<![CDATA[The Poke]]> Follow The Poke, filter it, and define how you want to receive the news (via Email, RSS, Telegram, WhatsApp etc.) https://follow.it/ThePoke Wed, 06 Jul 2022 15:44:35 +0200 <![CDATA[The applause which greeted this Tory MP’s explosive PMQs intervention surely says it all]]> https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgstAAOSYmr93w

As Boris Johnson clung on to power during a bruising, humiliating PMQs today, the PM was duffed up good and proper by both Labour leader Keir Starmer and former health secretary, Sajid Javid.

But possibly the most explosive, unexpected intervention surely came from Conservative MP, Gary Sambrook.

If the name rings a distant bell, then it’s because he went viral a while back after this happened.

Anyway, here’s what he had to tell Johnson today about his premiership and specifically his attitude towards the Chris Pincher scandal, and it’s magnificent stuff.

It’s not the done thing to applaud in the Commons, as you’ll probably know, but that was something exceptional.

And here are just a few of the many things people said about it.

In six words.

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Source Twitter @SkyNews

The post The applause which greeted this Tory MP’s explosive PMQs intervention surely says it all appeared first on The Poke.

]]> Wed, 06 Jul 2022 15:08:21 +0200 https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgstAAOSYmr93w <![CDATA[Keir Starmer’s brutal takedown of Boris Johnson and his Cabinet was his best joke ever]]> https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgtrujrl1XTtoA

Labour leader Keir Starmer has previously been accused of being a little bit less than dynamic during Prime Minister’s Questions.

And while today was about as open a goal as the leader of the opposition could possibly have asked for, his jokes at the expense of Boris Johnson and his Cabinet were A++.

And this was surely the best of the lot.

Boom.

Even Johnson’s own front bench enjoyed it.

The ‘Z-list of nodding dogs’ was good too.

And also this!

And people reckoned it wasn’t just his best joke, it was his best PMQs to date.

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Source Twitter @Otto_English

The post Keir Starmer’s brutal takedown of Boris Johnson and his Cabinet was his best joke ever appeared first on The Poke.

]]> Wed, 06 Jul 2022 14:00:37 +0200 https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgtrujrl1XTtoA <![CDATA[The only 5 reactions you need to Larry the Cat being shut out of Downing Street]]> https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgv67sjKAdOFUg

The British public will put up with a lot – obviously – but they won’t stand for the mistreatment of the country’s most famous cat – Larry, the longest-standing* resident of 10 Downing Street.

*more often lying down

Here he is, issuing the most devastating ultimatum.

When theatre and film director Dean Johnson shared a clip of Larry being left out in the cold, it got exactly the reaction you’d expect.

These five righteously indignant responses say all that needs to be said.

Oh, and a little update on Larry’s ultimatum.

As is right and proper.

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Larry the Cat had the best commentary on Boris Johnson becoming PM – 13 favourite takes

Source Dean Johnson Image Screengrab

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]]> Wed, 06 Jul 2022 12:52:34 +0200 https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgv67sjKAdOFUg <![CDATA[A Tory MP’s blurry resignation letter was mocked into next year – 27 funniest gags]]> https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgsESVQfgrfwcA

We have to confess we hadn’t come across Conservative MP Dr Andrew Murrison before.

Fortunately there are only two things you need to know for the purposes of this story. One – the Tory MP for South Wiltshire has resigned from his role as a trade envoy in Boris Johnson’s government.

And two – he shared his letter of resignation on Twitter like this.

And we’re glad he did because in a long (very possibly never-ending) week, it prompted a wave of very funny responses. Here are our 27 – yes, seriously – favourites.

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The post A Tory MP’s blurry resignation letter was mocked into next year – 27 funniest gags appeared first on The Poke.

]]> Wed, 06 Jul 2022 12:14:23 +0200 https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgsESVQfgrfwcA <![CDATA[Lurpak jokes spread across Twitter – 21 of the best]]> https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgvL03UP3BtFQQ

As the resignation count hits 13, it’s understandable if news outlets have temporarily taken their eye off one particularly relevant ball – the cost of living crisis.

The ramifications of it were made abundantly clear on Tuesday, when the price of Lurpak hit the headlines.

To put that into perspective –

Before being bumped out of sight by an ever-growing list of disgruntled Tories, Lurpak jokes spread all over Twitter – and these were our favourites.

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The post Lurpak jokes spread across Twitter – 21 of the best appeared first on The Poke.

