As the four-year anniversary of the Friendship Bench is approaching, Dennis Pitocco asked if we would write what the Bench means to us.

I believe I can thank Sarah Elkins for getting on Dennis’ radar.  I may be wrong – but either way, because I commented on LinkedIn when articles were shared by people in my network, I was approached in July 2020 – at the height of the pandemic lockdown – with an offer to have writing published on the BizCatalyst 360° platform.  By August 2020 I had taken a seat on the Bench.

For more than three years, my absences from the Bench have been when family obligations and time zone differences threw a wrench in my schedule.  Otherwise, Thursday morning is blocked out for a group of good friends – of whom I so far have met only two in person.

It was soon obvious that many of the people participating in the Bench discussions had values/ positions/ frames of reference that were vastly different from mine.  That was one of the “features” that drew me to the group.  As an immigrant to the U.S., without the famous “annoying relatives and in-laws with whom I must spend Thanksgiving”, how would I be able to learn what goes through the minds of people in other states than CA unless I found some way to interact with some of them?  And while their different values/positions/ frames of reference at times can be challenging; by having chosen them for exactly the purpose of practicing staying open when challenged, I welcome the diversity.

An observation has been that because we have had real discussions about serious subjects: trust, death, belonging, racism, and kindness, … many of the subjects on which we disagree are so much less important than the basic ethical premises that inform the behaviors in our interactions.

When we have so much common ground on the really important issues in life, why wouldn’t we also invest a little time in hearing what else these delightful people want to share, even if we might disagree? 

We could be positively surprised – or learn something new. And when we disagree, we can do it gracefully.  John Dunia said it beautifully in a comment a while back:

“I believe you and I want the same, or at least very close to the same, results. It’s just our experiences have led us to different conclusions on how to get there.”

Could we only take that ethos out into the world outside of the Bench space.

How can I talk about these people as dear friends when we haven’t even met?  What can make a virtual connection a good friend rather than just an acquaintance?

• If you are willing to throw other things aside and at least have coffee, should they show up in your neck of the woods, and they are willing to do the same for you, this is more than a perfunctory relationship. If you make a detour to make sure you are in their neck of the woods, should you be kind of closish by…
• To use Paul Haury’s belonging definition: If you feel, own, and care for them in their successes and failures…
• If you are willing to engage with the thoughts that go against your own convictions because this person expresses them. If you, fully aware, allow yourself to be influenced…
• If you are willing to risk the relationship to let the person know when they are stepping on your toes and why your toes are tender – and they respond caringly.
• If you can resolve conflicts between you because the relationship is more important than personal pride – and besides, you trust that the other would not intentionally hurt you.
• If you keep showing up for each other.

What other magic do you see happening on the Bench and which behaviors support that?

Writing this piece, some questions have arisen:

For those of us who joined the Bench during the lockdown – when many had cabin fever and our other social outlets had been seriously hampered – the Bench offered a safe virus-free community at a time when we all faced the same challenge.  Might that have influenced our willingness to be vulnerable?

And have the people who joined the Bench after the world opened up again had similar benefit from joining the group?  I don’t know – I am asking.

Does it make a difference how often we participate?  A group of people join almost every time and some we see now and again.  Does the core group ensure the culture of openness is maintained and that rubs off on newcomers and returnees?  Or might it scare some newcomers away?

I ask because the world needs safe places like the Bench.  But if the conditions are different, what will it take for other Benches to reach the level of trust that has become the hallmark of Our Friendship Bench?

And more pertinent to our lives in general, which lessons from the Bench are we willing to risk bringing back into the 3D world in which we breathe and move and are not just resonating pixels on a screen?  We all need hugs and the proverbial but physical chicken soup, and unless we invest similarly in off-line human connections – friends, neighbors, family, new friends if the existing ones can’t meet us as the person we need to become – we may eventually be in sore lack of either hugs and chicken soup or of the best version of ourselves.

People experiencing homelessness deserve to experience the type of love that goes to battle alongside them, not against them.

— Love Beyond Walls

It’s time for real stories to be told by the unsheltered and by those who can speak about and for them so we can debunk the myths  “for good”….

CLICK FOR PRESS RELEASE ►  Breakthrough Unsheltered Anthology Book Series Launched

Can you hear the rustling within
Pages stirring up your words
Your body’s insistent whispers
HER story clamouring to be heard

Waiting for her moment
Craving her release
To be seen, be known, be witnessed
No longer willing to appease

Every chapter, line and verse
Hers to dance across the page
Ours to carve, create and connect with
Across this universal stage

Stories that illuminate
That remind us we are not alone
That shame can’t hold us ransom
When shared humanity brings us home

We share the roots of our belonging
A through connection deep and vast
The dream of our (great) grand mothers
The familial legacy of our past

As we dive beneath the surface
Stirring meaning up from below
The inky current of awareness
Helps us – ourselves to know

Let your heart be cracked wide open
Let all of you spill out
You are a gift
We want to hear
An untapped treasure
Without a doubt

Let your sacred truth be witnessed
Release those fierce and tender words
Heed your body’s insistent whispers
Feel HER story as SHE is heard

The adage that organisations experiencing growth must sacrifice connection time to focus on the delivery of strategic goals has been proven to be inaccurate and ineffective let alone damaging for the enterprise.

A value-led ecosystem places connection time as central to accelerating and sustaining change.

Communication systems rooted in authentic dialogue are the invisible bridge that ignites engagement & motivation, contributing to creating an environment where the human needs of safety and trust become the wellspring for growth.

A “whole person” ecosystem has in place strategies whose primary goal is to support and encourage authentic communication from a dimension of purpose (I am part of something) and meaning (I am an active contributor) to reinforce positive change and to yield organisation performance.

People Initiatives that harmonise organisational goals with people’s needs are foundational to a positive people experience attained through collaborative, innovative, and creative communication networks centred around continuous improvement.

Human-centric systems are designed for connection time.

When we explore ideas to tackle the challenges we face in the organisation, we invite people to come together to solve problems from a dimension of trust and safety, valuing individual contribution, and remaining collectively engaged to the attainment of a common goal.

Leaders who inspire hearts and minds with their vision and actions, bring forth transformational communications, shaping an organisational ecosystem that embraces the wide kaleidoscope of talent through a human-centric lens.

