with the physical strain this year’s posts about COVID-19 took on me, I decided that writing would need to come second to something else.

I’ve long said I’d write if no one were reading. But unfortunately as I said, my body and writing don’t get on as well. So a short (10-15 min) podcast is where I netted out, specifically to answer the many questions I receive from readers about resilience, grief, hope, and so much more.

This will take time for me to get off the ground, because I’ve learned everything takes more time when you’re sick. I look forward to sharing it, when it’s ready.

If you’ve got a question for me that you’d like me to address in a podcast episode, I’ve made a Google Form here for you to send it my way.

Redesigning Legal Nomads

This site started on Blogger and moved to WordPress in 2010. It’s gone through quite a few resdesigns since 2008.

It’s been a few years, and this time the redesign will streamline existing categories into a few main ones, and link out to the courses and resources I’ve listed above. I also want to brighten up the colours and update the pictures and ‘about’ page to reflect the transitions I’ve gone through over the last years.

I’ll also be changing my slogan from “Telling Stories Through Food” to “Curious About Everything.” The new slogan better reflects my present, though it also is always who I’ve been.

Audio recordings for Accessibility

Some of my readers who have CSF leaks (spinal or cranial) or who are chronically ill have asked if it would be possible to record posts in audio form, specifically the ones about meditation and my leak journey. My goal is to record these before I start the podcast, warming up to audio for starters but also making it easier to access content for the people who find reading difficult.

Newsletter Back Up and Running

Links I Loved was a newsletter I started to share the interesting links that I read, including those I shared on Twitter. I’ve had the newsletter disabled for the last year and a half because my pain levels fluctuate sufficiently that I felt I couldn’t commit to putting it out every month as promised.

With the redesign and the podcast, I will start it up again – though I may be switching email providers. Regardless, it’ll house a few great reads as well as general updates from my work, if any.

Supporting Legal Nomads

This is the question I get the most from you all: “how can I support you?”

I feel incredibly lucky to have an incredible, caring community. I say this often, and will continue to say so. Even during these bewildering times when just about everyone’s reality has become warped, you still reach out to ensure that I’m holding up ok.

As with last year, the easiest support is via an Amazon gift card to jodi-at-legalnomads.com, which is where I get some of the harder-to-find items that aren’t available at the grocery store. With COVID-19, my neighbours/family/friends have helped with groceries, and ordering from Amazon means people don’t have to go hunting for tiger nut flour.

There’s also my food maps for 6 countries, with Canada up next. And they’re beautiful.

Honestly, there isn’t much else at the moment! Support the podcast when it launches, and share my work if it resonates. The care I need day-to-day is the most pressing, and thankfully I have family (and now neighbours and friends!) to help with grocery runs during the pandemic, and who drop by for socially distanced visits while it’s still warm.

***

My friend Cheryl, who I’ve featured here, says her life mantra is LSAT. That she’s a former lawyer makes this funny, since it’s not the LSAT of our nightmares. Her LSAT means love, surrender, acceptance, and trust.

A lot harder to embody than fear and anger and loathing.

A lot easier to say than do.

And yet, a worthy use of mental time and energy.

Every moment you’re not in a state of surrender, you’re in a state of lack.

That’s what gets me through each day.

A February Florida soup adventure. Worth the pain!

Well, that and soup.

-Jodi

Some Books to Read During Tough Times

• Full Catastrophe Living, by Jon Kabat-Zinn. As the creator of mindfulness-based stress reduction programmes, Zinn focuses on mind-body strategies derived from meditation and yoga to counteract stress, establish greater balance of body and mind, and help you get out of the rut of fearing pain.
• Self-Compassion, by Kristin Neff. Self-esteem work isn’t the fix to perfectionism, argues Neff. Accepting the present, being kind and compassionate to ourselves and still striving to do better is. The book offers exercises and questions in each chapter to help.
• When Things Fall Apart, by Pema Chodron. I picked this book up a few years ago, but wasn’t really ready to read it. Or rather, I was not yet willing to accept the pain and change my perspective about it. I was still looking for a fix. Chodron writes that when we are continually overcome by fear, anxiety, and pain, the way out is to stop bracing against it and learning to stay open. Not easy, and you have to be willing to read her words without judgement, but I’ve found them very helpful.
• Everything is F*cked: A Book About Hope, by Mark Manson. If you enjoyed the first part of this blog post, Mark’s entire book addresses a similar theme. He looks at our collective hopelessness, the rise of materialism, and provides his thoughts on how to get through it feeling stronger than before.
• Man’s Search for Meaning, by Victor Frankl. Referenced above. Frankl argues that we cannot avoid suffering but we can choose how to cope with it, find meaning in it, and move forward with renewed purpose. Frankl’s theory, known as logotherapy, holds that our primary drive in life is not pleasure, but the discovery and pursuit of what we personally find meaningful.
• The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, by Bessel Van Der Kolk. This book is for those who have also dealt with chronic pain, and is one I recommend often to help people understand that their nervous system and body raise the floor on reactivity when trauma is involved. The book looks at trauma and how it encodes in the body, as well as some treatments that are less traditional, like neurofeedback, that work by rewiring the brain and how it responds to stress.

The post 12 Years of Legal Nomads:<br /> Work, Gratitude, and the Challenge of the Present Moment appeared first on Legal Nomads.

Legal Nomads began in 2008 as a travel site, and during the subsequent decade it morphed into a travel and food site as I lived around the world. Then, it shifted into a place to share the reckoning and grief that accompanied an abrupt life change. These days, it remains a place to share my thoughts on what’s going on around us, even if now we are all not able to explore the outside world. For now I wanted to talk about masks.

Specifically cloth masks.

Specifically the fact that many people are resisting wearing them.

I’ve been banging on about masks since I wrote my previous COVID-19 piece in mid-March, including via Instagram. But the subject is so important that I wanted to address masks in a standalone post.

I believe in individual liberty. But we should not use the concept of liberty as a pretext for acting selfishly toward society as a whole. Entitlement to freedom in a moral sense evaporates when the exercise of that freedom becomes harmful to others. By now, there is overwhelming scientific evidence that wearing masks in public dramatically lowers the risk of you spreading COVID-19 to others. And as I reiterate below, given that a large percentage of COVID-19 cases are asymptomatic, you may be infecting others without even knowing it.

Let’s get to it.

Cloth masks help you protect other people

The guidance regarding masks has been convoluted at best, with countries around the world taking very different positions as to whether or not they ought to be worn.

But there are two discussions here: whether a mask protects YOU, and whether a mask protects others FROM YOU. You may have seen articles talking about ingress (will a mask protect you from the droplets?) and egress (will you wearing a mask protect others?).

Unfortunately, most of the focus has been on ingress only, and whether one can be protected by wearing a mask. For some time, the CDC and WHO focused on this issue and how only medical staff should be wearing N95s and surgical masks. Rightfully, those medical providers need to be properly outfitted with personal protective equipment (PPE), and we’ve all seen how there was a mad scramble for PPE in many jurisdictions. Protecting the mask-wearer is not easy. It requires strict protocol, medical-grade respirator masks, a proper fit, and the addressing of contamination concerns. But careful attention to these factors is necessary to keep our doctors and nurses safe.

In contrast, masks that are worn to prevent COVID-19 transmission to others are a lot more simple to handle. A cloth mask can be used, and it lowers the viral load circulating at one time, thereby reducing the exponential spread of the virus throughout society. And it makes a big difference. As The Atlantic notes, “It’s like stopping gushing water from a hose right at the source, by turning off the faucet, compared with the difficulty of trying to catch all the drops of water after we’ve pointed the hose up and they’ve flown everywhere.”

Here’s a graphic illustrating how stopping the droplets at the source helps curb spread of the virus:

From “Reducing transmission of SARS-CoV-2“, Science  26 Jun 2020:
Vol. 368, Issue 6498, pp. 1422-1424.

Infectious aerosol particles can be released during breathing and speaking by asymptomatic infected individuals. No masking maximizes exposure, whereas universal masking results in the least exposure.

Here’s a real-life depiction of the graphic above:

The two halves of the image above compare the emission of speech droplets by a researcher in a laser scattering chamber, with and without the speaker covering his face with a paper towel. As you see, nearly all of the outbound droplets are blocked. The reason speech was tested is that we now know it’s a common transmission mechanism for COVID-19 (via the upper respiratory tract), especially when the transmitter is not showing symptoms (i.e., not coughing or sneezing). The same principle by which a simple paper towel blocks outbound droplets applies when the speaker is wearing a mask.

When the pandemic was new, there was lots of focus on PPE for front-line medical workers in the press (and in studies), but little or no discussion in these sources about the benefit to everyone when the majority of society puts on a simple cloth mask. We wasted valuable time that could have prevented people from dying.

In countries where there was a swift about-face to require wearing of cloth masks, the transmission rates plummeted. A June 2020 study also confirmed that the countries that mandated mass masking earliest had the fewest deaths. “It wasn’t just by a few per cent,” said one of the study’s authors, “it was up to a hundred times less mortality. The countries that introduced masks from the very beginning of their outbreak have had hardly any deaths.”

And thankfully, more and more countries are following in their footsteps.

As a June 2020 study from the UK noted, “A key message from our analyses to aid the widespread adoption of facemasks would be: ‘my mask protects you, your mask protects me’.”

Using a mask can help lower the risk of your unknowing transmission of COVID-19 to others

COVID-19 can spread in different ways, and one of them is via the droplets that hurtle out of our mouths. In fact, a June 2020 study confirmed that airborne transmission is the dominant means of transmitting COVID-19, and that mitigation measures that do not include the mandatory wearing of face masks are insufficient to curb spread:

In this work, we show that airborne transmission, particularly via nascent aerosols from human atomization, is highly virulent and represents the dominant route for the transmission of this disease. However, the importance of airborne transmission has not been considered in establishment of mitigation measures by government authorities ([1, 20]. Specifically, while the WHO and the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have emphasized the prevention of contact transmission, both WHO and CDC have largely ignored the importance of the airborne transmission route [1, 20]. The current mitigation measures, such as social distancing, quarantine, and isolation implemented in the United States, are insufficient by themselves in protecting the public. Our analysis reveals that the difference with and without mandated face covering represents the determinant in shaping the trends of the pandemic worldwide. We conclude that wearing of face masks in public corresponds to the most effective means to prevent interhuman transmission.

Ok, so COVID-19 is transmitted via outburst of droplets. How does this occur? It happens when cough or sneeze, but also when we speak. A single cough can release 3000 droplets. A portion of these droplets quickly evaporates to become something called droplet nuclei, which are tinier particles that are harder to protect against. They can be easily inhaled by anyone nearby.

But wearing a cloth mask has been shown to slow down that evaporation process. So much so, that in studies, a cotton mask reduced the quantity of virus particles emitted from mouths by as much as 99 percent. (2) This is because in the moist space between a person’s face and their cotton mask, it takes a lot longer for a droplet to evaporate into a droplet nuclei. The mask increases the humidity in that space, which prevents the droplets from getting tinier — meaning the fabric can still prevent them from being flung into the outer world.

Mass masking both prevents others from being infected by you, and if everyone is speaking moistly (3) into a mask, it lowers the overall burden of the virus in the area. Lowering the viral load in the area will also help protect essential workers.

People with no symptoms drive half of transmission for COVID-19

Here’s where COVID-19 throws a giant wrench into the common saying that you should only wear a mask if you’re sick: many people are transmitting this virus despite having no clue they are carriers. (4) This “oblivious transmission” issue is a huge driver of outbreaks for this pandemic. These oblivious carriers are divided into two categories: asymptomatic people, who never show symptoms, and pre-symptomatic carriers, people who are infectious but are not yet feeling any effects from carrying the virus – but will eventually develop symptoms.

As of mid-March 2020, studies were already showing that even if you’re fully asymptomatic, you can still spread this virus as a vector. Further articles demonstrated that the same is true for patients who will become symptomatic but are in a pre-symptomatic state. In fact, those patients are most contagious during the time when they’re pre-symptomatic.

A study from Japan released in June 2020 cited 61 clusters of COVID-19 outbreaks, each analyzed using contact tracing. The study found not only that many COVID-19 clusters were associated with people breathing heavily in close proximity to each other, such as singing at karaoke parties, cheering at clubs, having conversations in bars, and exercising in gymnasiums; but also that the most common age groups among those spreaders were 20–29 years (27%) and 30–39 years (23%) — and that an analysis of 16 of the clusters showed that 41% of the spreaders had no symptoms when they transmitted.

10) “For 16 clusters, we determined date of transmission and found 41% of probable primary case-patients were presymptomatic or asymptomatic at the time of transmission; only 1 had a cough at the time of transmission!”

MANY NO SYMPTOMS FOR INITIAL OUTBREAK EVENT! Masks now! pic.twitter.com/zAD7aELGje

— Eric Feigl-Ding (@DrEricDing) June 14, 2020

So if people only wear masks when they’re actually showing symptoms, that doesn’t fix the problem.

From: Face Masks Against COVID-19: An Evidence Review

Wearing a mask does not mean social distancing and hand-washing are off the table

Have you seen people moving their masks around to talk? Or touching their faces and then food? Yes, me too, and it’s horrifying.

Mass masking is not a substitute for other precautions, and still requires the same amount of common sense as we needed to exercise pre-mask wearing. Social distancing and hand-washing are still critical to control the spread of COVID-19.

Just because you wear a mask doesn’t mean you should go and cuddle up to someone you haven’t seen in awhile. It doesn’t mean that you should ignore the social distancing recommendations. And as the weather warms up, it certainly doesn’t mean you head out and throw caution to the wind.

It means: add this one simple thing to your existing routine, and you will help save many lives.

And while the studies establishing that masks prevent transmission of COVID-19 are overwhelming, a recent real-world example demonstrated powerfully the difference that facial coverings make: In June 2020, the Springfield-Greene County Department of Health in Missouri reported that 2 hairstylists at a hair salon in the town of Springfield had serviced a total of 140 customers while infected with the SARS-CoV-2 virus in May. However, the hairstylists wore masks at all times during appointments. Not a single one of their 140 customers (or 6 co-workers who had potentially been exposed) contracted COVID-19. While other measures that the hair salon had in place (such as distancing of chairs and staggering of appointments) likely also played a role, it’s difficult to dispute that the wearing of masks by the infected hairstylists contributed heavily to preventing all of their customers and colleagues from contracting COVID-19. Indeed, Springfield-Greene County Director of Health Clay Goddard stated, “This is exciting news about the value of masking to prevent COVID-19.”

It’s as easy as that.

As a piece on masks in the Atlantic states,

[O]rdinary people are not helpless; in fact, we have more power than we realize. Along with keeping our distance whenever possible and maintaining good hygiene, all of us wearing just a cloth mask could help stop this pandemic in its tracks.

There is still some opposition to cloth mask wearing, so I wanted to address a few of the objections here:

1/ “Hypoxia (deprivation of oxygen)”. No, hypoxia is not an issue with breathable cloth masks.

In the video below, research scientist Jeremy Howard shows why wearing a cloth mask causes virtually no reduction in your inhalation of oxygen: most of the air that you’re breathing in comes from outside the mask.

This science is borne out by actual measurements of a mask wearer’s blood oxygen saturation level. Vlogger Tim from TheTimTracker, wore a tight, 2-layer fabric mask during a visit to some Disney properties in Florida for over 3 hours on a hot day; and he used a pulse oximeter to measure his oxygen saturation before, during, and at the end of his visit.

Per the Lung Health Institute, the normal range for a pulse oximeter reading for an adult is 94 to 99%, while a level below 90% is cause for concern. Prior to donning his mask, Tim’s oxygen saturation level according to his pulse oximeter ranged between 96 and 97%. While he was masked and doing a great deal of walking around in the heat, his pulse oximeter readings remained between 95 and 97%; and at the end of his visit to the Disney venues, his reading was 96%.

Since Tim’s video is long, if you want to view the portions where he measures his oxygen saturation level, you can find them beginning at 1:32 (initial, pre-mask reading); 10:16; 15:12; 17:41; and 23:37. The video confirms that your intake of oxygen isn’t meaningfully decreased when you wear a cloth mask.

Yes, it’s hard for doctors to breathe in N95s, and I empathize with their needs to wear PPE (masks and gowns and more) for long stretches since that equipment is very uncomfortable, but that’s the only way for them to be safe in treating people who come in with COVID-19 given the high viral loads they are exposed to at work. In contrast, as shown above, cloth masks that you and I can wear don’t cause comparable difficulties in breathing.

And even for those with asthma, wearing masks is recommended.

2/ “Ok fine no hypoxia. Hypercapnia (abnormally elevated carbon dioxide (CO2) levels in the blood)”. Also a no. Arguments that wearing a mask can do this due to “rebreathing your own exhaled CO2 by wearing a mask continually” are false. Many doctors, scientists, and industrial workers have routinely worn masks for prolonged periods of time without any clear adverse effects. As this AP piece fact-checking the hypercapnia claim states, “with how common mask wearing has always been, even before COVID-19, we would know if hypercapnia was a problem with wearing masks.” In addition, since I’m advocating for wearing masks made from breathable cotton, the hypercapnia claim is even more baseless than if I were urging everyone to don an N95.

3/ “Studies about the size of the droplets for COVID-19 show that they’re small microns, so cloth masks don’t work.” Yes, that’s the big issue with ingress: inbound droplets. But my argument for cloth masks is based on egress, outbound droplets. The studies cited below are specifically using conditions comparable to COVID-19, and are new because we didn’t focus too much on egress previously – but now we have great reason to. We are trying to prevent giving others our droplets, and that’s why cloth masks only work if we all wear them. We’re trying to make sure we don’t unknowingly contaminate others.