]]> Wed, 06 Jul 2022 11:54:22 +0200 https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgvL03UP3BtFQQ <![CDATA[Labour’s Wes Streeting had the best response to Nadine Dorries’ Twitter snark]]> https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgugug8gOIfcUA

Nadine Dorries took a break from being owned on Twitter to own someone else, and it must have made a refreshing change, for a few moments at least.

It started when shadow health secretary mistook a Nadine Dorries parody account for the real thing.

Here’s what they parody account had to say about the resignation as a PPS of Tory MP, Nicola Richards.

And Streeting’s (since deleted) response.

It was spotted by Dorries who was naturally keen to highlight Streeting’s mistake.

But the shadow cabinet man’s response took it to a whole new level.

Ooof.

Possibly Dorries should have seen it coming. Probably not surprising she didn’t.

And at least Streeting could console himself that he wasn’t the only one to be fooled by it. Even by members of Dorries’ own party.

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Source Twitter @wesstreeting

The post Labour’s Wes Streeting had the best response to Nadine Dorries’ Twitter snark appeared first on The Poke.

]]> Wed, 06 Jul 2022 11:28:30 +0200 https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgugug8gOIfcUA <![CDATA[Nadine Dorries’ schoolboy Nadhim Zawahi error totally nailed her eye for detail]]> https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgsvGoqdqkf1Gg

Nadine Dorries took time out from waiting for a call from Boris Johnson to send her congratulations to Nadhim Zahawi, newly-appointed chancellor (but only after he reportedly threatened to resign if he didn’t get it).

And Dorries’ first attempt at bigging up her Cabinet colleague showed just the forensic eye for detail and grasp of the facts that we’ve come to expect from the culture secretary.

See if you can spot the schoolboy error.

In fairness to Dorries, she’s spent much of the last week studying the differences between rugby union and rugby league, so she was probably knackered.

So she had another go, but it really wasn’t much better.

She got there eventually, though.

Nailed it!

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And also this.

And this.

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The post Nadine Dorries’ schoolboy Nadhim Zawahi error totally nailed her eye for detail appeared first on The Poke.

]]> Wed, 06 Jul 2022 11:06:43 +0200 https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgsvGoqdqkf1Gg <![CDATA[11 favourite funny reactions to a Tory MP’s one-word putdown of the new Education Secretary]]> https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgvZdsopPBEPig

The rash of MP resignations has forced Johnson into a hasty cabinet shuffle, with Steve Barclay into the Health and Social Care vacancy and Nadhim Zahawi accepting a big promotion to lead the Treasury.

Of course, Zahawi’s departure left a vacancy in Education, which was quickly filled by relative newcomer, Michelle Donelan.

If you can’t quite place the name, here are some reminders.

Her appointment wasn’t received as well as she might have hoped.

It wasn’t just members of the public who had doubts about the PM’s choice. Fellow Tory MP, Lucy Allan, had this one-word putdown.

The comment added yet another layer to the rich tapestry of political pisstaking already running rampant through Twitter.

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In conclusion –

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Nadine Dorries gave Boris Johnson her 100% support and was mocked into the next Parliament – 17 favourite responses

Source Lucy Allan Image imgflip

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]]> Wed, 06 Jul 2022 10:31:07 +0200 https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgvZdsopPBEPig <![CDATA[These hilarious ‘leaked’ Tory WhatsApp messages might not be that far from the real thing]]> https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgvkthcPZ2ktrw

The fallout from the Chris Pincher scandal has had even worse repercussions than when the government tried to change the rules to protect Owen Paterson, with ten resignations so far, including Rishi Sunak and Sajid Javid.

The political soap opera has had a running commentary on Twitter, with no punches pulled.

The very funny parody account – at least, we think it’s a parody account – The Secret Tory, swiftly produced some ‘screenshots’ of what might be going on in the Tory WhatsApp group – and they nailed the tone.

We’d love to know how many Tory MPs have read it so far, frowning and wondering who blabbed.

They may not be ready to comment, but other people were.

Hélène de Bagatelle had a solution to the country’s problems.

Leading to this …

Boris Johnson Thumbs Up GIFfrom Boris Johnson GIFs

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Nadhim Zahawi is the new chancellor and these 16 reactions are on the money

Source The Secret Tory Image The Secret Tory, heikoAL on Pixabay

The post These hilarious ‘leaked’ Tory WhatsApp messages might not be that far from the real thing appeared first on The Poke.

