The Poke

A headteacher sent the best response to the parents telling his staff how to teach

Wed, 27 Jan 2021 07:04:39 GMT

The issue of where and how children are getting an education is a political hot potato, as they have been shown to be horribly efficient spreaders of coronavirus.

Caught in the middle of the argument are the teachers who are delivering on-site learning for some children, as well as providing home-studying materials and remote lessons.

One headteacher had a tongue-in-cheek message for those parents who have been contacting his school with their hot takes on how the teaching staff should – well, teach.

Last paragraph! pic.twitter.com/SKLvmZICU5

— Mr B (@MrB_online) January 26, 2021

And the paragraph in question …

“A number of parents have taken advantage of this new access to send highly critical messages of advice to teachers about how to do their jobs and questioning their training, skills and competence.

“Can I encourage all those particular parents, who now consider themselves to be educational experts, to sign up for teacher training at their earliest convenience, since there are never enough teachers and I suspect many will be leaving the profession after this year.”

from Burn GIFs via Gfycat

The head, Mr. Colin Dowland, told the Times Educational Supplement –

“Pupils and parents seeing teachers on their pre-recorded videos and seeing teachers live – which is really important for mental health – does give parents who might not think it through, the chance to message or email and say, ‘have you thought about doing this?’ or ‘how about doing it this way?'”

“And that is undermining for the teachers, who are trained professionals and have needed to learn a completely new set of skills in the last few months in terms of being video stars as well as IT gurus, mental health coaches, virologists and health and safety experts.”

He added that parents had responded well to his funny, but important, reminder to them to stay in their lane. Our phrase, not his.

On Twitter, parents, teachers and those who appreciate a good put-down all responded well too.

absolute fucking gangster of a head. https://t.co/t8TUjige1Y

— Benedict Hey Arnold (@LewisKernow) January 26, 2021

Amazing! Great to see management stand up for their staff!

— Mrs Walker (@MrsWalker91) January 26, 2021

Unfortunately, we're living in a society where the man who attended the School of Hard Knocks and the University of Life, genuinely believes he knows more than the professionals. From teachers, to the police, to virologists. The arrogance and narcissism is ridiculous.

— Kirkers (@StevenKMirtan) January 26, 2021

Now, that’s the kind of Head Teacher that I want to work for!

— Banane Teaching (@Bananeteaching) January 26, 2021

Mr. Dowland, himself, had this understated response.

I think this might have struck a chord.

— Colin Dowland (@ColinDowland) January 26, 2021

Someone should pass the letter to the Education Secretary, Gavin Williamson, if they can find him.

Source Mr B, TES Image August de Richelieu on Pexels

The post A headteacher sent the best response to the parents telling his staff how to teach appeared first on The Poke.

Boris Johnson claims the government did everything it could against Covid – 13 sceptical reactions

Wed, 27 Jan 2021 05:48:15 GMT

With the grim news that UK deaths from coronavirus have passed 100,000, Boris Johnson fronted a briefing at Downing Street, in which he expressed his sorrow at the lives lost and the pain of their families.

He took full responsibility for the government’s response to the virus, and emphasised that they had done all they could.

'We truly did everything that we could, and continue to do everything that we can, to minimise loss of life and to minimise suffering' says @BorisJohnson as the UK reaches 100,000 reported Covid deaths https://t.co/2xH2nToWce pic.twitter.com/CzvmL9DiqH

— ITV News (@itvnews) January 26, 2021

It wasn’t the Oscar-winning performance the PM presumably intended.

BREAKING: Boris Johnson says he's 'deeply sorry' for the shocking UK covid death toll & insists 'we truly did everything we could and continue to do everything we can to minimise loss of life.'
But that's a lie.
He didn't.
He avoided doing what he should have done, time & again.

— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) January 26, 2021

Boris Johnson, 3/2/20:
"coronavirus will trigger a panic and a desire for market segregation that go beyond what is medically rational to the point of doing real and unnecessary economic damage"

100,000 deaths later: ""We truly did everything we could to minimise loss of life."