4/ “I can just stay further away from someone when I go out and not wear a mask.” The experts have weighed in on this one, and explained that merely keeping your distance from others without wearing a mask isn’t safe enough. Droplets emitted when there’s no mask to block them scatter into a cloud, and they then hang around in the air for about 10 minutes. See research scientist Jeremy Howard’s tweet below, which addresses this issue. So even if you’re not immediately next to anyone when you breathe out droplets, a person who wanders into the area several minutes later can still be exposed.

I'll post additional tweets to answer questions here. First question in the replies was: Is it enough to just avoid getting in front of people?

No. Droplets hang around for 10 minutes or more, and can blow around into a cloud formation.https://t.co/SIpZjtVHkN pic.twitter.com/tZYEX5rzAg

— Jeremy #Masks4All Howard (@jeremyphoward) June 19, 2020

5/ “I tried wearing a mask but my glasses fog up when I do.” Yes, the fog is real. I am nearsighted and have experienced this issue. It’s true that when you wear eyeglasses, your warm breath exhaled through the top of your mask can fog up the lenses of your glasses. Fortunately, there are workarounds. A full discussion of ways to prevent the fogging-up problem, provided by the Cleveland Clinic, here. Additional tips via the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette here. Among the anti-fogging techniques: (a) washing the lenses of your glasses with soap and water; (b) putting a folded tissue under your mask at the top, to absorb the moisture so that it does not fog up your glasses, or (c) using anti-fog sprays designed to defog glasses. There are many solutions to choose from that enable you to wear a mask while still seeing clearly. I prefer the soap and water technique in the video below, but if you want anti-fog sprays, here’s a round up of the best ones.

Also, for those who don’t want to add the tissue yourselves, MasQuebec sells a mask with the added piece of material built in, specifically for people who wear glasses, which you can find here.

VIDEO: How to wear a mask without your glasses fogging up. The second technique is the one that works for me.

6/ “But doctors need masks” Yes, that’s why we aren’t using theirs. The piece you are reading (and others, see the sources below) discuss how cloth masks work very well to stop the spread of COVID-19 if worn by the vast majority of people when out in public.

7/ “But the CDC said not to wear them if healthy” Reality is that this is a new virus and scientists and doctors are all learning as they go. Once epidemiologists and other medical professionals realized the staggering percentage of cases transmitted via asymptomatic vectors, they – including the CDC – shifted from their initial guidance to now recommend  the wearing of cloth masks. And countries such as the Czech Republic and Austria that switched course quickly to mandate masks are faring a lot better than those that did not.

8/ “Masks increase the risk of infection for the wearer.” Back in March 2020, which is basically decades ago in COVID-19 time, the U.S. Surgeon General and others were recommending no wearing of masks, and opined that wearing certain types of masks increased the risk of infection for the wearer. At that point in time, the discussion was about N95s and surgical masks, and those same articles discussed ensuring adequate PPE supply for doctors, nurses, and other healthcare workers. Here we are talking about a cloth mask, which is a very different situation as purchasing or creating a DIY one does not imperil the supply of medical masks for the medical professionals who need them. And again this is a discussion about egress, not ingress. There was a 2015 study from Hanoi, Vietnam about how cloth masks worn by healthcare workers who are in close contact with sick patients for long periods of time increased those healthcare workers’ risk of respiratory infection. That is again not what we are talking about here. You and I are not healthcare workers who are going to wear our masks while attending to hospitalized patients; our mask wearing as stated above is about not infecting others.

9/ “But freedom!” I know some people have been convinced that freedom is at stake, but if we look around the world the countries that did mandate mask wearing – or had cultures of most members of their populations voluntarily wearing masks in public (which in the latter case were East Asian countries where people had memories of the SARS and H1N1 influenza pandemics that hit that region hard) – are those that tend to be doing the best. Many never even felt compelled to impose lockdowns because the virus never spread in an uncontrolled fashion within their borders; and those that did are now opening up. Their people are now able to move  around safely. In contrast, in many of the countries whose citizens have not worn masks in large numbers either voluntarily or under government mandate, the virus is still spreading rapidly.

After living in Asia for many years, where it’s considered customary and reasonable to protect others from becoming infected by you when you’re ill, I wore masks when unwell with contagious diseases. Excluding specific and limited exemptions, for example people who are hearing-impaired* or have a disability that makes it hard for them to wear or remove a face covering, there are only self-focused reasons not to wear one during a pandemic. And this is not a time to be self-focused.

I wear a cloth mask to protect others, but that can only have a meaningful impact in reducing the society-wide harms from COVID-19 if others do the same.

The freedom to breathe on others in ways that may kill them is just not a reasonable thing to desire.

-Jodi

* There are ClearMasks for the hearing-impaired community, but to my knowledge they are not widely available nor widely accessible.

***

Where to Buy Cloth Masks

I got mine from my friends Bethany and Randy, who are sewing them and donating one for every one sold. You can get yours here. They are also making them with pockets so that filters can be added if desired. Be sure to specify in the notes section if you have a particularly small or large face.

Options for cloth masks for kids, to be put on and removed with parental supervision, can be found here.

Another option is to make masks at home, if you’re able to. Patterns abound.

• Pleated surgical-style mask out of fabric, here.
• Craft Passion’s mask with covering for the nose and elastics around the sides here, in 4 different sizes including for kids ages 2 and up.
• Masks for the hearing-impaired here.

Cloth masks should fit snugly but comfortably, and be tied with elastics or adjustable fabric. They ought to contain at least two layers of breathable fabric, and be able to be washed (see below) without damaging the materials.

Good Housekeeping notes that “tightly woven, 100% cotton is the best fabric to use, which means you can turn a bandana, or fabric from pillowcases, curtains, or woven shirts into a face mask or covering. Be sure to avoid knit fabrics, like jersey T-shirts, because they create holes when stretched. To make the mask even more protective, use a nonwoven interface, coffee filter, or HVAC filter (as long as they don’t contain fibreglass) inside the mask to help block particles.”

Proper Care for Cloth Face Masks

Yes, these masks need to be washed and cared for in order for them to keep working. I launder mine in a washing machine on a gentle cycle, or hand wash them with hot, soapy water, after each use.

As with anything you may touch that may be contaminated, it is important to wash your hands if you have touched your face with your mask on (or if you touched the mask itself while wearing it), so that you don’t contaminate the next thing you touch. Also, after removing your mask (which you should do only by handling the straps or other piece that secures it, and never by grabbing the front of the mask), thoroughly wash your hands for those 20 seconds you now know well.

Sources

(1) On droplet size

• The airborne lifetime of small speech droplets and their potential importance in SARS-CoV-2 transmission 

(2) On how cotton masks can help curb the spread of COVID-19

• Masks help stop the spread of coronavirus – the science is simple and I’m one of 100 experts urging governors to require public mask-wearing. (The comments from others when I shared this piece is what inspired me to write this article)
• Visualizing Speech-Generated Oral Fluid Droplets with Laser Light Scattering
• Face Masks Against COVID-19: An Evidence Review 
• Universal Masking is Urgent in the COVID-19 Pandemic
• CDC’s recommendations to now wear cloth masks
• Wearing face masks in the community during the COVID-19 pandemic: altruism and solidarity

(3) The “speaking moistly” is a reference to Canada’s PM Justin Trudeau, who used the phrase at a press briefing — and seemed to immediately regret it.

Someone creative made it into an autotune song, and it is glorious:

(4) On asymptomatic and pre-symptomatic carriers:

• Asymptomatic Transmission, the Achilles’ Heel of Current Strategies to Control Covid-19
• ProPublica on Asymptomatic Carriers
• Iceland testing shows 50% of cases have no symptoms
• Pre-symptomatic carriers and Singapore case study
• 44% of transmission occcurs without symptoms (Nature journal article)

The post We Should All Be Wearing Cloth Masks, And Here’s Why appeared first on Legal Nomads.

This post was published March 12, 2020 and has been updated frequently since then.

A friend of mine recently texted me in a fury.

“Someone just posted on FB that we’re doing things to stop the virus only because it’s going to ‘hurt old people’s feelings’ if we don’t,” he said.

His mother has respiratory issues and thus falls into the “older person vulnerable to the new coronavirus” category, as do many others.

Like me.

And I can read.

So when I read tweets or posts about how it’s basically “just a flu” (false) that “only hurts the vulnerable,” it makes me worry for us as a society. If we can’t protect our most vulnerable, what are we doing?

Don’t panic. Doctors/ virologists I’m speaking to say 98% of people will be fine, even if they get Covid-19. They expect it will go around the world, but that most people who get it will be a little sick, then recover. The danger is to vulnerable people. Hospitals/ old age homes.

— Richard Engel (@RichardEngel) February 26, 2020

COVID-19: We Need to Consider Society As a Whole

I’ve received many reader emails about COVID-19 asking for my thoughts given that I am currently dealing with a cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) leak and an inflammatory immune condition that already predisposes me to medication reactions and a cytokine storm.

It’s been very surreal to see the news unfold at a time when I have been in quarantine of sorts (bedrest) for many, many months. Due to the CSF leak, I rely on family and friends for groceries and to make food as I cannot do so myself.  For those who are chronically ill, the lack of independence for basic needs adds an extra layer of concern and need for care on a daily basis.

The discourse about COVID-19 seems to consist of differing responses from several distinct groups of people

First, the people who are well and who believe they’ll be unscathed. This “isn’t a big deal,” they say. “Why is the media making us panic?”

Second, those who are vulnerable like me, and who know they are at risk for significant complications if they contract the virus.

There are some people who live in between those two extremes, and while healthy themselves are nonetheless able to remember a series of subclasses whose lives legitimately depend on the collective to stay safe.

And then, there are others whose actions are downright dangerous for all of us. This includes NBA player Rudy Gobert. Per Hot Air’s report:

I doubt we’ll get a better case study during this nightmare of how a single person’s cavalier denialism about the threat from the disease can put entire industries at risk. This happened two days ago. Gobert apparently thought it was silly that the NBA had set a new rule requiring reporters to stay six feet away from players at all time. So, as a goof, he decided to touch all of their microphones after his Q&A ended.

After mocking COVID-19 precautions by touching a bunch of things, he then tested positive. And as with any exponentially spreading virus, this exposure and infection have predictably led to others testing positive.

Jazz star Donovan Mitchell has tested positive for the coronavirus, league sources tell ESPN. Jazz players privately say that Rudy Gobert had been careless in the locker room touching other players and their belongings. Now a Jazz teammate has tested positive.

— Adrian Wojnarowski (@wojespn) March 12, 2020

Ultimately, Engel isn’t wrong from a statistical perspective.

He’s also not the first or last person I’ve seen try to stem the panic by reminding people of the expendability of the vulnerable like me.

I’m writing this post as a plea to each person to put overall societal needs above individual desires until this virus peaks and subsides.

I am not a doctor, and the following is not medical advice. It is, however, a summary of what I’ve researched for my own safety given my risk levels due to the issues with my immune system

Disinformation and panic don’t help anyone, especially during a pandemic.

By now, you’re probably living under a rock if your’e unaware of severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2 (SARS-CoV-2), the artist formerly known as 2019-nCoV. SARS-CoV2 is the virus, and COVID-19 is the disease which that virus spreads.

People also refer to it as “coronavirus”, but since it’s one of many coronaviruses, I’m not going to do that here. MERS-CoV and SARS-CoV are two other coronaviruses you may have heard of. COVID-19 is a unique virus.

COVID-19 is a called Novel Coronavirus because it’s a new disease for humans. The World Health Organization estimates a global death rate of 3.4% of those who are infected. While many people around the world may have built up immunity to various flu strains over time, the newness of COVID-19 means no one had immunity to it when it first broke out. There is also no established treatment for COVID-19, and there is presently no way to cure it. There are some treatments in trial, however, and I’ve detailed them below.

The fast spread of this virus has led to heavy amounts of disinformation and even outright conspiracy theories. I’ve argued with quite a few people online who suggest that this is “just like the flu,” or that “most people barely feel sick.” In an internet age where we are able to quickly get data from countries that are ahead of our curve here in North America, there is simply no excuse for not acting as swiftly as possible.

Panic isn’t useful.

Changing nothing in your life isn’t useful either. It’s actually outright dangerous right now.

In the middle lies being informed, prepared, and willing to think about society as a whole. Doing so lowers the burden on our health care systems, and buys a bit more time for treatments and research to happen. Reducing the number of people who are sick at once is the best way to keep our health system from being overwhelmed. And that in turn helps not just COVID-19 patients but also everyone else who must seek treatment in a hospital.

Two factors that make COVID-19 a big concern to everyone:

1. A medical system that is over capacity, where doctors will need to decide who coming in gets a ventilator, who gets a bed, and more – not just COVID-19 patients, but other vulnerable patients with chronic diseases. Data tracks at a 10% hospitalization rate in Italy for people infected with Covid-19, with those in critical condition needing 3-6 weeks for recovery. That puts a prolonged strain on the system.
2. The lack of immunity to the disease worldwide means that there’s no ceiling on the amount of people who can get infected. Presently, cases of COVID-19 are doubling every few days. Research labs and scientists around the world are racing to find a vaccine that works, but as of today the only ways to address the outbreak are mitigation, and planning in an attempt to slow down the spread.

Asymptomatic carriers can help fuel a pandemic

Yes, the bulk of infections will be mild, per the available statistics we have.

But those mildly infected people can and will transmit this highly contagious disease to others. It is imperative that we keep the numbers low. At the beginning of COVID-19 coverage, news outlets reported that you were at risk of transmission if you had symptoms. As of mid-March 2020, however, studies are showing that even if you’re fully asymptomatic, you can still spread this virus as a vector.

For example, per CNN earlier in March 2020, Dr. Sandra Ciesek, director of the Institute of Medical Virology in Frankfurt, Germany, tested 24 passengers who had just flown in from Israel. Seven of the 24 passengers tested positive for coronavirus, despite four having no symptoms at all. Of great concern regarding the spread of this virus is that the viral loads for those four asymptomatic patients were actually higher than for the patients who exhibited symptoms. Viral load measures how concentrated a virus is in someone’s respiratory secretions, and a person with a higher load has a higher probability of spreading the virus to others

That is… not good.

The risk of transmission by people who seem healthy due to lack of symptoms is also contrary to what we were told initially, right? I know people keep saying that new information that they’re hearing about this virus contradicts what we’ve previously been told; but the reality remains that COVID-19 is a new virus that we are learning about globally, as the outbreaks continue.

Thanks to data shared from scientists in China and from doctors in Italy, South Korea, Singapore, and Taiwan, those of us ‘next in line’ — such as people in North America — are able to learn lessons from those other countries, and to model and see how we can adapt our protocols to this novel virus.

Joshua Weitz, a professor at Georgia Tech, co-authored a paper about the asymptomatic transmission of COVID-19, and published his takeaways in a mini tweet thread here. He urges everyone to practice social distancing now, to the extent possible. He notes that doing this reduces both your chances of getting sick and the chances of others getting sick because you can be “unknowingly ‘asymptomatic’ but infectious.”

Or, see the tweets from evolutionary biologist Benjamin Kerr below:

To illustrate the point, @ocornejoPopGen and I built a model (SEIR w/ high- & low-risk groups). Because low-risk people are more common, their behavioral change can have *greater* impact on lowering peak number of infections. Ideally, everyone limits interactions, but… [2/8] pic.twitter.com/5s5nxR0mZB

— Benjamin Kerr (@evokerr) March 14, 2020

(Full thread here.)

Which is why acting now, even if you’re healthy, is critical.

This also means preparing without panic, being reasonable about what we need and don’t need without hoarding, and above all considering our roles as citizens in a collective. As Mark Manson said in a new post:

So, while staying home, from an individual risk perspective, seems unnecessary and an overreaction, from a systemic risk perspective, it’s the only prudent thing to do. The more people who go out and about, the faster this thing spreads, and the faster this thing spreads, the more the hospitals get flooded, and the more the hospitals get flooded, the more people die unnecessarily.

Or, as Dr. David Juurlink, a physician at Toronto’s Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre, says, “The faster this hits us, the less able we will be to provide care. The less able we are to provide care, the more people will die. It is as simple as that.”

This chart put together today by the Institute of Disease Prevention shows the potential mitigation of COVID-19 for King and Snohomish counties in Washington State by taking precautions sooner rather than later. The chart shows effects if people reduce contact with others by 75% vs. 50% vs 25% or .. nothing.

Infections with and without social distancing COVID-19, courtesy of the Institute for Disease Prevention

This virus is beyond containment worldwide, and acting swiftly but calmly is imperative.

Learning from Italy

Outside of mainland China, Italy now has the highest number of deaths in the world from COVID-19. And the country’s fatality rate from COVID-19—at 5%—is much higher than the global average of 3.4%.

US v Italy on #COVID19 cases. If the 17k positives we have today are the ONLY people positive and the growth rate continues at 35%/day (lower than this chart!) in two weeks 800k people will have it. In 4 weeks, 56 million. Let’s not assume we are immune to Italy’s probs. pic.twitter.com/EgoWSMFQDc

— Eli Pariser (@elipariser) March 21, 2020

Why is Italy’s death rate so high? Italy has conducted a substantial number of tests — more than 42,000 as of Saturday (March 7), according to Al Jazeera. But the size of the outbreak and the late adoption of containment measures combined with speed of spread meant that Lombardy and to a lesser extent other areas in Italy are unable to get back to a place of balance. The strain on the system is so bad that the Italian College of Anesthesia, Analgesia, Resuscitation and Intensive Care (SIAARTI) has shared guidelines (link is in Italian) for the criteria that doctors and nurses should follow in these extraordinary circumstances, likening them to the moral choices doctors face during wartime. They require doctors to allocate ICU access to the patients with the highest chance of therapeutic success. This may seem logical and even utilitarian, but it’s a devastating position to be in every day during an outbreak.