• They motivate and move others into action, unifying the diversity of talents and skills with their vision.
• They remain connected to that vision while instilling confidence in people. They transmute differences and transform challenges into opportunities for further growth and performance.

Authentic human connection develops from trust woven in to the fabric of transformative conversations.

If you are inspired to initiate change and wish to create sustainable transformation in the organisation, invest intentional time to ponder on the modality of the change journey rather than focusing solely on the end-to-end initiative.

How can you actively engage people by taking them on the journey with you?  Here few prompts that can support you in the path towards reaching the expected outcomes.

Carve out time for recurrent “team-away” days, ideally in calming surroundings that generate an immersive experience where you can group face-to-face with your team.

Create a safe space for you and your people, removing any distraction that can hamper focus. Be in that space for each other, to generate authentic dialogue.

Prepare some powerful questions ahead of the event, to foster openness, active listening, and empathy. They will serve you as a guiding principle as you facilitate the day, gauge people’s sentiment while inviting active participation.

Embrace the insight that will emerge with curiosity, acknowledging what is shared and remaining open to the messages.

Pause. Make room for reflection and noting. Resist the urge to fill the silence. Pace the moment and allow the conversation to follow its own flow.

“Silent and Listen have the same spelling.”

At the end of the event, take time to ponder what has emerged for you and your team. This reflective practice is a powerful tool that can help you identify potential hinders and readdress concerns at the early stages. It can be executed individually, with your leadership team, and with the team at large. You will gain invaluable insight on people’s attitudes and team dynamics, and these discoveries will offer opportunities to overcome any initial stumbling block.

Build momentum by ideating a team whiteboard for the change journey.

Keep it “live”, day-in, day-out, populating it with all insights that will continue to emerge. Use it as a roadmap towards the envisioned change.

Leverage post-event pulse team meetings to check in on progress.

Adjust the course if needed.

Agree a follow-through plan.

Collaborate iteratively.

Encourage feed-forward loops to reinforce change, to celebrate milestones and to ignite the next phase of growth.

“The most convincing sign that someone will achieve new results in the future is new behaviour in the present.” (The Diary of a CEO, Steven Bartlett)

A change initiative is a people initiative.

Establishing the “new” comes from a shift in the perceived value of the proposed change; that shift can only occur when we embrace first the idea of change and why it is necessary, and that there are new, effective, and sustainable ways to attain it. We see that there is the possibility for the new and how it will benefit the organisation.

“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that has produced it in the first place.” A. Einstein

Too often we get locked into one way of doing things. So, the team’s attitude is, “If things are working, why change them?” of “If it ain’t broke, why fix it?” When the methods you use to find new ways of doing things are routine and unchanging, your team members get bored and switch off. Remember, the world is relentlessly changing, and we can never be complacent. Making improvements to routines, systems, and working procedures is necessary on an ongoing basis.

When you look for more than one right answer, you allow your imagination to flow. When you stop looking, you limit your choices.

Team members will often stop searching when they find one answer, and it can be the second or third option that is exactly what you need to solve a problem. One technique for finding alternative answers is to “pluralize” your questions. Don’t ask, “What is the answer or solution?” Ask, “What are the answers or the solutions?” Don’t ask, “What is the result?” Ask, “What results are there?”

The bottom line is that you need to generate lots of ideas, solutions, answers, and results to become an innovative and creative company. While you may not always be able to use all the ideas that you generate, you can be sure your team members will produce many ideas that are worthwhile. Photographers take many shots to get that one picture they are aiming for. Use this same approach for thinking, generating ideas, and finding solutions. Then you will find many great ideas and ensure your company’s success.

Once there were two men whose opinions differed. An argument ensued. They decided to settle the matter by going to a judge. First, the plaintiff made his case very eloquently and persuasively. When he finished, the judge nodded his head, saying “That’s right, that’s right.”

Hearing this, the defendant jumped in and said, “It’s my turn. You haven’t heard my side of the story.” The defendant made his case, also very eloquently and persuasively. When he had finished, the judge nodded his head, saying “That’s right, that’s right.”

Moral of the story: Truth is all around you, and what matters is that you realize there is more than one right answer.

The earliest metal dip pens go back many, many centuries, but could damage velum.  Ink writing instruments have hardly changed until more recent times. Quill pens being the most popular.

The 900-year-old Winchester Bible, written in velum (calf skin) being an example; the the original ‘copied’ version dates back to circa A.D. 380.  The earliest existing, and used example of the Five Books of Moses (the Torah) dates back to 115 A.D. and 1225 A.D.

A quill pen nib was carefully cut from a feather into a split nib writing instrument. Later dip pens using inkwells were much used until the mid-1950s. Fountain pens were expensive and children, for example, in 1956 (including me of course!) used dip pens. Old desks with inkwells tend to have a lot of ink stains!

Dip pens were special, but fountain pens were a lot easier to write with.  Later school days I did use a fountain pen and use one to this day.

A fountain pen connects the heart to the paper rather than a keyboard or dictation. A direct, physical connection with inspiration and creativity.

A fountain pen is a joy to use.

Are there any users of fountain pens out there?

I wake up most mornings with questions on my mind.

Generally, they’re relatively innocuous or inconsequential things like: Why do I have the theme from Mannix stuck in my head? Do bald men think toupees are fooling anybody? Why do so many people believe in gravity? Why do some Kindle books cost more than the same books in print? If I pay my Social Security taxes, why am I taxed on the money I paid into Social Security when I get it back? If Santa Claus knows if you’ve been bad or good, why did he bring me anything, ever? Who the hell did let the dogs out? If an asp in the grass is a snake, why is a grasp in the ass a goose?

There are days, however, when I wake up with more serious questions on my mind. As an even dozen examples, do you ever wonder what life would be like if we:

1. Stopped trying to impose Western thought on Eastern people?
2. Stopped expecting jihadists to be rational?
3. Stopped trying to impose contemporary narratives on history?
4. Stopped imagining people can change the climate of an entire planet?
5. Stopped pretending science can be settled?
6. Stopped pretending equality can be legislated?
7. Stopped believing what’s good for you is good for me?
8. Stopped thinking contemporary journalists could define journalism?
9. Stopped pretending feeling is the same as thinking?
10. Stopped believing all people progress intellectually beyond the level of college freshman?
11. Stopped expecting governments to take care of us?
12. Started taking care of ourselves and each other?