— James O'Brien (@mrjamesob) January 26, 2021

Remember this from the man who now claims he did “everything he could”? pic.twitter.com/gBOz2mnLFl

— Rachel Clarke (@doctor_oxford) January 26, 2021

Hi I’m Boris Johnson, you may remember me from such hits as “get back to work you fucks” and “no we won’t test people going out of hospitals going into care homes until the 15th of fucking April”. Today I’ll be explaining how we did “everything we could to minimize loss of life”

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) January 26, 2021

pic.twitter.com/DlDzyTrnbz

— dean (@DeanRed123) January 26, 2021

https://t.co/wQvVQKrGXu pic.twitter.com/rS5IvXI01s

— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) January 26, 2021

"We did everything we could to minimise suffering and minimise loss of life" pic.twitter.com/Mnc6MJNsFA

— HappyToast ★ (@IamHappyToast) January 26, 2021

The post Boris Johnson claims the government did everything it could against Covid – 13 sceptical reactions appeared first on The Poke.

‘Most depressing tagline I’ve ever read’

Tue, 26 Jan 2021 16:08:25 GMT

‘This is the most depressing tagline I’ve ever read,’ says @HelenSimmons8 over on Twitter.

It’s Channel 4’s Grand Designs – 21 series and still going strong – and this is what it says …

This is the most depressing tagline I’ve ever read pic.twitter.com/XER5IbIujW

— Helen Simmons (@HelenSimmons8) January 21, 2021

‘If you can’t follow your dreams, follow someone else’s’

Oof. Proper body blow, that.

The true tagline for Grand Designs should be: “The vicarious thrill of watching rich people throw stupid money at their awful building. Will it remain unfinished at the end of filming? Here’s hoping.”

— Smallbrainfield (@Smallbrainfield) January 21, 2021

Also “Will it drive a permanent wedge between the couple?”

— Eddie Robson (@EddieRobson) January 21, 2021

Hope springs eternal.

Source Twitter @HelenSimmons8

The post ‘Most depressing tagline I’ve ever read’ appeared first on The Poke.

‘Read the whole thing not just the red circle’

Tue, 26 Jan 2021 14:30:04 GMT

We don’t do a doormat of the week, but if we did, then this would win it.

It was shared by Redditor bigbubs123 who said: ‘Read the whole thing not just the red circle.’

We wouldn’t put that on the floor, we’d hang it on the wall.

‘The red circle points out the least funny part. Whole thing is brilliant.’ Manticore416

‘DO NOT TAUNT MAT.’ Little_Tacos

And there’s a whole lot more of that sort of thing here.
READ MORE

Simply 17 brilliant real life ‘Easter Eggs’

Source Reddit u/bigbubs123

The post ‘Read the whole thing not just the red circle’ appeared first on The Poke.

Simply 17 brilliant real life ‘Easter Eggs’

Tue, 26 Jan 2021 14:28:51 GMT

You’ll be familiar with the concept of ‘Easter eggs’. No, not the chocolate ones – you’re aware of those too, obviously – but those hidden treats and in-jokes that you find in films, TV shows, games or pretty much anywhere these days.

And if you needed any more convincing that you really can find them anywhere, then look no further than the subReddit all about it, ‘In Real Life Easter eggs’.

Often hilarious and always ingenious, here are our 17 favourites.

1. ‘When you’re being Rickrolled silently’

(via)

2. ‘Thats sooo coool!’

(via)

3. ‘The new subway cars in Stockholm have some interesting ventilation covers’

(via)

4. ‘Canadian Passport When Held Under UV Light’

(via)

5. ‘ This Definitely Caught Me Off Guard’

(via)

6. ‘Found while digging through some old CAT5 cables at work’

(via)

7. ‘Ha. Beetle’

(via)

8. ‘Damn, Okay T-Shirt’

(via)

9. ‘Every autumn in the Oregon coast range as the leaves change, this image emerges from a pine forest’

(via)

The post Simply 17 brilliant real life ‘Easter Eggs’ appeared first on The Poke.

This guy’s ex-girlfriend never stops mocking his 15-second cameo in Lord of the Rings and ...

Tue, 26 Jan 2021 11:48:38 GMT

We’re grateful to Steve Wrigley – @wrigglemania over on Twitter – for sharing his ex-girlfriend’s perennial mockery of his 15-second cameo in Lord of the Rings.

It went viral on Twitter because it’s just so good.

My ex girlfriend is shitposting my 15 seconds in lord of the rings on facebook for the 9th year in a row hows your day going? pic.twitter.com/rnPWkboINN

— Steve Wrigley (@wrigglemania) January 25, 2021

Fabulous. Those screenshots in full …

And just a few of the things people said about it.

Mate that is pretty cool! Would have loved to be in there for 5 seconds, let alone 15!

— Thomas Corbet (@thomascorbet_mo) January 25, 2021

If you were over 6 feet tall and living in Wellington in 2001 you didnt have a choice my dude.

