Hard Drive

NEW YORK – A coalition of PlayStation fans, frustrated by the impending discontinuation of the console’s physical media, have announced they are in the process of building an emulator capable of replicating the experience of there being one competent Sony executive who doesn’t want to fuck up the entire gaming industry, sources involved with the project have confirmed.

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HEAVEN – Prime Mover and Supreme Creator of the Universe God admitted he’s been away from keyboard (AFKing) on Earth for the past 2,000 years, sources report.

“Shit, shit, my bad,” the Heavenly Father said as he frantically retook his position atop the Holy Throne. “I thought I could step away for a little while after sending my Son down to Earth, but it looks like ...

Well, look who it is. I guess you heard that Sony is stopping production of all physical discs by 2028. And you think you can just come crawling back to daddy to buy used games on the cheap like nothing happened, huh? As if I haven’t forgotten how you mistreated me, abused me, and ultimately abandoned me? Well, settle in, bucko. You’re in my world now.

You want used...

MUSHROOM KINGDOM – Dinosaur and Super Mario Kart racer Yoshi has been detained by Vanilla Lake Police Department (VLPD) after a routine traffic stop uncovered an unregistered red turtle shell in his kart, sources report.

“The suspect was speeding through Vanilla Lake, so of course I had to pull him over,” VLPD Officer Chet Nicholas told reporters. “I noticed him car...

REDMOND, Wash. – Microsoft Gaming has announced that its forthcoming, yet to-be-named next-generation Xbox console will be able to play DVDs, befuddled sources report.

“This has been in development for a long time, and we’re excited to finally make the reveal,” CEO Phil Spencer told reporters. “While we can’t provide all the details on the new system at this time, w...