I recognize those questions put me in the company of incorrigible pragmatists like Don Quixote. But it seems inevitable that someone else might ask them at some time. No? Really? Are we that far gone?

Tangents

I happen to have three other questions on my mind, too: (A) Why is it politically incorrect to fly the flag of the United States of American in the United States of America? That feels like a national out-of-body experience, doesn’t it? If not, why not? (B) Why isn’t antisemitism discussed in DEI training? Wouldn’t we imagine equity and inclusion would pertain to one the most — if not THE most — envied, misunderstood, hated, abused, and murdered cultures in the history of the world? Do we really believe we can make people equal, except Jewish people? (C) What the hell is wrong with us?

But I’ll save those for another time. Maybe if we’re ever able to answer the first 12 questions, the last three will take care of themselves. And what do I know anyway? As has been pointed out to me on occasions numerous enough that I’d be rich if I’d collected a buck for each of them, I’m too logical. And maybe that’s true.

Nevertheless, sometimes I wonder.

I had the most unusual experience the other day.  There was a knock on my door and I opened it to find two men standing on my porch.  They appeared to be in the neighborhood selling or proselyting something.  I regularly open my door because I really enjoy people, even if I am not likely to purchase anything or convert to their faith.

This experience was odd to me because as I opened the door, neither of them seemed to notice.  Why?  They were both staring into their iPads and scrolling.  They did not even seem aware that I was there.  These people came to my door to convince me to buy something and they did not pay any attention to me.

I wanted to break into my best impersonation of Robin-Williams-as-Genie-in- Aladdin and say, “Excuse me!  Are you looking away from me?  Did you just ring my bell?  Did you just knock on my door?  And now you’re not even looking at me?  I don’t think so…Not right now!  You’re gonna talk to me, so look here!”

I also thought about just quietly closing the door and pretending I was not home.  Instead, I politely cleared my throat.  The one closer to me turned and looked at me as if surprised to see me.  He had this look that said “Wow!  What are you doing out here on your front porch?”  His colleague never looked up the entire time.

At this point, the sales pitch was wasted and I sent them on their way!  I would not have been at all surprised to find the silent one still there a week later—weeds growing around his feet as he stood on my porch.  Maybe I could donate him to one of those thrift stores that come and pick things up?  Is there a market for this?  I think not!  I hope not!

What is going on with this world in which we live?  I have figured out why we love shows like “The Walking Dead” so much!  It is because we get it!  In so many ways, this is us!  I just had a couple of zombies on my front porch.  While I am fortunate they did not try to eat me, they did eat up my time and my opportunity for connection with other people.  And that, in my mind, is even more horrific than a zombie-banquet of bodies!

In my professional work as a counselor, coach, and marriage educator, I consult with people every day who feel the burdens of disconnection.  They are depressed, lonely, isolated, alone, and sad.  I see so many who long for human touch and interaction.  So many just want to be loved.

In my profession, we often talk about people being “hardwired for connection” with others.  We come into this world needing and begging for meaningful connections with others.  However, we so often miss out, numb out, and feel unfulfilled.

Every day, someone metaphorically opens their doors to us, hoping to connect in meaningful and fulfilling ways.  Every day, we have a choice to respond with closeness and connection or distance and disconnect.  It is not hard to tell which will be more fulfilling.

So, what is to be done?  What can we do to stay connected and invite others to join us?  Perhaps, we can start by giving connection—real connection—for Christmas.  Let’s unwrap this a little!  Here are a few suggestions to give the gift of connection for Christmas.

Eliminate Distractions—When you get together with your family over the holidays, please put down all the things that might get in the way of meaningful interactions.  Please turn off your phone.  Better, yet, try leaving it in the car.  You may experience slight withdrawal symptoms, but I promise you will survive.  Eat a Christmas cookie and you will get over it.

Even more than putting your phone away, how about putting all electronic distractions away?  I know someone who is reading this who would be ecstatic if this was the only gift he received for Christmas.  It’s not just Mariah Carey who wants it!  What many family members and friends really want for Christmas is you!  So, power down, turn it off, switch to airplane mode, and really show up for holiday connection time!

Offer to Help—Christmas has become somewhat of a busy time for all of us.  We rush to holiday parties, to get the best gifts, and to drag the kids off for pictures with Santa.  We have too much to do.  Then, we have sweet treats to bake, dinners to prepare, and presents to wrap.  It can all be a hustle that leaves us feeling stressed out and depleted.

Connection can help with that.  Call a friend and offer to help.  Host a gift-wrapping party!  Go shopping with someone else.  Work together.  You do not need to add anything to your schedule.  Just add a friend, loved one, or child to the mix.  Connection can make the ride all that much easier.  I love to do Christmas errands with friends and loved ones!

Plan Time to Visit Others—I often miss the family tradition we had for many years on Christmas Eve.  We would start early in the afternoon and go and visit friends and relatives.  We did not make appointments, but just dropped by.  After a couple of years of doing this, people expected it.  It became a tradition!

I will never forget some of these visits!  We shared the sweetest Christmas treats.  Yet, mostly, we just spent time together.  I will never forget kisses on the cheek from my Great Uncle and Aunt.  I will be forever grateful I learned to make yummy calamari from a dear friend.  So often, we were greeted with “I hoped you would come!”  I will cherish these memories and more forever!

I will never forget a holiday time visit to some friends.  While there, I enjoyed visiting with the adults for a while and then got to playing with the kids.  I had so much fun and enjoyed it.  My partner was in another room staring at the television.  The father approached me, interrupted me and the kids, and asked if I would rather go and watch television too.

My response was something like this: “That television show means nothing.  I can go and watch TV and never remember what I watched or I can play with these kids and be with your family and never ever forget it!”  I have never forgotten those kids (and really countless other experiences like this!).

Take a moment and search through your favorite memories.  It may not surprise you that all of them have to do with people and the connections you made with them.  Make a plan to connect—really connect—with people today!

So, how about wrapping up something really wonderful for Christmas this year?

I know someone in your life who is singing with Alan Jackson, “I only want you for Christmas…Tie a ribbon ‘round yourself!”