— Steve Wrigley (@wrigglemania) January 25, 2021

how long did you have to hold that face for, & how many times did you have to hold it like that?

— Jordan (@Xenojay) January 25, 2021

Honestly I just wanted David Wenham to get his lines out so I could go back to catering.

— Steve Wrigley (@wrigglemania) January 25, 2021

I went into acting because of your performance

— Hiro Protagonist (@FelgerNaked) January 25, 2021

At least you got a face shot! Mine was the back of my head as we ran towards the Rohan village and it was only in the extended cut.

— Munniz (@Munniz) January 25, 2021

R.I.P you should have been in our unit.

— Steve Wrigley (@wrigglemania) January 25, 2021

are you one of those bastards who kidnapped Gollum then? pic.twitter.com/d54jNiht6E

— (っ◔◡◔)っ eden (@EK1o09) January 25, 2021

Yes… sorry.

— Steve Wrigley (@wrigglemania) January 25, 2021

Where was your ex girlfriend when the Westfold fell? That’s what I thought

— JustMe (@WhittyUzerName) January 25, 2021

And finally, Steve’s answer to this person …

Yeeeaaaahh, that’s not obsessive at all.

— seanys (@seanys) January 25, 2021

Shes a legend. Not letting your friends live it down is how New Zealanders express our love for one another.

— Steve Wrigley (@wrigglemania) January 25, 2021

Source Twitter @wrigglemania

The post This guy’s ex-girlfriend never stops mocking his 15-second cameo in Lord of the Rings and it’s brilliant appeared first on The Poke.

Everybody hates e-mails: the collection – 14 funny favourites

Tue, 26 Jan 2021 11:42:23 GMT

E-mails were enough of a pain before the pandemic, but now that so many people are working from home, they seem to be constant – although they have to be better than video calls, right?

Maybe not, if these jokes are anything to go by.

me after sending one (1) email pic.twitter.com/3HldFXqiNP

— Larry (@lahreigh) January 14, 2021

"I hope this email finds you well."

How this email found me: pic.twitter.com/pK31wIF6bj

— Taste of Cinema (@davidcinema) January 15, 2021

"I hope this email finds you well." I turn around. I am clubbed to death by a sentient email. I am no longer well.

— Pru (@prufrockluvsong) January 20, 2021

The worst thing about e-mails is that you answer them and then the person replies and you're right back where you started.

— Michael Hobbes (@RottenInDenmark) January 15, 2021

email notifications when things are going well: an email! I love to look at the emails!
email notifications when things are going badly: I am in trouble and merely looking upon this inbox will bring shame unto my kin

— Rose Lyddon (@roselyddon) January 21, 2021

If everyone checked in on their friends as often as old navy e-mails me about their $12 cardigans..we’d all feel a little more connected.

— .:Mishelle:. (@mishelleleigh) January 10, 2021

if you could just click Like on e-mails it would save society billions of hours per year

— Scott Hansen (@Lithros) January 11, 2021

The post Everybody hates e-mails: the collection – 14 funny favourites appeared first on The Poke.

‘What’s a simple red flag that has never failed you?’– 17 copper bottomed warning signs

Tue, 26 Jan 2021 11:28:49 GMT

We don’t meet as many new people as we used to, and even back then we didn’t meet a lot.

But when you do meet people for the first time, there are the occasional red flags which pop up suggesting maybe they’re not a person you want to see again.

And people have been sharing these red flags on Twitter after Lauren Chanel – @MichelleHux on Twitter – asked this.

what’s a simple red flag that has never failed you? something small like a person quoting 48 laws of power.

— Lauren Chanel (@MichelleHux) January 23, 2021

And it prompted no end of replies. Here are some of the most popular …

People who are rude to waiters are guaranteed to be awful in most important ways. They might run a billion dollar charity and have three Nobel prizes, but if they are rude to the waiter, they are bad people and don’t stick around to find out why.

— Helen Kennedy (@HelenKennedy) January 25, 2021

“I don’t care whether you’re black, white, yellow, green, or purple." https://t.co/Yaozk5UF00

— Joel D. Anderson (@byjoelanderson) January 24, 2021

I have a lot of these but the first one that comes to mind is when men call themselves entrepreneurs

— Karl Marx, Famous Babylonian (@rosiebuttoncups) January 23, 2021

Calling women “females.”

— Lee Ann Kostempski (@LeeAnn_Writes) January 23, 2021

When everyone else is the asshole..
If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you’re the asshole.