At the same time, an Italian doctor begged other countries to act now. Dr. Daniele Macchini posted (link is in Italian; English here) about what’s happening on the front lines of Italian’s coronavirus response, noting that each ventilator was like gold and that many of the doctors were themselves getting sick with the virus. He notes that there are no more specialist doctors, just doctors as a whole, a single team to try and stop the inflow of sick people. Italy does have a sizeable older population, but the case study of Dr Macchini and others on the front lines would be foolish to ignore.

The foregoing is not “media hype” but rather published testimony and guidelines from a country right in the middle of a substantial outbreak. Most Western countries are on a similar trajectory as Italy, with a time delay. From March 14th:

Graph via this tweet.

We need to think through the exponential growth of this disease, and we don’t seem to be doing so on a systemic level. The way exponential growth works is that it seems tolerable until suddenly it’s an avalanche – and then it’s often too late.

Let’s try to avoid the avalanche.

Risk Groups for COVID-19

Briefly, because we’ve all been bombarded with graphs these days, a note about mortality and risk groups.

The CDC has released the following guidance for pre-existing conditions that are known to be factors in worsening COVID-19 infections in patients, in a Community Mitigation Strategy document:

Underlying medical conditions that may increase the risk of serious COVID-19 individuals at any age.

The medical consensus is that those over 60 years old, and those with the conditions above, are most at risk.

In addition to the main pre-existing conditions listed above, immunocompromised patients are at higher risk for fatalities. And there are millions of immunocompromised people in America alone, a number which not only comprises those with immunodeficiency syndromes but also people with cancer (who are accounted for in the above chart), or who have been treated for it, people who have received transplants, people with HIV, and more.

For those who fall in the vulnerable class of patients, extra precaution is needed. What is also needed — as this post will keep saying over and over — is for everyone to take social distancing seriously, especially because of testing limitations in many countries but especially the United States.

It’s NOT just the elderly

While the bulk of fatal infections have shown to strike those in advanced years and/or those who have the pre-existing conditions referenced above, this does not mean that if you’re young you’re all good. In the United States, we are learning, young people are hospitalized in large numbers. CDC data shows that nearly 40% of patients sick enough to be hospitalized were between 20 to 54 years old. And in a system that risks being overwhelmed, every hospital bed counts. All the more reason to self-isolate now.

ProPublica interviewed a respiratory therapist in New Orleans (article not for the faint of heart), and noted:

Since last week, he’s been running ventilators for the sickest COVID-19 patients. Many are relatively young, in their 40s and 50s, and have minimal, if any, preexisting conditions in their charts. He is overwhelmed, stunned by the manifestation of the infection, both its speed and intensity.

Stay. Home. Now.

Symptoms of COVID-19

The symptoms of Covid-19 vary from case to case. From China’s data, the most common are:

• fever
• dry cough (majority of cases)
• fatigue
• mucus coughing up from the respiratory tract (called sputum)

If you have a fever and dry cough alone, advice from interviewed doctors is to get tested by calling your department of health – NOT by presenting to the ER or Urgent Care where you could potentially infect others.

“We really want to raise awareness that this is a sign of infection and that anyone who develops loss of sense of smell should self-isolate,” Prof. Claire Hopkins, president of the British Rhinological Society, noted to the New York Times on March 22, 2020.

Contacting your Department of Health for your state, province, or territory is a starting open, since many have opened Coronavirus Hotlines to help direct you appropriately toward testing.

• For Americans: state department of health contact information here.
• For Canadians, scroll down to the phone numbers of each provincial health department, here.

Also call your GP or primary care doctor if you have one, as well as local hospitals, if there is no hotline or dedicated response from your local Department of Health.

And – it goes without saying but here we go: STAY HOME unless advised otherwise by one of the hotlines or medical professionals in your life.

Are there any treatments for COVID-19?

No drugs or biologics have been proven to be effective for the prevention or treatment of COVID-19. But, numerous antiviral agents, immunotherapies, and vaccines are being investigated and developed as potential therapies.

In trials/studies to ascertain whether it could work for COVID-19:

• Remdesivir (Antiviral that was trialed for Ebola. Gilead’s antiviral trials have moved to phase 3 studies, with data expected by April)
• Plasma from recovered patients (will take a lot of coordination and machinery)
• Chloroquine (anti-malarial medication)
• Repurposed other drug suggestions from this March 16, 2020 study also include melatonin, toremefine, and more.

Genetic Engineering and Biotech News summarizes the 60 current treatments under investigation for COVID-19, including potential vaccines in development.

Where testing comes in

Data from Italy suggests that many cases went undetected and enabled community spread. This data is part of why it is extremely important to get testing capacity up to population numbers, and why containment in the USA is going to be a big problem.

As of late-March 2020, it’s still difficult to get tested in the USA.

There continues to be widespread confusion about #COVID19 testing. One problem is that there are so many different roadblocks that have slowed things down–even when earlier ones are cleared, new ones have popped up. Testing has scaled up, but it's not enough yet. 1/x

— Suzy Khimm (@SuzyKhimm) March 13, 2020

Several Legal Nomads readers in the USA have reported symptoms consistent with COVID-19, obtained doctors’ requests for testing, and still were told by the Departments of Health in their states that they were not eligible for testing. New York State has now begun testing widely and as a result has more COVID-19 cases than France or South Korea. As of March 22, 2020, New York State had tested 61,000 people. Other states will hopefully follow suit.

Those readers did the smart thing and put themselves on self-quarantine, but what of the many potentially infected people who did not?

Based on exported cases to other countries, Italy may have had about 4000 #COVID19 cases by end of Feb, rather than the 1100 that were reported, suggesting about 70% of cases went undetected. More great analysis by @AshTuite and co https://t.co/CI4dENGlyr

— Adam Kucharski (@AdamJKucharski) March 6, 2020

Strain on the hospital system when catastrophe medicine is at play, especially in the USA

The facts for the US health care system during this pandemic are not great.

According to the American Hospital Association, as of 2017, the US had 924,107 beds total. On a per capita basis, that was 2.77 beds per 1000 people. For comparison, China’s 2017 per capita bed ratio was 4.05 beds per 1000 people. (See OECD healthhcare stats here.)

Put simply, there are not enough hospital beds in the USA for an outbreak of the kind we’ve seen elsewhere, nor for the projection of hospitalizations – 4 to 8 million – that researchers estimate the United States will see. In fact, the US’s ratio of hospital beds per 1000 people is also smaller than those of the other main countries overwhelmed with outbreaks of this virus. The respective ratios for Italy and South Korea as of 2017 were 3.18 and 12.27.

Moreover, with at-will employment in many states and many employees receiving few sick days — especially in jobs that are front-facing (service industry, food industry, etc.) — increased community spread is likely.

And then there are patients who are chronically ill and depend on medication and hospital needs even outside the “at-risk” aspect of COVID-19. If the system is overwhelmed as we’ve seen happen elsewhere, deaths from pre-existing conditions that can’t get properly treated are more likely.

From a family friend, a doctor in Indiana who reviewed the Indiana State Department of Health Crisis Standard for Ventilator Allocation:

Here’s the problem: If we can’t find a way to slow the spread of this virus in the United States, the healthcare system will be faced with a surge of patients that may overcome available healthcare resources. Things like ventilators and ICU beds may be inadequate.

But most patients survive, right? The flu kills more people, right? Well, that’s again not the whole truth. Take a look at the news out of Italy. Hospitals are overrun at 200% capacity. They have ICU patients in operating rooms. They have run out of ventilators. Patients are being triaged into likely to survive or not likely to survive. The former receive a ventilator. The latter receive oxygen and medications to keep them comfortable as they die. That’s because this virus is capable of making people – especially older people and people with comorbid conditions – very very ill. None of us have immunity to this illness, and unlike flu none of us have been vaccinated against COVID-19. If this illness is allowed to spread unchecked, far too many patients will require care at the same time forcing doctors and hospitals to choose between patients who are likely to survive and those who are not – a process called ventilator allocation.

Oh come on, isn’t it just like the flu?

No.

For the love of all things holy, NO.

This isn’t the flu – it’s a different virus altogether. Scientists in Asia have described it as a cross between SARS and AIDS in terms of how it impacts the body.

It is more contagious than the flu.

It is more deadly than the flu.

Even assuming a global death rate of 1% (despite the current death rate of 3.4-3.5% of infected people per the WHO), it would be 10 times more deadly than the flu, which has a death rate of 0.1%.

COVID-19 vs the flu, courtesy of Bloomberg.

The data from all around the world indicates a much higher mortality rate and a very different virus altogether from seasonal influenza. China’s datasets, as well as those from countries like Taiwan and Singapore where so far containment has been possible, have all provided us with information to help us see what’s coming.

Won’t it go away when temperatures rise?

We don’t know. This virus is so new that we just don’t know yet. We know that COVID-19 is an “envelope” virus, meaning that it’s packaged not only in a capsid protein, but also in a membrane (the envelope), usually made of lipids. Soap’s effectiveness at breaking down these lipids when people wash their hands properly is part of why the “wash your hands!” instructions are being shouted from every rooftop.

This envelope interacts with our cells during infection, and helps the virus dodge attempts to eradicate it from the body. Generally speaking, viruses with envelopes are more fragile and vulnerable to adverse conditions, says Neal Nathanson, an emeritus virologist at the University of Pennsylvania Perelman School of Medicine.

In a 2010 paper “Absolute Humidity and the Seasonal Onset of Influenza in the Continental United States,” scientists posited that a drop in in absolute humidity was far more relevant to the flu’s ability to replicate than temperature or general humidity in the air. But why that is we just don’t know. One of the authors of that paper, climate geophysicist Jeffrey Shaman, confirms in a Science Magazine piece that yes, lower absolute humidity might favor some viruses. But the why remains unclear.

“Variables that could affect the viability of the viral membrane could include changes in osmotic pressure, evaporation rates, and pH, Shaman says. “Once you get down to the brass tacks of it, we don’t have an answer.”

I mention seasonality because quite a few people have brought that up as an argument not to worry now. “Oh, it’ll go away in the summer,” they’ve said.

We just don’t know that. And even if it does go away in warmer, more humid places, it may roar back just like the 1918 influenza did. So slowing the curve down to make sure our hospitals don’t get overwhelmed remains important.

So what are the projections for infected people within the United States?

Per a New York Times article updated March 18th:

“Between 160 million and 214 million people in the United States could be infected over the course of the epidemic, according to one projection. That could last months or even over a year, with infections concentrated in shorter periods, staggered across time in different communities, experts said. As many as 200,000 to 1.7 million people could die.”

Those worst-case assumptions, however, do not take into account the mitigation measures that are now swiftly being put in place by states, cities, businesses, and individuals. As I’ll explain below, social distancing really is helpful in slowing down the strain on the system, and ensuring that the sick get the care they need to lower the chances of them being casualties.

People who are usually reasonable and rational are nonetheless comparing this virus erroneously to the flu or saying it’s just overblown hype. This is not only unkind, to belittle someone’s fears about their own health and safety, but negligent for the wellness of society.

Please don’t make fun of people who are scared of this very real threat, especially if they’re in the vulnerable class.

Please don’t downplay actual data and case reports from around the world where doctors have been fighting this virus to the point of exhaustion.

The success of our outcome depends on individual willingness to mitigate risk moment to moment.

So what can we do? Think collectively, not individually, to help flatten the curve of the epidemic.

“We are past the point of containment,” says @UWMedicine Dr. Helen Chu. “Now we need to keep the people who are vulnerable from getting sick.” #COVID19seattle
@UWVirology @WADeptHealth WADeptHealth @KCPubHealth https://t.co/q4mvKarU2D

— UW Medicine Newsroom (@uwmnewsroom) March 6, 2020

Those who require hospitalization require the long term stays of ICU care that I mentioned earlier, for a period of 3-6 weeks. Italy thus far estimates that many COVID-19 patients need at least 4 weeks on mechanical ventilators.

That number would put hospital systems over capacity very quickly if we don’t flatten the curve on this virus.

via Vox news

This virus is going to affect your life. And you get to decide if you want to contribute to flattening the curve, or spiking it.

I sound like a broken record for social distancing because we know testing isn’t going to get everyone and thus if we want to have a bell curve more like South Korea versus like Italy, we need to start taking action on an individual level yesterday.

I realize not everyone has the privilege to work from home or to take all the measures I list below.

But doing as much as possible is extremely important for EVERYONE, in order to help ease the impact of this pandemic.

“When people change their behavior,” said Johns Hopkins associate professor Lauren Gardner in the New York Times, “those model parameters [i.e., the worst-case scenario numbers cited above] are no longer applicable . . . There is a lot of room for improvement if we act appropriately.”

Fine, you’ve convinced me. Now how do I help stop the spread for COVID-19?

Starting place: do not panic.

Each of us thinks better and makes smarter decisions when we are not in cognitive overload. The earlier you take precautions, even if you’re not directly impacted yet by the virus, the better you can help lower the societal burden. Choose compassion for the societal burden over fear and distrust. I know it’s not easy, but as a collective we do depend on it.

Worldwide data shows there is no advantage to being a late mover here. As the WHO director general, Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus, said on March 13th, all possible action should be taken. “Not testing alone. Not contact tracing alone. Not quarantine alone. Not social distancing alone,” he said. “Do it all.”

1. SOCIAL DISTANCING

Does your company let you work from home? Start doing so now.

Limit nonessential public gatherings.

Make small choices that can take away from groups of people, even in quotidian activities. Refrain from museums, clubs, dancing, religious services, and more as this plays out. Crowded spots are prime dissemination spots.

What is a “public gathering”? Doctors I have spoken with define a public gathering as anything more than 6 people, but there doesn’t seem to be consensus overall as you can see with the number (5) below. Regardless of the actual numbers, social distancing is how we can have a hope at slowing the spread of COVID-19, and potentially mitigate its effects on the hospital system. The Atlantic has a “DOs and DON’Ts of Social Distancing” piece from March 12th here.

The same doctor in Indiana who wrote about ventilator allocation above, says:

This means not flying on a plane or taking a cruise or a train. This means cancelling your vacation. This means not going to gatherings of people. How many is too many people? To give you an idea, one of the health organizations I work for has banned meetings of more than 5 people. Most meetings are video or teleconferenced. So should you go to a crowded school event or a sporting event? NO! And schools shouldn’t be so irresponsible to continue to offer such gatherings.

This also includes cancelling non-critical medical visits, to keep the hospitals and systems as clear as possible for the coming burden. Telemedicine has been available for a few years now, and this is definitely the time to avail yourself of it if you have the privilege to do so.

I’ve been telling people, “be St. Louis, not Philadelphia,” because in 1918, Philly held a huge parade during an influenza outbreak. In contrast, St. Louis cancelled all gatherings. As you can see from the chart below, the death toll was very different in those two cities.

There is a reason for canceling public gatherings. In a pandemic, don't be Philadelphia (held a parade in 1918 when cases started to come up, downplayed cases), be St. Louis (canceled gatherings). More here: https://t.co/KE7RYbxDGM @mlipsitch pic.twitter.com/wyrHx0nOLA

— Florian Krammer (@florian_krammer) March 6, 2020

It’s selfish to complain about “changing your plans” or making adjustments to social activity when the downside of doing nothing is systemic overload and catastrophe medicine.

It should go without saying, but do NOT fly on a plane if you’re awaiting COVID-19 results. A passenger from New York to West Palm Beach, Florida did just that.

Again, this isn’t hype, this is simply a summary of what we’ve seen in other countries to date with medical systems that don’t have enough beds for contagion at this volume.

People like me don’t have the privilege to be out in the world safely right now, and nor do your parents and grandparents.

2. WASH YOUR HANDS. OFTEN. LONGER THAN YOU WANT TO.

The most important thing other than social distancing is to wash your hands, for 20 seconds.

That’s a lot longer than most of us are accustomed to taking when we wash our hands. And we need to do it frequently. Before and after eating food. When returning home from outside. When in contact with anyone else. If there is a chance your unwashed fingers have the virus on them, you do not want them anywhere near your face (see below), nor do you want them touching surfaces in your home

“Happy Birthday” sung twice is about the right length, so many people are singing that as they wash. Here’s a song generator from The Verge that can help you choose other options so you don’t hate birthdays by the end of this COVID-19 pandemic.

If Neil Diamond is your jam, he has generously released a special edition of ‘Sweet Caroline’ specifically for COVID-19 hand-washing, called ‘Hands Washing Hands’:

Soap works very well on this virus, and it doesn’t need to be anti-bacterial soap. It just needs to be a looooong wash, because of the nature of the virus.

For the science behind why that is, see the thread below:

1/25 Part 1 – Why does soap work so well on the SARS-CoV-2, the coronavirus and indeed most viruses? Because it is a self-assembled nanoparticle in which the weakest link is the lipid (fatty) bilayer. A two part thread about soap, viruses and supramolecular chemistry #COVID19 pic.twitter.com/OCwqPjO5Ht

— Palli Thordarson (@PalliThordarson) March 8, 2020

If you cannot use soap and water because you’re away from access to them, alcohol-based hand sanitizer with over 60% alcohol content is a good stand in. When you do get access to soap and water, though, wash immediately.