How about giving a little more of your uninterrupted, not distracted, technology-free, beautiful self to someone you love!  Let’s give the gift of connection for Christmas!

Merry Connected Christmas!

In a world that’s lost its sense of wonder,
I ask questions, hearts a-thunder.
Phones emerge, a digital spree,
“No!” I cry, “Just wonder with me.”

Time, an absolute, we think we control,
But in this era, it takes its toll.
Zig, zag, jet lag, a shuffle in the sun,
Screens glow bright; the wonder is undone.

“Where did time go?” I ponder deeply,
Lost in schedules, promises to keep.
Squeezing value from every hour,
Yet time slips away, a fading flower.

24 hours, a daily plot,
Yet, finding time becomes a fraught pursuit.
Lost moments, like sand through my grasp,
No time factory, no magic clasp.

Every moment, a currency rare,
But do they count the same, or is it unfair?
Respect my time, a plea sincere,
In this relentless temporal sphere.

Yet, in the chaos, a secret’s revealed,
Find flow, get present, intentions unsealed.
Pay full attention, let time slow,
Relative, as we experience its ebb and flow.

I met my schoolmate. My private school granted him a scholarship because he was an outstanding student. The school hoped that he would do exceptionally well in the general exam and so the school would benefit from its reputation.

My schoolmate told me that this experience ruined his life. This is because he came from a very poor family. Most of the students had wealthy parents. They spent money at school that he could not afford. The rich students bullied him because this is where they felt superior to him. They kept bullying him until he lost his self-confidence.

We lose self-confidence for many reasons. Some are internal reasons and some are due to “importing” them from others. When we allow others to shake up our self-confidence and  then we lose control on our lives.

We import self-doubt when we start comparing ourselves with others. Every one of us is unique with different interests, talents, and skills. My strength in one area may be the weakness of another. A flower does not compare itself with other flowers. It just blooms.

We import self-doubt when we allow ourselves to fall prey to the expectations of others. Instead of seeking inner peace, we pursue a losing game and that is pleasing others.

The media is playing an increasing role in losing our self-confidence. A woman looks ugly without using a certain cosmetic is one example of what I mean. Marketing focuses on creating artificial needs for us to satisfy by purchasing certain products. Just think about it.  A woman who buys a cosmetic just to make her look beautiful is not a sign that she suffers from self-doubting.

The situation aggravates when we internalize factors leading us to lose self-confidence. Examples include

• Setting unrealistic goals that stretch far beyond our capabilities. Failure to achieve them leads to seeing ourselves as failures. Feelings of incompetence cloud our minds. One negative feelings brings other negative ones such as self-blaming.
• Failing to set boundaries where we allow others to walk in our private spaces. This opens the door for others to control our lives and affect them negatively.
• Perfectionism leads to losing self-confidence. Nature searches for working solutions and not perfect ones. By trying to reach the unattainable goal of perfectionism, we lose self-confidence.
• Stories stored in our minds from the experiences we had with controlling and highly expecting parents. Keeping those negative experiences alive leads to self-doubting and losing self-confidence.
• Negative self-talk is an important factor leading to losing self-confidence.

Negative self-talk has a rippling effect.

Your self-talk determines your thoughts and your thoughts determine your actions.

Negative self-talk leads to negative words, thoughts, and actions. They manifest in words, as I am hopeless, I cannot, and no one likes me, and so on.

It is inside you and the solution is in your hands.

Depression, anxiety, hopelessness, lack of self-love despair, worry, fear, and health problems result from prolonged lack of confidence.

This lack of self-confidence leads to comparison with achievers and deepening of this lack of confidence.

Just see what Edison said about his repeated failures. “Edison did not surrender to thousands of failures. His self-confidence and healthy mindset helped him treat failures as lessons. He said, “I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.” Look how positive his words are.

When we indulge in negative self-talk, we mix two issues.  Skills we can learn and progress. Instead of learning, we allow negative self-talk to plant in us the idea that we are not competent. We replace a solvable skills problem with the more persistent problem of lacking self-confidence.

Paul Schofield, Bates College

Homelessness is a state of deprivation. Those who are homeless need shelter to be safe; they don’t have it. They need a toilet for basic bodily functions; they don’t have one. They need a shower to keep clean; they don’t have that, either.

Because such deprivation dramatically affects the well-being of people who are homeless, public discussion of homelessness tends to focus on whether and to what extent the government should carry out anti-homelessness policy as a way of improving people’s overall quality of life.

Some philosophers have argued that while homelessness is clearly a state of deprivation, it is also a condition in which a person’s freedom is profoundly compromised. These theorists insist a society that cherishes freedom – such as the U.S. – must implement anti-homelessness policy as a way of liberating people who lack housing.

Because the number of people experiencing homelessness continues to rise at a record rate, these academic ideas have become increasingly relevant to the real world. I am a philosopher interested in exploring the moral dimensions of homelessness, as well as shining a light on underdiscussed aspects of it. I believe that public debate would benefit greatly from increased attention to the ways homelessness limits Americans’ freedom.

Freedom to be somewhere

Since homelessness is usually discussed in terms of deprivation, the claim that homelessness has much to do with freedom can seem surprising. Freedom is commonly understood as the ability to do what one chooses without being interfered with. My freedom is limited if you lock me in a cell or place a boulder on the street I want to drive down.

Homelessness, on the other hand, seems at first glance like a condition in which a person is mostly able to do as they choose, albeit without important resources that would make their life better.

The philosopher and legal theorist Jeremy Waldron sees things differently. Waldron says that private property often serves to interfere with people’s choices. If a person wants to walk in New York City from midtown Manhattan to Harlem, others’ property interferes with their ability to choose the most direct route. If a person wants to see a particular Andy Warhol painting, the fact that it is kept at a private residence interferes with their ability to choose to view it.

In itself, this isn’t a problem, as no one should be free to go anywhere and do anything they want. The trouble, says Waldron, comes when a person who is homeless does not have private property that they are able to occupy, free from interference. In such instances, the person will be confined to public spaces, such as sidewalks and parks. But public spaces themselves are highly regulated through local ordinances, limiting who may use them and for what purposes.