— New Year, Newish Me. (@ehs06702) January 24, 2021

Not returning the shopping cart. It’s a tiny thing, takes 60 seconds, has no benefit to you and a tiny cost, and only benefits some abstract future person. Not all people who return shopping carts are good, but all people who don’t return shopping carts are bad

— Impeach Him Again. Fuck It. (@PeterAstridKane) January 24, 2021

Someone who says “the most important thing to me is loyalty.” Head for the door, baby. Danger lies ahead

— Ellen McGirt (@ellmcgirt) January 23, 2021

Anyone divulging deeply personal information within moments of meeting. I’m out.

— Lisa Frankly (@luvvida) January 24, 2021

Oh here’s an absolute: liking Elon Musk

— Karl Marx, Famous Babylonian (@rosiebuttoncups) January 23, 2021

The post ‘What’s a simple red flag that has never failed you?’ – 17 copper bottomed warning signs appeared first on The Poke.

This guy trying to ski in London is made even funnier by the accompanying song

Tue, 26 Jan 2021 10:49:01 GMT

Some parts of the UK have had a lot of snow, recently – others have been less lucky/unlucky (delete as appropriate).

Not everyone was prepared to pass up on the opportunity to enjoy the weather, even if that weather wasn’t playing ball.

@tomrosenthalmusic

So glad I finally found a video to go with this song of mine.

♬ Tom Rosenthal SKIING IN LONDON – Tom Rosenthal

That’s got to be good for his quads.

Tom Rosenthal, the singer-songwriter whose then three-year-old daughter, Fenn, wrote the unforgettable Dinosaurs in Love, fooled a few people with his caption.

Most people spotted the gag – and were split between loving Tom’s post and cringing very hard for the would-be skier.

Someone had a theory.

He’s probably pining for the fjords.

Bonus: Here’s Fenn’s brilliant song.

Fenn, my nearly 4 year old daughter, recorded her first ever solo song today. She came up with all the words herself and I helped her a little bit with the tune. It’s called ‘Dinosaurs in Love’. pic.twitter.com/erCgG0sUvP

— Tom Rosenthal (@tomrosenthal) January 28, 2020

Source Tom Rosenthal Image Screengrab

The post This guy trying to ski in London is made even funnier by the accompanying song appeared first on The Poke.

This video of two fish throwing gravel at each other went viral because, well, watch

Tue, 26 Jan 2021 10:25:41 GMT

In the first of an occasional new series, fish video of the week – stick with us – is this pair of gobies (that’s a small to medium sized ray-finned fish to you and me) throwing gravel at each other.

And it’s even better than that sounds. Or maybe that should be, it’s better than that sounds.

Don’t try to pretend you won’t watch it again.

And these are just a few of the things people said after it was shared by Redditor LittleFart.

‘I love how they both patiently wait their turns.’ PSOJ3185-22

‘And they both take that gravel on their face like a champ.’ tuesdaycocktail

And just in case you’re wondering what the hell’s going on, help was at hand.

‘Didn’t see an explanation, so I’ll elaborate! So these two are having a territory dispute. Rather than physically fighting, what these guys are doing is trying to bury their opponent’s burrow. Whoever toughs it out and makes their opponent give up and leave gets to keep their territory. The loser has to go make a burrow somewhere else. This happens with gobies a lot.’ dastard-deviancy

Source Reddit u/LittleFart gfycat

The post This video of two fish throwing gravel at each other went viral because, well, watch appeared first on The Poke.

‘Nothing will top the pure comedy genius of Emu pulling Rod Hull into a freezer’

Tue, 26 Jan 2021 10:01:25 GMT

Our thanks to Jeff Livingstone – @DefJeff – for sharing this clip of the late, great Rod Hull being pulled into a freezer.

It went wildly viral because, well, have a watch for yourself.

You know what we need right now? Emu pulling Rod Hull into a freezer. No comedy, of any form, has ever, or will ever, top the unadulterated genius of these first few seconds. Humans will never get near this again. pic.twitter.com/kfVs3MUrOj

— Jeff Livingstone (@DefJeff) January 23, 2021

Absolute magic.

Rod’s face throughout. Everything is in there. Pain, fear embarrassment, exasperation. No amateurs here, this is god tier stuff.

— Jeff Livingstone (@DefJeff) January 23, 2021

I shouldn’t narrate, but the way he portrays looking genuinely interested in the freezer, but makes the bird look to the right and then offer a clear sense of ‘fuck this’ is pretty bastard special.

— Jeff Livingstone (@DefJeff) January 23, 2021

And just a few of the things people were saying about it.