3. STOP TOUCHING YOUR FACE

THIS IS SO HARD.

I’m not alone; a study from 2015 shows people touch their faces an average of 23 times per hour.

It’s very important though, and we have to keep avoiding it as much as possible. This includes the eyes, since ocular transmission has been one of the ways the virus is spread.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Matt Shirley (@mattsurelee) on Mar 6, 2020 at 2:50pm PST

4. DISPOSABLE GLOVES IN CERTAIN SITUATIONS.

Wear nitrile or latex disposable gloves when in public spaces like buses, subways, and other areas where you will be touching areas that others have touched like pumping gas.

If you are in a social situation where you need to remove your gloves, do not touch your face or eyes, no matter how much something itches. And before you put gloves back on, wash your hands thoroughly with soap and warm water, scrubbing the fingers.

If you don’t have gloves but are using light switches, elevators, or other public buttons or switches, use your elbow to hit the button instead of your hand.

As with everything involving a virus this contagious, it’s extremely important to discard your gloves safely. The CDC has a PDF on how to dispose of contaminated gloves safely from its Ebola guidance, here.

5. STAY 2m (6 FT) AWAY FROM SICK PEOPLE, AND TRY TO KEEP DISTANCE OF 1m (3 FT) GENERALLY WHEN OUTSIDE.

This means life changes that have irritated some people, but nonetheless are reasonable precautions during an outbreak like this.

And still, social distancing takes precedence.

Netflix instead of a movie theatre. There’s even a Chrome Extension called Netflix Party that allows you to watch as a group while chatting with friends. If you’re want to dine out, there are ways to keep distance. Either get take-out food and bring it home, or sit outside if there is a terrace instead of staying inside a closed restaurant.  You get the drill.

Serious Eats has a Comprehensive Food Safety and Coronavirus primer from the exceptional J. Kenji López-Alt*, who discusses all things food, including special precautions restaurant owners, kitchen managers, or other folks with food-related businesses should be taking.  He also gets into the safest ways to shop at grocery stores or supermarkets. Worth a bookmark.

Some further advice for safely receiving food delivery: pay the entire amount, not just the tip, online or over the phone in advance (since cash is an effective medium for transmitting viruses); ask for food to be left outside your door instead of actually interacting with the deliverer; use your own pen if you’re signing for the food in person; and transfer the food to your own dishes before eating.

*Kenji’s book is one of my favourite cookbooks. He is presently donating 100% of his sales commissions towards producing food to be served free of charge to needy families and individuals affected by school and business shut-downs in San Mateo, an additional 10% of the sale cost will go to a nationwide network of independent bookstores.

6. THIS MEANS NO HAND SHAKING OR CHEEK KISSING TO GREET PEOPLE. OR ELBOW BUMPING, DESPITE THE POPULARITY OF THAT GESTURE AS A SUBSTITUTE

Curtsy, briefly bow, bring your hands together as if in prayer, nod your head with a smile at someone — these are just a few options or just do a head nod with a smile.

No hand shaking or cheek kissing for greetings as they bring you too close.

According to the WHO, no elbow bumping either as it also brings you into contact:

No handshakes, no kissing, not even elbow-bumping.

How do you greet people during a #coronavirus outbreak? The WHO's @DrTedros recommends contact-free way. More @business: https://t.co/jw8XtgvFHw #COVID2019 pic.twitter.com/RclX8TusuZ

— QuickTake by Bloomberg (@QuickTake) March 12, 2020

7. AVOID PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION AS MUCH AS YOU CAN.

This likely doesn’t require an explanation, but is to avoid a cough, sneeze, or hand-to-hand contact that can put us in the danger zone for droplet splatter or air particles that can transmit the virus.

8. DOORKNOBS: LEARN TO CLEAN THEM OFTEN AND TRY NOT TO USE THEM IN PUBLIC. 

I’m very limited here because of my CSF leak, but for those of you who can open and close doors using your elbows, hips, or shoulders: do it. If not, wear gloves to turn a doorknob, or wash your hands immediately after touching it. If someone does get sick in your household, wiping down your doorknobs is a good idea too.

A March 17, 2020 study notes that “SARS-CoV-2 was more stable on plastic and stainless steel than on copper and cardboard, and viable virus was detected up to 72 hours after application to these surfaces.”

The CDC has a list of cleaning recommendations for COVID-19 (which notes that the virus can survive on some surfaces for days) here.

9. WIPE DOWN YOUR CELL PHONE WHEN YOU RETURN HOME FROM OUTSIDE. 

I use alcohol-wipes for this, small size, but the ones I bought are no longer available. A spray bottle with rubbing alcohol sprayed onto a wipe will usually suffice. Apple used to say not to clean phones this way, but due to COVID-19, Apple has changed its guidelines. The company now says you can use a wipe with 70% isopropyl alcohol or a Clorox wipe to clean your iPhones. For non-Apple devices, see this piece from CNET.

10. WHEN THE WEATHER ALLOWS, OPEN A WINDOW.

This virus cannot linger in a well-ventilated space, per this FP article, though it’s quite cold in much of North America still.

11. ON MASKS 

There is a lot of controversy about masks. If you do choose to use one, you need to don and doff it with gloves on, and then make sure you properly dispose of the gloves.

When the mask has been taken off, place it inside of a disposable container or bag, seal it, and put it in the trash.

In a March 12th piece, The Guardian recommends wearing masks when caring for sick people and when around sick people:

Wearing a face mask is certainly not an iron-clad guarantee that you won’t get sick – viruses can also transmit through the eyes and tiny viral particles, known as aerosols, can penetrate masks.

Howeve]]> Fri, 13 Mar 2020 04:22:06 +0200 https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/cOW_1iFUPFsQBz-T8ze_kCRFMxTa8z4W https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/cOW_1iFUPFsQBz-T8ze_kKbel3Iu4GjH

I did my first ever holiday gift guide for travelers a few years ago, which was fun to compile. Readers seemed to enjoy the various items, and I was happy to share some of the products that accompanied me on the road. This year, I wanted to do something a little different. For starters, my life is a little different – something all of you already know. As a result, my own gifts to family and friends aren’t souvenirs from far-away places, but fun things I’ve discovered online. I wanted to share some of them here, especially as many are small businesses like myself.

I completed the resulting creative gift guide later than expected, because I could only type in 20 minute increments. I hope you enjoy this gift guide, one that focuses specifically on art and jewelry. There are so many shops with interesting work out there, and sometimes it’s hard to narrow it down.

The items below are from artists that I have supported, some of whom I’ve actually met, and they are all products I stand behind.

Unique Art and Jewelry Gifts for 2019

BECCA JANE DESIGNS

When searching for a gift for my mum’s birthday this year, I thought I would do something a little different. I looked for an artist who could illustrate our family with a beautiful border and then send her a printed copy for her birthday.

I’ve never commissioned this kind of gift before, and Rebecca – the artist I chose – was patient and kind, and we went back and forth a few times until I was satisfied. She even agreed to make my brother as depicted, wearing his favourite martini t-shirt.

I was waiting on this gift guide until my mum received her gift, and she loved it!

Rebecca’s full shop here, and note that she will do other kinds of designs as well, like Save the Dates for weddings, holiday cards, personalized baby blankets, and more.

LEXIGRAPHIQUE

I’ve followed Michael Buchino’s whimsical word work for some time on Instagram, as it combines two of my favourite things: learning, and art. His Insta feed, Lexigraphique, is one of those accounts that I send to multiple friends many times a week.

Before this guide went up, I wrote him to ask if he had any holiday items I could include, and lucky for all of us he was just about to launch the hygge cards below.

(c) Michael Buchino 2019

You can buy his prints and these cute holiday cards in his Buchino shop, here.

PICTRIXDESIGN

Anne Connell’s shop is a wonder to behold, chock full of paper goods designed — as she notes on Instagram and on her website — with an “absurd attention to detail” She lists herself as a precisionist, and it’s easy to see why. Her artwork is meticulous, delicately crafted, and very unique.

I found her botanical card series first, and clapped my hands with glee. As someone trying to get out in nature during brief spurts of respite from bedrest, they were a breath of fresh air. Her constellation cards, featuring each of the zodiac signs, are a clear crowd-pleaser. I’ve put those two types of cards below but honestly it’s worth heading to see her full shop.

I realize these are listed as cards, but I think they are frame-worthy all by themselves.

(c) Anne Connell 2019

(c) Anne Connell 2019

• Botanical cards here.
• Constellation cards here. 
• And the full shop here.

NICALLENART

Nicola is a long-time Legal Nomads reader, and a fellow lawyer and traveler. She has generously shared bird illustrations and other fun to keep me cheered up when I’ve been down. She’s also a very talented artist, and her cards and other items are rich in puns and joyful artistry. 

Nicola’s work reminds me of the children’s’ books I loved most, with creative characters, maps, and whimsical animals. A talented hand-brush lettering artist, she also includes a lot of drawn typography in her work.

From a grumpy owl to a festive sheep, you’ll be sure to find holiday cards to your tastes. And one of my absolute faves is her wedding card below, “Of all the fish in the sea” — delightful.

(c) Nicola Allen 2019

(c) Nicola Allen 2019

(c) Nicola Allen 2019

Nicola’s full shop is here, with specifics from the above illustrations as follows:

• Grumpy Owl here
• Festive sheep here.
• Of all the fish in the sea here.

BIRDSTRIPS

I’ve had the pleasure of meeting Jess, the genius behind Birdstrips, in person twice. She’s currently in Montreal, and a friend introduced us just before I re-leaked last summer. Her illustrations have grown a huge following on Instagram due to its relatable messaging, and her captions that accompany the drawings are raw and vulnerable. Together, it’s powerful work that makes almost everyone feel heard.

In Jess’ words, the shop comprises “the existential distress of the flightless through the eyes of the flighted.”

(c) Birdstrips 2019

You can check out her images and pick up mugs, shirts, prints and more, here.

ABSTRACT AERIAL ART

JP and Mike Andrews, two brothers from the UK are an Instagram favourite of mine. I often share their images with my community because their eye is unique, and their pictures compelling. Like me, they absolutely love to travel. Unlike me, they specialize in photographing bizarre, aerial images our planet using drone photography.

Their goal: to share perspectives of the world otherwise unseen, captured from a vantage point most of us miss. A great gift option for those who love to roam.

Here’s one I love from them: Skyline, a drone photograph of a freighter that looks like a cityscape.

(c) Abstract Aerial Art 2019

(c) Abstract Aerial Art 2019

And this aerial view of a beach made me smile:

Their full gallery shop here.

TEKSTARTIST

Jason Markow, aka TEKSTartist is an artist I found a few years ago, and was hooked immediately. His work combines both traditional and digital media, a fusion of techniques that result in elegant yet crisp products. Given that my own products are typographic representations of food, I love that his art includes quotes he’s enjoyed over the years, visually represented in unique ways.

One of my favourites: this flower, “Your Garden, Forever” available here, created by warping and twisting the words from Tennyson’s famous quote – “If I had a flower for every time I thought of you…I could walk through my garden forever.”― Alfred Tennyson

(c)TEKSTartist 2019

And the item below, The Giving Tree, was created by warping/twisting the words from the entire set of text from Shel Silverstein’s iconic book “The Giving Tree”. Buy a copy of the artwork here.

(c)TEKSTartist 2019

Full shop here.

EFFIN BIRDS

These illustrations of birds with curse words sayings are all the rage on Instagram and Twitter, for good reason: they’re hilarious. Crafted by Aaron Reynolds, they do seem to offend some, but as the name suggests exactly what they are it’s hard for anyone to be upset. Don’t like them? Close the tab. Personally, I find them exactly what I need, each and every day. Clothing, mugs, pins, and more at the link, including a new Effin’ Birds book.

Buy here.

TOTE BAGS: TYPOGRAPHIC MAPS OF FOOD

I’m excited to share the new tote bags in the Legal Nomads shop. Previously, I offered a canvas, bull-woven tote of the maps, with the map printed on once side. These new tote bags are black and white – and if people like, I can also swap out the handles to make them red or mustard! – and the design is printed on both sides.*

*If you’d like to swap out the tote bag for a different handle (example here), just send an email to jodi-at-legalnomads.com after you order, and I’ll make sure it happens.

The new tote has sturdy handles and holds up to 44lbs, perfect for errands and/or carrying a laptop without a laptop bag. Food maps of Japan, Thailand, Vietnam, Portugal, Italy, and Mexico available.

(c) Jodi Ettenberg 2019

Shop the new totes here. The full shop is here.

VANRILEY

These beautiful macrame earrings are courtesy of the Van Riley shop, run by a fellow leaker. I wanted to share her work as I know how it is to worry about making ends meet with a CSF leak. If someone in your life loves macrame, please consider supporting her shop!

Macrame earrings and other items, on the VanRiley shop here.

MICAPEET JEWLERY

Given my love of nature, it’s no surprise that I also love jewelry that depicts it in design. I saw these gold leaf earrings recently and ordered a pair as my holiday gift to myself. They’re lightweight — great for anyone with headaches — and they are delicate and just so pretty. I like the contrast of the gold with the emerald green stud in the ear.

 

If leaf earrings aren’t your thing, Mica also has necklaces, rings, and other earrings in a variety of shapes and sizes. They’re lightweight and beautiful, and oh so creative. Her jewelry is hypoallergenic and nickel-free.

Buy the same gold leaf earrings that I love here, with Mica’s full shop here.

KAMOKA PEARLS

My friend Celeste is not only a great travel writer, but also runs an environmentally-friendly Tahitian pearl company, Kamoka, that adheres to the strictest levels of sustainable farming in the world. Their pearls are from oysters grown in the nutrient-rich lagoon of Ahe Atoll, 300 miles northeast of Tahiti, with electricity supplied by solar and wind power. And if you needed more convincing about supporting their enterprise: a National Geographic study found that their farming methods helped increase the area’s fish population in recent years.

As with my former gift guide, I wanted to include their Mana Bracelet. At $99, it is durable and beautiful. Celeste said that this bracelet was initially crafted for surfers. Now, it’s one of their best sellers for active people who want a beautiful pearl bracelet without worrying about fragility. The adjustable band is made from kangaroo leather (the strongest leather in the world), and is a great choice for the fashionable wanderer and the active fashionista alike.

(c) Kamoka Pearls 2019

For something a little more delicate (and fragile!), I love this white Tahitian keishi pearl ring, offset with a crescent to represent the sun and the moon. Keshi pearls are happy accidents, small nuggets that are created as a by-product when the pearl grows without a nucleus, or rejects the bead nucleus as it grows.

I love that Kamoka took these often-discarded items and made something beautiful out of them.

(c) Kamoka Pearls 2019

• The Mana Bracelet is available here.
• The White Tahitian Pearl Ring is here.
• Kamoka’s full shop, with pendants, necklaces, rings, bracelets, and more, is here. Use code MERRYBRIGHT at checkout to get 12% off.

GLDNxLAYEREDANDLONG

Several readers nominated this Etsy shop, and it’s the only one on this list that I haven’t also purchased myself. But when my readers are happy, I’m happy, and I wanted to share what brought them such joy in gift giving.

Chrissy’s shop features personalized, delicate jewelry for those who want to memorialize their care with initials or names. The image below is for the necklace that several readers bought, but her shop is full of other options, including rings, earrings, and pendants.

Personalized initial necklace here. Full shop here.

BEBANGLES

I’ve saved one of the best for last.

My friend Chantelle started Be., a company that sells bangles – but also much more than simply bangles. Chantelle is one of the most open-hearted, vivacious people I’ve ever met, and thankfully I’ve had the pleasure of meeting her in person years ago. Her company’s bangles work well in conjunction with the lightness and curse words of Effin Birds, two small business enterprises that use curse words to make a valid point. In Chantelle’s case, Be. takes a stand against societal norms. Her work aims to support women and girls in a society that often expects airbrushed perfection.

I received a few Be. bangles as a wonderful 40th birthday gift from Chantelle, and my two faves – that came with me to Florida are:

• “I’m mostly peace, love, light, and a little go fuck yourself” – product here, and
• “I stopped waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel, and lit that bitch up myself” – product here.

I am someone who uses curse words as a form of punctuation, so those two bracelets are perfect. For those with less swear-y tendencies, lots of beautiful options like:

• “Be you. The world will adjust.” (here), and
• “Speak. Even if your voice shakes.” (here.)

All of Be.’s products here.

That’s it for 2019!  A big thanks to my friend Reine who helped pull many of the images and upload them for me, so that I could do this guide more easily. It would have been a 2020 gift guide without her. Hopefully there’s something fun in here for someone in your family.

Happy holidays, and thank you as always for all the incredible support.

-Jodi

The post The Legal Nomads 2019 Gift Guide:<br /> Art and Jewelry appeared first on Legal Nomads.

]]> Sun, 08 Dec 2019 20:00:08 +0200 https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/cOW_1iFUPFsQBz-T8ze_kKbel3Iu4GjH https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/cOW_1iFUPFsQBz-T8ze_kO4sICfMfkNm

In February, I realized that I was no longer sleeping well. On the rare nights that I did rest, my tracker said I went into only 20 minutes of deep sleep a night total. Plus, the hours of light or REM sleep that I did have were punctuated with awful nightmares.

After a particularly rough stretch of ugly darkness, my friend Naomi asked to chat one night before bed. I slept soundly for the first time in months. In the morning, I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw that I had one hour and fifteen minutes of deep sleep. In the shower, where all good ideas derive, I decided to ask for some help and see who would want to have a nighttime call with me to help me sleep better.