A person who is homeless and sleeps on a public bench will often be told by the police to move. Someone who sets up a tent on a sidewalk will usually have it confiscated. Someone who urinates or defecates in a park can be arrested.

Now you can see why some think that homelessness compromises a person’s freedom. Sleeping and relieving oneself are necessary, life-sustaining tasks.

But as Waldron points out, “Everything that is done has to be done somewhere. No one is free to perform an action unless there is somewhere he is free to perform it.” Given the way society protects private property and regulates public spaces, it seems that people who are homeless are left with no space at all in which they are free to do the things they need to do in order to live. This is about as severe an infringement on freedom as you can imagine, and Waldron’s point is that a society that loves freedom simply cannot tolerate it.

Anti-homelessness is not just about benevolence and generosity, then. It is about protecting liberty.

Freedom from others

Of course, people who are homeless do sleep and relieve themselves. So, in what sense do they actually lack the freedom to do so?

The political philosopher Christopher Essert argues that Waldron’s analysis should be taken one step further by considering its implications for interpersonal relations. Since a person who is homeless has nowhere to freely perform life-sustaining tasks, typically they will either seek permission from someone to use their property, use the property and hope to not be noticed or, at worst, seek forgiveness. Either way, they depend upon the grace of another in order to do the things they need to do. This puts people who are homeless at the mercy of those who have property.

Whether a homeless person has a place to sleep or whether they are arrested for sleeping somewhere without permission is completely determined by the wishes of others.

Keesha might sleep on Felix’s couch for a few nights. But as soon as Felix is in a bad mood, he can throw her out. Or Felix might make access to his couch conditional upon her attending church services, supporting his preferred political candidate or performing sexual acts. What she does and does not do is now up to Felix.

Essert connects this set of observations to what is called a “republican” conception of freedom. This way of understanding freedom is less about whether a person is actually interfered with and more about the way they are placed under the arbitrary power of another. The intuitive idea is that if someone else always has the power to determine your choices, then you aren’t free. Since a homeless person is always on property over which someone else has authority, they are always, writes Essert, “under the power of others, dependent on them, dominated by them, unfree.”

In the U.S. especially, arguments that appeal to freedom are taken very seriously. Even those who insist that it is not the government’s job to ensure everyone a good quality of life believe that it must ensure freedom. Even those whose ears close when they hear calls for charity and beneficence seem to pay attention when freedom is at stake.

By proposing this way of seeing the life of someone who is homeless, then, philosophers have raised the possibility that allowing homelessness to persist contradicts values that are, at heart, fundamentally American.

Paul Schofield, Associate Professor of Philosophy, Bates College

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

Editor’s Note: CLICK HERE to help us help the homeless worldwide by changing the narrative “for good” …

I am inspired by the trials in life and the circumstances in which myself and the people I know find themselves. I am inspired by art, love, and pain. I’m inspired by the idea of overcoming and being resilient. My music all stems from feelings and experiences that I have been through and that other people can relate to. This particular song was born out of people making assumptions about who they think I am without actually knowing who I am.

I remember the first time I saw the light in the distance.  It was even before I started school and I am sure I didn’t know what I was seeing.  It was a beautiful spring morning, and, in the distance, I could see a bright light.  While I felt no heat I did feel a warmth within me and I knew this light was where I came from and where I would return to.

Now that I am older, I stopped walking toward the light as fast, not seeming to be in a hurry anymore.  Buddy( My Dog) and I have a favorite road near our home and we often sit on a large tree stump and look both ways down the road.  It did seem that we were a lot closer to the light than we were a few years ago.  It seemed to me and Buddy that if we would sit there a bit longer on that old stump that for a while where I came from and where I have been were the same distance apart.

We knew at some time we would need to go on down the road and walk a little closer to the light., but for now we will just sit a while listening to the birds singing, the crows always seem to be near but in truth we viewed them as friends.  It was breathtaking that deer would walk so near to us, as if knowing we were on our way to a place they were also familiar with. They too seem to walk towards the light.

It is a good place in life that Buddy and I are, not to far from where we as children taking our first steps, yet no so close to the light that we could not stop and rest beside the road.  Sometimes I can see those that went before me, but not today, perhaps not tomorrow, yet I can feel the joy of the ones that wait for me to join them.

Who am I?  I would say that some already know, and some will never know.  It is possible that I am just a simple man walking down a dirt road with his dog in tow.

For me that is enough maybe even more than I ever expected.

Part One: Who I Am | BIZCATALYST 360°
Part Two: Who I Am | BIZCATALYST 360°

Coming together,
Tearing apart,
Cheering,
Jeering,
Hiding,
Crying,
Hoping.

Those are among the feelings and actions since October 7, 2023. The current war in Israel and Gaza is occurring all over social media and 24/7. It is impacting people in a multitude of ways. Some people are active in live, on location, protests. Some people are active on social media. Some people are scared of losing their jobs, so they are silent. Others are scared for their lives, so they are silent. Some are buoyed into action and others are a mix of emotions that impact their productivity, their ability to focus on work, and their relationships with family, friends and those yet to become acquaintances.

Since this historical date, what have you felt? How has your world changed? How has it stayed the same?

For me, the turmoil has manifested itself in a variety of ways. Some, you have seen on social media, others you have not. Initially, I was quiet on LinkedIn because of an internal dialogue as to whether that was or was not the appropriate platform to speak up or speak out. I have reposted items on Instagram and made a few emoji comments. On Facebook, I have tip-toed with images of sculptures of peace or images of buildings illuminated blue and white.

Questions I’ve asked myself, questions among friends include these real-world sentences:

Is it safe to out myself as Jewish? Do I publicly wear my mezuzah or Star of David necklace? 

Do we gather at a synagogue, shul or temple? Where is the security? Please call or text when you get home, safely.

My mom lives in an area where many of the residents are of the Jewish faith as seen on the Sabbath. Yet, during a recent visit instead of what I expected to see, I saw nothing. I expected to see lawn signs supporting Israel and flag holders with the flag of Israel. I did not. I wondered and still wonder if the people have been advised by security personnel not to put out flags or lawn signs.

During a ride in my car, I pass a synagogue that houses a child care center. Outside are armed guards. This saddens me and makes my stomach queasy. I imagine being a parent and passing by these armed personnel knowing why they are there and yet still feeling that it’s okay to drop off my child for a few hours.

