Newsthump

Andy Burnham has announced that the door to Number 10 North will be made entirely out of Greggs steak bakes.

Nigel Farage is still not comfortable holding a constituency surgery, despite having been 'gifted' five million pounds to enable him to do so.

Restore UK MP Rupert Lowe has bravely spoken out this week, declaring that straight white men, who have long been considered the apex predators of British society, are now, in fact, its most downtrodden victims.

An emotional Ben Stokes has retired from international cricket after knocking out the last opponent of his career. 

A wife has discovered a puddle where her husband used to be, as the UK continues to swelter in the heatwave.