Worried it was too hokey, I texted my brother as my brain-check.

“Are you kidding!?” he exclaimed. “Everyone feels helpless in this mess. Give them something to do.”

He was right.

I put up a short sign-up sheet on my personal Facebook page on February 13th, and by the end of the day I had a call booked every single night, all the way until late May.

“Some species of trees spread root systems underground that interconnect the individual trunks and weave the individual trees into a more stable whole that can’t so easily be blown down in the wind,” wrote Rebecca Solnit in her essay A Short History of Silence. “Stories and conversations are like those roots.”

The nighttime calls were my root system that leant a beautiful intimacy to already existing friendships. Everyone who signed up already knew me fairly well. The combo of my present situation, plus the tenderness with which everyone tried to tiptoe around it, assured that the calls were truly wonderful.

I wanted to direct the conversation away from my explaining how I was doing. I wasn’t doing very well, and to repeat that night after night didn’t seem like an effective way to sleep better. So I decided to ask everyone two questions:

• When life takes something or someone important from you or delivers a big blow, how do you find hope and joy again?
• Does spirituality affect your ability to be resilient in life? (By this I meant lower-case “s” spirituality, general connectedness to all things / something greater, not necessarily Spirituality in a religious sense. For many who were religious, it was one and the same.)

The questions led to some beautiful discourse, a deep dive into wonder and the human experience. People felt comfortable sharing their own grief and losses, as well as how they picked themselves up again.

I listened, I shared, and I felt connected to the world in a way that I missed.

I slept well almost every night.

(c) CDD20 via Pixabay

***

The day before my 40th birthday, someone asked me how old I felt internally. I laughed, saying that we all felt younger than we were. But she meant an actual number. The question stemmed from an exchange she had with her friends, since none of them felt their age.

Does anyone feel their actual age, over the age of 30? I suppose I assumed we generally did not, that we were all milling around in various states of cognitive dissonance, waiting for a certainty that would never arrive.

I thought about it and calculated that my internal compass stopped at 28. That was the answer I gave last Wednesday, and it still fits after exploring the edges of the statement ever since. It was at 28 that I planned in earnest to leave my law job and start traveling. I didn’t plan to keep traveling. My one year sabbatical was supposed to morph into real life once more, and into a law job potentially in the public sector instead of a private firm.

But as the story goes, not so much with the return to the law.

Frankly, up until that point, I did things a bit backward. I started law school just after my 19th birthday, I billed 90 weeks at a fast-paced firm, then moved to a slightly smaller one to work in advertising law. While I did play mini-putt in the hallway with paralegals while waiting for my proxy statements to turn, the level of billable hours certainly wasn’t what my most of my friends in their early twenties were doing. And as anyone in the billable business knows, the astronomical hours billed in my first year of lawyering meant far more actual hours in the office all told.

From the judicious billing in 6-minute units, I took a sabbatical to turn to what I loved most in the world: learning as much as possible every day. That my thirst to absorb (and eat!) turned into a business was extraordinary. That it sustained my travels financially and led me to develop a community of travellers and readers who supported my work was… well, very delightful. Very humbling. How did these smart, capable people become interested in my site? Reader meetups were a wondrous marvel. I didn’t know how they got there. I just felt grateful.

Long-term Legal Nomads fans know that I never quit my job as a lawyer because I burned out. I quit because I wanted to see the world, and let those memories inform my next steps as an attorney. That I had the privilege to do so was never lost on me. Taken together, that privilege plus my profound awe that I mistakenly stumbled into a passion that became a career, meant that most of my days took little for granted.

And then this leak happened.

When I look back, I feel a loss of innocence. How could I have known to also be grateful for the ability to tie my own shoes? To walk down the street without fear of someone bumping into me and reversing my fragile healing?

I wrote about being in pain since I got dengue fever, and along the edges of that pain I found a deeper appreciation for my work and my life. At the time, it felt that my world was narrowing beyond recognition for each. It took adjustment to recalibrate to gratitude.

With the perspective I have now, those years feel ethereal and free. That journey toward grace, and my earlier reacquaintance with food when I learned I was a celiac, both feel expansive in retrospect.

(c) CDD20 via Pixabay

***

One of my favourite short quotes is by Italian writer Carlo Levi, who noted that “the future has an ancient heart.” In a 2011 column on The Rumpus, Cheryl Strayed shared it and added that the quote beautifully summarizes her belief that who we become is born of who we most primitively are. Strayed’s reply was to a request for a graduation speech for writers, many of whom dreaded entering the real world.

I think it’s a useful sentiment for you to reflect upon now, sweet peas, at this moment when the future likely feels the opposite of ancient, when instead it feels like a Lamborghini that’s pulled up to the curb while every voice around demands you get in and drive.

I remembered this column when I began to write this post. Those times where the future felt roaring and new are curiously hard to grasp. With the weight of tragedy, I’m not alone in struggling to reconcile who I was with how my heart and soul has evolved.

The future may have an ancient heart, but my present does too.

In the two years since this spinal leak began, my inbox overflowed regularly with the rattled confusion that accompanies deep misfortune. And I write those people back using my thumbs and I say, “Yes – what we actually know in our hearts feels murky in the midst of unfathomable disorientation. Yes. I hear you. I’m sorry. I’m listening.”

How do you trust your heart when you can’t put on your own socks? How do you close your eyes and be you when “you” no longer exists in some fundamental way? The catastrophe led each of us to this mysterious place where nothing makes any sense always fails to provide the way out.

The cold truth is that life just isn’t fair. Depending on our childhoods, we learn that lesson early. Or, we learn it later. Eventually, we figure it out. How we deal with the stoic certainty of that unfairness as it churns through us dictates how well we survive.

In those two years, I’ve come to believe what many before me have said. That way out is through. The way out is remembering what we are outside the bounds of our wounds. In a society obsessed with doing, identity often ties to your accomplishments, not who you are. Fighting through all that “doing” to get to the “being” sometimes feels like a salmon trying to swim upstream.

My life today life is life itty bitty teeny tiny through no fault of my own. Many weeks I cannot go outside. I am not alone in this place; I have found others with similar, persistent CSF leaks and similar complications following treatment. Together we hold ourselves aloft in the ether.

As I’ve written before, getting through this is not about thinking positive for me. It’s about choosing what serves this journey best. Anger corrodes, and the last thing I need is more of that. It has taken a conscious shift to force myself past the borders of reasonable reaction, and into something open-hearted. To accept this twisted lot I’ve received, and then transform those fiery feelings into something lighter and more empowering.

A wisp of life is what I have, sure. But my work each day is to find joy in that wisp. Or put another way: I can’t change what happened now, but I can change the way I wake up each day. Moment to moment, I have had to pull out my most powerful emotion-microscope to find ways to feel gratitude despite how much I grieve.

I have many tools that have helped me calibrate that microscope, and I absolutely could not have done it alone. I also could not have dedicated so much brainpower and time to overcoming the mental aspect of this big life change without my family holding the weight of my physical care.

The “how to stay sane within tragedy” is a question I receive each day from readers. I hope to write about it when my health allows. It’s one of the most important questions we can ask, even in the absence of calamity.

Every day, the choice looms: do we dust ourselves off and try to find joy, or do we wallow in suffering? It’s a decision we all have to make. I used to think that optimizing for joy alone meant that we were neglecting the reasons for suffering. I equated the shift in thinking to burying my head in the sand. Through this experience, I see that even when we have good reason to wallow, it doesn’t help us endure or overcome.

My stakes feel particularly acute, since most of my days are spent to myself. I first had to accept the intrinsic unfairness. Slowly now, I can untangle the knots of my frustration and despair, and flatten out the thread until it looks sleek. Neat and tidy.

And then the next day, I start all over again.

***

This picture was a generous gift from my friend Marie-Christine. A wedding photographer, she came over to shoot photos and make me feel glamorous for my 40th. I put on makeup for the first time in almost a year, went on the balcony, and MC did her thing.

A wise person once told me decades ago that it was smart never to compare my insides to someone else’s outsides. Few people wear their struggles on their sleeve or their face. We never know someone’s story, we can’t say what is weighing them down or lifting them up. We use our own beliefs, honed with however many years of bias, to make a judgement call about a stranger.

It doesn’t look like I spent 10 months in bed or that my brain is sinking into my spine, does it? There’s a reason they call it “invisible illness”. It’s one of 30 photos I’m set to receive, all taken last week. My smile and laughter are real. I had an excellent afternoon with a dear friend, even though I paid for being upright with some extra pain.

The afternoon was a reminder of what I’ve tried to remember as I pass through this extraordinary time. That each moment we get with someone we love, each second that we can find goodness and joy — that’s one moment we aren’t giving into what exists and can dredge us down.

***

“As my face changes, I will lose myself,” writes Chelsea G. Summers in a piece about the skincare industry. “The skin-deep existential crisis is this: Who am I when I don’t recognize myself in my own skin?”

As a woman, aging unfurls all sorts of whispered consequences. Peeking grey hair and wrinkles and yes, changing skin. These days, aging is somewhere in a storage space at the back of my mind. At forefront is instead the dearth of basics that I never thought I’d lack. Walking. Being able to tie my own shoes or cut my own toenails. Opening a heavy drawer. Cooking my own food. Laughing hard or coughing or sneezing without worrying about opening up a bigger leak in my spine.

It’s not been an easy few years. It’s been the hardest few years, harder than I ever thought I could sustain. I haven’t given up, and have surprised myself with the resilience I needed to power through. “I couldn’t do what you’re doing,” people tell me. Of course they could. We never know the depths of our own adaptability and strength until it’s deeply called into question.

My story is no exception, it’s just a story of extremes. Freedom to not-freedom, with the love of the world in between.

Learning as much as I could powered my life as a traveler, and it’s powering my life now. I’ve spent two years reading everything I could about neuroplasticity, immunology, and epigenetics. I’ve meditated more than is reasonable. Through force of imagination and curiosity, and with the help of many remarkable people, I’m no longer in the pit. Even though I don’t know when I’ll walk again without brain sag.

There are thousands and thousands of people who have shown me they care during this absurd time. I try to show up for other leakers in the same way, or for readers who are scared about their pain.

I dreaded my 40th for the last while because my plan was for years to summit a big mountain with my friends. But as the day approached, I made more peace with where I am. Is it where I wanted to be? Absolutely not. But the same lust for life that fuelled my too-young-to-be-lawyering years and my eating-all-of-the-soup years sustains me now.

Life changes in an instant, and I feel proud that I packed in more in my 40 years than many people get in a lifetime. For the last two years, I’ve had to live life from the inside-out, searching for answers that don’t exist. Trying to keep my brain afloat both literally and figuratively.

***

My actual birthday was as good as it could be given the circumstances. I woke up to a burst of love from around the globe from my family, community, and friends. Friends and my mum stopped in all day long in waves, to give me gentle hugs. My Montreal bestie, who you may remember from my post about how I officiated her wedding in Costa Rica, came over for sushi dinner and a beautiful cake.

The cake was specially by Kleine Shoppe. The owner, Katie, patiently took my short list of “ingredients that don’t cause a Jodi to go into anaphylaxis” and turned out one of the most beautiful cakes I’ve ever had the pleasure of eating.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Jodi Ettenberg Legal Nomads (@legalnomads) on Aug 16, 2019 at 5:43am PDT

To be clear, she chose the message not me. But it was both hilarious and delicious, and I saved some of it for future consumption.

I went to bed content on my 40th. Even without the foods I used to obsess over, I felt sated. And most of all, I felt deeply cared for.

Many of us have a hard time receiving love, and that’s been a lesson for me in the past two years. It’s hard not to feel unworthy – not of love generally, but the fierceness and care of so many who want to see me well. The natural awkwardness of that feeling is far eclipsed by the strength it gives me, and the humbling effect the support has.

I’ve always looked young, something that was a liability as a lawyer and a source of mirth as a traveler. But now, it feels particularly off-key. When I first arrived in New York as a summer associate I was 20. Amazed I was there at all, I would scrutinize people’s faces as they passed by. Who would I look like? Where would my life lead me in 20 years time? It’s always fascinating to remember the shape of those predictions in retrospect.

I look at my face and my face doesn’t look forty.

I look at my face and think, who cares how old my face looks?

In that 2011 Rumpus column, Strayed writes about the interstitial years between knowing your heart’s path and making it there, eventually.

The most terrible and beautiful and interesting things happen in a life. For some of you, those things have already happened. Whatever happens to you belongs to you. Make it yours. Feed it to yourself even if it feels impossible to swallow. Let it nurture you, because it will.

When I stare in the mirror, I see a weary but strong version of me that doesn’t jive with who I was, but is exactly who I am. Surprised and knowing all at once.

And in those quiet exhalations when the pain lessens for a blessed moment, I feel overwhelmed with pure love.

My soul in bloom and my ancient heart and my youthful face, all of it, braided together to help me feel whole.

-Jodi

How You Can Help

A lot of incredibly generous people have written to ask how to help during this time. I am not starting a Go Fund Me again, and unless things change I do not plan to.

However there are three easy ways to help.

1. Help by Donating to the CSF Leak Foundation

Help by making a donation to the CSF Spinal Leak foundation, a 501(c)(3) charitable organization that has advocated tremendously for the condition I’m currently working to overcome. They are a lean organization, with those involved also dealing with spinal leaks – so every dollar counts. I’ve started a fundraiser for 1 week, via the Legal Nomads page. If you’re on Facebook, you can make a donation here until the fundraiser ends on August 22nd.

2. Helping me personally (which many of you have asked for specifically!)

I’ve told friends and extended family that the best way to help me is an Amazon gift card. This allows me purchase ingredients for foods I can eat, like teff and tiger nut flour, without my parents having to go hunt for them. I also use Amazon for the items that help with the disabilities I face – grabber devices, coccyx pillows, and my fave! Lying down glasses. You can send a gift card to legalnomads-at-gmail.com if you’d like to contribute to me personally.

3. Help spread the word and raise awareness about CSF leaks

CSF Leaks are an under-diagnosed condition than can arise from a spinal tap, epidural, spinal surgery, epidural steroid injection, and even spontaneously.

If you’re in the USA, please see the CSF Spinal Leak foundation‘s page, including the research studies they have previously funded.

If you’re in Canada, there’s a new Canadian foundation that was started by leakers this year. Awareness of leaks is specially low in Canada, and doctors here told me that I was just “having migraines” – even though they went away when I laid down. The leak experts are predominantly in the USA, so hopefully with more awareness and doctor education this changes.

***

PS. It seems my internal age broadcasts externally just fine, because several people joked that I looked 28 before I published this post. Here are a few of the responses from my birthday pics on FB and Instagram:

Best coincidence ever?

PPS. I had to end with a llama

Another of MC’s photos from our birthday photoshoot last week, with bonus llama photoshopped in by my always-creative friend, Laurence.

The post On Turning 40 With An Ancient Heart appeared first on Legal Nomads.

]]> Mon, 19 Aug 2019 02:26:39 +0200 https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/cOW_1iFUPFsQBz-T8ze_kO4sICfMfkNm https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/cOW_1iFUPFsQBz-T8ze_kPdczOo_8W9B

A few years after my grandmother died, I joined my mother and brother to visit her grave. Her remains are located in a crowded cemetery, one that has different markers to guide mourners to the right place.

After visiting a different relative, my mum got turned around and could not get us back to my grandmother. My mum is a blisteringly smart woman, but directions are not her forte. The three of us wandered the rows in search of my grandmother, laughing at our predicament.

Eventually, with my mother in the distance reading people’s graves, I stood next to my brother and turned my face up to the sky. “Grandma!” I called out. “Your daughter got lost, but this time it was en route to find you. Can you give us a hint over here?”

Moments later, a crow starting cawing and flew to the far end of the section that my brother and I were standing in. We turned to look at each other sharply.

Surely not?

“Come on, let’s go!”

We both sprinted toward the bird at the same time, our pace slowing as the tombstone came into view. We found a crow sitting on my grandmother’s grave. The gravestone was double length, as she and my grandfather planned to share a double plot whenever he should pass.

We took a few moments to stop freaking out, and then called our mum over.

“How did you guys find it?” She asked, incredulously.

“Well you’re not going to believe it but…..”

My grandmother and me.

***

My grandfather proposed to my grandmother on the day they met, an action born from a connection far deeper than many of us can comprehend.

He saw her and knew, he said. There wasn’t a question in his mind.

Through the entire length of their marriage until her death in 1996, he was a gentleman deeply in love with his wife. Subsequently, and among many other things, he was a widower who would still tear up upon the mere mention of her name decades later.

I am comforted by the thought of them reunited again at last, twenty plus years later.

My grandparents, 1945

My grandfather proposed to my grandmother because he caught a glimpse of her on a fateful day in 1944.

He enlisted in the Air Force and was sent to England in the early 1940s. That too is family lore, because the man wore thick glasses since he was a child. But he wanted to fight for his country during the Second World War, and wanted to join the Air Force to do so. He couldn’t disclose his terrible eyesight, however, so he failed the eye test several times taking it without glasses. They rejected his application.

Did he give up? No. He never gave up. He memorized the eye chart and waited until a new doctor was giving he exam. The sneaky strategy paid off and he finally passed. He was sent to Gander in Newfoundland for training, and eventually onwards to England. The ruse was up eventually, of course, and he was not able to fly planes. Instead, he served happily from the ground.

(I got my stubbornness from several family members, him among them.)