How is the war impacting our actions and our emotions? Is it as we may have anticipated or not?

Bare honesty, you know someone, through six degrees of separation, impacted by this war. Because my daughter tangentially knows one of the people being held by Hamas, I know that my interest in the media reports is higher than if she or someone else I know had no personal connection. Because a cousin lives in Israel, because teachers I worked with were called up to the reserves, because ….

This war is impacting employees. A relative shared that this must be a tough time to be a teacher or an educator. Do you talk about it? Are you allowed to do that? Are lapel pins of the Blue Square Campaign permitted? What is safe to wear to an interview, walking down the street, in a bar or restaurant, or to a concert?

Teachers of history are receiving different messages from administrators. Some are being told not to talk about the war unless their students bring it up. Others are told it is okay to talk about it as long as the students do not hear your personal opinion about the war. Others are reprimanded for talking about it as a current event. Some hear nothing and receive no guidance nor any support. Fear of losing one’s job, fear of not hearing from the students? It’s rational, it’s happening.

Will you hide me? I saw that social media campaign and looked up what it was about. That had me gulp.

What happened to that mindfulness, to that employee self-care, to that free therapy that was offered during Covid? Are people checking in with each other still, now?

This war, launched on Simchat Torah, on the 50th anniversary of the Yom Kippur Day War, so calculated, is a pain point beyond a day in history I recall.

How is it impacting you, as an employee, as a relative, as a person?

Editor’s Note: REGISTER TODAY to reserve your seat at our next Salon 360° where Hope will join us to to dig deeper. Because the time is now for us all to do our very best to make (real) shift happen, “for good”. To disagree without being disagreeable; To actively listen, probe, understand, learn, compromise and seek solutions. Just seriously good people –working together without judgment to create positive ripples of change –one voice, one person, one ripple at a time.

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Consistency in the day-to-day requirements of leadership is essential, but the best leaders also know how to intentionally create moments that inspire, engage, drive imagination, and have an impact that far outlasts the moment itself. In a recent reading of The Power of Moments by Chip Heath and Dan Heath (2017), I was fascinated by the dynamics that allow certain experiences to have an extraordinary impact on our lives as humans and leaders within an organization.

Leadership moments matter, and they cannot be artificially created. They must stem from leaders who learn from life journeys and who remain authentic (Luthans, Avey, Avolio, & Peterson, 2010). Authentic leadership is “the result of combining your personal and professional identities into an integrated whole, allowing you to rise up and adapt to new challenges while still being true to yourself” (Her New Standard, 2023).

Good leaders bring their whole selves to the people they lead and the challenges they face with creativity and humility, which in turn can inspire others and bring life to an organization.

Listening

Defining moments are an important part of the leadership experience, but they can be hard to recognize when one is in the midst of such a moment. It should not be surprising that the first prerequisite to discerning an opportunity to create a leadership moment is listening. To be a good communicator is to be a good listener. It is absolutely fundamental to true leadership. (Wooll, 2021). Listening leads to relationships built on trust and a shared sense of loyalty.  Inviting employees to share honestly and asking thoughtful questions to increase understanding indicates that a leader has others’ best interests at heart (Llopis, 2013).  Leaders should consider listening to be their “full-time job,” as it helps them identify when a moment is needed to make a change, inspire, or simply to tell a story.

Engage

Good listening inherently requires a response from the leader. Actively engaging with people helps generate understanding and accountability. When leaders hold themselves accountable to follow up with employees on what they have shared, “they will know that you are listening, paying attention and attempting to understand what matters most to them” (Llopis, 2013). This understanding helps build relationships. Research in the field of social psychology increasingly shows that leaders who “prioritize relationships with their employees and lead from a place of positivity and kindness” are more successful leaders in every sense of the word (Seppälä, & McNichols, 2022). Strong relationships must not be left to chance, but instead are a “matter of choice” (Zimmerman, 2016). Leaders can take positive action to build healthy relationships built on trust.

Inspire

Truly inspirational leaders “attract and engage others through their words, actions and beliefs” (Kurter, 2020). Leaders who desire to inspire must build the ability to discern when the moment is right to lean in and point the team back to their shared vision or goal (Garton, 2017). Moments like this can expand a team’s understanding of their goals, how they can each contribute, and what they might accomplish by bringing their full selves and unique skills together (Cohen, 2020).

Hypocrisy is the greatest danger to creating this kind of environment. It is nearly impossible to motivate and inspire a group when the leader’s integrity is in question. Attempts to inspire where respect is not present can actually do more damage in the long term and create a memorable negative moment instead of a memorable positive one. Inspiration often comes from the consistent demonstration of values and follow-through, not just waxing eloquent about those values (Eades, 2019).

Translate

Good leaders must be good translators (Morgan, 2020). Dealing with complexity is part of the everyday job. However, disassembling an issue and then reassembling it in a way that creates understanding is an acquired skill. This requires a leader to have a full understanding of the issue and the use of “strong listening and communication skills to build bridges between people” (Benjamin, & Komlos, 2022). Leaders act as a translator for all parties so that the same language is being spoken, which is essential for creating a leadership moment.

Like a poem

Think about a moment that stands out in your memory—a moment that had special significance and meaning for you. Like the art form of poetry and story, such moments help us make meaning of our experiences. Leaders can harness the power of story to create moments that resonate (Xing, & Liu, 2015). “Ultimately, we bond over, grow through, and feel seen, heard, and valued through the specific moments that leaders create for us. These leaders and these moments leave us feeling capable, inspired, and like we belong” (Josh, 2023).

When you fail

Leaders are human, and at some point, will fail or experience letdowns. One cannot always control their circumstances, but good leaders control what they can—their responses to failure and disappointment. How a leader responds reveals their character. Every failure is an opportunity to demonstrate to every person in the organization, both in actions and words, how to move forward with grace and resilience (Russell, 2020).

A distinction should be made between a failure based on incompetence and a failure caused by experimentation (Good, 2015). “In the former, learning might focus on an individual’s capacity, the latter might look at how to evolve the experiment. Similarly, understanding the consequences makes a huge difference in how we deal with a failure and should help us determine how many and which people to involve in the learning process as well as how to turn that learning into change, and eventually, success” (Good, 2015).