That is a killer pratfall at the start. https://t.co/siKMJ5bIKS

— edgarwright (@edgarwright) January 24, 2021

I’ve watched it about 10 times and I still can’t work out how he managed that. Fluid

— Gareth Blackwood (@garethblackwood) January 23, 2021

Absolutely awesome! https://t.co/UZKCBIPjnV

— Shaun Keaveny (@shaunwkeaveny) January 24, 2021

I love Rod's reaction. Not for him the obvious screaming and shouting, just a bemused, almost weary "What'd you do that for?"

— Drivelcast (@drivelcast) January 24, 2021

I keep watching those first few seconds and marvelling at how he does it. It's a beautiful piece of physical comedy in which Emu seems 100% real. https://t.co/uMA61gBRm1

— Andrew Male (@Andr6wMale) January 24, 2021

Never laughed harder than as a kid watching this. You’re absolutely right. Genius. Thanks for sharing. Great start to the day.

— There Must And Shall Be Aspirin (@boscobel19751) January 24, 2021

A final thought.

It's always that bloody Parkinson interview they show clips from. This is the real genius of Rod Hull. His guerrilla antics out and about with the public – all complicit with the bird in creating seemingly dangerous slapstick mayhem and laughing along with the audience. https://t.co/ziKjI4Ko4V

— Andydrewz (@Andydrewz) January 24, 2021

Source Twitter @DefJeff

The post ‘Nothing will top the pure comedy genius of Emu pulling Rod Hull into a freezer’ appeared first on The Poke.

This German sign telling people to wash their hands properly really isn’t messing around

Tue, 26 Jan 2021 09:34:39 GMT

Back in the day – oh, so many days ago – Boris Johnson told us all to wash our hands for as long as it takes to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ twice to help stop spreading the coronavirus.

When it comes to encouraging people to have a really, proper, thorough hand washing, this German sign does it slightly differently.

Well, it’s one way of explaining it.

And it got us in the mood for other signs which really weren’t messing around.

Like this one.

And this one.

Oh go on then, one more.

It looks like that German poster was originally shared on Twitter by @karmel80.

How to wash your hands German instructions… pic.twitter.com/YTxyQGwFju

— Karen Melchior (she/her) ???????????? (@karmel80) March 21, 2020

And it’s the work of these people.

Orginal poster has created by @diepartei_hof the royal branch of @DiePARTEI. The political party, The Party: Die Partei DiePartei. Thanks for all the laughs https://t.co/8ez5GW3XC5 pic.twitter.com/r7nxngy833

— Karen Melchior (@karmel80) March 22, 2020

READ MORE

How (not) to wash your hands

Source Twitter @karmel80

The post This German sign telling people to wash their hands properly really isn’t messing around appeared first on The Poke.

The only 5 clapbacks you need to the PM’s Burns Night ‘stay home’ message

Tue, 26 Jan 2021 09:30:03 GMT

Monday was Burns Night – held in celebration of the famous Scottish poet, Robert Burns – or Rabbie – who was born on January 25th 1759 (thanks, Wikipedia).

The occasion is very close to the heart of many Scots, who sit down to a supper of haggis, neeps and tatties.

Lets raise a glass to Robert Burns this #BurnsNight, slàinte mhath! "Wherever I wander, Wherever I rove, The hills of the #Highlands forever I love" #BurnsNightIn Buachaille Etive Mòr IG/1994edu pic.twitter.com/WMK0bPRgWy

— VisitScotland (@VisitScotland) January 25, 2021

Twitter broke out some funny tweets on the topic.

It’s customary to play the bagpipes at a Burns Night supper. But only if you’ve been invited, apparently, and you know how to play them.

— paul bassett davies (@thewritertype) January 25, 2021

MAKE your own delicious vegetarian haggis by simply chopping up the lungs, heart and liver of a carrot, mixing with oatmeal and spices, and then cooking the ingredients in the stomach of a potato. #BurnsNight

— (@TwopTwips) January 25, 2021

Happy Burns Night everyone

Asked my English housemate if he’d ever tried Haggis.

His very earnest response:

“Yeah, I’ve tried Haggis but never had the nips or titties before!” pic.twitter.com/YVJi95d3Al

— Storm Huntley (@StormHuntley) January 25, 2021

It was also the day that Downing Street chose to announce a forthcoming visit to Scotland by the PM, in order to try and persuade Scots of the value of the Union – the British one, not the European one.

This will DEFINITELY work https://t.co/EFz04v2fkv

— Sue Perkins (@sueperkins) January 25, 2021

His trip will be doubly awkward, because he once published a very insulting poem about the country.