Eventually, he transferred to a base on the coast of England. There, he and his Air Force buddies would spent one evening a week at a hotel near the sea, playing poker with injured son of the owner.

One week in 1944, a young woman caught his attention on his way to that weekly game. She was walking down the stairs at the hotel with an older woman, her mother, and she stood out immediately, he said.

He turned to his friends and told them to go on to the game without him.

In all of the times I have heard this story, I never thought to ask how he broke the ice. I imagine it started with a cheerful hello. Perhaps, as he saw her heading to a room in the hotel, he asked her if she was retiring so soon. It was early evening, and the sun hadn’t set.

“Hello..are you retiring so soon? Would you like to take a walk along the beach?”

Seeking an escape from the London smog for a weekend, my great-grandmother brought my grandma to the coast with her. Slim, petite, and always introspective, I can only imagine what was going through her head that she agreed at age 19 to an impromptu date with a stranger.

He was 25.

I suspect it wasn’t logic, because my grandmother, like my grandfather, confirmed that it was love at first sight. Further, unbeknownst to my grandfather, she was engaged to a gentleman in London. For a shy (engaged!) young lady to leave her mother and wander the beach during the war took something larger than life. Love.

She did not retire for the night, and instead did what she always did because she was always cold: she went and got a sweater. She turned and explained her need for a sweater to my grandfather – this part we all do know – and that she wanted to get her mother settled for the night.

“Ok. Then I will wait,” he replied.

And he did.

Their first date was a drawn-out walk along the cliffs at the edge of the sea, one that culminated in a proposal. Complicating matters was not only my grandmother’s engagement, but that my grandfather too was promised to a woman in Canada who he planned to take up with after the war.

Regardless, and as they both told it, those previous plans were impossible now. Something shifted in the universe, something firm and unyielding. They felt that they were meant to be together despite the chaos that would it would likely cause in their individual families.

My grandparents during WWII

Before they knew it, it was almost curfew. My grandfather had to be back in his barracks or risk being declared AWOL. A gentleman, he tried to walk my grandmother to the hotel regardless, but she insisted that he not risk his enlistment. They made plans to meet at the hotel the next day, and she told him to rush back before it was too late.

My grandfather made it back in time and in one piece, but my grandmother did not.

During the war, a country-wide blackout went into effect Sept 1, 1939. Lights could easily geolocate a spot for Germans to bomb, so at dusk there were no lights. The effect was immediate, and conditions like “blackout anemia” spread as city dwellers got used to a life without nighttime light. “For the first minute going out of doors one is completely bewildered, wrote Londoner Phylllis Warner, “then it is a matter of groping forward with nerves as well as hands outstretched.”  Near the sea, it was especially important that the blackout was in full effect because U-boats were patrolling the waters.

With darkness upon them, my grandparents split up to make their way back to their respective sleeping spots. In the inky blackness, my grandmother felt her way along the cliffs toward the hotel. En route, she tripped over a retaining wall and promptly collapsed a lung.

What was she thinking, inching back in the dark after accepting a stranger’s engagement, in pain and alone? Again, the questions I never thought to ask as a child.

Clearly, the mother-daughter trip to the coast was over. My grandmother and great-grandmother left at dawn for to London to see a doctor. The next day, my grandfather returned to the hotel as planned, only to find out that my grandmother was gone. He begged the hotel for their London address, and on his first day of leave he rushed to London to see her.

Today, treatment for a severe collapsed lung usually involves inserting a needle or chest tube between the ribs to remove the excess air. In 1945, however, it was simply bedrest for as long as it took to hopefully heal. So for several months, my grandfather made the trip from the coast to London and back again whenever he had a day of leave. As they couldn’t go anywhere, or do anything, they talked.

And through that multi-month recovery, they got to know each other.

One day, my great-grandfather took my grandpa aside to ask him what his intentions were, since he was doggedly returning every chance he got. “As soon as she is better and strong enough,” my grandfather said, “I plan to make her my wife.

They were married in 1945 in London, and honeymooned in Wales.

My grandparents’ wedding picture, London, 1945.

My grandparents on their honeymoon

It’s worth mentioning that my grandparents were as lucky as they were star-crossed. In the case of my grandpa, the ship he was supposed to take from Gander to England was hit by a German U-boat torpedo on its trajectory. Thankfully, a pilot friend was also being shipped out to England, and offered my grandfather a seat on his plane. Everyone on the ship bound for England died.

So too did my grandmother cheat death. After recovering from the collapsed lung, she took a her job at the office of a munitions factory in London. She had perfect attendance at work, until she came down with the flu over a weekend. Not wanting to miss work, she only allowed herself to stay home on Monday morning, returning to the factory in the afternoon. She arrived to find it completely levelled; it suffered a direct hit by a German bomb that morning, and everyone inside was killed.

In a similar vein, she had a near-death experience on her passage to Canada. When the war ended, my grandfather returned home with his fellow servicemen. As many Canadians stationed in England met and married English women, the government provided them special ships that transported them back to their now-husbands. The Canadian government estimates that by 1946, 48,000 marriages between Canadian servicemen and civilian women overseas had been registered. The women were called “War Brides,” and while most were from Britain, a few thousand came from elsewhere in Europe, like the Netherlands, Belgium, France, Italy and Germany. By the end of March 1948, the Canadian government had transported approximately 44,000 wives and 21,000 children to Canada, sent across the ocean on huge troop ships or modified cruise ships.

My grandmother sailed on a troop ship and came up on deck feeling nauseous from sea-sickness during a storm. Being so slight, when a wave crashed into the ship she went with it. A sailor holding a guide rope grabbed onto her just before she was swept off deck.

She arrived safely to Halifax eventually. My grandfather eagerly awaited her smiling, no doubt exhausted, face. They settled in Montreal, eventually starting a family of their own.

My mum, their firstborn, aged 4.

We humans love to connect dots, and to create a compelling narrative where there may not be any. Were they just lucky? Perhaps. In my family, they were far more than that. A couple that was simply fated to be, with an incredible love story that transcended time, a war, and borders to bring them together.

***

Every conversation with my grandfather started with intense cheer.

“Hello Dolly!” He would say when he saw me, “tell me some good news.”

It wasn’t just me. He brightened everyone’s day, no matter the place or time. He was universally loved, to the point where his caretakers and nurses sobbed when they heard the news of his passing. Throughout his life, he comported himself with dignity and a strength that you knew you never wanted to test.

Before he retired, he worked in the menswear industry, building a modest company into a huge operation over the course of his career. Due to his vocation, he was impeccably dressed until his heath interfered and people had to choose them for him. In true grandpa fashion, too, he was classy and comfortable without ever appearing snobby. He dressed well because he believed in the products he made and the materials he traveled far and wide to personally source.

He is the only man I’ve ever met who could make an ascot seem normal.

That’s a testament to his shapeshifting nature, one day selling his clothing to shops, and the next in the countryside to see what raw materials he wanted to buy next. I drew on his strength many times when on the road and out of my element, or up to my eyeballs in fear. He was a comforting chameleon who charmed everyone.

The man also did great at anything he put his mind to. And I’m not just talking about his work. He bowled a perfect game for most of his life, and at 89, he complained to my mother that his arm was hurting. My mum gently told him that perhaps three different bowling leagues weren’t the best idea as he approached his 90th birthday.

Fiercely independent and unrepentant in his desire to live each day fully, he was not impressed by her suggestion that he cut down to two.

He learned how to play bridge at 85, not only learned but learned, remembered, and kicked some serious bridge ass.

Around the same time, he decided to join meals on wheels, for “something else to do.” Not content to bowl, go to the gym (yes, the GYM), socialize, and participate in community programmes, he wanted to give back. That’s right, in his 80s he joined Meals on Wheels to serve the food, not to receive it.

“I’m going to visit the old people,” he’d tell my mum with a characteristic chortle.

He was, of course, older than many of the people who received those meals.

***

My grandfather taught me to stand up for what I believe in, not just because someone tells me to do so but because it was right. Because I knew it was right inside. No one could take that from you, he would say, looking right into the heart of who I was.

“You stand up for what you know is right.”

Integrity mattered to him, to me, and to all of his grandkids.

My grandfather taught me that anything in life was possible in life and love.

He taught me that mealtimes could be anything I wanted them to be, with his joyful celebration of soup for dessert. Why have ice cream when there’s soup available? He never turned down a bowl, something my cousin Alanna and I clearly inherited from him.

By extrapolation life could be anything you wanted it to be, too. While he didn’t understand why I quit my job as a lawyer to start traveling, when this blog turned into a website and a business, he believed I was making a difference. (Plus, by then I was telling everyone “I eat soup for a living”, so I am sure that bought me some goodwill). I was effecting change without compromising my values, something that mattered to him.

I have handwritten notes from him well into his 90s, encouraging me to keep doing what I was doing.

One of my favourite memories of him was a trip to New York City when he was 90. I was working at a law firm then, and my parents drove in with him during thanksgiving weekend. He traipsed around town with us, over the Brooklyn Bridge, down into the subways, and into Times Square. He had not been to New York since the 1950s, and I remember looking over at him in the neon chaos of 42nd street, with all its noise and bustle and movement. He looked up, he took a deep breath, and said “you know, take away the neon and it really isn’t that different.”

He was adaptable in ways that I couldn’t even fathom, and his ability to find connection to everything, everyone, everywhere, is a part of why I traveled the way I did.

He made it to 100, spending his milestone birthday last year surrounded by friends and family.

By that point, dementia had set in, and he did not understand why everyone was clamouring around him, or that he was 100. “I AM?” He would say, astonished. “100? Are you sure?” He did not recognize who I was, and asked my mother how she and I met.

“Dolly,” he said conspiratorially as I walked by him at his party, “what is going on?”

Someone cut in to say that it was a party for him. “We are all here to celebrate your birthday! Do you want to say something?”

And he did what he always did and took charge of the situation with grace, poise, and authority. Despite not remembering he was 100, nor did he recognize the people in attendance, he spoke clearly and confidently.

“I want to thank everyone here for coming to see me today. And I hope you all enjoy yourselves and have a wonderful time!”

My mum, stepdad, brother, me, and the 100th birthday boy last year.

***

I was too sick to attend my grandpa’s funeral, the second grandparent’s life celebration I’ve missed in the last few months.

To grieve alone when your family grieves together is a deeply isolating thing, but thankfully with family in town for the funeral, I was not alone for it all. My cousins piled onto the floor of my tiny bedroom for hours to grieve with me.

My grandfather proposed to my grandmother on the day they met, and though he taught my cousins and I many things, the legacy of their love abides in each of us. In the time since, he lived an astounding life full of more variety and purpose than most people get during their time on earth.

With every single thing he did, and every person he interacted with, he was charming, polite, and perspicacious. But when we all gathered at my mum’s last week before his funeral, the love story was the first thing we discussed.

As with many stories that span distance and generational time, however, it succumbed to a game of broken telephone over the years.

Eventually, at my cousin’s wedding in 2007, the close family gathered around my grandfather during a break in festivities to hear the truth straight from the horse’s mouth.

The candid photos from that gathering encapsulate his status as beloved patriarch: us cousins gesticulating, our parents shaking their heads, and my grandfather in the centre with his head thrown back in full-body laughter.

My grandfather and I at the family wedding in 2007, just after the broken telephone was resolved.

My cousins and I reminisced together about this famous family day, and then we moved on to the rest of our memories. How during loud, drawn-out family gatherings, he would glare at us sternly until we piped down enough for him to say blessings before the meal. And then, while the meal was served, he would come to the kids table, ostensibly to “check on us,” but inevitably to sit down and spend part of the meal with his grandkids. We shared what we learned from him, over the many hours of wise advice we received during our respective lunches, phone calls, and visits.

That nighttime tribute with my cousins felt like a beautiful celebration, one that he would have approved of. Later, we all went upstairs to rejoin our our parents and continue the memories until we could barely keep our eyes open.

***

I’m still on bedrest, but I know the smaller reminders will hit harder when I start interacting with the world again. Grief follows no timeline, of course, but even with time it comes back without warning in the smaller remembrances that give a sharp gut punch.

How he loved a bowl of Wendy’s chilli, and how every road trip (or city drive) with him involved a Wendy’s stop. Any excuse for a Wendy’s stop.

How we would all go for Chinese buffets as a family, and when everyone got dessert, he’d loop back to get another bowl of soup.

The smell of pipe tobacco from before he quit smoking. His beloved ascot. The pageboy caps he wore in the winter months.

That raucous, eternal laugh.

Always in a pageboy cap.

***

In early April I was on resting and reading in my mum’s room. A flash of black caught my eye, and I looked up to see a crow flying straight at the window. It veered suddenly and disappeared.

Intrigued, I got up from the bed to look outside. The crow was sitting on the street in front of the house, and stared me straight in the eyes before flying away.

“Goodbye grandma,” I said softly. It reminded me of that story from her grave that I hadn’t thought about in some time.

That night, I went to my computer and downloaded a whole bunch of photos of me and my grandfather that I had stored to the cloud. I’m not even sure why, other than the crow reminded me of his beloved wife. When I told my brother, he shook his head and said, “well Jodi, the birds certainly seem to give you messages.”

My grandfather passed peacefully in his sleep that night, in the early hours of dawn. Peacefully, and unexpectedly.

I suppose nothing is unexpected when you are a hundred and a half, but his body was so robust that we were all shocked.

When I saw the bleary panic and grief in my mother’s eyes the next morning when she woke me up with the news, I never even thought that it was about my grandfather. He was a hundred, yes, but he was indomitable.

Of course, he was also human.

Transcending our grief was our relief that he passed painlessly and quickly.

And in death, as in life, he kept the whole family on its toes.

I miss him very much.

Air Force photo of my grandpa

The post A Eulogy for my Grandfather appeared first on Legal Nomads.

]]> Thu, 18 Apr 2019 18:59:15 +0200 https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/cOW_1iFUPFsQBz-T8ze_kPdczOo_8W9B https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/cOW_1iFUPFsQBz-T8ze_kBtLdxSOwF-n

I’ve received many very similar emails and DMs during the last few days.

“Jodi…?” the messages start out. “I don’t want to bother you but it has been a long time since you posted, and I’m really starting to worry.”

“Jodi: blink twice if you’re ok?”

“Jodi, here is a llama walking into an optometrist’s office in France. I thought of you! Also, ARE YOU OK?”

In a world of easy access to people’s inboxes, readers have only been a pleasure, a virtual cloud of warmth and never a burden. And when so many of you ping at once, I know I am due for an update. In this slow bedrest state, life feels like a woozy Groundhog Day. I love the filaments that connect me to so many of you, reminding me not to lose track of time entirely. I am so humbled by your care.

***

When I was a kid, my mother said my first word was – as expected – a word. Instead of continuing along those lines, apparently the next thing I said was a sentence: “see car go by.”

“And then,” my family jokes, “she never stopped talking!”

Being at a loss for words is not a problem I normally have. But yes, I have been very lax at updating because it’s been hard to find words for what I’m feeling.

A Leaky Anniversary

January 26 was the one year anniversary of the patch that sealed me last year. I had a really rough and heart-wrenching time reckoning with where I am on this anniversary. Instead of scaffolding off the slow and arduous recovery that followed the anaphylaxis and procedure, I am in bed.

Again.

For many months.

If you’re just tuning in, the CSF leak that sealed up and was healing reopened because I sat on the ground. Gingerly. Not even enthusiastically. I went from 4-5km walks a day, to no walking in record time.

At first, I was in extreme denial that something so small, so inhibited could blow out the scar tissue that had months to form. But one by one, each symptom I had in 2017 came back. I keep detailed daily logs of every symptom, supplement or medication, and food. I couldn’t deny what I was experiencing.

Then, the grief. The anger. The deep sadness, the kind that suffocates all hope.

We learn about the “stages of grief” in popular culture, but what happens when they just cycle over and over? When you think you’ve come out the other side and can breathe again, when you tilt your face up at a brighter-than-you-remembered sun, only to find that you’re back in the dark?

***

My body, when I releaked, was in far better shape than the initial leak in 2017. Labs last summer showed improvements and lower inflammatory markers. I tried to stay positive. My friends and family came to visit. My inbox overflowed with llama photos.

As fall turned to winter, I saw some wonderful improvements. I stopped having the “brain sag” of my brain smushing into my spine due to low pressure. I moved into “high pressure” again, which is usually a symptom of the leak starting to seal over — the extra CSF produced while leaking backs up against the hole now tentatively closed. I started on the meds to lower intracranial pressure to prevent the fragile seal from bursting due to pressure. I felt cautiously optimistic.

And then a few weeks later in mid-December, I had an awful nightmare in my sleep. I remember it perfectly. And I also remember what woke me up: the excruciating pain in my back.

After an epidural blood patch to seal a CSF leak, the discharge instructions note that there’s to be no bending, lifting, or twisting for many weeks, but also that coughing or sneezing can blow out the patch due to intrathecal pressure. Many fellow leakers have blown out their patches — a clot or glue covering the leak temporarily while your own body can heal with scar tissue underneath — from constipation (pushing), sneezing, coughing, laughing.

Suspend your humanness while you can, the unsaid instructions whisper. Don’t do anything that can compromise this seal.

In my case, this nightmare I had blew out the seal and I was back to square one.

The Roller-Coaster of Ups and Downs

It is difficult for me to express the crazy-making nature of this condition.

In many cases, there is no imaging available that is sensitive enough to show a leak. Misdiagnoses are common. Imaging such as MRIs or more invasive testing like a CT-myelography turn up normal in an alarming percentage of cases. And normal imaging, the leak experts have learned, does not exclude a leak.