Defining moments in leadership

As leadership experts Ed O’Malley and Julia Fabris McBride emphasize in their book, “When Everyone Leads” (2023): “Leadership is an activity, not a position of authority.” Because leadership is active, everyone has an opportunity to get better at it with practice (Birsel, 2018). Admittedly, this learning process is complex, and can at times, feel overwhelming and impossible.

Each step leaders take on this path of growing their ability to lead is a step toward becoming more human. “Leadership moments are ones that make your heart leap with hopeful anticipation or fear of taking the next step” (Martin, 2019)” Each step that is chosen is an opportunity for inspiration, understanding, and wholeness.  This dialogue, so to speak, with one’s experiences and the world helps create moments with those around them.

Creating leadership moments has the power to open hearts and expand an organization’s vision for who and how they serve, and allows the leader to express that which has no easily definable shape or form, the essence of leadership.

The journey toward this kind of leadership takes time, space, and the willingness to commit to being rather than only doing. For the individual leader and the people they lead, it is worth the struggle.

Resources

• Benjamin, D. & Komlos, D. (2022). Why Leaders Should Make The Extra Effort To Translate Numbers: Insights From Author Chip Heath. Forbes.
• Birsel, A. (2018). 4 Small Moments that Make a Huge Difference in Your Leadership Style. Inc.
• Cohen, S. (2020). Leadership and the Power of Inspiration. Johns Hopkins Carey Business School.
• Eades, J. (2019). 3 Ways to Immediately Inspire Anybody (From the Moment You Meet Them). Inc.
• Garton, E. (2017). How to Be an Inspiring Leader. Harvard Business Review.
• Good, A. (2015). 5 ways the best leaders learn from failure. World Economic Forum.
• Heath, C., & Health, D. (2017). The Power of Moments: Why Certain Experiences Have Extraordinary Impact. Simon & Schuster.
• Her New Standard (2023). Authentic Leadership: What It Is and Why It Matters Now More Than Ever. Her New Standard.
• Josh (2023). Leadership Worth Remembering: 10 Types of Moments the Leaders We Remember Create. 3×5 Leadership.
• Kurter,  H. (2020). 7 Powerful Characteristics Of A Truly Inspirational Leader. Forbes.
• Llopis, G. (2013). 6 Ways Effective Listening Can Make You A Better Leader. Forbes.
• Luthans, F., Avey, J., Avolio, B., & Peterson, S. (2010). The development and resulting performance impact of positive psychological capital. Human Resource Development Quarterly. 21(1). 41-67.
• Martin, E. (2019). Your Leadership Moment. Medium.
• Morgan, J. (2020). Want To Be A Better Leader? Master The Skill Of The Translator. Medium.
• O’Malley, E., & McBride, J. (2023). When Everyone Leads: How The Toughest Challenges Get Seen And Solved. Kansas Leadership Center.
• Russell, J. (2020). Just Move On: The Best Leaders Own Their Failures And Learn From Them. Forbes.
• Seppälä, E., & McNichols, N. (2022). The Power of Healthy Relationships at Work. Harvard Business Review.
• Wooll, M. (2021). The importance of listening as a leader in the digital era. BetterUp.
• Xing, Y., & Liu, Y. (2015). Poetry and Leadership in Light of Ambiguity and Logic of Appropriateness. Management and Organization Review: University of Cambridge Press. 11(4). 763 – 793.
• Zimmerman, A. (2016). The Things Successful Leaders Do and Don’t Do to Build Relationships. Entrepreneur.
  

Have you ever stuck your finger into a light socket? This is not a pleasant experience, for sure! I stuck a “bobby pin” into a light socket when I was five or six. Why? I am not sure. Looking back all of these years, maybe it was just curiosity? When we were young, we had so many interests. “The world is our oyster.” We have this huge table of food, ready to eat. We don’t think of any ramifications. We are curious! Without much thought, we dig in and eat!

Unfortunately, as we get older, our curiosity tends to wane. We get set in our ways and lean towards “safer” endeavors. Some of our family members, friends, and co-workers might applaud this as becoming mature. Go to school, find a career, settle down, and stay safe. Don’t get too curious about what is on the other side. Curiosity is for kids. In other words, don’t “stick your finger into the light socket.”

As a result of this “safe mindset,” many people don’t take risks, don’t stretch their abilities, and lose their creativity. That job and career that looked so safe and stable is now an Albatross. Each morning starts with the dread of another long and unfulfilling day. The only motivation is getting to Friday afternoon and being free of a job that has become such as burden.

There is good news on the horizon! There is a solution that all people can be a part of. By “figuratively,” “sticking your finger into a light socket, it is possible to re-energize your career and your life! “Sticking your finger into a light socket” can be painful. It is venturing into unknown territory. “Sticking your finger into a light socket” is not as daunting as one may think. Below are some ideas that might help in getting to a “better place” with work, career paths, and life.

1. Determine What Your Passion Is. Do you like to write or do art? Whatever that may be, own it and embrace it!
2. Once you realize your true passion, what do you currently do to pursue that passion? If it is writing, do you think about it during your day? Do you pursue writing after work, on weekends, etc?
3. Are you willing to put in the time to pursue your passion?
4. Are you willing to share your passion with others? Having trusted family and friends helps develop a team to share ideas, successes, challenges, and frustrations.
5. Have you set up realistic goals for your passion? Do you have a timeline for possibly pursuing your passion more full-time?

As we all head into the end of 2023, will this be your year to “stick your finger into the light socket” of life?

Will this be your year to step out of your comfort zone and pursue the dreams you have had for much of your life? If not you, then who? If not now, then when!

Today I cleaned out my estranged husband’s apartment. He died 11 days ago as I sat by his side. As he took his last breath, I held his hand and wished him well as he transitioned into his next great adventure.

Though he was in a coma, and I had no idea whether he heard me or not, I told him I loved him, that God loved him, and that there was nothing to fear. I assured him that it was okay to go and that his mother, Jill (who predeceased him), was waiting for him.

I placed my phone on his shoulder near his ear and played some of his favorite 60s rock-n-roll.

At the very end, as his heartbeats came less and less frequently, I played “Hero” by Enrique  Iglesias which was my song for him in the early romantic years of our relationship, and though I don’t know why, I sobbed.