As it's Burns night let us remember the poem Boris Johnson published as editor of the Spectator: pic.twitter.com/95LIackzZ7

— Nicky Zog (@NickyZog) January 25, 2021

So, this message to Scotland on their special occasion must have rung a little hollow.

Burns Suppers are one of the highlights of the year and I’m sad that millions of Scots in the UK and across the world won’t be able to come together to toast one of our finest poets and celebrate in the usual way.

We will do so again, but this #BurnsNight please #StayHome

— Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson) January 25, 2021

These responses are exactly what you’d expect.

#StayAtHome
Says man planning a trip to Scotland https://t.co/KSMyssnSUm

— James Doleman (@jamesdoleman) January 25, 2021

Na M8. Highlight of our year is watching fish rotting https://t.co/1DTD8Qzcj6

— DasGift (@DasGiftBerlin) January 25, 2021

Name ONE Robert Burns album. I dare you. https://t.co/gyTiSgaVS0

— stuart braithwaite (@plasmatron) January 25, 2021

Scotland hates you, you walloping sex yeti.

— Steven Anderson (@Kelzedar) January 25, 2021

Do as I say, not as I do?… pic.twitter.com/qGw7bgOKJH

— NHS & fan (@sweeternigel) January 25, 2021

He might want to avoid using Robert Burns to try and sell the Union.

He is not your poet, he is Scottish; and believe it or not, he hated the Union. His words below:.

But pith and power, till my last hour,
I'll mak this declaration;
We're bought and sold for English gold-
Such a parcel of rogues in a nation!

— Colin McPherson (@colin_mcp) January 25, 2021

Source Boris Johnson Image Evie Fjord on Unsplash

The post The only 5 clapbacks you need to the PM’s Burns Night ‘stay home’ message appeared first on The Poke.

A top 10 round-up of Poorly Aged Things

Tue, 26 Jan 2021 07:34:54 GMT

To understand the concept of poorly aged things, you only need to have watched a Top of the Pops from before they realised they shouldn’t show the Jimmy Savile ones anymore.

Or just read the words ‘poorly aged things‘, to be fair. It very much does what it says on the tin.

The Twitter account Poorly Aged Things – @PoorlyAgedStuff – gathers some of the best examples, so you don’t have to – and we’ve picked our top ten – but we highly recommend you hop over there and read the rest.

1. It’ll never catch on

Via

2. Mint condition

pic.twitter.com/Tb825Kx2of

— Poorly Aged Things (@PoorlyAgedStuff) January 14, 2021

3. Tiger King and the Lyin’ King

pic.twitter.com/RPAf8lEn3z

— Poorly Aged Things (@PoorlyAgedStuff) January 20, 2021

4. Remember when the Leaning Tower of Pisa fell over?

pic.twitter.com/DO0Vzg266P

— Poorly Aged Things (@PoorlyAgedStuff) January 13, 2021

5. Tom? Tom? Where are you, Tom?

pic.twitter.com/FRFcrVEYgc

— Poorly Aged Things (@PoorlyAgedStuff) January 19, 2021

6. Who remembers Netflix?

pic.twitter.com/iMvN9OlbF0

— Poorly Aged Things (@PoorlyAgedStuff) January 5, 2021

7. Don’t take sports tips from Kevin

Via

8. …or Jacob Rees-Mogg

pic.twitter.com/jCAx5pA493

— Poorly Aged Things (@PoorlyAgedStuff) November 27, 2020

9. Did Britain Trump make this chart? #WorldBeating

pic.twitter.com/ULE0X01KB9

— Poorly Aged Things (@PoorlyAgedStuff) November 24, 2020

10. When you rush to file the copy before the print run

pic.twitter.com/z7arBBsQ0V

— Poorly Aged Things (@PoorlyAgedStuff) August 4, 2020

Lastly, remember when there was always a tweet?

one more pic.twitter.com/I4mrUj7Jwe

— Poorly Aged Things (@PoorlyAgedStuff) January 6, 2021

Source @PoorlyAgedStuff Image @PoorlyAgedStuff, Screengrab

The post A top 10 round-up of Poorly Aged Things appeared first on The Poke.

‘They stole my idea to do a vaccine’ is the funny sketch Dr Fauci needs to watch right now

Tue, 26 Jan 2021 06:44:57 GMT

Don’t you hate it when someone takes your idea and passes it off as their own?

What if your idea were for a life-saving Covid vaccine? You’d be pretty peeved right now.