]]> Wed, 06 Jul 2022 08:39:13 +0200 https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgvkthcPZ2ktrw <![CDATA[Nadhim Zahawi is the new chancellor and these 16 reactions are on the money]]> https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolguSXRq0MQrrUg

After days of changing stories about what Boris Johnson knew of alleged predatory behaviour by former Deputy Chief Whip, Chris Pincher, several MPs including Rishi Sunak and Sajid Javid have packed up their last straws and resigned.

At the last count, ten MPs had departed their roles – two ministers, four PPSs, two trade envoys, the Solicitor General, the Vice Chair, and a partridge in a pear tree.

As some MPs posted their letters of resignation and others declared their undying loyalty (Hello, Nadine), there was a rumoured explanation for the silence of Nadhim Zahawi.

Whether it was arm wrestling, Rock Paper Scissors, or Who Has The Most Dirt on the Big Dog?, Mr Zahawi won the game.

Tweeters were ready, willing and very, very able to comment

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The post Nadhim Zahawi is the new chancellor and these 16 reactions are on the money appeared first on The Poke.

]]> Wed, 06 Jul 2022 07:14:28 +0200 https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolguSXRq0MQrrUg <![CDATA[Boris Johnson suffered a double resignation blow and Gary Lineker’s 3-word hat-trick said it best]]> https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgt1P9ln0QH6cA

There have been no shortage of winning responses to the double resignation of chancellor Rishi Sunak and health secretary Savid Javid from Boris Johnson’s cabinet.

We loved this from @Tim_Burgess.

And this, from @rorybremner.

And this, from @gavmacn.

But one of the very best – and definitely the most succinct – came from Match of the Day presenter Gary Lineker.

Peep, peep, peeeeep!

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]]> Tue, 05 Jul 2022 22:28:25 +0200 https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgt1P9ln0QH6cA <![CDATA[Nadine Dorries gave Boris Johnson her total backing and was mocked into the next Parliament]]> https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgtWiOiIkhOAvw

All eyes were on the remaining members of the Cabinet tonight as Boris Johnson suffered the double blow of the resignation of both his chancellor Rishi Sunak and health secretary, Sajid Javid.

Of all Johnson’s cheerleaders, surely none are more loyal than culture secretary Nadine Dorries, whose tweet of support for the PM was as nonsensical as it was predictable.

And it generated no end of responses, as you might imagine. Here are 17 favourites.

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While we’re talking Nadine Dorries, there was also this.

And this!

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The post Nadine Dorries gave Boris Johnson her total backing and was mocked into the next Parliament appeared first on The Poke.

]]> Tue, 05 Jul 2022 21:51:57 +0200 https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgtWiOiIkhOAvw <![CDATA[Rishi Sunak and Sajid Javid quit leaving Boris Johnson on the edge – 27 favourite responses]]> https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgurTkpg9rLbzA

You wait an age for a Cabinet minister resign in protest at Boris Johnson and then two throw in the towel at once.

The beleaguered PM’s future was thrown into doubt – yes, we know we’ve said that before – after the double resignation on Tuesday of both chancellor Rishi Sunak and health secretary Sajid Javid.

The Chris Pincher scandal appeared to be the straw that broke the camel’s back. Well, that and those two crushing by-election defeats, obviously.

While we wait to see what happens next – here’s what Newsnight’s Nicholas Watt reckons …

… we’ve been reading all the reaction (well, quite a lot of it) so you don’t have to.

Here are our 27 favourite things people said about tonight’s breaking news.

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The post Rishi Sunak and Sajid Javid quit leaving Boris Johnson on the edge – 27 favourite responses appeared first on The Poke.

]]> Tue, 05 Jul 2022 21:03:27 +0200 https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgurTkpg9rLbzA <![CDATA[People are admitting to the weird smells they really like – 23 lovely stinks]]> https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgt9xKq4j7sFPw

It all started when Psycho_Bunny_Cutie asked this over on Reddit.

‘What’s a weird smell you’re willing to admit you like?’

And it prompted lots of interesting, occasionally relatable, and sometimes downright off the scale weird replies. Here are our favourites (answers, not smells).

1.

‘The smell of the water in boat-based rides at theme parks.’
EarthSmart3573

‘Same! Pirates of the Caribbean ride smell!’
thesamesillycucumber

‘They use bromine rather than chlorine at the Disney park rides, hence why it smells different.’
moviesaremythingxo

2.

‘Ah, back in the old days, the smell of papers that the teacher handed out that were fresh off those old hand-cranked mimeograph machines. Mmmm.’
whazzup_bitches

‘You can really tell the age of people in this thread by this one. Anyone old enough to know this smell loved it, anyone not old enough thinks it’s an uncommon one. I can pretty much guarantee anyone over the age of around 45 in North America knows and loved this smell.’
yeetboy

3.