Now, as I am involved in the chaos and tasks that arise when someone dies, I find this is a profound time and space for reflection, at least for me.

When mortality is in your face, and you have the extraordinary opportunity of watching a person take their last breath, sit with them as their body dies, and then know they are gone, if you are in any way a conscious being, you must reflect.

Mortality in your face is, from my perspective, a beautiful, sorrowful, and wonderful experience.

These past 11 days have been unlike any other I’ve experienced.

Since then, I’ve hiked, spent considerable time in nature with my extraordinary friends, slept peacefully, and marveled that as he was going, I fully forgave.

What a gift! A generous gift from the universe as I had these past few years been unable to forgive him. As I released my husband with compassion and sorrow, along with the pain and hurt he caused, I experienced a relief and release that I didn’t know I needed.

I am still in the midst of examining how forward I shall choose to live.

In the meantime, I sit in the silence and unexpected changes this experience has brought. I sit in the space of anger gone and with that the freedom it brings.

It was Christmas day, and Joe was trying to finish a repair in one of the Days Cottages in North Truro, Cape Cod, MA so he could join his family for Christmas dinner. He forgot there was a cement shelf about six inches right above his head from the item he was repairing. Joe got up suddenly from his crouched position and hit his head…hard. He suffered a brain injury, which led to a serious condition called Meniere’s Disease. As a result of Meniere’s Disease, Joe developed Vertigo, the primary symptoms of which are severe dizziness and nausea. As a result of the Vertigo, Joe developed tinnitus (incessant ringing) in both ears. It was a bad situation, and he tried all kinds of treatments to help his condition, even traveling across the country to Vertigo and Meniere’s Disease “specialists.” Nothing helped any of his symptoms, and Joe suffered for 16 years.

Running a string of cottages on Cape Cod, MA, especially during the summer, kept Joe, who owned them, very busy. The dizziness and nausea from the Vertigo would come over him suddenly, forcing him to stop whatever he was doing and lie down until it passed. These occurrences happened multiple times a day.

When I met Joe, he was feeling hopeless about his life and especially about his future.

During our first conversation, as I was making a reservation for a cottage on the ocean, he asked me what I do, and I told him I am a metaphysical healer. He said he found that very interesting and proceeded to share with me his story about the brain trauma he had experienced and how much he had suffered over the last 16 years.

Joe asked if he could have a session with me, and we arranged for him to meet me at my cottage the next day. The issue that came up needing to be energetically healed first was “hopeless.” The energetic imprint he needed at the end of his first session was to be  “hopeful.”

When Joe returned for a session a few days later, he was indeed feeling Hopeful and was ready to proceed with the healing of his physical conditions, starting with the Meniere’s Disease, then the Vertigo, and eventually, the Tinnitus.

Joe’s symptoms and conditions related to the brain trauma were healed in a handful of sessions. His results gave him a sense of hope for the first time in 16 years. Joe became free of the debilitating symptoms of dizziness, nausea, and constant ringing in his ears and by the time my cottage on the sea rental ended, it was nice to see Joe feeling wonderful physically and hopeful about his future.

Update: Soon after my visit…Joe decided to retire. He sold all his cottages, moved to Florida, and is enjoying his life with his wife, children, and grandchildren. He continues to be symptom-free.

In a realm of glass and light,
A silent witness to my plight,
A mirror stands, my faithful friend,
Reflecting all that has no end.

A window to my inner self,
Where secrets hide, emotions delve,
It captures every fleeting trace,
Of joy, of sorrow, of my face.

In its embrace, I often gaze,
At the reflection of my days,
The triumphs, failures, all in view,
A chronicle of moments true.

It mirrors back my every flaw,
Each wrinkle, scar, and blemish raw,
Yet in its depths, I also see,
The beauty that lies deep in me.

A silent judge, it holds no sway,
But gently guides me through the day,
Reminding me that I am whole,
Despite the imperfections that take toll.

Oh, mirror, friend, your wisdom deep,
In your reflection, I find sleep,
For in your gaze, I truly see,
The essence of what I can be.

In silvered glass, a tale unfolds,
A mirror’s gaze, secrets it holds.
Reflecting truths, both bold and shy,
A silent witness, catching the sky.

In glassy depths where shadows play,
A portal to another world, they say.
Reflecting truths and tales untold,
The looking glass, a story unfolds.

Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Whisper secrets, stand so tall.
Silvered surface, crystal clear,
Capturing moments, year by year.

In morning’s light, you softly gleam,
Capturing dawn’s reflective dream.
Lines etched like chapters on a page,
Time’s silent witness, age by age.

In morning’s light or evening’s glow,
It captures moments, fast or slow.
Each line and curve, a dance of time,
A silent poet in its prime.

Reflecting faces, smiles, and tears,
Echoes of laughter through the years.
Eyes that sparkle, weary gaze,
A lifetime’s journey in your maze.

Oh, looking glass, what do you see?
A world of faces, you and me.
Eyes that sparkle, weary and wise,
A myriad of souls, wearing life’s disguise.

A canvas painted with reflections,
Echoing life’s diverse selections.
Mirror, mirror, truth be told,
You hold tales of the young and old.

Yet, not just visages you hold,
But dreams and stories, bold and cold.
In your surface, echoes resound,
Whispers of joy and sorrows found.

Fingers trace the edges, cold and smooth,
A canvas of stories, both joy and youth.
Whispers of dreams, etched in the glass,
A kaleidoscope of memories amassed.

Mirrored realm, reflections spin,
Echoes of where we’ve been.
Cracks may mar, but beauties found,
In flaws and imperfections, strength is bound.

Through laughter, tears, and fleeting years,
A companion in joy, a solace in fears.
A portal to self, a doorway to grace,
A mirror’s embrace, time can’t erase.

So, gaze within, oh seeker of truth,
See resilience in the lines of youth.
For in the mirror’s quiet embrace,
Lies the poetry of the human race.

Mirror, mirror, silent guide,
In your glass, secrets hide.
Reflecting beauty, inside and out,
A glimpse of what life’s all about.

Oh, mirror, tell me, what do you see?
Is it the world or only me?
In your frame, a world to explore,
A symphony of tales, forevermore.