So the best way to know if you are leaking is via your symptoms or your story. In my case: I had none of these symptoms prior to a lumbar puncture, and have not been functional since. But the difficulty of external corroboration and testing only exacerbates anxiety about what may or may not be happening in your body. It is a very tough, very exhausting dance to undertake. I have struggled the most with this balance of attempting to stay in touch with my body while also uncurling my clenched hands from the eventual outcome. Science tells us that focusing ad nauseum on our pain can magnify it in our minds, hence the usefulness of mindfulness and other meditation.

When your condition requires a focus on pain, and you also know you need to stay equanimous to heal effectively? That is a total mindfuck.

***

In mid-December, a close family member took a turn for the very worse. The funeral was around Christmas. I was too unwell to attend. Combined with the Re-Re-leak, I spiralled pretty solidly into a very bleak place.

If I’ve learned anything in this madness, it’s that staying in the black hole of despair is not how you heal. With the crutches of visits and calls from close friends, someone to talk with who specializes in grief, and the tools I’ve drawn on at the worst of times, I was able to wrench myself to a better place.

But still, I am not sealed and healed.

***

I put off Duke when I re-leaked because of what happened during the last round of patching. There is a lesson about anxiety in that procedure too: in my most creative of nightmares, I never imagined anaphylaxis as part of what could go wrong.

But it did, and while they will not use fibrin glue again (suspecting that was the cause for anaphylaxis), I’ve written about how my body seems to be stuck in that very reactive, anaphylax-y place. My mast cells degranulated all over the place and LOVED it. They seem to enjoy doing so again and again since, not only to foods but also smells – and even hot showers.

Given how pear-shaped things went last time, I wanted to give my body a long chance to seal before committing to another procedure. When I did seemingly seal up in November, I was so thrilled. It didn’t (and doesn’t) matter to me if it takes a long time, though my parents have the patience of saints. If slow and steady was the way, I was ok with that as long as I sealed up.

I will be honest: my turbulent December and January have tested the limits of my capacity for grace and patience and hope. I have been on bedrest for quite a few months. While I’m not bored, the pain levels are pretty unconscionable and keeping my spirit up has been a mighty challenge.

From my own calculus: if I do need to go back to Duke, I want to know I gave my body a full shot.

That way, if – IF – things go awry again during a procedure, I won’t be able to look back and say, “should have given it a bit more time.”

***

So where are we now? It’s February, and long term readers know this means my favourite holiday in the world: Vietnamese lunar new year or Tet. An amazing reader named Wendy just sent me a pic of lamp in my name from her family’s temple in Malaysia, a New Year wish of health and prosperity. Lunar new year was always a time for reflection and cleaning and cleansing during my time in Asia. I’ve kept that spirit during my return to Mexico and Canada with small celebrations to welcome the next calendar.

New Year starts in a few days, and with it I hope a better climate for healing.

I have seen such progress since the re-leak, progress I didn’t see when first in bed in 2017. I keep flipping into high pressure as it starts to seal, then unsealing. It may be that I need intervention after all, but I still have hope that the JodiDura-that-could comes through this winter. I’m eating a strict and healthy diet, meditating, visualizing, consistently working to bring my mind into a better space.

If I can’t seal during the winter, it certainly won’t be because I didn’t try.

Learning to be the Tortoise

There once was a speedy hare who bragged about how fast he could run. Tired of hearing him boast, Slow and Steady, the tortoise, challenged him to a race. All the animals in the forest gathered to watch. Hare ran down the road for a while and then and paused to rest. He looked back at Slow and Steady and cried out, “How do you expect to win this race when you are walking along at your slow, slow pace?” Hare stretched himself out alongside the road and fell asleep, thinking, “There is plenty of time to relax.” Slow and Steady walked and walked. He never, ever stopped until he came to the finish line. The animals who were watching cheered so loudly for Tortoise, they woke up Hare. Hare stretched and yawned and began to run again, but it was too late. Tortoise was over the line. After that, Hare always reminded himself, “Don’t brag about your lightning pace, for Slow and Steady won the race!”

The moral lesson of the Aesop’s “Tortoise and the Hare” fable is that sometimes you can be more successful by doing things slowly and steadily than by rash action. The race (of life) isn’t necessarily won by the fastest or strongest animal, but by those who persist in the face of obstacles – including the obstacle of time.

I undertook my life in the stubborn spirit of the hare.

I went to law school straight from grade 13 (CEGEP, in Quebec) because someone bet me I couldn’t get in. I took a job in NYC because on my first day of law school, someone said, “you don’t deserve to be here. Go back to high school where you belong. And don’t bother getting a job in New York City – you’ll never succeed.” When I quit my law job, it wasn’t for a two month trip, it was for an open jaw adventure to Siberia that unfurled into a glorious and food-filled new career.

My identity for years was the lawyer who quit her job to eat soup. As I’ve laid in bed on and off since 2017, I’ve watched the travel industry and my fellow writers move on with their lives. Mine feels very stuck. I am very unused to not being able to solve problems by DOING, and it is a monumental shift in my mindset. Above and beyond the leak, my health will require a different way of approaching work.

Apparently it’s time to be the tortoise.

Tortoise pic from one of the first adventures in my round-the-world trip: the Galapagos Islands in Ecuador

I’m still feeling around the edges of what that means for me. Sealing and healing will require me to change a lot about how I approach work and achievement, because excessive doing is a surefire way to undo my progress. There’s a lot here I hope to write about in the future, about learning to get under your mind and into your heart.

About listening to your body before it’s too late.

About not necessarily taking every bet that comes your way as a life challenge.

For now, though, I don’t know what I will redefine life “as.” I trust that it will unfold in its own way. While mourning the life I had, I also feel curious about what comes next.

But first: this leak in my spine needs to be firmly sealed for me to get walking again.

***

Thank you all as always for the caring notes, the questions, and the overwhelming support and love. I am extraordinarily lucky to have such a robust army of cheerleaders around the world.

Many of you have dedicated your meditation practices to my health, and for that I am grateful. I do plan to restart the group meditations next week, on Sunday February 10th. If you are interested in joining, the first 7 weeks are here, and you can enjoy any of the meditations as the tracks are all on that post.

I have been meditating alone here, but with all that unfolded I couldn’t manage the group ones during the holidays. I appreciate how many emails I’ve received asking when they’ll restart, and I am so glad many of you find them helpful and a source of light.

I haven’t written publicly in a long time, but typing this post out with my thumbs felt very good. I missed it. And though I would still be writing if no one was reading, I’m glad to go through this very tough journey with a community like you to help make things better along the way.

Jodi

The post CSF Leak Update:<br /> Learning to be the Tortoise, Not the Hare appeared first on Legal Nomads.

]]> Fri, 01 Feb 2019 23:33:24 +0200 https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/cOW_1iFUPFsQBz-T8ze_kBtLdxSOwF-n https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/cOW_1iFUPFsQBz-T8ze_kK7VFky8BpXO

In 2015, with no prior meditation practice, I decided to take a meditation course in the form of a 10-day silent Vipassana course. People warned me that it was a very aggressive beginning to a sitting practice, but I persisted because I thought that it would give me a framework for a meditative future.

It was a very difficult 10 days, and those people were right. A 10-day course was not a graceful beginning to meditating.  While I would do a Vipassana course again, I see the merits of starting a practice before launching into, say, a multi-day course with a dozen or so hours a day of meditating. You can read about it here.

This post offers an alternative for those who want to start meditating but don’t know where to start. It’s a 10 week sampler of different types of meditation. This allows everyone to land on what practices serves them best.

Purists may say that it dilutes the aim of a distinct, deep meditative practice – and that much may be true. But for many of us, starting a new habit is daunting because we rarely know how or where to begin. So with the case of a beginner to meditation, I wanted to provide a gateway to several different types – all meditative techniques I have used and continue to use in my practice.

When I did the Vipassana course, I didn’t realize I wasn’t “supposed” to clear my mind of all thoughts. I kept assuming I was doing it wrong because all sorts of thoughts kept arising. Had I participated in meditation ahead of time, I’d have known that thoughts always arise, but the key is to observe them and gently return to the meditation practice. Not to banish all thinking and achieve an empty mind.

In the time since that 10-day course, I’ve used meditation as a tool to keep me afloat and keep me grounded in the present. During the hardest months of my life, it has become a source of comfort, and I returned to a more robust meditation schedule as part of my coping mechanism.

Meditation wasn’t intended as solace for a modern world, of course. The ancient spiritual practice developed to allow a profound exploration of the mind, one that could eventually result in an intense shift in our state of being. These days, many meditation practices remove the core spirituality altogether, focusing instead on the benefits to the brain, especially a brain that has been rewired for trauma due to life’s events.

“Meditation is a catch-all word for myriad varieties of contemplative practice, just as sports refers to a wide range of athletic abilities. For both spots and meditation, the end results vary depending on what you actually do.”

• Altered Traits: Science Reveals How Meditation Changes Your Mind, Brain, and Body

The best way to encourage new changes is to make them accessible, and then allow people to be disciplined in their application until the practice becomes a habit.

Legal Nomads Group Meditation for Beginners: 10 Weeks

Photo by Chris Ensey

I’m not an expert in meditation, nor am I a teacher. I am, however, good at bringing disparate people together to explore a new thing. Whether it’s soup, or cow head tacos, or safety whistles (for the earlier readers out there!), much of my career is based on my enthusiasm translating in some way to my wonderful readers.

Since many Legal Nomads readers also meditate, I had the wondrous thought of us all meditating together. Previously, I likened the global support for this journey as lights on a map, blinking on from different locations. I polled my readers on Facebook and Instagram, asking who might be interested. I expected about 10-20 people.

I was wrong.

The first week had 400 people signed up, and voted on a time that was convenient. Given time zones and work schedules, I’ve settled on two times on Sundays.

So I started a 10-week journey of group meditations for readers. Every Sunday at 10am and 8pm, hundreds of us meditated together.

It was beautiful.

And so, this 10-week meditation for beginners course allows us all to explore with our minds together.

If you’re beginning with meditation, note that each of the tracks below is guided and instructions will take you through the 20 minutes or so of the track. For additional information about how to meditate, see the links at the bottom of this post.

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Group Meditations for Beginners: Table of Contents and Schedule

These can be done at your own pace, though they are truly lovely to practice knowing there are many others around the world doing the same at the same time.

Week 1: Metta
Week 2: Body Scan
Week 3: Body Scan + Mindful Breathing
Week 4: Anapanasati/Mindful Breathing
Week 5: Neff/Self-Compassion
Week 6: Germer/Self-Compassion
Week 7: Germer/Self-Compassion
Week 8: Zen/Duck Egg Meditation
Week 9: Daizan Skinner/Zen/Soft Ointment
Week 10: Daizan Skinner/Zen/Mindfulness of the Breath
Bonus: The Neuroscience of Meditation, and How to Meditate

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WEEK 1, Metta (Loving Kindness)

TRACK HERE.

For the first week, I chose a metta meditation. Metta means loving-kindness in Pali, and refers to an unconditional, wise love. A love that is exclusive, and doesn’t have strings attached.

The choice was simple: the meditation starts with ourselves, then spirals out to friends, family, and eventually to all living things.

Metta has no hoops to jump through – all deserve it. It has no expectations of anything in return.

So.

This is a track from Tara Brach, who wrote Radical Acceptance – a very important book for the perfectionists out there. I’m one of them, and in the spirit of starting with loving-kindness toward ourselves we are starting with metta.

Metta takes concentration, whereas Vipassana includes awareness of constant change – awareness without consistently obsessing over it. Vipassana (the course I did and the practice I keep up) added a space between me and my reactions. Metta, in contrast, feels more like a deep focus on primordial, compassionate love.

Further reading about loving-kindness and acceptance:

Radical Acceptance, by Tara Brach.

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WEEK 2, Body Scan Meditation

TRACK HERE.

For our second group meditation, we moved from the first week’s metta (loving kindness) to a simple body scan. While leaking CSF, I feel lots of pain but also a sense of distance from my body. And of course emotionally I’m quite attached to the desired outcome of walking again.

Enter the body scan.

For one, it’s done lying down – so we are all flat for this meditation.

But also it’s a deep, moment-to-moment investigation into what the body is experiencing. We all carry stress in the body, but while we may feel pain resulting from that tension, we don’t necessarily know where it resides.

With awareness and open acceptance of what one feels during the scan on a micro level, the goal is to notice what is happening on that minute level, helping voice where the pain is and what it says.

I find that by following these meditations, I have a sense of release, relaxation, and calm.

While metta had us bringing attention to all beings and things, the body scan turns that focus to the body itself, beginning with the left foot and ending at the top of the head.

I chose an abbreviated 30-min scan for this week, but in a few weeks I’ll share a 45-min one. I personally started doing body scan meditations after reading John Kabat-Zinn’s Full Catastrophe Living and reading about his mindfulness-based stress reduction program.

For newer readers, more info about why I chose this book – and others that can help with chronic pain – at my post here.

Funny enough when I first heard this meditation, I hadn’t yet gone to the Vipassana course. I emailed a friend saying, “I tried the meditation but I think something is wrong with the audio – there were all these periods of silence? So I just didn’t bother?” Of course now I know the silence is WHEN YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE MEDITATING.

All this to say, it’s a practice, not necessarily something that feels intuitive or natural.

John Kabat-Zinn on the body scan meditation:

“The body scan is not for everybody, and it is not always the meditation of choice even for those who love it. But it is extremely useful and good to know about and practice from time to time, whatever your circumstances or condition. If you think of your body as a musical instrument, the body scan is a way of tuning it. If you think of it as a universe, the body scan is a way to come to know it. If you think of your body as a house, the body scan is a way to throw open all the windows and doors and let the fresh air of awareness sweep it clean.”

Further reading about mindfulness and pain:

Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness, by Jon Kabat-Zinn (Preface by Thich Nhat Hanh)

I took this while exploring the temples of Ankor, though I never did write about it on this blog

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WEEK 3, Mindful Breathing

Track HERE

The mindfulness of breath is a calming practice, one that steadies the mind and encourages concentration. Vipassana is considered an insight meditation, whereby through the practice of continued close attention to sensation, “one ultimately sees the true nature of existence.”

In the Vipassana course I attended, the first days were devoted to breath meditations, and only on day 4 did we move into Vipassana itself. The rationale, we were told, was that one must first develop calm and concentration, and then move into insight and awareness of more.

Traditional mindfulness of breath meditations are called Anapanasati. It’s a straightforward term: translation is mindfulness (sati) of breathing (pana). The goal is to use the breath itself AS the focus when our mind wanders. For last week’s track, the focus was on specific parts / sensations in the body. In contrast, this is all physical sensations of breathing.

I chose a midway breathing track for this week, since it starts with a body scan and moves into some breathing work. Next week, the track will focus on breathing via a traditional Anapanasati guided meditation. They’re usually an hour-long but I will try to find a shorter one.

As with the other meditations we did, by putting less energy toward stressors or anxieties or pain during the meditation, we help our minds balance. With a regular mindful breathing practice, eventually that return to focusing on balance becomes more habitual, and carries to other aspects of our lives.

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WEEK 4, Mindful Breathing

Track HERE.

As I mentioned last week, we are doing another mindful breathing meditation. Many are over an hour but I chose this 26 minute one because it focuses on the four stages I learned when I first was taught how to practice it.

It opens by bringing attention to the physicality of breathing, counting (1) first our outbreaths and then (2) our inbreaths. When the mind wanders – which of course it will – we start back at breath 1 again. After that, we (3) focus on breathing but without the counting to keep things on tempo. Just noticing instead the continuity of that inhalation and exhalation, an infinity of sensations in flow. And finally, we (4) hone in on the minutiae of breathing specifically around the nostrils.

As with last week, the focus is on the breath as a tool to calm the mind.

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WEEK 5, Self-Compassion Meditations

Track HERE.

The next two weeks of our group meditations will focus on self-compassion.

I’ve recommended Kristin Neff’s work in my post on coping with chronic pain, as I have found her work especially helpful as it relates to pain and progress. Her book about Self-Compassion has helped many readers too, as I’ve received quite a few emails from people who have done longer meditation programmes based on her work.

For week five, we are going to do a compassionate body scan. Unlike the Kabat-Zinn scan from a few weeks prior, this meditation starts at the crown of the head (not the left foot), and it is rooted in practices of self-compassion.

What does this mean?

Per Neff, it is the skill of “treating yourself like you would treat a close friend who was struggling.” The idea of compassion generally (for all, not just ourselves) necessitates understanding suffering and feeling kindness and understanding in return, the desire to want to make those circumstances a little better.

It involves the quiet acceptance of the fragile human condition. And self-compassion is simply compassion turned inward, directed to ourselves.

What is it not? Self-compassion is NOT self-pity, self-esteem, or self-indulgence.

Instead of chasing self-esteem, which Neff notes can flip into narcissism more quickly than we’d like, we’d all be best focusing on softening our self-recrimination. To focus on feeling good about ourselves by needing to be better than others (the pitfalls of self-esteem in excess), we also open the door to cycles of self-loathing.

The alternative, says Neff, is to to develop self-compassion. To “be kind to ourselves life goes awry or we notice something about ourselves we don’t like, rather than being cold or harshly self-critical.” A self-compassion practice acknowledges the imperfections inherent in simply BEING human, and focuses on connecting us to others when we stumble – instead of isolating ourselves in a trap of judgement.