‘Water coming out of a garden hose. The combination of polyurethane and the metallic ozoneness of the water is heaven.’
coffeebuzzbuzzz

‘The smell of summer.’
dietcheese

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‘Matches after the flame goes out.’
makeful

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‘That musty smell right before it rains.’
psysouljah

‘Or the smell after the rain. I love the smell of wet dirt.’
VectorVanGoat

‘Fun fact, it has a name – Petrichor.’
Ennesby

6.

‘That smell when you walk into a hotel with a pool.’
EducationAlone1663

‘I love that over chlorinated, humid reek of indoor hotel pools.’
Hello_Hangnail

‘The smell is often miss attributed to over chlorination. When in fact it means the pool is not chemically well maintained and is* very dirty.’
DesolationUSA

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‘The inside binding of a new paperback book. It smells so clean.’
MrLanesLament

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‘Freshly opened tennis balls.’
aztechfilm

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‘Fresh asphalt … also gasoline.’
hotmixasphalt

10.

‘I remember liking the smell of Disney VHS cases.’
AtlUtdGold

‘Omg. This unlocked a memory for me. I also loved this. But I haven’t done it in so long that I had forgotten. But this comment literally brought the smell right back. Thank you!’
el-mil

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‘New tires in the shop.’
SuvenPan

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‘My own farts.’
he_is_do_it

‘Everybody likes their own brand.’
KittenAlfredo

The post People are admitting to the weird smells they really like – 23 lovely stinks appeared first on The Poke.

]]> Tue, 05 Jul 2022 16:39:24 +0200 https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgt9xKq4j7sFPw <![CDATA[A Republican tried to make capital out of the Denmark shootings and was schooled into next year]]> https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgtSiyR9AXM7LA

To Florida, where Republican congressional hopeful Lavern Spicer thought she’d use the horrific shootings in Denmark where three people were killed in a Copehagen shopping centre to make a point about gun control in the good ol’ US of A.

And if Spicer – who failed to get into Congress in 2020 but will be trying again in 2024 – was hoping to make political capital out of it, it didn’t quite end up that way.

Because it blew up in her face.

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But most of all, this.

Spicer later tweeted this.

And the cherry on the cake was surely this.

And just in case the name Lavern Spicer sounded familiar, it might be because you’re thinking of when she tweeted this Covid anagram that got entirely the responses it deserved.

No more questions, your honour.

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Source Twitter @lavern_spicer

The post A Republican tried to make capital out of the Denmark shootings and was schooled into next year appeared first on The Poke.

]]> Tue, 05 Jul 2022 15:19:37 +0200 https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgtSiyR9AXM7LA <![CDATA[The miserable expressions in Cabinet is making everyone’s day better – 19 responses worth minuting]]> https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolguOOAwzm1aQqQ

Bad day at work? Well it could be worse, you could be part of Boris Johnson’s Cabinet.

We only say this after the cameras were let into Downing Street on Tuesday and the looks on their faces as another crisis threatens to envelope the PM surely says it all.

And some of those expressions in full …

And it prompted no end of responses on Twitter. Here are our favourites.

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The post The miserable expressions in Cabinet is making everyone’s day better – 19 responses worth minuting appeared first on The Poke.

]]> Tue, 05 Jul 2022 14:06:17 +0200 https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolguOOAwzm1aQqQ <![CDATA[Kirsty Wark owned Jacob Rees-Mogg with facts and more of this sort of thing please]]> https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgu5i04jzbFr4g

As the minister in charge of finding Brexit benefits – any benefit – Jacob Rees-Mogg can often be found turning – in the absence of anything else – to the vaccine rollout.

Except the vaccine rollout had nothing to do with Brexit, a point that Newsnight presenter Kirsty Wark was very happy to point out to Rees-Mogg on Monday night.

And it got everyone cheering.

More of this sort of thing please.

And also this.

Ah yes, remember that?

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Source Twitter @ukiswitheu

The post Kirsty Wark owned Jacob Rees-Mogg with facts and more of this sort of thing please appeared first on The Poke.

]]> Tue, 05 Jul 2022 12:16:57 +0200 https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgu5i04jzbFr4g <![CDATA[What’s the funniest/worst reason you’ve heard that someone failed their driving test?]]> https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgvyC9-dpdLeYA

We don’t want to appear heartless, but some of the responses to a question on r/AskUK from u/av1652 had us in stitches. This was the question –

What’s the funniest/worst reason you’ve heard that someone failed their driving test?