They stole my idea to do a vaccine pic.twitter.com/cClOSkzcIV

— Martin Herlihy (@martinmherlihy) January 25, 2021

There’s a captioned version here.

Martin Herlihy‘s very funny sketch – ably supported by Ben Marshall and John Higgins – has had more than a quarter of a million views in just 13 hours, picking up reactions like these.

I’m crying https://t.co/XkwLEeLN2T

— Meg Stalter (@megstalter) January 25, 2021

Lmao best thing I’ve seen in awhile https://t.co/S4HXxU82mF

— Morgan (@morganic_x) January 25, 2021

lmao i wanna quit science

— (@calebsaysthings) January 25, 2021

the editing is immaculate https://t.co/Uhi3fYexvc

— Kelli Boyle (@kellixboyle) January 25, 2021

The pain in his voice as he begs the treacherous fauci for an explanation..gut wrenching.

— DevonSC (@cdevon19) January 25, 2021

A tweeter named @idontrepresent went very meta.

he guy stole my idea for this skit. https://t.co/gyu41scymB

— waiting for a new Daft Punk album. (@idontrepresent) January 25, 2021

They should suck the sketch right out of the internet.

Source Martin Herlihy Image Screengrab

The post ‘They stole my idea to do a vaccine’ is the funny sketch Dr Fauci needs to watch right now appeared first on The Poke.

Boris Johnson hinted at relaxing lockdown rules by mid-February – 11 weary reactions

Tue, 26 Jan 2021 05:44:23 GMT

Remember when Boris Johnson loosened the coronavirus rules over Christmas, against scientific advice, and then a lot more people caught the virus and England had to go into an open-ended lockdown?

Boris Johnson doesn’t.

NEW: @BorisJohnson tells broadcast pool he is 'looking at the potential of relaxing some measures' before mid-February.

— Joe Pike (@joepike) January 25, 2021

Selective amnesia on the part of the PM is the only rational explanation, because he couldn’t possibly be considering endangering public health just to appease backbenchers. That would be ridiculous.

via Gfycat

Tom Hamilton gave us a quick recap of the government’s current standpoints on the lockdown.

Message 1: We shouldn't be thinking of relaxing any other lockdown measures until we have reopened schools.
Message 2: We won't be able to reopen schools until April at the earliest.
Message 3: We might relax some lockdown measures before mid-February. https://t.co/N36reNqil4

— Tom Hamilton (@thhamilton) January 25, 2021

He wasn’t the only one with something to say about it.

We are following the science and there is new scientific evidence that a bunch of right wing fucknuggets in my party are threatening a leadership challenge if I don't ease the lockdown. https://t.co/jZtoHejCkm

— Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) January 25, 2021

We're all going to die because he has an urgent IT lesson he needs to attend on Valentine's Day https://t.co/nFQ6LovnT9

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) January 25, 2021

The dad who does 3% of the childcare, walking into front room, where the mum is attempting to discipline the kids, and exclaims, “WHO WANTS PIZZA?!” https://t.co/bheQ8VI12W

— Pete Paphides (@petepaphides) January 25, 2021

“The great British Valentine’s Day must go ahead! And to that end I’m saying on February 14th, please do travel as far as you can from home, and kiss or have full sex with as many strangers as possible! Oh. And buy a sandwich. We can beat this beastly pandemic together!” https://t.co/KVebRWBDhv

— Joel Morris (@gralefrit) January 25, 2021

Lockdown 4, in April, then. And it'll be all our fault for not buying our mandatory Costa Coffee safely enough, or for breathing too much on the business estates that we can't possibly work away from https://t.co/PumqJhnH1e

— Gee Aitch Cee (@Scriblit) January 25, 2021

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results… https://t.co/hqe8zCojkV

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) January 25, 2021

He’s going to save Easter, just like he saved Christmas. https://t.co/WTBj0T82oK

— Paul Bernal (@PaulbernalUK) January 25, 2021

I can confirm my government is looking closely at the possibility of easing lockdown by mid-February, due to serious concern the current strategy may be saving too many lives

— Boris Johnson #StayAlertControlTheVirus ᵖᵃʳᵒᵈʸ (@GetBrexit_Done) January 25, 2021

February: “IT’S VERY GOOD FRIDAY! Boris to allow families to lick each other’s hands for a “limited time” over Easter, in groups no larger than 50.”

April: “Boffins baffled by spike in cases.” https://t.co/XInDQ3qM4x

— Ed Morrish (@edmorrish) January 25, 2021

10.