1. Self compassion (not self judgement)
2. Common humanity (not isolation)
3. Mindfulness (not over-identification / obsessive thinking)

Yes, our old friend mindfulness! As with each of the Legal Nomads meditation practices we’ve done so far, self-compassion also involves mindfulness. It is important to recognize, accept without judgement, and observe the painful aspects of life as they arise moment to moment. Instead of doing what many of us do and push down the pain to suppress (or for some, to blow it up to magnificent scales for public drama), we take a BALANCED approach to negative emotions so that they are neither suppressed nor exaggerated.

(In my case, I’m a suppress-the-feelings person, not a have an epic meltdown kind of person, so this practice – and meditation generally – has helped me reach a state of more equanimity.)

Research in Neff’s book (below) demonstrates that self-compassion decreases depression, alleviates stress, can help ease the thinking behind disordered eating, and mitigate chronic pain. At the same time, it increases happiness, optimism, hope, healthy behaviours, and immune function.

Neff’s guided meditations are more casual, almost like a friend guiding you along. Not for every session, but a nice contrast to last week’s anapanasati.

Further reading about self compassion:

Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living, by Pema Chodron
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, by Kristin Neff

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WEEK 6, Self-Compassion Meditations

Track HERE.

WEEK 6! As promised, this week’s meditation is another meditative approach to self-compassion. Chris Germer, alongside Kristin Neff from last week’s track, co-founded the Mindful Self Compassion course. It is an 8 week course built on the principles I discussed in last week’s post: treating yourself like you would treat a close friend who was struggling.

This will be the second of three weeks focusing on this topic, primarily because many of you have written me over the years sharing your stories as I have shared mine. And through those stories and my own is one very similar thread: a tendency to be AWFULLY hard on ourselves even when we are doing our best. And a tendency to push through instead of giving our bodies a little more grace.

So I’m spending three weeks on self- compassion, because I’ve decided we all really need it.

Next week will be a wider scope meditation, a beautiful combination of the loving-kindness track from our first week and the compassion meditation “to ourselves” from this week’s track.

Further reading:

The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions, by Christopher K. Germer (author of this track above)

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WEEK 7, Self-Compassion Meditations

Track HERE.

This is our last of three weeks focusing on self-compassion. First was a compassionate body scan. Then, a deeply personal metta for ourselves. To conclude, I’ve chosen a track that concentrates on self-compassion for ourselves and others, braiding together the prior week.

It’s a calming, quiet meditation and one that focuses on sending someone specific the gift of compassion – as well as ensuring we send it to our own bodies and souls.

Further reading:

The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions, by Christopher K. Germer (author of this track above)

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WEEK 8: Zen, Nanso Uran Hou (The Duck Egg Meditation)

Track for week 8 (Duck Egg) HERE

After a hiatus, I’m glad to find us back together for week 8 of the group meditations. My goals with these sessions are both to create a space for people to engage in a meditation practice while knowingly connecting to others around the world, and to provide an overview of different types of meditation to help narrow down what works best for each reader.

On to this week’s track, which is a guided Zen soft ointment meditation based on the Zen “Soft and Duck Egg Meditation.”

The practice was originally taught by Zen master Hakuin (1685-1768) to remind the body to relax and heal. Hakuin learned the Nanso meditation when fell ill and was sent to the mountains near Kyoto to locate a hermit named Hakuyo in the hopes of finding a cure for what ailed him. Hakuyo taught Hakuin the introspective meditation. The meditation draws on our spiritual eyes, using them to reach harmony between body and mind. The egg-shaped buttery ointment starts at the crown, then melts slowly down to our feet, our suffering, sorrow, and pain with it.

“The Tiger’s Cave” by Trevor Leggett on the Nanso Uran Hou meditation:

“If the student finds in his meditation that the four great elements are out of harmony, and body and mind are fatigued, he should rouse himself and make this meditation. Let him visualize placed on the crown of his head that celestial So ointment, about as much as a duck’s egg, pure in color and fragrance. Let him feel its exquisite essence and flavor melting and filtering down through his head, its flow permeating downwards, slowly leaving the shoulders and elbows, the sides of the breast and within the chest, the lungs, liver, stomach and internal organs, the back and spine and hip bones. All the old ailments and adhesions and pains in the five organs and six auxiliaries follow the mind downwards. There is a sound as of the trickling of water. Percolating through the whole body, the flow goes gently down the legs, stopping at the soles of the feet.”

Once the ointment fills the whole body (as guided through the track above), we visualize the melted liquid flowing away through the fingertips and toes, slowly flooding yur surroundings, until it looks like a lake that reaches the height of the navel. Once it reaches that level, it keeps circulating through body and mind, helping to heal.

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WEEK 9: Zen, Soft Ointment Meditation

Track for week 9 (Soft Ointment) HERE

For week 9, I am sharing a different version of the track from last week.

Week 9’s Duck Egg meditation is called a Healing Ointment meditation, and is led by Julian Daizan Skinner, from Zenways in London. A long-term reader recognized the track from last week from her Zenways course, and graciously provided her teacher’s guided version for us to meditate with together.

I love it so much that I had to share it here.

We’ve explored a few different types of meditation practices, and the current weeks are focused on Zen, using meditation and mindfulness practices aimed at developing insight into reality and who we really are. In Zen, this is known as kensho – literally seeing or experiencing your true nature, not depending on beliefs or notions.

“There is no Zen without kensho; complete kensho is what is known as satori, Zen awakening. This realization is likened to finding an inexhaustible treasure, for it means the awakening of the whole potential fo r the experience of experience itself.”

– Kensho: Heart of Zen, by Thomas Cleary

I truly love this Healing Ointment meditation, with a comforting voice and a guide to engaging the parasympathetic nervous system and relaxing the body and mind, inviting it to open to healing.

Further Reading:

Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind: Informal Talks on Zen Meditation, by Shunryu Suzuki
Zen Training: Methods and Philosophy, by Katsuki Sekida (A handbook for zazen, the seated meditation practice, and an authoritative presentation of the Zen path)
Kensho: Heart of Zen, by Thomas Cleary
Practical Zen: Meditation and Beyond, by Julian Daizan Skinner

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WEEK 10: Zen, Mindfulness of the Breath

Track HERE

Since so many of you loved last week’s Healing Ointment meditation, I am going to spend our last week on Zen.

First off: several emails have asked how to work through the frustration of consistently losing place or focus. It is the act of gently returning to the meditation again and again, without judgement or frustration, that helps train the brain. The answer for me is truly a matter of compassionate discipline, combined with the knowledge that the brain adjusts and gets less noisy as time goes on.

This week, we’re returning to the breath.

Unlike the earlier anapanasati of week 4 (mindful breathing), based on the Vipassana meditation system, this week is a Japanese Rinzai Zen practice.

Per Julian Daizan Skinner from Zenways, “the Rinzai Zen tradition extends back 2500 yrs and has a tradition of teaching meditation for wellbeing and insight both in and outside of the monastic setting.”

In this 25 minute practice, we become aware of our breath from low in our abdomen, and then using counting to keep pace while allowing any thoughts or feelings to arise and pass away. When losing focus, we return to the breath – without judgement! – and begin counting again. Simple but effective.

Further Reading:

How Rinzai Zen Came to America (Article)
Practical Zen: Meditation and Beyond, by Julian Daizan Skinner (who narrated this meditation)

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Neuroscience of Meditation and How to Meditate

“Meditative awareness reduces tension in and heals the body. Meditation quiet the mind and gently opens the heart. It’s that is the spirit. It helps us learn to live more fully in the reality of the present, do you see more clearly the people we live with in the world we live in.”

• Jack Kornfield, Meditation for Beginners

While the focus of these meditations isn’t the neuroscience, it is fascinating to understand how meditation can change our brainwaves. If you are interested in a short video about the ‘how’ it affects the brain see below:

And for those really new to the practice, some basics here:

• Ananda’s How to Meditate
• Gaim’s Meditation 101
• My friend Leo’s tips for beginners to meditation: how to understand the mind
• Mindful meditation for beginners (tips and a video)
• National Institute of Health’s lists of studies looking at the benefits of meditation here.

The post Meditation for Beginners:<br /> 10 Weeks of Free Guided Tracks appeared first on Legal Nomads.

]]> Mon, 12 Nov 2018 04:44:03 +0200 https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/cOW_1iFUPFsQBz-T8ze_kK7VFky8BpXO https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/cOW_1iFUPFsQBz-T8ze_kN3hDS9njgCr

After nine months of working so hard to stay sealed, and marking incredible progress with you along the way, I have releaked. When working on getting sealed, I explained here and on social media that the stakes were quite high, as a wrong move could re open the CSF leak that took so many patches to seal.

For many, the body can withstand the uncertainties of daily movement as the dura slowly heals. For others, the connective tissue is weaker or faulty, or they have bone spurs or cysts involved, and small movements carry big risks. Reaching for something too aggressively. Doing laundry. Picking something up off the floor. (One woman’s complicated case study here, with causes of leaks here.)

To maximize my chances of staying sealed, I limited my movements during recovery. I slowly reintroduced actions that put slight traction on the dura – I opened the oven, or drawers, or slowly climbed up hills. But I used a picker-upper device to get anything on the floor, and didn’t lift anything over a few pounds. I was patient, but vigilant.

What happened was a whimper, and not a bang. I simply sat down. And it seems that I sat the wrong way, stretching my hamstrings and dura in a way that it was not ready for. I didn’t notice much at first, except the taste of CSF in my throat occasionally. I texted my doctor about it but with no other obvious symptoms of a leak again, I took it easy and waited.

Days later, I walked to meet friends for dinner and I felt crazy numbness and burning at the leak site, that had spread all over my back and thighs by the time I arrived.

I’ve been back in bed over since.

I have about 20-30 seconds of “uptime” before that nauseatingly familiar “brain sag” feeling starts. Along with it, dizziness, neck pain, nerve pain and back pain. Familiar tortures that had mostly disappeared when I was sealed.

My body is in way healthier shape than last year after a strong focus on eating well and keeping my mind calm. I hoped that the improvement would mean I would be able to seal up the leak again without intervention.

I have spent two full weeks on strict bedrest, even eating lying down, following the protocol for sealing – flat on my back, no pillow, waiting. I started back on the meditation schedule I went to following patch 4. Friends came and brought supplies.

It has been over two weeks and so far no change. I still DO have hope that my body can seal up – my overall health has improved so much this year. But I didn’t want to delay in calling Duke due to their very busy schedule. They have said that they may be able to fit me in for December.

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Those who read my prior post on how I went into anaphylaxis during round four of patching at Duke know that I cannot get glue patching again.

I did ask my doctor.

Me: what if you premedicate me with steroids and Benadryl to temper a reaction?

Him: no really Jodi, that was NOT mild anaphylaxis. It was the real deal.

Me: so that’s a no on premedicating?

Him: […]

Nope. No more fibrin.

This means that we can try my own blood, at the same sites as the last round of patching that did work (there were several targeted patches within that round). As with patching generally, it requires the body to kick in and create the scar tissues needed to seal up the leak in the dura.

Until then, I will keep hope that my body may create its own seal.

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To state the obvious: this is a real mind-fuck. I worked incredibly hard to stay sealed, to feel vaguely human again. It feels bewildering, and oh so unjust, that climbing Mount Royal weekly was fine but sitting down the wrong way unspooled my healing. And there’s a “PTSD Groundhog Day” aspect to it as well. Yet ANOTHER October on bedrest, anticipating another December at Duke.

The silver lining is that I know the beast I’m working with, and there is no panic. Last autumn there was a lot of panic. This time, the symptoms are familiar and I know they all went away when I got sealed. I now know where to go for treatment, and how to maximize my chances of healing.

But I am heartbroken, really and truly, to be back here.

Regardless, I am doing what I said in my original post. Focusing on the progress I DID make. On the gratitude of being upright for those months of waking again. On this army of help and love I’ve been gifted around the world.

Yes, there are many people who don’t get sealed, but many more who do. And I have a doctor who has my back (literally, in December, and figuratively overall), and who patches people every day in his work.

And when I get too sad, I have Zack the cat at my side here, to keep me smiling.

I wanted to update you with this news, and say thank you once again for the incredible grace, love, and compassion you’ve all shown me during the last year of ups and downs. Many of you have already reached out asking how you can best support me in this time. I’m not sure I know yet, but I appreciate the question and will think more about how you can help.

As usual, more frequent updates can be found on Instagram and Facebook on the Legal Nomads pages there, as it’s easier for me than writing on WordPress via mobile.

With love from Montreal,

Jodi

 

 

The post An Unfortunate Spinal Tap Update:<br /> Leaking Again appeared first on Legal Nomads.

]]> Mon, 15 Oct 2018 21:58:33 +0200 https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/cOW_1iFUPFsQBz-T8ze_kN3hDS9njgCr https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/cOW_1iFUPFsQBz-T8ze_kCoxzwoq1nFt

Welcome back to Thrillable Hours, my interview series about alternative jobs for lawyers. 

I have been sitting on this and other Thrillable Hours interviews during my recovery, and I am excited to get back to them. I have received emails from quite a few readers who were concerned that I might abandon my “life after law” series given my limited time at the computer.  Not the plan! My life as a former lawyer is a big part of how I got to where I am today. I want to keep providing these short interviews occasionally for law students and lawyers looking to shift their careers.

Prior to working as the Executive Director for the Museum of Food and Drink (MOFAD) in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, Peter J. Kim was an attorney at the large (650 lawyer) firm Debevoise & Plimpton LLP in New York. As with Nathan Sawaya, the lawyer-turned-LEGO-master, Peter’s life after law interview came about through a Legal Nomads reader. Brita, who worked with Peter at Debevoise, connected us in early August 2017. Peter’s answers came back just about when life went a bit pear shaped, so I’m only getting to post them now.

As you can imagine, the MOFAD message of “Food Is Culture” is one I can get behind. The museum is built to be interactive, with exhibits that explore the mystery and joy of food. It’s a new kind of interactive museum, and like Cité du Vin in Bordeaux, France, it brings the world of food to life with multi-sensory exhibits that you can touch, taste, and smell.

If you’re visiting New York, I highly recommend it.

-Jodi

For more interviews, as well as advice about career change, facing fear, and resources for lawyers seeing new careers, please see my newly updated Thrillable Hours / alternative careers for lawyers landing page.

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ALTERNATIVE CAREERS FOR LAWYERS: Q&A WITH PETER J. KIM

Two visitors using the MOFAD Smell Synth, an interactive exhibit that lets you build over 500,000 different aromas, molecule by molecule. (c)Francis Dzikowski Otto

What made you decide to follow a less conventional path than typical law school graduates? Was there a particular moment that catalyzed the decision for you?

As a junior associate at Debevoise, I enjoyed my work, but I always knew that a long career in biglaw was not in the cards.

I resolved to always make time for two personal passions: food and music.

On the food side of things, I enrolled in a weekend certificate program at the French Culinary Institute (now the International Culinary Center). I ran a supper club out of my apartment and attended as many events in the culinary world as possible.

On the music side of things, I studied flamenco guitar, and was always watching shows and meeting other musicians. Everything I did [outside my main job] tied to one of those two things.

Gone were the days when being social meant standing around and drinking beer. I didn’t know what any of this would lead to, but it helped me consider other potential career paths.

Then, I got invited to a lunch held by a food writer and inventor named Dave Arnold. He announced his vision to create the Museum of Food and Drink (MOFAD). I was captivated. On a lark, I reached out, and MOFAD became my pro bono legal client.

Over time, I realized that the museum really needed a director to get this idea off the ground. One year later, I made my rounds at Debevoise and announced that I was leaving the firm to be the founding director of a food museum.

I got a lot of puzzled responses.

What do you find most fulfilling about your current job?

First, the people. My team is amazing. It’s inspiring to work with talented people who are passionate about the museum’s mission. I also have the great fortune of working with the world’s top chefs, writers, scholars, and food producers. I get to talk about flavor science, cheese production, the history of Chinese takeout, and the wonders of the digestive system. How cool is that?

Peter with some of our supporters and advisors at the 2018 MOFAD Spring Gala. (c)Naveen Thomas

Second, it’s the feeling of building something.

It has been exhilarating to see the project grow from a handful of people in a basement office, to a mobile museum, to a brick-and-mortar space in Brooklyn.

Each step along the way, I see MOFAD’s community grow and take shape.

Do you have any advice for professionals who are interested in leaving conventional private practice in North America but concerned about what life after law looks like?

I would recommend exploring your options while you have the safety (and paycheck) of a steady job.

I also recommend saving as much money as possible.

Often, there is an inverse correlation between things you want to do and things you can afford to do.

In my case, I started building MOFAD on a volunteer basis, which meant that I lived off my savings for about a year. This wouldn’t have been possible if I hadn’t squirreled away money.

How did your legal education inform the way you see the world today? Do you still identify yourself as a lawyer?

My legal education has proven invaluable. My most important duty as the museum’s director is to be its most enthusiastic and persuasive oral advocate. Every day, I have to make a case for this museum, whether it’s to a donor, a visitor, or a potential partner.

What do you have to say to those who tell me lawyers can’t have fun?

Oi, lawyer stereotypes are so… hackneyed. I’d push up my glasses, straighten my pocket protector and say, “Hey, first of all, the world would be a lot less fun without a legal system to make it all possible. So there.”

Then I’d get back to working on the exploding breakfast cereal gun exhibit at the museum.

Peter firing a 1930s-era breakfast cereal puffing gun. (c)Paul Adams.

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You can find MOFAD on their website, Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.

The post Thrillable Hours:<br /> Peter J. Kim, Executive Director of the Museum of Food and Drink appeared first on Legal Nomads.

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