And this is how they got the ball rolling. Or the tyre.

I’ll start it off: someone I heard of crashed into the centre at the start of the test. Stuck it in the wrong gear.

These were our favourite answers.

1.


Sleeper_Cello
Via

2.

My cousin failed because she reversed (somewhat enthusiastically I might add) into a dog poo bin.

That was ten years ago and we still bring it up whenever the wee arsehole brags about her car insurance…
WellFiredRoll

3.

Parents’ friend stopped outside a school to pick up his kid. Needless to say it did not go down well.
laminated_banana

4.

Me. I locked the keys inside during the maintenance questions. So we could not get into the car to do the test and the driving instructor’s brother fetched his other key up.
Budget-Tap-4326

5.

Told to take the next left and turned into someone’s driveway.
CorruptionHorizon

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ultragreen

Via

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They thought they were supposed to turn off the engine at junctions and traffic lights.
Stevotonin

8.

I left the driving centre and the examiner said “If I don’t tell you to go left or right, assume I want you to go straight”. Got to the first junction, literally 10 metres from my start point. He didn’t say anything so I went ahead. It was a left turn only junction. Failed immediately.
Adrenochromez

9.

My ex-boyfriend instantly failed his test because he forgot to take his provisional license with him. Didn’t even get in the car.
EcstaticAssumption63

The post What’s the funniest/worst reason you’ve heard that someone failed their driving test? appeared first on The Poke.

]]> Tue, 05 Jul 2022 12:09:20 +0200 https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgvyC9-dpdLeYA <![CDATA[Watch how this baby’s night-time activities make sleep impossible]]> https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgsh5ituP-xqFA

Over on r/WellThatSucks, someone named u/Aztery has revived this clip from last year, showing one baby tormenting its poor parent when it should be fast asleep.

Well, that does suck. It’s funny, though.

Parents are advised to put their babies down to sleep in their own beds for the child’s safety, but after watching this we can think of another very good reason.

Here are a few things Redditors had to say about it.

Just a restless baby really, you get that at shit hours sometimes. Best to play with them for half an hour then put them back to bed.
Nodlez7

This baby isn’t sleepy in the slightest, I get mom is tired but she won’t get sleep if baby isn’t tired enough to sleep too.
VapeThisBro

The phrase “slept like a baby” as never made sense to me. Babies roll, spin, twist, decide to make noises for no reason, get up to eat, get up to get changed…
NameIdeas

Never give coffee to your baby before sleep.
DiscombobulatedAct42

Watching this kind of video is an excellent form of birth control.
Gretchenmeows

We had to take our youngest to “sleep school”

Your best option is to not sleep in the same bed. It’s only reinforcing their behaviour. Our one year old now sleeps like a coal miner after a 22 hour shift.
Giant-Genitals

We can’t argue with u/clamberrypie.

It’s kind of amazing that people go through that and then still go and have another kid.

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Save the wine or save the baby? Guess which choice this woman made

Source YouTube H/T r/WellThatSucks Image Screengrab

The post Watch how this baby’s night-time activities make sleep impossible appeared first on The Poke.

]]> Tue, 05 Jul 2022 11:14:27 +0200 https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgsh5ituP-xqFA <![CDATA[Susanna Reid wasn’t having Dominic Raab’s weasel words and it’s just superbly done]]> https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgvAZQ_NmJ7mTA

Over on Good Morning Britain the deputy prime minister Dominic Raab had been wheeled out for the latest round of ‘cabinet ministers attempt to defend the indefensible’.

Today’s topic was Chris Pincher, the Tory MP who’s been suspended by the party over allegations that he groped two men at a private members’ club while drunk.

Specifically, a 2019 inquiry into the Tamworth MP which upheld complaints about his ‘inappropriate behaviour’.

Presenter Susanna Reid naturally asked Raab about it today and it’s fair to say she wasn’t taking any of his weasel words. Absolutely none of them.

That’s Dominic Raab, deputy PM and justice secretary.

There really are no words for Raab – not pre-watershed, anyway – but fortunately these people said it for us.

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In one word …

In a few more …

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Source Twitter @PeterStefanovi2

The post Susanna Reid wasn’t having Dominic Raab’s weasel words and it’s just superbly done appeared first on The Poke.

]]> Tue, 05 Jul 2022 11:04:26 +0200 https://api.follow.it/track-rss-story-click/v3/9Q7dRMbolgvAZQ_NmJ7mTA