This weekend a doctor working in Greater Manchester told me there were no ICU beds available in the entire region. https://t.co/SUzqA8eZeu

— Hannah Al-Othman (@HannahAlOthman) January 25, 2021

11.

what the hell does that even mean? If he is not going to be clear in what he says, say nothing ffs https://t.co/x8NxJbkSBa

— ALASTAIR CAMPBELL (@campbellclaret) January 25, 2021

On behalf of all of us …

*Hard stare to camera* https://t.co/etGh0SEOjG

— Claire Allan (@ClaireAllan) January 25, 2021

Source Joe Pike Image Screengrab, Anna Shvets on Pexels

The post Boris Johnson hinted at relaxing lockdown rules by mid-February – 11 weary reactions appeared first on The Poke.

Conspiracy theorist of the week

Mon, 25 Jan 2021 16:33:04 GMT

Latest in an occasional series, it’s time now for conspiracy theorist of the week and there’s so much to appreciate here.

The picture was shared on Twitter by @AnAngryOpossum and if ever a picture spoke a thousand words, it’s this one. All of them ‘stupid’.

I can’t tell if they’re making a pun with “astronots”, but I suspect they are not

— Badonkadoc Plague (@ImDocPlague) January 24, 2021

If space is fake i want to know what this guy thinks is going on

— Toum of Annihilation (@ProjectileTeeth) January 24, 2021

Hallucinogenic snacks. Really good hallucinogenic snacks.

— αρσcαℓүмαηтιc (@PlayTastik) January 24, 2021

Took us back to this coronavirus conspiracy theory from just about 12 months ago which reads like a tinfoil hatter’s greatest hits.

Source @AnAngryOpossum

The post Conspiracy theorist of the week appeared first on The Poke.

The inside of this rock looks like the Cookie Monster and it made everything just a little bit ...

Mon, 25 Jan 2021 16:21:46 GMT

There are bad news stories and there are good news stories. And then there are very good news stories, like this one, shared by @jackiantonovich on Twitter.

My kind of news day:

"Geologist Finds Rare Formation Inside Rock That Looks Exactly Like Cookie Monster on Sesame Street" pic.twitter.com/rKftbLw804

— Dr. Jacqueline Antonovich (@jackiantonovich) January 23, 2021

They’re not kidding.

The pictures were shared on Facebook by American geologist Mike Bowers. Here’s what the rock (which was discovered in Brazil) looks like from the outside.

And when it’s cracked open …

Uncanny.

This is the one acceptable form of "Jesus on a piece of toast" news

This is a blessing from our Lord Monster of Cookies. Cookies are coming.

— May Helena Plumb (@mayhplumb) January 23, 2021

READ MORE

Conspiracy theorist of the week

Source Twitter @jackiantonovich Facebook Mike Bowers

The post The inside of this rock looks like the Cookie Monster and it made everything just a little bit better appeared first on The Poke.

This parrot playing peekaboo with a cat went viral all over again because it’s so good

Mon, 25 Jan 2021 16:05:25 GMT

Very possibly you’ve already seen this video of a parrot playing peekaboo with a cat but if it’s worth watching once, then it’s definitely worth watching again. And again …

Because you want to see a bird taunt a kitty by playing and saying peek a boo. pic.twitter.com/dUa942g297

— Danny Deraney (@DannyDeraney) January 24, 2021

Adorable.

Someone has a lot of faith in windows.

— hlirwin (@hlirwin) January 24, 2021

don't find someone who looks at you like this cat looks at this bird https://t.co/qgDn60RKOX

— blaine capatch (@blainecapatch) January 24, 2021

Source Twitter @DannyDeraney

The post This parrot playing peekaboo with a cat went viral all over again because it’s so good appeared first on The Poke.

Shop sign of the day

Mon, 25 Jan 2021 15:42:54 GMT

‘Just been for a walk,’ said George – @seeyouinpub – over on Twitter. ‘Local shopkeeper has displayed this.’

And just a few of the things people said about it.

Next time you’re passing, can you ask him/her whether they could run a million or so off at the printers? They’ve got themselves a big, big market for this!!! I alone would buy a few dozen!

— 3.5% (@Selisia) January 23, 2021

That is the best thing i have seen for weeks!

— Jayneyfromtheblock (@TeeJayney) January 23, 2021

I would buy something from that shop, whatever they were selling.

— Essex do-gooder Oldbird (@essexoldbird) January 24, 2021

Source @seeyuouinpub

The post Shop sign of the day appeared first on The Poke.